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Writing Femme Fatale [M-LV pos. S]


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[size=3][center][B][U]Chapter 1- Paint the Town Red[/B][/U][/size][/center]

[size=1][color=#B2566B]Heels clicked against the marble floor, music sounded throughout the halls, and voices began to burst all around. All around, beautiful items encased in glass were shown to auctioneers who had an eye for any item they wished to possess. Champagnes of all kinds flowed from the champagne fountains, hor?dourves was offered, and beauty glistened in every corner of the room. There was nothing more glamorous than the sight that was set in front of the faces of those who adored such art and collections, especially when it was in the grasps of six beautiful women.

Standing with a glass of champagne in hand, the six women gathered at the galleria of Christian Coste, a wealthy collector who privileged the view of his gallery of antiques and art. Some were there to buy his items, while others marveled at the sight, whereas the six women each took their path, their eyes strolling around the large room, as if they were window shopping. These six women came separated from different parts of the world but together as one into this wondrous galleria. One would never have had the chance to imagine who these five beautiful women were nor to realize what they represented. Each woman carried different attributes and traits about themselves, coming from different backgrounds and having different ethnicities, but overall they were only one. They were the Femme Fatale and no one was the wiser to know.

The Femme Fatale was a notorious group that consisted of six women who were known to be all-around trouble that hadn?t been caught. They were renowned for the devious plans they deployed, but moreover, who they were. Each Femme Fatale possessed a different skill that was partial in helping the mission or job. But in no way were any two alike, which was why they made such an excellent team and made them who they were.

Since each was so deviating, there would have been disputes and disagreements but in the end, they knew what was meant to be done and they would complete their objective, especially on a night in a wealthy man?s galleria. The six ladies were now taking their time and taking in the beauty in the art as well as taking mental pictures of the item that they felt called to them. Each began to slowly carry out their part of the mission, each taking a step further into the plan, and they all knew soon enough, they?d reach their goal. But there was one Femme Fatale that had caught a troubling snag in her part, interrupted by a voice that snuck up behind her.

[B]?Such a beautiful piece of art, wouldn?t you say??[/B] This voice was husky but with a soft overtone, making it masculine yet gentle. The man stood beside her and began a conversation about the article the Femme Fatale took such a liking to. [B]?I found this piece in England at an auction. I was astounded by it and had to have it. It?s a Georgian but not an antique like most of the items here.?[/B]

The lone Femme Fatale knew that the others were watching closely but admitted their distance, knowing that even if there were delays, they had to complete the mission. She merely answered, [B]?I believe this piece is actually a [i]Victorian[/i], not Georgian, and it is an antique. In fact, if you look closely you can see the artist?s signature at the bottom of the heart as well as the date.?[/B] Her eyes slowly gazed towards the man as her body was slightly bent towards the glass covered item. [B]?It looks to be priceless, though, to be honest,?[/B] she concluded as her eyes finally saw the entirety of the man.

As the woman began to straighten, the man was about to speak as he turned his body towards her but was taken aback when he finally saw what a gorgeous creature she was. This woman had an hourglass body that was covered by a pale red v-neck evening gown that held a cream-colored face, wearing red chandelier earrings and cherry red lipstick that accentuated the beautiful eyes that seemingly matched the lipstick. Her eyes were mesmerizing, a crimson color that seemed to dance in the light like fire against the darkness. She also had hair the color of emeralds- bright, shimmering, and one-of-a-kind. The man could see this woman was an Aphrodite standing before a mere Adonis. He smiled and held out his hand in a polite manner, introducing himself, [B]?To say that this item is as beautiful as you is an overstatement. My name is Christian Coste and you must be...??[/B]

A strand of emerald green hair fell down against her face. Pushing it back, the Femme Fatale replied, [B]?Lisette.?[/B] Her voice was that of a gentle song of dalliance that rose into the man?s ear. A playful smile then began to form as Lisette laid her hand atop the galleria owner?s hand, giggling as he gently kissed it.

Looking around, Christian questioned Lisette, [B]?Are you here alone or with someone else??[/B] He was absolutely marveled by Lisette and thought she would be with someone, either a group of friends or even a male companion.

Before Lisette could answer, the sound of five pairs of heels then came into range and Lisette turned to see her fellow Femme Fatale. [B]?Isn?t the art absolutely [i]breathtaking[/i]??[/B] They all but smiled sweetly and one tilted her head ever so slightly in a way that only Lisette could have known. She merely gave the others a smile and they headed out without her, knowing she would follow behind.

[B]?Is something wrong??[/B] Christian felt a strange tension the moment the five women walked up to him and Lisette, it was strange and nerving, yet, he still was a kind gentleman to Lisette. [B]?You must stay for the auction; this Victorian Heart may be yours.?[/B]

With a kind refuse and a good-bye, Lisette turned and followed after her fellow bandits, knowing that the heart would be hers either way. Her heels clicked against the floor and she knew that Christian watched after her because he could see something mysterious about the movement she made when she was with the others as well as by herself. It was as if there was something unnatural about her but what he didn?t know wouldn?t cost him his life.[/size][/color]

[size=1][B]Femme Fatale[/B] actually started as a small OB Club thing-a-ma-bob but then I "forgot" about it and simply placed it in the closet. I was inspired by the movie Femme Fatale and La Femme Nikita, an old show about spies, assassins, and whatnots. I hope this goes well and you, the members of OB, like it ^_^. Oh, any comments are wanted, as this is my first stab in the dark at an OB Story.

By the way, the beginning six chapters are introducing the members of the Femme Fatale.

[B]EDIT #2:[/B] I'd rather keep you hidden in the dark for now about the who's who. I'll let you know after I've introduced the Femme Fatale.[/size]
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[size=1]That was brilliant, actually. I really enjoyed the metaphor between the art and the women, as well as "the Victorian Heart may be yours," as in he's in love. All very well thought out, Ms. Revvy. The only problem I have with this is the last sentence - it's a bit too obvious and in your face. Maybe try to make another cleverly subtle reference to his death, just as you did with the art and the Victorian Heart.

I look forward to the next installment.[/size]
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[COLOR=Navy][SIZE=1]Revelation, your writing is rather astounding. You have a way with description and imagery without wordiness, it's a good trait to have. I like the rather intriguing almost 'come hither' appearance of Lisette, her features are obviously different than the norm.

I don't think I've ever seen a person with emerald green hair, but in this case, it helps her to stand out. She also seemed to have this "You want me, but you can't have me" attitude that seemed to tease Mr. Coste according your description. I like a strong, dominant female protagonist.

I must agree with Retribution on the metaphors, they worked very nicely. Each artwork to each woman, when she finally claims it, it's like gaining a part of herself and showing that she is indoubtedly a member of the higher classes. Very nice.

Keep up the amazing work, and I'll be watching for Chapter Two.[/SIZE][/COLOR]
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[font=trebuchet ms]Good job, Revelation! Your descriptions are perfectly formed, as if words were created just so that they could form your sentences. The pacing seemed to crawl for me, but that's probably just because I'm hopped up on coffee.

Anyways, I enjoyed reading this, and I'm looking forward to Chapter 2 and so forth.[/font]
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[size=3][center][B][U] Chapter 2- Into the Mirror[/B][/U][/size][/center]

[size=1][color=#B2566B]The dome-shaped building had black and brown marbled floors, Grecian-style columns, Roman architectural modifications, and stained glass windows. There was an ancient atmosphere to the place, something of a mystery floating within it as well, while there was one mystery walked amongst the people who admired the artwork and the galleria. She was beautiful in sight and everyone who would chance their glance at her was always taken aback, no matter how often they?d glance her way. Not even the most alluring antiquities could amount to the elegance that this Femme Fatale held.

Her eyes gently glided along the art that was in front of her, nothing really interesting until one particular item. This item was a [URL=http://www.faccents.com/gallery/item468.JPG]Roman Regence Period[/URL] mirror carved from giltwood and created in a triangular shape. Not only had this item sparked the Femme Fatale?s interest but it lured her into its world filled with reflections and amaze, it showed the reflection of her self. The mirror?s reflection of herself showed a tall Oracle with wavy light brown hair, a fair complexion, and eyes like the color of the sea. The air about her was filled with divinity and power but slightly shielded by a demeanor of untouchable magnificence. To add to this, the pristine white gown she wears gives an ethereal air with its sheer strapless bodice wrapped around her upper body, decorated with dazzling beads to give off a glowing appearance and the lower part a silky double layer slit a few inches above her right knee, along with a ruffle lined from her left hip to the start of her slit.

The brightening reflection in the mirror comments as if to compliment the radiance she brings with herself, though the mirror itself is something of a wondrous object, a flawless beauty in her eyes. She couldn?t help but lay a hand against the mirror, gazing into its hypnotic face. It was then that she could see what was behind her, the entire time, a familiar face that she thought she had long escaped, only to be gone the moment she turned around to sift her eyes through the crowd. There was no shock or surprise but merely amaze and wonder at how he could have come upon her. A hand placed itself upon her shoulder, the scent of cologne gently lifting its way into her nose, aromatic and beautiful just the way she had remembered.

[B]?Admiring yourself, again??[/B] His voice was handsome as was his features when she turned to look at him. He was the same even when she left him. [B]?Hello, Addy. It?s been long.?

?Perhaps,?[/B] she said with a polite smile on her face. [B]?Perhaps not long enough, Nathaniel.?[/B] His voice was challenged by Adelaide?s. [B]?What brings you here??[/B]

Nathaniel?s hand lifted from Adelaide?s shoulder and rested at his side, with him running his hand through his hair. He saw how elegantly mesmerizing she was and still is since the two separated paths. His lips turning into a half-smile, almost grinning into a desire for Adelaide as he had in the past, a trait that kept with him even after. To Adelaide, Nathaniel would be the only man who could ever capture her eyes but she would never go back to this gorgeous man of tanned skin, golden-brown hair that looked unruly yet tamed, and sunrise eyes blended with his athletic build all worn by a dress suit of metallic blue. Even his voice was the same handsome one she heard in the past.

[B]?Nothing, just business. A colleague of mine asked me to meet him here and talk business.?[/B] Her eyes suggested otherwise. He reassured her, [B]?I?m not conducting that sort of business, Addy. I haven?t for a while.?[/B] He stopped and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, gazing into her eyes. [B]?You?re even more luminous than ever. If I didn?t know any better, I would?ve sworn I was staring at an angel.?

?And you?re even more enticing than ever since we last met. I?d be careful where I place my hands, if I were you.?[/B]

Their actions and words spoke the outer language of forgotten love but their eyes spoke the inner language of forbidden and unforgotten love. It was pure as daylight how the two took their own paths for the greater good of the other but showed no regret, only keeping it within themselves. At the thought of this, Adelaide could do nothing but smile and smile she did. Nathaniel following suit, seeing that her perfect gentle smile was what he wanted to see, her scent was all he wanted to smell, and her touch was the only that he wanted to feel. There was much between them that aroused many emotions but they could never let these feelings get between them for it was destined for it to be this way- separated by choice but rivaled by love.

Looking back at the mirror, Adelaide cut off their gaze, remembering how she had always fallen into them. In some way she was glad to see his face, hear his voice, and feel his hand but in another way, she knew that the future held something far more dangerous than love. She merely rid this thought by looking into the mirror, watching the people behind her, looking at the glistening chandelier lights, and being awed by everything reflected in the mirror. She was, more than ever, pulled into its grasp and settled in its ever wandering world. It was at that moment she couldn?t feel the soft hands that held her. She would only turn to find herself alone, wandering if what she saw, what she felt, was anything but a dream.

[I]?In my heart, I?ll always love you but there?s nothing more that we can do to keep convincing we can live our lies together.?

?In the end, it?s all we[/i] can [i]do to keep from lying.?[/I] She could hear his voice, once more, and know that he was truly there. His magic touch and words would forever be kept in memory even as she begins to hold onto reality, which came with five friends.[/size][/color]

[size=1]Thanks for the comments, guys. I'll keep in mind the feedback and I hope you?ve had another good read. ^_^[/size]
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  • 2 weeks later...
[size=1]I'd say that Chapter 1 was better, but nonetheless, this was good. I think I just wanted to get to something with a bit more action, so blame my restlessness, not your writing. But while we're on the topic, when will there be plot development? After you introduce your Femme Fatales, or during the intros?

I vote for during... and maybe tie in their purpose as you do it.[/size]
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  • 3 weeks later...
[COLOR=#656446][SIZE=1]Dearest Revelation, your works have time and again proven to be excellent reads. They are all so beautifully written that, in my humble opinion, even your Adventure Inn signups are capable of increasing one's IQ points.

On to [b][i]Femme Fatale[/i][/b]:
The way the scenes progressed and the highly illustrative narrative made both chapters feel like ponderous but well-paced buildups to something really grand and exciting (and they are, aren't they?). You took your time in describing all relevant details with subtlety and delivered the goods with an elegant writing style.

In summary: [b][i]Whoa. [/i][/b]

I'm looking forward to the next installment of [i]Femme Fatale[/i]![/SIZE][/COLOR]
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