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RPG The Nonsensical Tails of The Animal Kingdom(Play)


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His nostrils flaring, and his hairs standing on end, the ravenous beast slammed his massive fist down and commanded his minions into a state of silence. All signs of joviality quickly vanished and tension choked the entire Council of Monkeys with firm hands.

"When I was but a youngster, my daddy" the gigantic ape said, before lowering his voice embarrassedly, "Jill Butterworth-"

The simian's eyes grew wider, twitching profusely as hushed snickers and uncontrollable laughter followed his father's name.

"Silence," he commanded again before whimpering, "there is nothing wrong with that name and it is not the purpose of this meeting."

Once again silence fell upon the room of mutant space beasts. The leader gingerly picked a fly from his coat of fur and daintily nibbled on it before continuing, "As I was saying, my dad used to tell me stories about the jungle. He told me that the Lion was the king of the jungle-THE HEAD OF THE FOOD CHAIN!"

Hisses and jeering immediately filled the room at the preposterous notion. Raising his hand, the lead ape, once again brought silence down upon the council and continued his speech.

"I, your fearless leader, T-Bone, have proven that 'An ape is great' and a feline is...."

Unable to think of a word that rhymed with "feline," T-Bone scratched his head and shouted, "felines are stupid heads!"

Raising his massive arms into the air, the gold clad ape raised the crowd's spirits by promising further destruction.......

"I promise further destruction," he bellowed, "And....um....even MORE destruction. YEAH!!"

Giving a huge thumbs up to the crowd and grinning widely, T-Bone, stepped down from his podium with underlying purpose. Exiting the crowd's showers of encouragement, the vile demon-like monkey thing, approached his private quarters. While the majority of the Mutant Space Monkey population spent the remainder of the day playing bridge or hitting the links, T-Bone had other business to attend to. Upon putting on his favorite pair of Dunkaroo undies, the king of kongs kicked back at his desk and peered into his crystal Banana with the cruelest intentions.

Although Jeremy could remember nothing of his past, he was sure that this new world was unlike anything he had ever seen before. Everything seemed to dance with life and being. Trees whistled, while butterflies danced atop harmonica playing flowers and fish playfully squirted each other with water guns. There was no night or day, but twenty-four hours of play. Upon close inspection, the young boy found that rocks had no place in this world. Littering the ground were gum drops and moon walking lady bugs, just dying for a date.

"The first stop on our journey will be New Milksville. Hopefully, we'll find others to join us along the way," Abe the donkey said with a frown on his long face.

His face reddening under it's feathers, Hawk Hogan yelled, "Listen brother, we already have enough baggage with this kid. We don't need anymore. What else do you need when you have the largest wings in the world. I-"

Abe held the hawk's beak shut, and calmly said, "The sword of Zion is what we need. " If someone feels that it is necessary to stand in the way of my dreams, tt is my obligation to tell them that they won't be standing long, but you know very well that strength doesn't matter in this quest. The sword will chose it's master. "

Solemly staring at his wooden leg, Abe added, "And I doubt that the three of us alone are up to the challenge."

Breaking up the awkward moment, Jeremy asked, "So, where are we headed to now, Mr. Abe?"

Once again wearing his weak smile, Abe answered the question, "Pumpernickel town. It's just beyong Milky Highway."

Curious, as little boys are, Jeremy asked, "How long is Milky Highway?"

Gruff as usual, Hawk Hogan squaked, "It's long enough kid, and if you ask 'Are we there yet' even once, I'll run wild on you, myself."
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Whoops! Forgot to edit, but oh well.. Doobie isn't a chimp. He's whatever kinda monkey Spike is from the Ace Ventura movies...:D
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[i]Doobie sat on road-side, stick in hand, picking his teeth with the almighty 'Thwacker'. He jumped a good four feet in the air when a caterpiller buzzed by his tail.[/i]

Catapiller Carl: Pardon me, kind sir.

Doobie: *gruff voice* S'alright.

[i]Doobie climbed on a rock, perfoming a perfect hand-stand, before rolling off of the boulder playfully. His childish attitude reflected his true age of three yeasr old. Human years, of course. A three year old monkie was fully-grown.

But Doobie didn't care. He picked up his Thwacker, walking comicly down the dirt road. The sides were framed with luciously juicy blades of fine, green grass. The day was as sunny as ever, chipping songbirds lacing around the clouds, singing melodies of pure bliss that was a constant resident of the Animal Kingdom.

The air, the same as always, carried the sweet scents of spring, cookies, as well as just open skies of freedom. The Animal Kingdom was an eternal summer of happiness.

Doobie jumped at the sound of bantering voices, hiding in the four-foot tall grass. He lept out, screttching wildly, acting a fool. He swung the mighty Thwacker around, konking a featheray fellow upside the head. The bird fell to the ground, spirals in the eyes, voice leaking a dazed groan.

Doobie cartwheeled around Hawk Hogan, before stopping abrutly. He slowly slid a full 180-degrees turn, turning to perfom the moonwalk.[/i]

Doobie: Oh, yeah! Whoooo's the monkey?

[i]Then, Doobie actually did the Monkey. Yes, Johnney Bravo's dance. HYAH! Oh, yeah! Do The Monkey, baby! WHO-HA![/i]
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OOC: :twitch:
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[COLOR=purple][i]From a tree, that popped out of nowhere, Rena watched them, in her were puma form, tail twitching slightly. She stood up lanquidly and leapt into the air, coming down on the donkey's back.[/i]

Rena: Hello everybody.

Doobie: WTF?!?

Rena: *goes human* Nothing..........[/COLOR]
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Sputtering nonsense and flapping his wings wildly, Hawk Hogan spun around in the dirt exclaiming that The Animal Kingdom was under simian attack.

Abe's sword stirred nervously in its holster, as he slowly approached Rena and the chimp. Clinching his jaw tightly, Abe prepared to investigate the two mysterious individuals. The monkey obviously wasn't a threat-it lacked the unmistakable evil stench that usually accompanied it's mutant space cousins. The girl was a different story. Why had she been spying on them? Could she be related to the boy? Before Abe could investigate, he felt Jeremy tugging on his arm and shyly whispering, "Look."

Walls of hot wind climbed every tree and shook their branches frantically. High above, in the chaotic heavens, the moon and the sun, butted heads angrily. Between grinding teeth, Rena muttered, "Oh, not now."

"I want sleep," the Moon boomed loudly, "It's time for you to set, you selfish blowhard!"

Not one to be insulted, the sun rammed into the moon, causing packages of cheese to pour down upon the Animal Kingdom. "Blowhard? You're calling me a blowhard," the Sun asked, "I'll tell you what, Moon, I'll set when you MAKE ME!"

Abe scooped up the curious child and ran to take cover in the brush with Hawk Hogan and the two strangers.

"What's that sound," Jeremy whispered, his voice shaking.

Shreaking loudly and scratching his head, Doobie attempted to answer, but to little result. After smacking the monkey in the head, Rena answered, "It's the song of Mr. Tornado-trouble." The boy shivered at the intensity the stranger carried in her eyes when the word 'trouble' fell from her tongue and loomed in the air around them.

Slowly, at first, and then faster....faster....organ music boomed around the party. The earth seemed to quiver under the weight of the ominous tune.

"Just remember," Abe said, "Faithless are those who turn when the path darkens."

Gathering their courage, The Animal Kingdom prepared for the arrival of their first adversary.
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Elsewhere at a tavern in a local town, a group of Mutant Space Monkeys are at the bar making jokes about the lead ape's father's name. They sit drinking coconut milk, and tearing into plates of bananas as other animals looked on sickened by the sight. The Mutant Space monkeys, began to throw their banana peels around and started to cause trouble. The bartender, a sloth named Cid, approached them.

Sloth Bartender Cid: Hey! Could you monkeys stop?! You're making a mess!

The Mutant Space Monkeys stop flinging the peels, and looked at one another for a moment then in unison threw several peels into the bartender's face. After the request of the bartender the mutant space monkeys became in raged, and leaped onto the counter. After a few seconds of grunting, and straining the monkeys fertilized the counter. Immediately the monkeys began grabbing handfuls of feces, and chucked them at random. Pokey the Pony was hit in the face, as was Poo the bear. Ed the horse was hit in the rear end, and Babe the Pig was knocked unconscious after it was hit with some nut filled poop. Suddenly the tavern door swung open with force, the mutants space monkeys turned and look. A silhouette of two creatures are seen, but unable to make them out. The mutant space monkeys looked on unable to think of what to do next, so one grabbed another handful of feces and began to throw it. But a harpoon flew from the larger of the two silhouettes, and impaled the monkeys hand. The mutant space monkey flew back several feet, and was hung on the wall but the harpoon. The other mutant space monkeys watched in awe, but quickly snapped out of it and tried their luck at tossing some balls of poo. But from the smaller of the two silhouettes came a stream of hot yellow liquid stinging the eyes of the monkeys, and leaving them blinded. Suddenly the monkeys were taken down. One with a frying pan to the face, and the other was hit by a fin of some sort. The mutant space monkeys were laid out, and as the door shut the silhouettes were now fully visible. The large one was a large land walking shark, it began snickering "Nuk, nuk, nuk.". The smaller one was a squirrel wearing a blue jacket with white gloves, and a pair of blue and yellow high tops. They spoke to one another in friendly fashion.

Squirrel: Hey, Jabber Jaw. Did you see my fancy zipper work?

Jabber Jaw: Nuk, nuk, nuk. Sure did, Conker.

Conker: Wanna get a drink?

Jabber Jaw: Nuk, nuk, certainly!

Conker, and Jabber Jaw sat at a table in the back after tossing the mutant space monkeys out on their cans. Outside the mutant space monkeys awoke, and decided that they needed to go back for help. And so they did....
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