Am I over reacting?

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=#9933ff][font=monotype corsiva][size=4]Technically this should be is my boyfriend over-reacting since he's making more of a production on YIM than I ever could.

Okay so since yesturday morning my daughter has been with people she hasn't seen since May '07 who don't have a very high opinion of me. And no it's not a result of bad parenting it's that her father finally lowered himself to bring himself and his family up here to New York from Texas before he goes back to Iraq. (Okay yes I don't have a very high opinion of my ex husband or his wife, but some of you know why)

Anyway since about 8:15AM EST I hadn't heard anything from my four year old and neither had my parents. Then about 8pm tonight I hear the opening of Golden Sky before my bluetooth kicks in and it's my daughter's step-mom with her chirpy 'Hi it's blah blah blah. And she says that my daughter was having some trouble getting settled and missed me so they decided to let her call me and talk to me. Which she did... I talked to my daughter for like two minutes tops before her step-mom took the phone away then got a little odd when I asked what she'd done today and yesturday (I tried to ask my daughter, but I think the phone was taken from her when she was talking because as a 4 year old my daughter likes to wave the phone around while she talks) She mentioned a family portrait being done. Then she got all weird on me for wanting to talk to my daughter again, she finally sighed, said okay then put her on for like another minute then informed me that she was getting sleepy.

So now I'm a little upset that this woman made this big deal about her and my ex letting my daughter call me then only allowed my daughter to talk to me for a short amount of time. She also made some big deal about friends from Ft. Drum then the 'Family Portrait (which could be why my daughter needed dark blue jeans and a black shirt- that's a long story which involves a bit of speculation) and gets upset when I ask to speak to my daughter since I won't see her until Friday morning because when they drop her off tomorrow evening I'll be at work.

I told my boyfriend and he was all up in arms about how she was acting strange and wanted to know what I thought about it. I just don't want to make a big deal out of everything because I already know that there will be another court date next year over visitation since he hasn't fulfilled his part of the visitation from the court order but expects our daughter to come visit him in Texas next year after he's been in Iraq for a year and I don't want to keep nit picking at everything like they do. (There's an incident where my daughter told her father that her baby sitter didn't have soap and he started telling my mom that she should call the state about that:rolleyes:)

So questions, opinions? Do you need clarification? Because I'm just confused right now and it's only minute conservation on my mobile that keeps me from calling back and demanding to talk to my daughter. Help[/color][/size][/font]

[James]

[font=franklin gothic medium]I guess I'd just ask you - without knowing the entire background here - do you basically trust that your husband's side of the family will care for your daughter? In other words, are you confident she is at least not in any danger?

If so - and again, without knowing the ins and outs - I wouldn't worry too much. It's an awkward situation, especially where the step mother is the wife of your ex-husband.

It could just be that she doesn't know how to approach the situation in a mature manner. It's really hard to say I guess.

I figure, you know when you're picking your daughter up...so really, unless they're doing something horrible with your daughter while she's there, you at least know you'll have her back shortly.

My personal concern would be if I felt she was in danger or if I felt they were grossly irresponsible. Those are things you have to toss up. But by the same token you probably don't want to fly off the handle if it's unwarranted - that could hurt your chances later on.[/font]

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[quote name='James'][font=franklin gothic medium]I guess I'd just ask you - without knowing the entire background here - do you basically trust that your husband's side of the family will care for your daughter? In other words, are you confident she is at least not in any danger?

If so - and again, without knowing the ins and outs - I wouldn't worry too much. It's an awkward situation, especially where the step mother is the wife of your ex-husband.

It could just be that she doesn't know how to approach the situation in a mature manner. It's really hard to say I guess.

I figure, you know when you're picking your daughter up...so really, unless they're doing something horrible with your daughter while she's there, you at least know you'll have her back shortly.

My personal concern would be if I felt she was in danger or if I felt they were grossly irresponsible. Those are things you have to toss up. But by the same token you probably don't want to fly off the handle if it's unwarranted - that could hurt your chances later on.[/font][/QUOTE]

[color=#9933ff][font=monotype corsiva][size=4]There are some members of his family (by some I mean his mother) that I wouldn't trust, but we have a mutual agreement where she's concerned. I don't think my daughter is in any danger (even if once when she was just over a year she came back from a visit with them and her baby hair was geled into a fauxhawk) being with them since they have a one year old and she has a 14 year old from a previous relationship.

I just know that she has little or no respect for me what so ever (they got together when my ex and I were married.) So they both see any of my ideas or opinions as either ill informed or lacking in intelligence. But I think the worst that could happen is that my daughter comes back with her ears pierced and her hair shortened. And I can't say anything about pierced ears since I have them and a bit more.

I think it's more separation anxiety than anything else because I haven't been away from my daughter for more than 16 hours and that's only because of work. I tried saying that much to my daughter's step mother and I got the impression that she felt I was slightly mad.

But don't worry about me doing anything rash. I won't even have to confront my ex for another year so I'm pretty good.[/color][/font][/size]

[Rachmaninoff]

I wouldn't say your overreacting since you've clarified that you're not used to having her away from you for any length of time. So long as you know she's going to be cared for, that's what really matters.

Even if the time was short, at least she did call you since your daughter missed you. It may have been awkward for her, but I think that shows she at least cares about your daughter since otherwise, I don't think she would have even bothered.