Writing Wander

[Kaorii]

Someone so oddly delightful
Who would have thought
Not my ignorant mind
It was just a coincidence
I told myself
That you came and let yourself in
But the more I thought about it
You meant to do it
All along
It was peculiar
The way our minds work
We didn’t even think it through
It just happened by chance
Clear the air
Of it’s obscure course
Meaning to do so
Was not in the deal
Placing your foot on the road of danger
Is not as wise as you may deem
Its’ a risk you’re taking
Also a mistake
Be decent and understanding
It will lead you right
Not into me, who’s mind is corrupt
Of the evil in this world
Which is to be cleansed soon enough
It breaks me, that you even considered it
To be used and drawn into the ruse
And where did you end up
Like me
Lost and still wandering

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]You know, I think this poem would be better if it were separated and divided. Not just into stanzas -- although that is often helpful too -- but also with punctuation, to give the reader the intonations that you want them to find.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]I'm not sure if this is the way that you wanted it to be read, but I'll show you how I read it, and what punctuation would make me read it like that.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[i][size=1][font=Verdana]Someone so oddly delightful[color=red];[/color]
Who would have thought[color=red]?[/color]
Not my ignorant mind[color=red].[/color][/font][/size][/i]
[color=#ff0000][/color]
[font=Verdana][size=1][i]It was just a coincidence[color=red],[/color]
I told myself[/i][/size][/font][i][size=1][font=Verdana][color=red],
[/color]That you came and let yourself in[color=red].[/color][/font][/size][/i]
[color=red]
[/color][i][size=1][font=Verdana]But the more I thought about it
You meant to do it
All along[color=red].[/color][/font][/size][/i]
[color=red]
[/color][font=Verdana][size=1][i]It was peculiar[color=red]; [/color]
The way our minds work[/i][/size][/font][i][size=1][font=Verdana][color=red].
[/color]We didn?t even think it through
It just happened by chance[color=red].[/color][/font][/size][/i]

[font=Verdana][size=1][i]Clear the air
Of its obscure course[/i][/size][/font][i][size=1][font=Verdana][color=red].
[/color]Meaning to do so
Was not in the deal[/font][/size][/i][i][size=1][font=Verdana][color=red].
[/color]Placing your foot on the road of danger
Is not as wise as you may deem[/font][/size][/i][i][size=1][font=Verdana][color=red].
[/color]Its? a risk you?re taking
Also a mistake[color=red],[/color][/font][/size][/i]
[i][size=1][font=Verdana]Be decent and understanding
It will lead you right[color=red].[/color][/font][/size][/i]

[i][size=1][font=Verdana]And not into me, whose mind is corrupt
Of the evil in this world
Which is to be cleansed soon enough[color=red].[/color][/font][/size][/i]

[font=Verdana][size=1][i]It breaks me, that you even considered it
To be used and drawn into the ruse
And where did you end up[/i][/size][/font][i][size=1][font=Verdana][color=red]?
[/color]Like me
Lost and still wandering[color=red].[/color][/font][/size][/i]
[font=Verdana][size=1][color=#ff0000][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][color=black]Yeah, something like that. Possibly not the stanzas; they were just roughly done, but do you see how adding full stops and question marks and the like can emphasise words/ideas? You don't actually have to use everything -- I was just showing you how I read it, as I said -- but keep it in mind, because it can be very effective.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]As for the poem itself, I thought the last 3 lines were great. They bring the piece to a full conclusion, and it links all the thoughts together. [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]And there are some really lovely phrases in there; [i]Of it?s obscure course[/i], and [i]used and drawn into the ruse[/i] to name a couple.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]I think the other great thing about the poem is the reflective, slightly puzzled feel to it. [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]So all around, I think it's a great poem. ^_^[/size][/font]