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RPG Dudes in Wonderland

Dragon Warrior

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It was asked for and here it is! Another Dude Story from my wide collection i have written!

Dudes in Wonderland
By the creator of Dudes Wars

It all started one afternoon. Two dudes were chillin? in the warming sun. They sat with their cat. They didn?t have time to name it so it?s name was? ?Here Cat Dude! Dinner time! I want chicken. I want liver. Meow mix, meow mix, please deliver!? Cat Dude ran up to Dude 1 and started to munch away. ?Good Cat Dude.? Suddenly, without notice, they were sucked into a portal. Not much of a reason that they were. They just?.. were. Poor Cat Dude was left behind with the whole bag of Meow Mix. Cat Dude smiled deviously.

Later, in another world?

?Where are we, dude?? ?Dude! I don?t know!? They were falling. They couldn?t see anything below them then suddenly they started to smack into clocks. The clocks just sat in mid air as the 2 dudes smashed into them. Once they were once again conscious, they got up and walked out through this lighted doorway. They looked around, dazed and confused. ?Dude. It?s like a wonderland!? shouts one Dude.

The other Dude nodded in agreement. They just stood there, looking around, their jaws drop open. That?s when a white bunny passes and is carrying a Grand Father Clock. ?Gosh dang it! I?m late! Get outta my way you little freaks!? ?He needs to take a chill pill.? says one dude. The bunny stopped short. He turned his head slowly and glared at the talking Dude. He marched up to the Dude and stuck his face in the Dude?s face. ?Ya wanna go? Come on! I?ll take you down!? The bunny actually had an advantage. He was as tall as the Dude. The bunny pushed Dude 1. ?Bring it! I got the skill. I?m game!?

The bunny started to dance around Dude 1 with his arms crossed doing the Russian dance. ?You?re a little weakling! You?re a little weakling! You?re a little *kicks dude 1* weakling! You?re a little *kicks Dude 1* weakling!? That?s when the bunny was sliced in half by Dude 1?s light saber. He puts it away and speaks, ?Stole it from Luke.?

The 2 dudes walked on and finally came to this table and a door the size of a hand. ?Riiiiiight?. how are we suppose to get through that door.? ?Simple.? says the other dude coming up to the door. He kicks at it and one of the strangest things happen. The door bites his leg and hangs on for dear life! ?Ahhhh!? screams Dude 2. He slams into the table and this food falls into his mouth. He swallows. Once conscious again, he notices he?s about 2 inches high and the door is eating his torso. ?Get off!? he yelled. Then suddenly Dude 1 appears beside him.

?How did we shrink.? Dude 1 asks. Dude 2 turns to him. ?Oh yeah! Like I?m Mr. Know-Everything-in-the-world! How should I know.? They sulk. Then a big wave crashes through the doorway and takes the 2 dudes out to sea. They wash up on a shore and for some reason, they are in a forest and not by a ocean. Another weird thing is they were normal size again. ?This place gets weirder and weirder. I say we give up this act and go to our trailers.? A camera man waves to the 2 Dudes to tell them to stay on stage. ?Fine! But I better get 200 bucks for this scene!? one dude complains.

They continue on the ?So-called Stage.? They come across a cat with a strange gaze. They watched him as he watched them pass. ?Yo cat! You better get them eyes checked or something. That doesn?t look good.? ?So you are the destined dudes that will meet the Queen of Darts.? the cat says. ?The names BadEye Cat. Don?t mind the name. It?s not right.? ?You better believe it?s right. It looks like a bird has been at it for days.? The cat glares it?s bulging eye at the Dude. The dude backed down. ?Go down the road to the Rad Hatter and the DJ Hare. You must defeat the Queen of Darts by beating her in a darts match and saying the words Clatea Varockta Nictu. You got that?? The 2 dudes nodded and ran off down the road.

?Good.? says the Cat to himself, ?They are in a hurry to complete their mission.? ?Mission?? says Dude 1. ?We just wanna get away from his eye. It freaks me out!? They ran through this gate and they stopped in front of a huge table. This long table was stretched from a garden to a house. It was about a football field length. That?s when the 2 dudes noticed a guy in rapper?s clothes sittin in a chair at one end. At the other end was a rabbit. ?Yo yo yo! Waazzzzup my homies!? yelled the big-hat freak. He jumped up and leaped down from the table in front of the 2 dudes. ?Yo! I?m the Rad Hatter! And this is the DJ Hare.? The 2 dudes nod to the DJ and he nodded back. ?What brings you to our crib?? ?We are suppose to go to the Queen of Dart?s castle and defeat her in darts then say the words Clatea Varockta Nictu.? ?Oh! I see Homie G. Well, DJ and I can help you out by leading you to Mrs. Queenies? crib! Right this way my Homely G.? the 2 walked off and the 2 dudes traveled behind.

Just as they were coming close to the castle they ran into these twins. ?Yo! We are Tweedlepee and Tweedledung!? The Rad Hatter came up to one (I can?t tell the difference between the 2) and pushed him over. ?Told you not to come on my turf, punk! What?s wrong? BadEye cat got your tounge?? Tweedle-something-or-other nodded and the BadEye cat popped outta his mouth. Don?t ask me how. This is a fantasy. ?Ewww! Tweedle spit! Anyways, I don?t like how you are not getting to the castle! Messin with these losers is not apart of your quest!?

?Were not on your turf! Your on ours!? complained Tweedle-what?s-his-face. Suddenly Darth Grader popped up and said, ?Wait! There?s only one person who can solve something this weird!?

?Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!? yelled the audience. ?Thanks everyone.? said Jerry. ?Today?s subject is *I?m trying to get home from Wonderland but the Tweedle-bunch-munches are in my way and some rappers are no help.* Here?s the 2 dudes!? Everyone applauses as the 2 dudes take their seats. ?Now what?s the problem, dudes?? Jerry asks. Dude 2 talks, ?Well, you see, our problem is-? He was interrupted by Rad Hatter being thrown onto the set from back stage. Then the tweedle-dumb brothers ran up to him and starting kicking his face. The DJ Hare collided with Tweedle-whatever and the 2 dudes went after Jerry for no reason. Darth grabbed the microphone and came up to the camera and said, ?We will be right back.? Jerry tackles him. ?That?s my line you over grown exhaust pipe!?

Later, after the show?

?I can?t believe we killed Jerry Springer!? Dude 1 said in amazement. They all nodded. ?Well, we must finish what we started!? Rad Hatter, DJ Hare, and the Tweedle-retards went at it again with the punching and kicking and pulling of the eye lashes. ?Go! Go to the castle!? the BadEye Cat told the 2 dudes before being pulled into the combat. The 2 dudes took off down the road again from the highly-damaged Jerry Springer stage. They came across a huge party house. Lights flashing, pictures I can?t talk about because this is rated PG, hobos sittin? next to the trash cans. It was a crazy shindig inside. They entered and everyone was partying. Suddenly Dude 2 was crushed by a huge, fat lady. She got up but Dude 2 couldn?t move.

?Whoops! Watch where your standing!? said the lady. ?I am the Queen of Darts.? The 2 dudes mouths dropped open. ?Good gosh! She?s to big to play darts with.? ?She isn?t the Queen of Darts. I am!? Yelled a voice from across the room. The 2 dudes made sighs of relief. A even bigger lady approached them. ?It just gets even more worse.?

Later, at the Dart area of the party house?

?Watch and learn.? She threw her dart and it hit a man in the eye. Dude 1 threw a dart and it made perfect Bull?s Eye. ?Lucky shot!? She threw another and it went behind her and hit a waiter. ?Whoops!? Dude 2 threw a dart and it splits Dude 1?s right in half making another perfect Bull?s Eye. ?If I miss this next one,? said the Queen, ?You win.? She threw the dart and it hit a man and bounced off him and hit another and bounced off him and it continued like that til everyone was dead except for the queen and the 2 dudes.

?Riiiiiight. We win.? ?No you don?t! White bunny guy!? That one bad attitude bunny came up to the queen?s side. ?Take care of these jokers.? she instructed. The bunny approached the 2 dudes and started punching, kicking, slapping and plainly beating the crap outta them. He stood up and laughed. Then he was shot through the head. ?Dude! This is PG. Remember?? reminded Dude 1. ?Screw PG. I got what it takes to win.? and he blew on the barrel of his shotgun. ?Now say the words, dude.?

Dude 1 approached the frightened Queen. ?Clatea Varockta Ni?ni?umm. I forgot.? Dude 2 slaps his forehead. ?Wait! I have an idea!? and Dude 1 continues. ?Clatea Varockta Ni- *coughs*.? There. I said it.? The queen then turned into the wicked witch of the west and stood before the dudes with her broom. ?Good job, butt wipe.? Dude 2 whispered to Dude 1. Dude 1 punched him. ?I?ll get you my pretty and your little cat t-? she was also shot through the head. ?Yeeeaaaa.? says Dude 2 putting his shotgun away. ?You dissed Cat Dude. His name is Cat Dude.?

The BadEye Cat then appeared in front of the dudes. ?Good work dudes. You said the words and..? he saw the witch blow to pieces. ?Riiiiiiiiight. You idiots. get outta Wonderland before you shoot out my other eye.? The BadEye Cat placed red shoes on Dude 1?s feet and said, ?Now just say there?s no place like TV. There?s no place like TV.? Dude 1 and 2 said this and before they knew it, they were in their living room. ?That was weird, dude.? Dude 2 agreed. Cat Dude climbed up onto the couch and he was fat!

?Meeeoooww!? groaned Cat Dude. Dudes 1 and 2, Darth Grader, Rad Hatter, the wicked witch of the west, tweedle-weirdos, DJ Hare, BadEye Cat, and some other peoples all laughed at Cat Dude. Yes?even Jerry laughed.

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