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Manga The story of a manga I'm hoping to make. (looking for unbiased reviews, please)


Monkatraz
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Hey, I'm new to this forum and I'm hoping to get some unbiased reviews of my manga story (my friends all say they like it though). I'll post the basic beginning and backstory of it as well as profile some of the characters.

The story is set throughout the known world during the 14th century (though many parts are very anachronastic). It follows three men who are pushed together through the story to travelling together under the shadow of a mysterious organization (that supposedly controls all of the forces in the world).

First of the three is a European (English to be exact) named Desmon. He learned in his teens that he was to be recruited into the organization, known as the Prophets, but treasured his personal freedom and refused to join. Hating the thought of being controlled by the Prophets, Desmon left home and began to travel the world making use of his rare ability, that all possible recruits of the Prophets are blessed with: the Language of the Birds, understanding all spoken languages and being universally understood by all men and beasts alike. Desmon is not a skilled fighter, though he is very clever; rather than fight his own he will use his skill of wordplay to manipulate others into doing his work for him (something he is very good at). He is calm in every situation, is usually likeable, and has tremendous self confidence. Desmon's devotion to Roman Catholicism is also worth noting.

Second of the three is a homesick, lovesick, and young (though extremely talented) samurai who goes by the name Keitaro. When Desmon's travels reached Japan, certain authorities began pursuing him. Keitaro was, inadvertidly, swept along in a rather turbulent series of events and forced to leave Japan. Being a lover of his homeland he instantly has a strong dislike of Keitaro. He is an honest and kind person, which often puts him at odds with Desmon's manipulative nature. Feeling he has no choice, Keitaro begins to travel with Desmon across the world. (Did I mention he is a highly skilled swordsman?)

The third is a german warrior who calls himself Zigil. Zigil does not come into play until later in the story but he is important to the story. When he is found, Zigil has no recollection of his past, though he learns he speaks the Language of the Birds and is an extremely skilled fighter. He has little control of his emotions and is prone to impulsive and rash actions. He fights with both his twin axes and his rage in battle which mystifies Keitaro with his practiced methods. He travels with Desmon and Keitaro in an attempt to regain his memories, the loss of which he is sure that the Prophets caused in some way. He is often at odds with both the subtlety of Desmon and the good-naturedness of Keitaro as he acts only for himself and without planning ahead.

When the story begins, Desmon and Keitaro are journeying in the Middle East (in the Ottoman Empire). They are very hungry, very hot, and very broke. They begin arguing instantly and, as they bicker, a young and talented thief named Yasir manages to steal one of Keitaro's swords. At the start of the story they attempt to recover the lost sword though the situation almost instantly complicates severely.

Though it is completely unknown to the, Desmon interfered with Keitaro's recruitment into the Prophets when he came to Japan and that was when the leader of the Prophets decided that Desmon could no longer be merely allowed to do as he pleases and certain members of the Prophets begin to pursue them using their own methods. The Prophets have a large array of powerful members including a former rival of Keitaro's, a woman who fights both with a katana and a discus-sized shuriken, a mysterious man who can conjure lightning from his fingertips, a girl who controls a vicious pack of wolves, and a shockingly talented swordsman who seems to know Desmon rather well.

As the story progresses it turns into an epic ordeal with over forty heroes and villains (that I have done profiles for) across Europe, Asia, and parts of Africa. Most of the main characters and villains have deep back stories and relationships. It will rely on all of emotional story, fight scenes that I am very proud of so far, and some modestly funny comic relief.

I know it is kind of a lot, but thanks for reading and please tell me what you think of my story (and be as brutally honest as you can).
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[COLOR=DarkOrchid][SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]I really like the ideas of this story so far. The only thing is that I think the amount of characters could maybe get a little confusing later on down the line. I've noticed with a lot of stories when there are too many characters, it's much harder for the reader to follow. Some writers can pull it off, I just think it might be a bit difficult.

Aside from possibly too many characters, I think the concept sounds great. It sounds like there will be some really good relationships and social interaction, plus a good plot and storyline.

Let me know when some is finished, I'd be interested in reading it.
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Thanks a lot for the feedback Maneki. I see what you mean about the characers, but I should probably note that the story is rather long and covers a large area and most of the forty characters are minor characters who don't leave their native area (an example that I mentioned would the the thief, Yasir). The three main characters, the Prophets (there are around thirteen of them) and a few others are the only ones who basically continue in the story until its over or they're dead.
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