Jump to content

When do you absolutely hate your life and blame yourself for everything?

Tyler Koregaten

Recommended Posts

Do you ever feel like your life doesn't deserve to be in existence? Do you ever blame yourself for things that go wrong? Have you ever lost someone or something special and thought your life was over? Here's the place to admit it. Here, all restraints break and all secrets are let out. I'm going to do so, for all three categories listed above. Yes, I have thought at times that my life isn't worth existing. Yes, I do blame myself at times. Let me tell you my deepest darkest secret:
Thiis still eats at me to this day, and I think of it at least an hour every day:
Two years ago, I was one of the alchemists selected to experiment with ununquadium, ununhexium, ununoctium, and unununium, all in unstable form. I was
checking reactions with ununoctium and ammonia. It began to bubble, then, to make it worse, I accidentally bumped into a test tube of phosphorus which fell into the mixture, creating fumes. There were twenty of us in that lab. The toxic fumes poisoned me and everyone else. 11 died. The rest of us were poisoned and had to stay in the hospital. I still blame myself to this day, and it rips me apart from the inside out, even though the courts stated it an accident, I carry the sin. The mixture of ununoctium, ammonia, and phosphorus was named "Ununoctium Phosphonicide".
I was praised for the "discovery" even though those other brilliant scientists died due to my mistake. As for the last one, my brother Jaassenje, died in New Orleans
during Hurricane Katrina, because he was stranded on Interstate 90. His loss eats at me, and along everything else, literally rip me apart. I hope this thread encourages you to not fear exposing your mistakes and secrets.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Tyler,

This won't help, and I hope it doesn't make you feel worse, but you have my biggest sympathies.

Over my 17 years of living, I've developed a sort of belief which I still doubt incredibly today, yet have nothing else to go by. But everything we encounter is a test. For example, in your case, you were one of the survivors of a chemical [b]accident[/b].

Despite there being deaths, I still don't feel you should bear the 'sin', as you like to call it. You didn't deliberately murder them, it was an accident. From as far as I can tell anyway.

I like to think that perhaps it was those 11 for which their sacrifice was to stop the accident happening at a larger level. Think about if the experiment was to be taking place next to other hazardous chemicals. Those 11 could've multiplied into hundreds. You discovered a chemical which is potentially poisonous to us human beings and have furthered the evolution of chemical science in recognising what is harmful to us.

I completely understand why you dwell on the deaths of those 11. I would be doing exactly the same, (trust me on this one, I'm not just saying it.) And let me set the record straight, I am in no way religious. Yet, I still believe someone out there didn't mean for you to go just yet. You see yourself as a murderer, yet others may see you as a hero. The important thing is; [b]your life does deserve to be in existence[/b].

You're not the only one like this. I think like you 7/11. Just remember, it is [b]you[/b] who is hurting yourself, I think it is time move on. A major thing out of all of this is that it proves you are a kind and compassionate person, for you continue to dwell on it and fell guilt. But you've proven yourself now, get out of the state you're in.

As for your brother. My sympathies goes out to the families and those that had to experience the hurricane, but remember. No one can control the weather. And no one can control the life-death cycle.

Ah, this is so hard to say. My apologies for sounding so blunt, Tyler.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know, you're right. I've been reading through the [I]Magnus Opus[/I](alchemy's code of laws), and it states here in the Twelfth Article of the 17th Chapter that
[I]Death is a mere natural cycle, unpredictable by man and decided by nature only,
to maintain the natural balance of this Earth. Hetherfore, it is to be respected and acknowledged as a part of nature, an absolute being amongst man that only accords to nature.[/I] You're right, even the code of the science I've devoted myself to tells me the wrong of punishing myself like this. It also reads here in the Fifteenth Article of te Eighteenth Chapter that [I]The elements and natural bodies are as unpredictable as death, when not fully understood, so even these natural beings of Earth and nature possess the threat of peril and death. These elemets and minerals are to be respected and used wisely, for the good of Alchemy and the Corporal Natural Laws. To understand and respect and wisely-use these natural bodies and Transmute them to a better kind with alchemic energy, your circle, and
your understanding of the Laws that govern them, that is Alchemy.[/I]

Thanks for helping me Zidargh, I appreciate it.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay...I want what you're smoking.

[url=http://www.webelements.com/webelements/elements/text/Uuq/key.html]ununquadium (clicky! webelements.com)[/url]
[url=http://www.webelements.com/webelements/elements/text/Uuh/key.html]ununhexium (clicky! webelements.com)[/url]
[url=http://www.webelements.com/webelements/elements/text/Uuo/key.html]ununoctium (clicky! webelements.com)[/url] (doesn't exist)
[url=http://www.webelements.com/webelements/elements/text/Uuu/key.html]unununium (clicky! webelements.com)[/url]
[url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interstate_90]Interstate 90 (clicky! wikipedia.org)[/url] (doesn't go near New Orleans)
[url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Orleans]New Orleans (clicky! wikipedia.org)[/url]

Okie day... Ununoctium Phosphonicide (which you spell incorrectly) doesn't and cannot exist, as Ununoctium doesn't exist (yet). Also Interstate 90 goes no where near New Orleans and therefor cannot have been the cause of any deaths due to Katrina. And if for a moment you believe any of the above that you talk about is real you need to come to the real world.

Else, I'd score it a six out of ten for trolling - no style but you still got responses and put basic effort into it. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to learn slightly more than I already knew. (Mmm researching is fun!) Nice work on the Magnus Opus reference as well.

So thanks for playing and have a nice day. *Calls in the Mods*
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ha! I knew it! A guy who claims to be an ALCHEMIST studying the elements sounded too fishy to be true.

Alchemy is a science of the middle-ages, nowadays it's [I]chemistry[/I] that studies the elements.

Besides, nobody who is an academic researcher writes like that!

I can only wonder what makes a person cheat others with sobby stories. Do you get pleasure from making people believe them, Tyler? If so, then boo to you!

Nice job, ForgottenRaider, for exposing the troll. I had a hunch but I didn't dare to say anything because I lacked proof.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

[font=Trebuchet MS]I left this thread open in the hope that people would share their own despair stories instead of laughing at Tyler, but it looks like that isn't going to happen. So I'm locking it before more meanness can occur.

[b]Thread closed.[/b]
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This topic is now closed to further replies.

  • Create New...