Writing Ariadyne's Poetry

[Ariadyne]

[COLOR=Navy]This is definetly one of my favorite poems that I've ever written. I know it's a little dark and "[I]despair-ish[/I]", but it's the way I write. When I was putting it up on my website, I ended up deleting a bunch of stuff from it (I just copied it off my site and pasted it here instead of typing it up again) to make it a little less obvious about what it was inspired by.[/COLOR]

[CENTER][SIZE=2][COLOR=DarkOrchid]The Immortal[/COLOR][/SIZE]

Alone in a cold world waiting for a savior
with the world closing in around you.
[I]Nothing[/I] really seems to matter anymore.

You've wandered about for a thousand years
hating what you've become,
but there is no turning back when you're this far in,
and life is just a distant dream.

No one can save you, there is no cure.
All you can do is wait
for the slow decay of time to destory all that you know
and bring forth inevitable darkness.

All you wanted was for eternal happiness,
but all you got was an eternal youth
filled with sorrow and needy desires.

You'll wander the world for another thousand years
before your despair really comes on strong.
All you will crave for is death
and to see the sun rise one last time.

The eternal night is your only company
in this empty world called home.
When all else has faded away,
you will still linger on. [/CENTER]

[COLOR=Navy]I'll probaby end up posted the 2 others I like in this thread too. Please feel free to voice your opinions. Constructive critisism is always welcome for I am critical myself and have high expectations...just don't over-do it *lol*.[/COLOR]

[Flashlight]

It's good--no--it's really good. But, it just doesn't sound like a poem. More a long the lines of a speech. Not exactly a speech, but that's the best word I can think of to describe it right now. It reminded me somehow of a vampire, or another mythological creature like that who lives in the night.

The only line that I didn't really like was:

'All you will crave for is death'

I think it just needs to be restructured. Or not. Maybe it's just me and my wierd little mind. :)

Anywho, I really enjoyed it. As I said, it didn't sound exactly like a poem, I just didn't feel an rythm to it, but it's really unique because it's excellent without. Good job! :D

[Ariadyne]

:D [color=royalblue]Just responding to a few comments [/color]:D


[QUOTE]"it just doesn't sound like a poem. More a long the lines of a speech. Not exactly a speech, but that's the best word I can think of to describe it right now."...."just didn't feel an rythm to it"[/QUOTE]
[color=navy]Most of my "[i]poems[/i]" don't really rhyme or have an exact pattern in it (I've done alot like that, however I don't really like them, or really think anyone else will) so I just write it the way it sounds best to me. If you don't think it's structured very well, you should see [i]Child of the Fallen[/i] *lol* (the one I cut half out of...however that one has a few things that repeat in it to make it flow better).[/color]

[color=royalblue]I find it frustrating to write things in verse because what I want to say don't fit or I can't get a word to rhyme, so I just say "screw this" and write it the way I want...or throw it in the garbage...[/color]


[QUOTE]"It reminded me somehow of a vampire, or another mythological creature like that who lives in the night."[/QUOTE]
;) [color=navy]That would probably be because it [i]is[/i] *lol*[/color] :smirk:


[color=navy]Okay everyone, this is my attempt at making something rhymn (can't spell). Please give me your comments.[/color]

[center][color=darkorchid][size=2]Who I Am[/size][/color][/center]

You've smothered me with expectations,
leaving me no room to grow.
Even though I thank you for your patience,
there's something you need to know.

Please don't worry if I don't look back
once I finally get out that door.
Just remember that not all darkness is black,
and that you've shown me all I need and more.

I desperately need the chance to be me
but time is something that I cannot bide.
With my shackles I can never truely be free
to discover who I am deep inside.

Please don't worry if I don't look back
once I finally get out that door.
Just remember that not all darkness is black,
and that you've shown me all I need and more.


[color=navy]I want to add some more, but I not sure what. This is the second of two poems/songs I've tried to make rhymn. I didn't want to post the first since it was WAY to simple, lol.[/color]
[color=#000080][/color]
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[font=Verdana][size=1][color=red]Please don't double post. If you want to add more, just edit your previous post. -- Lady Asphyxia[/color][/size][/font]