Writing A Preview

[Ben]

Here is a preview of my upcoming book: When Humans are the Enemy. (Yes, I have finally decided on a title.)

"We're under attack!"
This was the shout that awoke Ben that night. Ben sat up in his bed and saw cave scorpions climbing up the pillars on all sides of the platform. Already clones were fighting back, but Ben could see that many had fallen already. Ben ran over to Ray and Sparnik.
Together the three of them attacked a scorpion. Sparnik cut off both of its antenna with his scimitar, and then jumped out of the way of its claws. Ray had a long sword that he used to slice the scorpion's face to pieces. Ben used his bracelets to form blades out of both his arms. He felt the bracelets pulse as psychic energy flowed through them.
Ben hacked through the cave scorpions, a burning in his mind and a ringing in his ears. He cut through with his blades, effortlessly shearing through the thick armor of the scorpions. He leapt onto backs, slashing off tails, claws, and antenna.
The cave scorpions, deciding that Ben posed the biggest threat, turned their attention toward him. Ben was hard pressed to keep the scorpions back. Ray and Sparnik stood by his side, Sparnik using his scimitar and Ray his long sword. While the scorpions were attacking him, Ben could see the other clones. They were huddled around something at the other end of the platform. When they bolted away, Ben could see that they had rigged a large amount of uksos to a bomb.
"Sparnik, Ray!" he shouted to his friends. "Jump!"
Sparnik dove off the side, caught the air on his wings and flew down to the sand. Ben and Ray leapt off and caught pillars with their tongues. They climbed quickly downward. A few seconds later they heard an explosion, followed by a wave of fire that scorched Ben and Ray. Their chameleon-clone regeneration systems started up immediately. Fortunately, the scorpions on the platform had been completely engulfed.
Down on the ground, there were more cave scorpions. Ben was caught in the claws of one of them upon his arrival on the ground. Ben caught the serrated edges of the claws with his hands, which had been instantly covered with the metal from the bracelets.
Ben was slowly being drained of his strength, the scorpion's claws applying almost bone-crushing pressure. Ben could do nothing but watch as the scorpion's tail arched backward to sting. What happened next would be imprinted on Ben's mind for the rest of his life.
The Sense Leader, clad in blue, ripped the tail off of the scorpion with his terrible teeth. He held a large mace in his hand, but that wasn't what was most distinguished about him. His eyes glowed blue. He swung the mace hard and Ben felt the shock of impact through the claw.
Ben dropped from the scorpion's claw and ran. Ben did not get three feet before he noticed that the cave was filled with Sensers. They all wore the telltale blue vest, and they all had looks of intense concentration on their faces.
Ben turned back around and watched as the scorpions began to glow also. They were levitated into the air by the collective power of the Sensers. Then they were flung away, back to their nest.
Ben sat down, relief and fatigue seeping into him. His arms burned from holding the scorpion's claw open. Ben took a long drink from his water container. He looked up and saw that the Sensers were moving around, helping the survivors of the combat unit.

[Boba Fett]

So this is the new beginning. Much different from the old one. I cant wait to read more, but know you wont post the rest here. Very well written Ben, and exellent "hook" that draws the reader in. The sudden attack excites the reader, but the unexplained reason for the attack makes me want to read more.

8.7/10

[Raiha]

[COLOR=seagreen]Very interesting.......so far. Though it sometimes gets rather difficult to tell who's acting and who's talking.[/COLOr]

[Ben]

Hey Boba Fett, this isn't the new beginning. It's just a preview of the story. This scene actually takes place about halfway of three-quarters of the way through. And the general idea was to get your attention.

And Raiha, thanks for the comment, I'll have to keep that in mind. :D

[Ben]

The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished! The book is finished!

I don't know when it's getting published though, a few people have to read it first.