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Farse Tales [E]

Dragon Warrior

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Lord Vill Lun was flabbergasted. ?What in the name of stencils is going on? Since when were there heroes in Domking? That place sucked!? Vill Lun paced to and fro near his throne while his number one servant, Bob B. Bob, watched in anguish.


?Might I suggest something, sire?? Bob B. Bob asked.

?Whaaaaat?? Vill Lun whined.

?Perhaps you can sick your entire army of really strong monsters and stuff on the heroes all at once, so they have a zero percent chance of surviving the assailment.?

?No!? Vill Lun scolded. ?That?s what all the villains do in these types of stories.?

?No,? disagreed Bob, ?actually, all the villains are stupid and send out their weakest monsters first and gradually send out their stronger ones while the heroes grow stronger off of them.?

?What a brilliant scheme,? Lord Vill Lun said, adjusting his horn. ?I shall do just that!?

?No, wait, sire!? Bob shouted, following his master into the next chamber. ?I seriously think you should reconsider.?


?Whyness?? Vill Lun pouted. ?I?m the evil guy here. I can do what I want!?

?You?re acting like a child again, sir.?


?And that?s immature.?

?I?ll immature your mom!?

?Very adult, sir,? Bob muttered sarcastically.

Vill Lun began picking through his clothes until he found his cape. He then tied it around his neck and showed off to Bob. ?What do ye think, eh??

?Stylish, sire.?


?Good. I like to look frickin? sweet when I destroy stuff.? He then made his way to a balcony in that very room and addressed the huge army that awaited his command. Bob followed close behind. ?Big army of peoples and stuff,? began Vill Lun, ?I have summoned you so you may give the heroes ouchies and booboos. They plan on thwarting my schemes to take over this land. Domking must be ours!?

A loud grunt erupted from the paper.

Vill Lun was confused by what this meant. ?Right. I don?t speak Canadian.?

Bob took a chance to correct his lord. ?Sir, they?re orcs. They don?t speak our language.?


?Yeah, they speak Canadian.?

?No, sir. Canadians don?t even have their own la-?

?I always wanted to go to Canada.?

?Sir, they?re not speaking Canadian.?

?They?re speaking Spanish??


?Then they must be speaking Canadian.?

?Canadians don?t have a language. They have a dialect.?

?Don?t get stereotypical on me, Bob. I know what I?m talking about.?

?I?m sure none of those orcs down there are Canadian.?

?I am, aye!?

?Shut up,? Bob scolded.

Vill Lun put his attention to the orcs again. ?I don?t care what you are or how you talk. As long as you find the heroes within the next few posts and destroy them!?

The loud grunt resonated once again before the group moved out down the crappily drawn road. Vill Lun chuckled deviously as he watched his army pass into the sunset. Unfortunately, they all burned up in the sun once they reached the horizon. ?Oh, for the love of artgum!?

?Sir, why don?t you send this evil demon after them?? Bob suggested, pointing to an evil demon that just so happened to be chained up in that very room.


?Meh, otay.? And so, they released the demon out of the castle, which flew through the air like a bullet and chopped the wind like? something? that chops. Indeed, the heroes are screwed.

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[center][size=3][b]Mizzle, the Mage[/b][/size][/center]

Mizzle Gizzle, the Mage of the group, walked along the dirt path Jimmy had recently drawn. Miz noted that it was a very nice path.


Slime, Nin Juu, Hee and Miz kept walking along the nice path. Slime was busy morphing into things like... rocks, clouds, apples, and piles of turd (Although he didn't have to change much to do that). Miz looked to Hee Row.

"Hey! You!" he said. Hee looked back to him.

"A yeees?"

"Did you know that the sky is white with blue lines?" noted Miz. He was very smart.

"No - freaking - way." said Hee. He turned back and kept walking.

Miz felt proud he had noticed that. He was obviously very intelligent. He decided to practice his Black Magic a bit. So he lifted his hand and it set it on fire. Wicked.


When Miz got bored of watching his hand burst and un burst in flames, he ran down the path and caught up with the group who was now setting up camp. They would sleep for the night and continue walking early the next morning. This satisfied Miz, as we was very hungry.

It was midnight. Everything was silent. Something awoke Miz. It was a loud whistling noise coming from the left. Something was coming. Something big.

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?Sir, the demon is approaching them as we speak,? Bob informed his master. Lord Vill Lun was busy messing with mp3s on Kazaa.

?Uh huh. Sure, the camel.?

?Are you even listening??

?I heard you. The salad dressing expired. I?ll pick some more up tomorrow if I go to the store. I do not wanna make two trips.?

?That?s not even relevant to what I said.? Bob sighed and exited the room, leaving Vill Lun to play with his computer. He clicked a link and was suddenly jumped by millions of ads.


?Eegad! Ads! They must be here to conquer me, just like those dastardly heroes!? Vill Lun unsheathed his sword and grimaced at the screen. ?No matter. DIE!? There was a loud explosion and some talk of a lamb in a box of Furbies. Bob B. Bob rushed back into the room.

?You okay, Lord Vill Lun??


?I?m fine,? the evil doer mumbled under burnt rubble. ?I hate doing time fillers.?

?Indeed, sir.?

?I want to go on vacation while the heroes get maimed.?

?Good idea, sir.?

?Let?s go to a nice tropical island.?

?Like that blue piece of construction paper over there, sir??


?Oh yeah. You don?t know we?re drawn. What I meant to say was, like that one over there??


?Quite right. Off we go!? So off they went to the tropical island to relax away from their evil fortress. But what of the heroes?
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