kaisha Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Ok here goes, My soul is hidden behind the darkness that lies behind my eyes, The darkness thats formed from my hatred and lies, My mind body and soul have all become numb, For this darkness I cannot overcome, The darkness has consumed all of my soul, Fear and hatred is now all I know. Please be honest.
CowTipper Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 I think it's really good, but I don't like the last rhyme. It would have worked, but the last line sorta sounds funky. I think the "now" should be at the front of that line. Otherwise, it's a great poem.
Dagger Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 I moved your thread from the Otaku Lounge to OB Anthology, which is where this sort of thing usually goes. As is stated in the Anthology's [url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44313][u]sticky[/u][/url], we require all poetry/fiction posted here to be properly rated. Since you did not include a rating in the title of this thread, I'm going to lock it; however, please keep in mind that you are more than welcome to re-post your poem with the appropriate rating. Feel free to private message me or one of the other staff members if you have any questions. Thanks! Thread closed. ~Dagger~
kaisha Posted June 1, 2005 Author Posted June 1, 2005 Thanx, I was unsure what other people would think of it because its my first poem. Now I feel better!
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