Writing ShadO MagE's poetry

[Decadence]

Hypocrites dream

This goddless wanderer
is more then you
he knows himself
before the truth
you have faith
in an Illusion
of death
that comes
to those who wait
he knows to live
he must act
in the name of himself
not for that false god
who had not a hand in this world
but only in our minds
so he lives
to the best he can
for himself
and those he loves
not for some deity
whos a god
in the minds of men.

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]I found the lack of punctuation really hard to read. It seemed to be one big run-on sentence. If you took it all and got rid of the line-breaks, it would read like this:[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[i][font=Verdana][size=1]This goddless wanderer is more then you he knows himself before the truth you have faith in an Illusion of death that comes to those who wait he knows to live he must act...etc.[/size][/font][/i]
[i][font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font][/i]
[font=Verdana][size=1]See how it comes across? Because the reader hasn't written the poem, they can't tell where they have to stop and start a new sentence, which is why you need punctuation. Just thought I'd let you know, heh. ^_^"[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, I thought the poem had a really nice rhythm to it. [/size][/font]

[i][font=Verdana][size=1]is more then you
he knows himself
before the truth[/size][/font][/i]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]^ Absolutely fabulous lines. I thought they were so good, and rhythmical and flowing. It loses it a bit in the following lines, but every time I re-read those lines I smile, heh.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]I don't really understand why it was titled Hypocrite's Dream, but I thought that the poem subject matter was pretty cool. I liked how you priveleged the non-believers. I think it would be great if you had a contrast poem, taken from the side of the believers, and they pity those who don't believe just as those who don't believe pity those who do. It would be very interesting to see the contrasts; the two sides of the fence, if you will. [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]So yes, a very nice poem. Well done. ^_^[/size][/font]

[Decadence]

song done for band.

Seventh star of hell

This vamperic fantasy flows threw my blood
All this death is a sweet ecstasy.
I am a demon who fell a god,
Before the fall of man hath risen.
Death awakens me from its sweet embrace.

From this chaos I was born
This blood, a sweet poison I drink to be free
Take me from this life
Splatter me across the five walls
And the seven suns
For all the hell of man hath killed me.

I am the seventh star among hell
A prince among the damned
Brimstone runs though my veins
Taking pleasure in my pain.
This darkness encompasses me
Taking me from life.

From this chaos I was born
This blood, a sweet poison I drink to be free
Take me from this life
Splatter me across the five walls
And the seven suns
For all the hell of man hath killed me.