Emme888

yeah... thanks everyone... sorry my computer has had a virus.. saw the dietian.. he was really quite worried... He said that none of my eating habit are very good, he said that the excercise is fine..but that I need to incorporate more healthier foods, ect. but now that i've been going to the pool everyday.. i'm just not the hungry anymore... I have been eating better, and gained some weight :/ but ill get use to it... I hope..right now i dont really like it..but I'll get adjusted. Hell my boobs are bigger..but so my tummy..the only downfall Does anyone know of good tummy excercises.. you know. .to get the little section underneath the belly button? ... thats the only fat I have.. and its bothers me..cause no matter how many damn crunches i do.. it never goes away. someone said lay off protein, and that'll help.. eh?any suggestions?

alright.... today is NOW thrusday.. and yes I do live in the usa. Iowa.. unforunately.. but heres how it went: Went this morning to see the therapist, and yes we talked. I told him everything about my eating problems.. and he said as long as I was obcessing over it, that I was normal. We also talked about my ambitions and drives in life. He said for being a 16 year old that i am very mature, and that I have drive above the normal. Which is good, So he said im very mature, and that im more mature for my age. And that I have good morals, goals, and drives in life. So basically I'm just very mature for my age, very driven, and probably am kinda irritated with people my own age due to the lack of maturity yet. I find it funny, I go to the doctor to see how messed up I really am, and it turns out that I'm not only fine. But I'm above average in most everything. He did say though, that my calorie intake might he low, so he suggested that I see a dietian if i wanted. He said he thinks that im doing great, and he told me even when it comes to guys... that high school for me doesn't see to work, he says I have the maturity of most adults so I'll probably end up with someone older than me and when I'm in college. He said I need to work on my study skills, and to actually try when it comes to school. He said my parents and friends should be proud of me. He really found it interesting that Im so goal oriented and already know what I want to major in, and where i want to go to school. so yeah... today I found out that I'm above normal... eh go figure.

ummm kinda harsh.. don't you think? I can't help it.. you know. that's just how my mind works, and I guess ill never satisified with what I have..cause I will continuelly compare myself with other girls. stupid as it may seem.. but yes. Its hard to around my friends..cause most of them are guys.. and guys being guys will compare with you with about anything that has 2 legs and a vagina. So yes.. maybe it's from the people i hang out with.. or dont hang out with. I really dont know. And now I'm starting to eat more...Im slowly working my way up to a normal diet..but it just takes time i suppose. I started to eat normally, and my body wouldn't allow it. It made me sick to eat that much food..and it just ended up going through me with like 15 mins, or causing me to have a tummy ache for the rest of the day. But I realy dont know how a person can eat more healthy foods, but in turn it makes them sicker to do so?

today i would have to say... my top 5 are 1. Elliot Smith 2. Early November 3. Thursday 4.Apples in Stero 5. Veruca Salt those aren't in order.. but those are my top 5. All great bands... I love the whole hardcore/emo/indie/rock scene. Thats my scene...expect when i go out than it's hip hop all the way. And I can out pop any girl out there on the floor.. trust me. I can. ohh yeah.. this is going to be 6 but oh well.. has anyone heard of Norma Jean? omg way good hardcore band. despite my other tastes.. i am in love wit all music and love orchestra music/opera as well. I love all music.. except country and pop.. but i can do the techno thing as well. and has anyone heard the stuff from sunshine of the spotless mind.. that soundtrack is unbelievable...

Basically like this guy here: [IMG]http://pic5.picturetrail.com/VOL93/2037951/3948422/56030058.jpg[/IMG] Skinny build, great hair.. even though u can't see the eyes.. great eyes. And despite the picture. Great arms and I love the feeling of being secure in my mans arms. That is really important. Also I dont like it when guys weigh less than me. Cause i dont want feel like I'm crushing them, and plus I love older guys. They just seem to be mature, and intelligence is important. I love to have deep conversations with a guy, but than again I need a funny man who i can be completely stupid and randomly silly with. Race doesnt matter.. i like all types of guys. As long as they're build is the same..and are taller than me. And oh yes.. blue eyes... i love them for some reason i melt for anything with blue eyes. and *cough cough* when it comes to girls.. Ive only made out with one. And she was a model. She was tall, skinny, but had a nice build.. c sized breasts.. about 5 foot 11 inches, and had brownish hair.. really straight hair that was smooth.. and great smile, and had blue eyes. She is a really good friend of mine, and we hang out tons togather. I don't know..she's the only one I was attracted to .. so i dont think I'm bi.but since we made out I dont know. Me and her are still kinda flirty but I prefer men over women. I really dont know. guys and girls are a mystery for me both i suppose [B]and for undefeated.. I'm Asian..and Im just wondering? what Is it that you see... ive heard the whole asian thing before.. but ive never really understod it ..wanna explain? Cause yeah .. we're all basically the same.. black hair, black eyes, about 107 ish lbs, small feet, and are around 5 feet? What else is there? I've never understood it..so just explain..well anyone if they do the whole asian thing too[/B]

OK OK.. maybe i quite haven't described my eating situation enough yet. I don't eat.. but when i do. It's usally a can of soup.. around 260 calories.. or sumthing like that. And than i go and do workout mode on DDR and make sure I burn at least that amount off. I only purge when I'm really hungry and eat something over my 500 calorie a day limit. But the limit really doesn't exsist cause of my excercising.. i excercise after every meal..that's not the issue. Like if i eat something and than excercise it off..and than am still hungry that's when ill eat, and than go purge. But i do eat.. but than burn it off..even if its only about 500ish calories a day. I use to get really tired from the lack of calories to burn off each day.. but ive gotten use to it. like today.. i went to bed around 3am.. woke up at 6 am for the venus thingy and went back to bed until around 1pm.. than i woke up cleaned the house, and laundry.. worked on my art for awhile..than i excercised about 500 calories off..ate a can of campbells soup..and had a water.. excercised and than more artwork. hahah straving artist :laugh: .. ohh bad joke. :( soo i duno.. im prolly in need of some more food.. but eh im not hungry. So i dont eat?

omg.. my well i guess .. ex boyfriend wrote bout me in his opendiary..and the truth is that he didn't want to date me cause he felt more lust than anything, and he didn't want to hurt me by just using me like that. so i feel really weird now.. cause i really do miss him tons.. but it's just that... in his entries he wrote about me and how beautiful i was, and that he loved my personality..but whenever around me..he felt [B]"lustful and I dunno. I grabbed her not in affectionate way.. but lustful[/B]"... so he dumped me cause he waas really confused about it being just phyiscal. I wanna talk to him, and take him back... but i dont know if this is best. Cause he said he couldn't handle my problems.. so is he worth the trouble? and oh yeah.. thrusday is just coming around the corner..and im scared shitless. The more i think about it... the shrink visit is something im really not looking forward to.

First of all... body piercing so are yummy. Esspecailly lip rings on guys (drools) lol sorry.. but they are. Tattoo's are good too, if they dont go too extreme.. like you were saying about the 52 year old when the big ones all over her..ewhh but yeah.. once i turn 18 i plan on getting a small one on my hip area, and it'll be the korean symbol for "solitude" or sumthing along those lines.. but yeah this summer, me and my friends are all going to get our nipples pierced. I have no idea why..but it just kinda of sounds kinky and fun. Plus i heard afterwards there are tons of benefits ;) ;) but anywho.. im only getting one pierced in case i dont like it. but yeah.. piercing and tatoos ..are fine by me.. they are a way to express yourself in anyother way..that's all

[quote name='Harry']Telling the boyfriend was a horrible idea. Most guys would never willingly put themselves through something like having an anorexic girlfriend. Especially in high school.[/quote] i was going with roxie told me [B]"I agree with what Dan L said; talk to someone you know, whether it's your mom, or a friend, or your [U]boyfriend[/U]"[/B] and so yeah.. im the one who should feel bad for tellling him? cause i wanted to be mature and handle my problems, and let him in on the situation? or am i not understanding.. cause i do agree that i should have told him.. and i said i was getting help..so maybe its just me.. i was gonna geet help with or without his help..so why could n't he have just stayed.. cause honestly he did make me feel beautiful..and that's something no has been able to do in my life.. he was the only one who ever said those words, and I believed him.. *sigh* :(

maybe its just me.. but for me getting high isn't all that great. Everything sounds really funny, and like (you know when you're ears are plugged with water, and you hear you voice inside your own head when you talk???) well it sounds like that, and you're really dizzy, and everything. Everything is in slow motion, and you get really tired really quick. The tired part is ok, but when you close your eyes, your mind is still spinning.. it's really weird. Ok ok when i first smoked pot, it was with joints.... now this really didn't do much.. yeah i thought everything was funnier..but that was about that... now pipes on the other hand are wayy different.. i felt like i did (described above).. but i wass soo paranoied... like time moved sooo sooo slowly.. at first like it felt like i was high for hours.. when it was really only like 15 mins.. and yeah i was soo freaking out.. it was crazy. the other day though.. i knew what to expect and yeah but still i didn't like being dizzy.. maybe its cause i only took like 3 huge hits off the pipe..and it was creep..so when it hit hard it hit hard.. but yeah .. 3 pipe hits is like what 9 joint hits? i dont like pipes so much.. or smoking in general that much.. I think I'm gonna become straightedge.. expect for the whole no getting booty part :wigout: common a girl has to have some fun right? OH yeah i told my boyfriend everyone.. and he dumpted me... said he didn't need all the stress of things.. and to boot i found out that he's now going with another girl.... Im korean..she's chinese... we're both volleyball players.. she's one year older though.. but has a much lower iq than me.. cause i tested around 137 and she's in most of my classes.. so i've seen her grades. . not that good... but still I'm pretty.. but i have my problems.. i guess he wasn't ready for something real.. he wanted a "teen" girlfriend... i've been told im far too mature for my age.. because hey when your getting ulcers in 7th grade over your GPA.. you tend to grow up more quickly than other kids.. i guess ill just have to look to older guys than too.. o well :love:

you'd be proud of me Roxie.. tonight we were driving to the fair tonight, and my friend nick and I were just cruising, and yeah.. so he pulls out a joint, and lights it up.. and passes it to me. I SOOO TURNED it down.. at first he kinda of looked at me funny, and asked if something were wrong, and I told him about the other day with dan, and how i have a job interview and i dont wanna get randomly tested and thrown out of the possiblility of really cool job this summer... so yeah you'd be proud.. it was weird for a second or two.. but he got over it. and yeah.. it was still a fun night.. plus im crazy enough without it. :love:

all right guys, I talked to my mom.. i didn't tell her everything. but I'm going this thrusday to see a consouler, and yeah. Hopefully this guy wont' be a total creep or jerk. also, I need some advice. As for the smoking.. I only use to smoke a joint with my friend nick.. it use to just get me buzzed.. but than i started to smoke more with my friend dan. And both of these guys are my best friends... soo anyways... yeah now I've been doin pipes and stuff..and i dont like being high...but for some reason i still do it. At first it was way scary..but now im use to it.. but still i dont like it.. i must not have a strong will power or sumthing.. any advice there?

yeah...thanks everyone. And yes, thank you to the mods for letting is continue. I really just need someone to talk to this about cause, its hard to bring it up in real life. First of all everyone should know that I'm ana/bulimic, most of the times im just bulimic, but im getting to be more and more anorexic. I know it's realy shallow of me to think that i need to be skinner, but that's just me. ever since i was little i always had this image of beauty to be "waif". [b] waif- a term used for the early 90's super models who were extremely skinny.. ex kate moss. most of them are about 80-95lbs[/b] anyways... i've always had this distorted image of myself, and i dont know why.. yes i use to be chubby...but than i lost alot of weight, and that wasn't good enough. the biggest i ever was...was about 145lbs..but now im like 103 and that's just not good enough for me. Im a size 14/16 in girls..but somehow im not yet satisfied.. but enough of the prelim stuff... my real problem is that I have to resort to bulimia and anorexia. If i eat too much, i usally just dismiss myself from the table and go throw up, or if ive had a bad day ill binge and purge a couple of times. I dont know.. food is just comforting..but yet when i look around where i live.. (iowa) most people are obess and it really makes me quite sick to my stomach. and really im afraid that im going to turn out that way; if im not it's not a bulumic period of my life.. it most likey aneroxic.. cause either im pretty sure that my parents are onto what im doing, or that im getting too thin too quick and than they'll send me to a "specailist" and i dont want that.... cause i dont think i could be as open with someone who doesn't know me, than with my friends.. but than again i can't tell my friends about what i am cause they'll judge me and i dont want to put them in that position. cause of an inciddent that happened awhile ago.... the one best friend that i did have a couple of years ago.. i told (and my eating disorders [b] ed's[/b] were just starting off) her and she totally condemned me for it and basicaly abandoned me...she told me that it was disgusting and couldn't imagine how i could do that.. what she doesn't know..that sometime you just get so desperate.. u do bad things. well.. that's over and done wit..so now i dont tell that many people about my problems, expect for my best friends now...and they want to get me help, but somehow i can't bring myself to go see a shrink. My mother knows too about my ed's, but she thinks that was a long time ago, and im healthy now... but she doesn't know to a great extent ive gone to keep it from her, and how badly i actually have them. Now im not hardcore ana/bul yet, im just afraid that im going to get that way. But when your beauty image is so slanted from the truth, its kinda of hard to see yourself as pretty. i know i should get help and should try to stop..but its just really hard. I can stop.. but if i do, its with the help of taking hydrocodone...(its a pill..affects are similar to morphine) yeah.. you're suppose to take like 1 for a broken foot.. .i can take 8 and ill be good. I've OD'd on them a couple of times, i just wake up from a blackout cold, on the floor..but eh .. i always gain weight during that time.. do i always get off them, and go back to my old tendenices.. sometimes smokin weed helps to relax and just to forget the pain sometimes..but that gets to be old stuff. and it's really not that good for me. i bet you all think im really screwed up... but actually i live the ideal life from the outside... im 16, i soon will have a job, have a 3.857 GPA and recently got elected Vice President of my next years junior class.... i have a great family and friends.. but sometimes life isn't always as sweet as you make it. My life is great.. just I'm not happy with it. I sort of have a boyfriend..he doesn't know about any of this..and he kinda of helps out the situation..by teling me how beautiful i am..but i wonder.. if i were to stop everything, and tell him straightout.. would things change? I really dont know... all i know is.. i need someone to tell me that my life is somehow not that bad..and that itll be ok. Any advice for any of my problems.. feel free.. but be gentle. thanks everyone i really appreciate it.

Hello everyone I haven't been on OB in a long time, but im back. And my problems have gotten prety bad, and there's no one really that I connect wit in my "real" life to talk to about them. Cause they're pretty bad, and most people just dont understand... I dunno if i should even be posting them here.. sooo i'm going to ask first. does anyone mind if i post really personal information about myself and my problems. *note on some of my problems i do not always need help on recovery, and do not always want it.. i just need someone there along to be a good friend and support me and try to encourage me to help myself. the context of my problems vary: from drugs, bulimia, ana, and more... I just dont know if this is the right audience to be talking about this with. Cause all i need right now is someone who'll listen to me, and not quickly judge me. so if it's alright with everyone here...can i start posting my problems? if so i'll post back in a day or so.. thanks everyone.. if not that's fine..

yes ... i absoultely loved kill bill part 1! i so hope it comes out on dvd soon afterwards.. i can't wait! I saw the trailer for it , and i was like did a double take as i passed the tv... ugh I hope there is more anime in it as well...that was such a nice little added bonus to the first one. I love all the actors in the movie, I know that this one will live up to thse buzz that is :circlulating around it. Plus thefirst one was a huge sucess so i'm guessing that this one will bring in the same if not more at the box office.

I love indie music! Some of my favorite bands are : Neutral Milk Hotel Bright eyes Azure Ray Elliot Smith Modest Mouse just to name of few.... what are your favorite indie bands and some suggestions for some good songs by the artists?

Yeah I'm a ddr nerd for sure! At my school we even have a ddr club, where we get togather and play. We're suppose to go and compete against other people from other schools, but nothing has really happened yet. I play trick but I'm gettting to that awkward stage, where I'm too good for trick, but not good enough for manic. yeah if you can't tell i play the best version..konamix... yeah ddr max and the other verison are good... but I stick to the classic. yeah we make trips down to like Iowa City, and Cedar Rapids to play in the acarded.. yeah I like the home version with my soft pads..rather than the metal pads of the arcade... i do like though how the metal pads dont crack and break...but I love playing 6 panels and double pad..and I can't do that at the acarde. My favorite thing to do on ddr is endless mode.... 1. Burning the floor on (t) 2. b4u (t) 3. drop the bomb (t) 4. end of the century (b) 5. la senorita(b) yeah it's so much fun! I love it, I can play it for about 7 hours..than i get way tired and than I actually have to stop. does anyone else after playing like a wayy long session of this, when you close your eyes you can see arrows scrolling up and down in your mind? I can! hehehehehe! also does anyone just hear a good song on the radio and break into ddr moves? i do...hehhehhe(that is more pathetic than anything) well..just thought i'd connect with my fellow ddr nerds

omg, I love it so much. It's very orginal and unique! Thanks so much.

could someon please make me a incubus or silverstein banner? on the incubus banner I would like my name "emily" and this quote on it: "This party is old and uninviting Participants all in black and white You enter in fullblown technicolor Nothing is the same after tonight" and i want the concept on that one to be black n white except for like one thing in the picture that's in color and is actually normal. for the silverstein banner i would like this quote: "giving up on me" and my name emily again of course and for both banners i would liike them to be about the bands...or if anyone just has a cool idea to go with the songs..or just a cool idea in general im game..and thanks so much everyone... i just dont have time to make a banner for myself lately. also could someone make me an avi of silverstein and have it be no bigger than 80x80 so i can use it for this board and others? thanks everyone ouve to all of u!

alright I probably have the oldest problem in the book, and Me being the emotional teen that I am..it's of course on love. just for your information..my best friend is a senior and im a sophomore...i met her last year freshmen spring year...and yeah we became the best of friends..and she's like a sister to me and I love her with all of my heart. And yeah before she met me, she didn't really have any friends..or any boyfriends or anything like that... but now she's gotten a ton of friends is way more outgoing and has a ton of guys after her...and of course she's goregous..but getting on with the problem. ANd now she has this guy that really likes her and wants her to be her girlfriend, but she doesn't want to..or at least that what she told him and told me..but she still kinda likes him....so we all kinda hung out today..and me and him well we meshed way well...and she even mentioned something on it...and I really like him now..but I dont wanna hurt her...and I dont know cause she said he was kinda (well i hope) was flirting with me and yeah..she still likes him..and i dont know what to do..cause she doesn't want to do anything about it..but I dont wanna step on anyones toes and mess up one of the best friendships ever. so what do I do when me and my best friend both like the same guy and he likes her and she kinda likes him but doesn't want to go out with him..and yeah Im just starting to really like fall for him, but yeah i feel gulity for doing so..and I dont want to do anything that I shouldn't? any advice for someone kinda in a weird place and kinda heart broken at the moment? I know this is way emo..but come on guys i need ur help! thanks everyone

well if any of you dont having anything to gain by this expirence, and if you truley love him...well i would would just have to say that you need to talkn to him and work it out. After all...it is his child after isn't it? and make sure that yoboth know the importance or moreals and tell him to be an example for the baby. I donot know if this will help you any, but I hope it does. And please stay strong and if you ever need to talk you can always IM me.

im not really feeling ur nba banner... it leaves me wanting something more from the banner. It's just kinda of "blah" and the picture is nice.. it just seems that the spacing is wrong and that you could of added something to add more contrast to the banner. I like the simplicity in your bebop banners though, your other banners are well made, but my only real other problem with your banner is the banner of Uzumaki Naruto From Naruto. I dont know... but its obivously too big. I dont know..maybe everyone else loves it..IM just not feeling it though... good luck and i hope to see more of your work in the future.

I love snowboarding and skiing even though Im not very good at skiing. Im not bad at snowboarding though. Here in Iowa there aren't that many places to snowboard, so I usally have to wait until I go out to colorado. My cousin is way good, and she is trying to teach me some more tricks, but for right now Im just glad that I can do simple tricks. besides snowboarding I love to go skateboarding...even though Im not good at that either! lol it's all good though

i made the red a bit lighter but i dont see a difference...i dunno though..thanks so much for the advice....!

well this year was pretty good. I got a new dvd player, tons of cds, dvds, new tv, and got lots of stuff for remodeling my room. My room is soo preetty now, it's crazy hot! yeah and i got some cash...so it's all good