tomboy2xxxkoy Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 [FONT=Comic Sans MS]undefined[/FONT] hi! i've just started my own manga online less than 2 months ago & i was wondering what you guys think of it description: Mashiko Yamatashi and Takashi Aori were childhood friends. As they grow up, they made a lot of memories together which brings them closer and closer to each other. However, they were always fighting, which made people wonder how they could ever get along. Do you want to know? Then read the manga to find out!^^ lol there are also: side stories: Valentine's Day(8 pgs) and April's Fool Day(8pgs) comic strips (10 of them) a short story: Kiriko (20pgs) here's the site: [url]http://www.freewebs.com/whatalife_[/url] i hope you can check them out and tell me what you think of it^^ thx :-] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chikara Kokoro Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I feel like a broken record, but I have to ask. Why does this take place in Japan?? Just based on what you've posted here I'd have to give this a low rating. There is nothing new. It also leaves me with quite a few questions. How can someone's memories bring two people closer together? Does one of them have amnesia? Why does it matter that they fight all the time? Are the other people in the manga expecting them to wind up dating? Why does it matter to them? Before I continue I should let you know that even though I got through it eventually, your website slowed down my computer to the pace of semi-frozen molasses. It made my web server crash at one point as well. I like multitasking, and if I wasn't trying to review your manga fairly I wouldn't have bothered going through that website to read it. Despite the flaws, it's nice that you have a website up for this already instead of just writing about it here. First impression of the site other than the slow pace is that the banner, although poorly done on its own (there's no need for that cheesy flare effect is there?), the artwork on it is very good. It's great that even though it's set in Japan you have the courtesy to have it read from left to right. The art continues to be good. Your use of screen tones is especially impressive. My only gripe for art would be in regards to the teacher. I know from experience that it's very hard to draw older people in manga style, but the teacher still looks way too young. I'm not sure if you can change this, but the blue tile backround is distracting. A solid color would probably be better. Using the font that is actually in mangas for things said quietly adds to the professional look of this manga. Where did you find that font? The second page has a lot of typos. It's mostly things that you typed how they sound (i.e. "suppose" should be "supposed", "whose" should be "who's", "replete" should be "repeat"). Try to get a friend to check over your script before you post a page so you're positive it's pretty much error free. For some people that can be incredibly distracting. The Japanese thing still seems to be unnecessary. In spite of my initial reaction, though, I have to tell you that I'm a sucker for this kind of story. Depending on what direction you take this in I could continue enjoying it, or I could get bored of it by the end of the second chapter. The art attracts readers, and the story keeps them reading. Keep up the good work, and you should be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomboy2xxxkoy Posted April 9, 2006 Author Share Posted April 9, 2006 thank you for being honest^^ it's taking place in japan because i love japan & for the plot summary, i havent come up w/ a solid one yet but i need to put something up to get myself thinking besides, i change my mind a lot (this manga is turning out to be different from what i had in mind in the 1st place) besides, the actual manga is only 6 pgs there's no explanation yet & im sorry that my website slowed yur computer down im not trying to jink anyone or anything i havent colored/draw a lot of pics for the manga so...not a lot of choices to chose as a banner thank you for yur comment on the screetone and my art^-^ & for understanding how hard it is to draw old ppl (& an ugly 1, too lol) i probably wont change the blue tile bg cus blue & black r 2 of my fav. color the font i used is "Digitalstrip" & yea, i know i suck at spelling but there's on 1 to edit for me i didnt proofread what i put down, b cus i felt too lazy after spending a lot of time working on them i'll be more careful when i type from now on & i'll proofread them 1st thank you for taking yur time off to read my comic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chikara Kokoro Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 This the first time that a reply to a critique I've done has made me happy. I'm really impressed that you actually answered all of the questions instead of just picking and choosing. You might not have a definite plot yet, but at least you've thought about it. For spell check you should just type your dialogue in word before you put it on your comic. Doing that should get rid of most of the spelling errors. Let me know when you update this though. I'm kind of into it XD Do you have an update schedule yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomboy2xxxkoy Posted April 15, 2006 Author Share Posted April 15, 2006 thanks for the advice^^ & no, i dont have an update schedule i update whenever i can but i update at least once a week (unless something comes up to stop me from updating ^^") i'll update soon, in the next 2 or 3 days thanks for reading it makes me so happy that someone likes it ^-^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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