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KawaiiNekoboy
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Theme: NekoBoys/Girls, Demons, Magic, Humans

Plot: Nami is your normal NekoGirl that has lost everything. Her parents were killed by the demon tribe ChiTenji. (BloodMagic) So for almost a year Nami thinks that no one cares about her. Thats until Taki comes into Nami's life. Taki is a demon Kitty, but she is one of the few nice demons. And Nami also learns a secrete of her family/past, and why her family was killed. So now she wants to get revenge on her parents. Will Nami and Taki kill the ChiTenji tribe, or will they get killed in the process?

How does that sound. If anyone wants to help they can.
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Right from the start I have to warn you that I am biased against manga stories involving neko. Unless there is a good and interesting reason for there being neko, I am probably not going to like it. Just because the author happens to think neko are cute isn?t a good reason in my opinion. Still, there is definitely a market for people who adore neko, so my not liking neko won?t affect you too much.

First off, please separate the words Chi Tenji. It?s more aesthetically pleasing if they?re separated since they?re two separate words.

I kind of understand where you?re trying to come from with Nami's emotions after her parents are killed, but it seems like that would be a strange reaction to have. Try to imagine yourself in Nami?s shoes. If your family was killed by demons- or, for a more realistic example, thieves- how would you feel? Granted, your main character probably doesn?t have your exact same personality, but your feelings are a good guideline for how your characters might feel.

I am against choosing Japanese names for American manga without reason to start with, but it seems like everyone and their mother is using the name Taki. Nami is the name of a main character in One Piece, but it?s not as much of a common problem as using Taki is.

It?s a good idea to show the good sides of demons; it?s almost always an interesting thing to have in a story. But demons are used a lot in manga stories. And very frequently those demons will have a soft side. I don?t see why those neko have to be demonic. It might be a good idea to just have them be an evil tribe of neko.

The story in general needs a lot of work, and I don?t see anything all that creative in there. But only time can tell if you?ll be able to bring a new side to a story that has been told several times before.
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[quote name='KawaiiNekoboy']Plot: Nami is your normal NekoGirl [/quote]

And there lies my first objection. There is no such thing as a normal neko girl. That's pretty much an oxymoron.

[quote]So now she wants to get revenge on her parents.[/quote]

Er... don't you mean "she wants to get revenge on her parents' killers"?

Putting that technicality aside, frankly, if I read that summary you just gave on the back of a manga at Borders I'd put it right back down. It's far too derivative. In fact, basically every aspect of that summary I can translate to Loveless:
-Neko-main character.
-Relative was murdered by some mysterious team.
-Neko-protagonist thinks no one cares about him/her as a result of the death.
-Neko-protagonist wants to seek revenge on the killers.
-New character is introduced right away to a new character who quickly befriends him/her, a person who can reveal to the neko-protagonist the secret behind his/her relative's death, even if it is indirectly.

And that's just one series I can name that it's far derivative of. You just need something more unique.
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