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[color=#9933ff][b] [u] [center] Know your Stars Stargate SG-1 [/u] [/center]

[u] Summary: [/u] This is what happens when someone who has never really watched more than forty-five minutes of SG-1 decides to write Stargate fanfiction. She decides to combine the All That skit ?Know your Stars? and SG-1 and runs wild. But don?t worry, I'm starting to watch the show more and I have friends to help me

[u] Disclaimer:[/u] My, this is an occasion. You know that bitter taste in your throat; it's kind of wrapped around your uvula, that'd be what's left of your pride- O?Neill.

[u] Dedication[/u] : I would like to thank anyone who reads this. I'm sorry world.

[u] [center] Victim One: Anubis Part One[/u] [/center][/b]

Anubis is wandering around aimlessly- well okay what does he do when he?s not being evil, crochet? Okay let?s say that Anubis is crocheting a lovely afghan when a hole forms underneath his rear end and the most evilest guy around is plopped down in a chair. (Yes I know that he really doesn?t have a body but work with me okay?)

?What the (Bleep) ? Who the (Bleep) is responsible for this?? Anubis is struggling and cursing- the delay software is thankfully editing all his swear words. Well I hope it doesn?t over load.

?Know your stars? Know your stars? Know your stars Anubis from? Uh... dammit where are you from?? a mysterious voice asks? she sounds a bit confused.

?How the (bleep) can you not know where I'm from? You brought me here!? Anubis goes to lunge at the voice, but is immediately restrained by the chair.

?Well, tough that I don?t know where you?re from. I only just started watching the show. Anyways? Anubis uh? he sleeps with a pink teddy bear named Mr. Snooky Ookums.?

?He?s not pink he?s fuchsia and? I mean how the (bleep) Did you find that out??

?Well, you see. I read it in the National Enquirer that O?Neill gave me.? You can just picture the voice smirking

?And you actually believe everything you read in there?? Anubis chortles

A sigh is heard. ?Well, not really, but since you actually defended the color of said bear I can safely assume it?s true. Anubis? it?s rumored that one of the unspeakable charges against him is the theft of an Easy Bake Oven from a certain Dr Jackson.?

Again Anubis tries to rush towards the sound of the voice and again he is restrained- let?s just say I kept this chair from another fanfic I did of a similar nature. Since he can?t really go anywhere now Anubis pouts. ?Hey I was hungry and you would have done the same.?

?Uh hardly? I don?t steal. Besides how could you have been hungry after eating the council?s cookies??

?Trust me, if you tasted what the council calls baked goods you would have agreed that you?d be better off eating a Frisbee.?

The voice smirks- you can just see the wheels in her head going around and around. ?Anubis, he eats Frisbees.?

?Why would I do a thing like that you infernal bitch??

?Listen jackass, you call me out of my name one more time and I'm going to tell everyone the truth of your little relationship details and they won?t be pretty.? The voice snaps. ?So don?t? actually you know what screw bargaining? She picks up a sheaf of papers and flips through them. ?Yes! Anubis, he?s dating Icy Trix from Winx Club.?

?What? Why the (bleep) would I want to go out with that frigid bitch?? Anubis snarls and tries to get free. But to no avail.

?Because you can?t get anyone else?? The voice sticks out her tongue- picture it okay?

?I could probably get you.?

?I?d like to get you to go away?. Oh, I just found this too! Anubis was kicked out of kindergarten for eating other kids? paste.?

?Heh and I stole it from them too.?

?Just like you kept stealing Barbie Dolls from the ancients?. Which by the way is another reason they kicked you out. Friggin? klepto.?

?Psychotic Bitch.?

?Would you care to repeat that??

?Psychotic Bitch.? Anubis smirks

The voice destroys Anubis? knitting supplies. ?Thanks for the compliment.?

Anubis starts to tear up. ?You burned my blanket! Prepare to die.?

?Uh how about later? And you?re starting to bore me.?

?What do you mean?? Anubis is suddenly sucked up through a tube.

?And don?t hurry back now ya hear? Now you know Anubis? kind of?.?

[b][i][center]End? kind of[/center][/i]

Well, that was my first attempt at a Stargate SG-1 fanfic. I know it was painful, but please don?t kill me.[/b][/color]
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[B]DO TEALC, DO TEALC, DO TEALC, DO TEALC, DO TEALC, DO TEALC, DO TEALC, !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/B]


please :animesmil
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[size=1][color=#CD6619][URL=http://www.otakuboards.com/showpost.php?p=727392&postcount=2]THIS[/URL] is a no-no. I am going to tell you this once and only once: If you have a request or something that is relevant but irrelevant to the [URL=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=48241][B]Constructive Criticism[/B][/URL] of the thread and might not coincide with the [B]OB Anthology Basics[/B] then please refrain from cluttering the thread with such SPAM-like posts.

If you want to post something like that, choose to PM the author instead of doing what you did.

- Revelation.[/size][/color]
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[color=#9933ff][font=tempus sans ITC]
[b][center] [u] Know Your Stars Stargate SG-1[/center]

Summary: [/u] This is what happens when someone who has never really watched more than five episodes of SG-1 decides to write Stargate fanfiction. She decides to combine the All That skit ?Know your Stars? and SG-1 and runs wild. But don?t worry, I'm starting to watch the show more and I have friends to help me

[u]Disclaimer:[/u] I'm sorry to interrupt, but umm?if you brought us here to try and convert us, it is fair to tell you that we are really not in the market for new gods. Dr. Daniel Jackson

[u]Dedication:[/u] This is for a bunch of crazy people. DUCKIE. And the Red Squirrel Army- we know who we are.

[center][u]Victim Two: Dr Daniel Jackson[/u][/center][/b]

The voice was bored and very disappointed. She thought that Anubis, being the nut job he is would have been more entertaining. Instead he was almost snore inducing.

So she decided to get Daniel Jackson instead. In order to do so the voice scattered around some ancient artifacts in hopes of catching the archeologist. Within minutes the blue eyed civilian member of SG-1 was following the trail of ancient debris and muttering to himself about rude inconsiderate people who had no respect for the past.
Since the trail was very long and Daniel was tired of muttering to himself he sat down in the chair which was on a stage and illuminated by a few bright lights. As soon as he did that a voice began to annoy him.

?Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars Daniel Jackson he wishes that he could be the Verizon Wireless guy so he could ask people if they could hear him now instead of being an archeologist who dies a lot.?

?I? I do not!? Daniel sputtered.


?Oh? So you like dying all the time and being stuck inside a diner?? The voice countered.

"Well, no. But I like being an archeologist.?


?Who dies all the time. Daniel Jackson, his multiple deaths are a ploy to reach Nirvana sooner(1).?


?Now that is just ridiculous.?
?Hey it?s in the script.? The voice tosses a copy of her script to Daniel and it lands on his head. ?Don?t blame me?

?Ow. Was that really necessary?? The blue eyed man was rubbing his head.

?Not really, but I haven?t thrown a book at someone recently. Daniel Jackson he is in love with waffles. Infact he is so in love with waffles that he wants to marry them.?

?That?s illogical. One cannot marry food.?


?Daniel Jackson he is willing to give his life for waffles.?
?I am not!? Daniel is getting a bit agitated by the voice, but she really doesn?t care. ?I do not love waffles in that way! And I won?t marry waffles!?

?Would you marry me?? The voice asks suddenly

?No! Because you?re rude and obnoxious.?

The voice drops a plant on Daniel?s head. ?Daniel Jackson he is Timmy?s father.?

?Timmy? From where?? Daniel is now confused again. He looks really cute that way.

?Timmy from Winx Club. He?s a really nerdy looking hero??

?Well, that?s really? not true!?

?Oh really? Well, I think I have proof.? Timmy appears in a cloud of blue smoke. ?Observe exhibit one. Timmy.?

Timmy looks angry at this explanation. ?Hey! I'm not an exhibit! I'm a person!? He shouts


?Yeah whatever. Tim, say hello to your father.? The voice says casually.

?But he?s not my father! My father is back in my realm?.?

?Ooh this is so tragic. Daniel Jackson the son he had with Vala doesn?t love him.?

Daniel looks from the ceiling to Timmy and back to the ceiling. ?But I only just met Vala! This kid is what seventeen??

?Eighteen years, three months and well you get the picture.? Timmy corrected.

?This is just utterly tragic.? The voice is fake sobbing now. ?What kind of father are you??

Daniel sighs. ?The kind who doesn?t have kids.?

The voice gasps in fake shock. ?Well we?ll just see about that.? She mutters.

Suddenly a bright light appears and a woman with long dark hair is dropped unceremoniously into Daniel?s lap.
?Hey Vala! Say hello to your kid!? The voice shouts

The dark haired woman face faults. ?This is not happening.?

?What you don?t remember that time you and Daniel well? you know?? The voice wiggles her eyebrows. (Just picture it okay?)

?I try not to.? Vala retorted

?Hey can I go now?? Timmy asked

?Who is that? Daniel is he your kid??

?Yes, you?re annoying me.? The voice said and suddenly Timmy disappeared.

?Hey can I leave too?? Daniel is almost begging. ?I have papers to file, and I was going to help Sam with some translations.?

?No! I'm not finished with you yet! Daniel Jackson, who can?t remember his own son, he thinks that Vala is an escapee from a mental institution.? You can just picture the voice grinning like a fool.

Vala?s face starts to change color. ?You think what?!? She gasped lunging at Daniel?s neck.

Daniel dodges her and they start having a knock down drag out no holds barred fight on the stage. The archeologist goes for the chair and tries to smash it over the dark haired thief?s head. However Vala rolled out of the way.

?Hey stop! Ooh! Why is it that every time I have more than one character from a show they start trashing my set?? The voice moans. ?What is with you guys??

Vala and Daniel ignore the voice?s whining and continue to rumble. It?s beginning to look like a knock off of WWE (Which this author doesn?t watch because it?s just plain stupid) when Vala gets an edge over Daniel and decides to remind him of the good time they had on board Prometheus- you know that part where she kissed him?

Well, Daniel?s reaction was of course reflective of their times on Prometheus. ?You are such a fruitcake!? He shouted wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Vala did what only Vala could do, she head butted Daniel so hard that he fell over?. Then of course she did the same.

The voice paused from calling a SWAT team. ?And now you know Dr. Daniel Jackson who is romantically involved with waffles and whose son is a cartoon character.?

[center] [b] [i]The end[/center][/i]

Hey thanks for reading? please review. I'm sorry I couldn?t do Teal?C as the second chapter. I was just inspired by Daniel Jackson.[/b][/color][/font]
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