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RPG 8-BitTV [PG-13]

Dragon Warrior

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This RPG will be played by Fitar and me. It is, in fact, a two-person roleplay. I play as Blak Maje and he plays as Fitar. We're two contestants on the same team on a reality show called "Find My Treasure >:^O" where we must find the legendary 8-Bit Treasure in an elaborate 8-bit world. Pinned against two equally-skilled teams (Mario&Luigi, Link&Samus), Blak Maje and Fitar must endure a sexy adventure in Reality Show style.

If you see something in quote tags, that's like the character talking to the camera like people do on reality shows. They'll give feedback on what may have just happened in the show. So sit back, enjoy, and laugh damnit >: O It's time for some 8-bit action!


[SIZE=4][b]Day 1[/b][/size]

The four teams were standing on a very large platform in the middle of an open field, awaiting the host to arrive. Not too much longer did people start getting edgy that a large plane came speeding down at uncontrollable speed. It crashed into a tall statue of a man picking his nose and blew up. Though this may be, the plane survived most of the damage. It had big bold letters on the side that read clearly [b][FONT=Trebuchet MS]YOUR MOM[/FONT][/b]. People weren't sure if they should be offended or not, but attention soon turned to the aircraft's door that fell open (literally). Out came the host who was none other than Arthur the Aardvark from PBS television.

"Holy God!" shouted the fourth team who then commited suicide. See why I only mentioned three teams previously?

"Greetings," Arthur spoke, adjusting his glasses on his freakishly-unusual nose. "I am Arthur. You may remember me from my own kids' show or that porn I did that I wasn't very proud of involving an old lady and a three-legged dog." Everyone made faces. "Ahem... anyways, I will be your host for..."

[size=8][B]FIND MY TREASURE >:^O[/b][/size]

"Please don't do that," Link cried.

"You must travel the 8-Bit landscape in search of this treasure. Go to towns. Talk to people. Make porn with your uncle. I don't care! Just..."

[size=8][B]FIND MY TREASURE >:^O[/b][/size]

"Really, stop it," Luigi shouted.

"Be on your way now." Arthur laughed as he grew wings and flew away. Everyone stared in wonder, then seperated into their teams and went on their way. Blak Maje and Fitar took a route through the nearby woods where the plane crashed next to.

[quote name='Blak Maje']What the heck was that all about? And how come our host isn't 8-Bit? I'm starting to think this competition is a bunch of ****! Huh, wah? We can't swear? Oh, I'm so ****ing sorry. ****![/quote]

The two continued on their way through the woods when they found a rock with a sword in it. "Look, Blak, it's a sword," Fitar squeed.

"You're very observant," Blak Maje said sarcastically.

"Thanks!" He leapt onto the sword and tried to pull it out. Blak Maje sighed.

[quote name='Blak Maje']Yeah, I got stuck on a team with an idiot. I tell you right now, I'm only in on this for the money and the women. And that's it![/quote]

[b]Meanwhile, with Link and Samus...[/b]

"Hey, Samus," Link began.


"You always wear that armor?"


"Doesn't it get... hot in there?"

"It has built in A/C."



"What's A/C?"

Samus sighed. "Oh God... you're primitive, I forgot."


"Primitive. You lack the technology I possess from the future."


"Man, you're stupid."

"Wanna get naked?"


[quote name='Link']Yeah, I think we were off to a good start. I mean, I wanna bang Samus, sure, but she's one tough cookie to crack. I think she'll lighten up once I get her out of that armor, 'cause... I played Metroid and saw her without the armor and DAMN! I have a "master sword" for her, if ye know what I mean. Haha![/quote]

[b]Back with Blak Maje and Fitar...[/b]
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[B]With Blak Maje and Fitar...[/B]

As the day neared its completion, it was fairly obvious that these two weren't going to last very long. The two didn't work very well together, just like an oreo and orange juice. The question wasn't if chaos was going to erupt; it was when.

[quote name='Fitarr'] 'Eeeyyyy. Yeah, I was all that in my fraternity, dude. That reminds me of beer. And women. Where are all the chicks at!?[/quote]

The light-hearted adventure had changed faces in no less than a day. No longer was treasure a motivation. That is, unless "get me outta here" means treasure in French.

"Say, do you know what ******* **** time it is, ****ar?" Blak Maje asked knowing the answer would involve one of the words in Fitar's three word vocabulary.

"Beer," Fitar responded all too quickly.

[quote name='Blak Maje']I hated this moron from the start. I mean, it was like having a ******* rock for a ******* partner! ****! [/quote]

When later asked about his opinion on Blak Maje, Fitar immediately let us in on how awful it was to be with this very... uhh... man (?).

[quote name='Fitar']That guy, or should I say "gay", sucked. He didn't have beer. Or women. Did I mention beer!?[/quote]

By the time the sun had set, the two felt they had no chance of surviving the eerie, maze-like forest.

[quote name='Fitar']Uhh... you didn't know when... uhh... nothing was going to happen. It was ****** scary as ******* ****![/quote]

Checking his 32 item inventory, Blak Maje found an indispensable treasure. The words "tent found" echoed through this 16 color mind. However, he wasn't about to share it with shmuck, Fitar.

And so, Day 1 was almost over...
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"Hey, Blak," Fitar meowed. "Shall we set up camp?"

"Did you just meow at me?"

"I can't be sure."

"Whatever." Then Blak Maje got a brilliant idea. "Why don't you go into those dark, scary trees over there and find some fire wood, eh?"

"But isn't there fire wood here?"

"No, jackweed! Only the best firewood is in there."

"Otay!" Fitar frolicked over to the scary trees, tripped, stabbed himself with his sword, giggled, and went on his merry way.

[quote name='Blak Maje']What a fruit! Honestly, he's a complete moron. Anyone who uses over 2% of their brain could figure out it means certain death going into those woods. He's such a ****ing nincompoop! I'm glad to be rid of him. I don't need my own teammate to win this. I can do it alone.[/quote]

[quote name='Fitar']I fell and stabbed myself :^D[/quote]

[b]Meanwhile, in a dark and scary treehouse...[/b]

"Foolish contestants! They dunno what's coming. I actually plan on stealing the treasure from them once they find it." The evil laugh bellowed from Arthur's lips as his puppy Pal leapt into his arms. The two had a good and menacing chuckle together.


"Yes, Pal, it is evil, isn't it?" Then he saw Fitar wandering around in the dark woods on his own. "But what's this? That idiot, Fitar, is seperated from his counterpart, Blak Maje. They must be reunited. I must have that treasure."

Pal yipped.

"True. Fitar and Blak Maje are imbeciles. They might actually make it harder to get the treasure. I should just have them be liquidated." While juggling Pal, Arthur clapped his hands and his zombie-rabbit friend Buster emerged from a crypt. Don't ask. "Buster, you gay, go down there and kill Blak Maje and Fitar!"

"Okey doke!" As Buster slowly made his way out of the treehouse, Arthur and Pal spent a good five minutes laughing. When they were done, Arthur wiped his forehead. "What the... Buster, are you still here?"

"I'm a zombie, sir. I have to walk slow."

"I'll walk slow you if you don't get a move on!"

"Yes, sir!" Buster took off at a sprint and Arthur laughed for another five minutes. Talk about not having a life.

[quote name='Arthur']It's not like I have anything against the two gays. They are gay together, right? Oh well. I just simply think they'd get in my way of getting the treasure. The other two teams look capable of getting the gold or whatever the treasure is. Yeah, I'm not a homophobe, so shuddup![/quote]
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Mario and Luigi had been livin' the hard life. Mario, the once-famous plumber, was having difficulties paying off the rent for his Brooklyn apartment. Luigi, as usual, was left in the shadows.
[quote name='Mario']Leaping lasagna! After becoming an actor, things have been going in a downward spiral! I'ma justa trying to pay off the rent, unlike that other poopface head, Link.[/quote]

The 8-Bit icons, Mario and Luigi, were certainly much brighter than their RPG arch-rivals, Blak Maje and Fitar. You see, the two used their so-called Italian "connections" to get around. Living the good life during reality TV never works out, however.

[quote name='Mario']Sucky spaghetti! I never would've asked for a ride to TownHome if I had known that the driver was a retired kamikaze pilot! *sigh* ...[/quote]

The car changed course in an instant.

"You will DYAR!" bellowed the crazy taxman who had 200 too many Twinkies© that night.

"Oh. My. GOD!" Luigi yelled in his oddly feminine voice, "He's gotten high offa Twinkies©!"

And so, Mario and Luigi were headed for Death Drive. Will they survive? Tune in next time for Dr... ... ... nevermind.

[quote name='Luigi']OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODDD! That announcer was soooo gay, mister! (What's with gay jokes? Are we really THAT immature? I guess so. :<)[/quote]

[B]Back to Fitar and Blak Maje...[/B]

Buster sharpened his fangs. He had his eyes set on Fitar, and that hot chick over there. (:^D)

[quote name='Buster']That girl was hottt. :^D[/quote]

Step by step, Buster prepared to feast upon pixel filled delight. Closer, closer, closerrr, closer, closer, closer, closerrrr, closer, BAM!

Buster quickly fled after gnawing on Fitar, afraid of the certain doom he might have faced. Everybody knows that Fitars kick ass. :^D

[B]5 Minutes Later...[/B]

"Hey! Where'd my right arm go?" questioned Fitar as he picked his nose.

"I have the arm you are looking for, Fitar," an oddly familiar voiced coaxed, "But you'll have to fight ME for it!"

"Poop-stain! I don't wanna! >:O" replied Fitar.

[quote name='Fitar']I changed my personality a lot back then. I tell ya, that Tylenol really does it to you. :<[/quote]

Little did Fitar know...
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... Blak Maje had already left the campsite and found a five-star hotel in the middle of the woods.

[quote name='Blak Maje']Don't ask >:^O[/quote]

He was bathing in a sexy swimming pool with a few hot supermodels when all of a sudden, a zombie-rabbit named Buster came rushing through the door threatening to rip out Blak Maje's intestines and eat them. "What?"

"I said," Buster repeated, "I'm going to rip out your intestines and-"

"Yeah, yeah, I heard that part," Blak Maje interrupted. "What did you say about Playboy?"

"Oh, they're releasing a new calendar."

"In July?"

"I guess."

"Where'd you hear this?"


"Oh, see? That's the problem. Jerry lies."

"That explains why his name is Jerry the Liar."

"Ye think?!"

"Well, now that [i]THAT[/i] is cleared up, I guess I can kill you!"

"Meh, bring it, bitch."

[quote name='Buster']I can't believe Jerry would lie like that. I thought we were friends. I thought we had something. Looks like I'll have to eat his brains. That's a shame. But nobody lies about Playboy and gets away with it >:^O[/quote]

Buster leapt at Blak Maje who was floating on his blow-up doll in the pool. Silly Buster couldn't swim and drowned immediately after hitting the water and sinking.

"****! Drowning! My only weakness!" Buster cried before dying. Blood spread across the water.

"Why is there blood?" Blak Maje arched an eyebrow. "He drowned!"

Suddenly a marshmellow robot decided it'd be a good time to destroy all the five-star hotels in the world, starting with the one Blak Maje was vacationing in. "What the hell?!" Blak Maje shouted.

"I'm going to split you in half and eat your intestines!" the marshmellow robot stated.

"People seem to have a fascination with my intestines," Blak Maje noticed. The two then entered combat.

[b]Not far off...[/b]

"I sure do know how to make a mean Goomba stew, eh, Samus?" Link nudged his futuristic companion.

"Yeah, it's okay."

"Wait... how are you eating it with a helmet on?"

"How do you live without a brain?"


[quote name='Link']She so frickin' digs me. :^D[/quote]

[b]Back with Fitar...[/b]

"Am I going to get to see who has my arm yet?" Fitar complained.

"Now you can," said the villain and finally came out... in the next post.
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