Engel Posted October 2, 2004 Posted October 2, 2004 I got pain on my left I feel pleasure on my right I must step to the left To get to that very right Bitter lemon hurts me Bitter lemon refreshes And as far as I see People have sweet fetishes Monkeys swing for freedom Piranahs bite for life Monkey loses his life But gets some freedom's wife I loathe pain on my left I need pleasure on my right I must not step to the left I musst get to that very right I miss the comfort in being sad Rate, please.
Delta Posted October 3, 2004 Posted October 3, 2004 [COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1] The use of contrast and unique imagery really appeals to me. It sounds like a tanka eventhough the poem carries a 6-7-6-7 structure. The third stanza deviates to a 6-6-6-6 syntax; but no matter. It doesn't disrupt the rhythm. XD It sounds like a graceful restrained poem. Very ancient Oriental! I give it a 9/10. Love and Peace! :love2: [/SIZE][/COLOR]
vegeta rocker Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 meh, its okay. But maybe just because it isn't really my style of poetry. I know there are lots of different styles, but this one doesn't really appeal to me. I get the parts about lemons and monkies. But i don't understand the stepping parts. Maybe if you explain it i would enjoy it more.
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