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Writing Digimon: Spirit Quest


Jagan
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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Digimon: Quest for the Spirit[/size][/font]

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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Prologue I[/size][/font]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]It's been 2 years since the Digi-destined vanquished Daemon for the final time they hope. (Shaun's: Return of Daemon) A lot has happened since then. Kari and Davis are still going out. They double date with Gatomon and Demiveemon sometimes.[/font][/size]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Ken has started advising the police on cases. Ken and Yolei are starting to date. They have fun solving mysteries together. Matt is touring America with his band. [/size][/font]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Mimi and Joe still live in America. Joe's practicing to be a doctor and Mimi's a fashion consultant. They keep in contact with the others. [/size][/font]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Tai and Sora are currently coaching little league soccer team together. They are engaged, and no one was shocked by this. The wedding is in a month. Matt is extremely happy for them and is Tai?s best man. Izzy has started his own web site and is a web designer with a booming business. He?s even a bigger computer geek now, but no one really cares. He?s still the one to turn to if things get awkward.[/size][/font]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]As for TK, well, no one knows. He mysteriously vanished after Daemon was beaten. Kari took it hard. Macayla took it harder though. Cody is a junior Karate instructor, going and hosting kendo and Martial arts tournaments in his dojo.[/size][/font]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Nothing really serious has happened other than that.. A few Ultimate level Digimon escaped from the Digital World, but by the time the Digi-destined got there, the digimon was gone. All they found was a model of the digimon and a note with a model of the digimon defeated. This most recent attack was the worst. More casualties than all of the other combined, plus a digi-destined died.[/font][/size]

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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Prologue II[/size][/font]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"The snake weaves it's way towards its' prey, then it strikes!" Mr. Munibuchi explained as the class listened intently. Yoshii Krata just looked outside and waited until class was over so he could meet my Digimon, Vimon. Vimon was a small, round blue ball with wings. Yoshii snapped back to reality when he heard the bell ring. "Have a great summer." Mr. Munibuchi told them.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Yoshii ran to the park and found Vimon in a tree. He grabbed him and they raced each other to the beach. There were people tripping over each other before they even got downtown. Then, a hole enclosed a building as a red snake with five wings flew out. Yoshii looked over at Vimon. "Digivolution! Vimon digivolve to Lincemon!" A blue angel stood in front of the boy. He looked like Angemon but with an extra pair of wings and a dagger in his belt.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]The snake had also digivolved into a skull snake known as Belgamon. Lincemon gallantly lunged for him. "Knight Lance." The attack missed, giving Belgamon a chance. Lincemon fought back as he was lifted into the air and drained of his life energy. Then, a black armored person with eyes all over his body came up to the boy and attacked without warning.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"I am Duskmon. Die Digi-destined!" I plunged his sword into the very heart of me. Lincemon cried as he disappeared. Yoshii had just enough life in me to see me slash the snake into a million pieces, then see me step through a hole and gracefully make my exit.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"L-L-Lincemon." he managed as he collapsed for eternity. People screamed and gasped when they saw me reappear. I turned and my blade turned black.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Darkness Blade!" A black line whipped out and whipped through the crowd. There were people running, hiding, jumping in cars, all trying to find a place to hide from my killing spurt.[/font][/size]

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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Chapter 1: Old Friends[/size][/font]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]"Izzy, what's with calling us at 6:20 in the morning?" Davis moaned as he sat down on Izzy's bed. Davis was not an early waker. It took some time for Matt, Tai, Sora, and Yolei to get there. They all met in Izzy's room. Izzy loaded a file into his computer. Everyone gathered around to see a newspaper front page. "You called us here for a newspaper?" Davis said.[/size][/font]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Look at the article. Monsters in Kyoto!" There was a giant red snake in Kyoto that attacked without warning. Luckily, a young boy with a monster that looked like a black angel stepped in and fought a large skeleton snake. Then, an armored freak stepped up and killed the snake, the angel, the boy, and many others. The police are gathering eye witness and are working around-the-clock to figure this perplexing mystery out." Izzy looked over at Kari, then went back to his computer and pulled up a clear picture of the ?monster". He cleared the image up as everyone gasped. The "monster" looked almost exactly like Angemon! No one spoke for a little while after that.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]The silence was suddenly broken by Kari's cell phone going off. Kari hurried to get it and started talking. "Mama, I told you I'm at Izzy's." A low voice spoke on the other end of the phone.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Izzy, I need to talk to Izzy." Kari looked puzzled as she handed the phone over. The voice suddenly got lighter. "Izzy, open up a file called Mentor.exe. It's a link to Gennai. He found some things you might want to look at. the voice stopped while Izzy loaded the file and a small, bald man looked up at the group. Kari thought she remembered the phone number and voice.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Hello, it's Kari. Hello! Hello!" Kari was practically yelling by this time.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Have a nice day Kari. Tell everyone hi. By the way, Gatomon can go past her angel stages and Nefertimon." Kari gasped as she stumbled over to the kitchen.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"T.K. Is that you?" Kari softly inquired. She knew it had to be but wanted to see if it was or not.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"I love that voice. Joe, Mimi, and Macayla will be in Osaka in 2 days. Joe's getting a transfer." the phone went dead. Kari looked at her phone in disbelief. How could TK know here number if she had just got the phone? Kari walked back in the bedroom as Ken put his hand on her shoulder. Davis leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Gennai spoke. "Hello Izzy. We have quite a predicament here, don't you think? I'm glad I could get to you. We must meet at my old sea house. But you'll have to wait since Joe's not there. I'll gather up your digimon and meet you.?[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Gennai faded out as Kari motioned to Davis and Matt to follow her outside. Kari sat on the railing. She explained the phone call and the mysterious voice on the other end. Davis and Matt almost fell over the rail.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"TK! He's here!" Matt screamed, while trying to regain balance. Kari nodded. She looked behind her as three white doves fly out into the sky as the wind blew her hand in her face. Davis studied her face.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"When Davis and I started dating, he was depressed. He fell into a world of darkness. We tried to cheer him up. I'm sorry." Kari said.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Davis kissed her. "It's not your fault." The three went back into the apartment to find the others having snacks while waiting for someone to contact them.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Tai spoke for the first time that day, "It's almost a reunion without TK, Joe, and Mimi." Kari hugged him.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Yeah. I guess it would be." Sora laughed. "Remember when we beat Myotismon? We were all so happy."[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Izzy's computer beeped as a familiar figure and voice came on it. "Kari! Izzy! Is anyone there?" Everyone rushed to the computer. It was T.K.![/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Kari jumped up and down. " T.K., We all missed you. Where'd you go?"[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Nowhere. Go to the roof." The group rushed to the roof and looked around. He wasn?t there.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Matt put a hand on Kari's shoulder. "I'm sorry. We must've missed him."[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]A voice shot out from behind them, "Missed who?" The group turned around to see T.K. on Pegasusmon's back. T.K. jumped down and rushed up to everyone. "It's good to be back and having fun for a change. I've been working since we whipped Daemon. My boss's a hard old guy, but don't let him know I said that." T.K. joked. He looked around and saw Kari by herself. He excused himself and went over to her. Davis started to go with him, but figured that they needed to be alone.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Hey Kari. Long time, huh?" T.K. said nervously. Kari looked past him to Matt and Tai. Suddenly, Kari embraced him in her arms and bawled hysterically. "Let's go downstairs and I'll explain everything." he yelled to the others. The whole group ran downstairs and had a big party that night. T.K. and Kari had an especially good time.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Davis pulled him aside. Kari was glad to see the two shake hands and start horsing around. "Still good." Davis complemented. TK just grinned. The party soon ended and the gang all fell asleep. Everyone had happy dreams, except TK. He kept rolling over and finally got up to go outside.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]The night air was cool on his skin and the sky was a polished diamond. T.K. had hoped to go look leads on this rebel, but he couldn?t get to Izzy?s computer. He still had something to do, though. He took his laptop and went into the digital world. From there, he uploaded a link to New York City, a few blocks from Joe?s apartment. He alerted Willis, Justin, and all the other digi-destined in the world with an e-mail while he was walking to Joe and Mimi?s place.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Joe was still up, researching and slaving over a bunch of new medicine magazines when TK knocked on the door. Mimi and Macayla, a cute girl who Mimi introduced to TK before, were asleep in the bedroom. TK and Joe sent them to the Izzy?s house. Then Joe went, followed by TK.[/font][/size]

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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Chapter 2: Arrival[/size][/font]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Tai woke up to the smell of fresh coffee and laughter. He looked up and Joe was standing there with Izzy, watching Ken play a game on the computer. "Joe! How's it going?!" He screamed loud enough for everyone on the block to hear. TK stepped in with a fresh pot of coffee for the rest of the sleepy bunch.[/font][/size]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Joe looked at TK for a moment. [/size][/font]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Where'd you learn to brew coffee and fry eggs?" TK smiled and told him it was part of his job. Macayla was the only person who knew where and who TK worked for and she wasn't telling. When the group finally got up and eaten, they met around Izzy's computer. They would've gone, but Izzy got a chill. He looked at the grid of the digital world, feeling that something was wrong when TK took the mouse and clicked on another grid.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"That should take us straight to Gennai's underwater house." Izzy opened the digi-port as the group all got ready to go. T.K. looked over to Macayla. She looked scared. "What's wrong?" T.K. asked.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"I've never done this. What if I mess up?" She looked really scared now.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]T.K. grabbed her hand and stared at her. "It's okay. We'll go together. Now, Digi-port Open!" Everyone held out their digivices as the port turned green and everyone got sucked inside. They landed with a hard thud on the wooden floor of the house.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Welcome Back Digi-Destined!" an old man said, coming out of the shadowy part of the living room. He was holding a breaded piece of fish and some popcorn, and being followed by a white cat.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Gatomon!" Kari yelled. They hugged each other while telling each other how much they missed each other. Gatomon walked over to T.K. and hugged him too.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Gatomon started talking. "Hey you. Long time, No see huh?" T.K. had to laugh.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"What's it been? Two hours?" T.K. asked. He petted Gatomon's head as he went looking for Patamon. "Patamon, where are you boy?" Gennai scooted the others towards the couch. The group sat down as T.K. returned with the wing-eared digimon in his arms.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]T.K. stood against the wall as Gennai explained to the others what has been going on. "The reason you're all here is the same reason's as before, and it will not change. Our world is in trouble. It seems a young boy from your time has come here and unleashed something. We're not sure. Me and T.K. were up all night trying to figure it out."[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"I can't figure it out either." Ken started. "It has to connect with the kid dying and all the other attacks, but that's all we know."[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Us too." T.K. interrupted. "Gennai called me here last night, and we worked on this last night. All the flights to Japan were closed, so I got Joe and brought them through the digital world to your apartment Izzy." Most of them laughed at Joe, but they all knew this was serious.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Gennai pushed a button and a 3-Dimensional map of the Digital World appeared. Gennai pointed to a tall castle on a mountain. "This is where we think the evil came from."[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]T.K. stepped up from the wall and drew a circle. "This is where we think the evil is now, but we are not sure. We're pretty sure it came from IceGreymon's palace. We probably will have to split up to cover the area." So, the whole gang left, with the digimon that were there. The people that didn't have their digimon went to look for theirs' in two groups.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]T.K., Davis, Kari, and Macayla reached the palace by nightfall and set up camp at the base of the mountain. When they went to bed, a huge bat-like digimon swung down and then back up. He landed before a white dinosaur.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Lord IceGreymon, I have disturbing news. There are four human kids down there. One if the Digital Queen Kari, and one of the others is Gennai's Apprentice, the Digital Warrior Takeru." reported the bat.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Good. I'll have fun with them. Tell the others to get ready. We'll have fresh meat and new visitors tomorrow. Go now!" the dinosaur roared.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]"Yes lord." the bat rushed off, half flying, half running. The large dinosaur looked down.[/font][/size]

[font=Times New Roman]?We shall feast tomorrow!? IceGreymon roared. He stared down at the four humans and laughed. They would be no problem to destroy, even if they did have good digimon partners.[/font]
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  • 5 months later...
[font=Verdana][size=1]Takuya, please put more thought into your posts. This forum is for critiquing and discussion, not for remarks like "Not bad. Write some more." [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Jagan, I'm sorry, but this story isn't first person. First person is "I watched as [name] walked the dog." What you're writing in is 3rd person. "[Name] watched as [name] walked the dog." [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Secondly, you'll find that a lot more people will review your thread if you space out your paragraphs; put a line of space between each paragraph. It's very hard to read things on the computer, and it hurts one's eyes if there's too much text in a clump. So I'd appreciate it if next time you'd space your pragraphs, because it's so much easier to read.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, the story. First of all, I have to warn you that I haven't ever seen digimon, so this will be literary-only. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]First of all, having not seen digimon, I feel flodded by characters. I don't know the characters, what they look like, their background, or their personalities. If you introduce the characters better -- give little descriptions of them along the way --, anyone could read this and understand it. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]I thought the villains of the piece was very good, however, if you make the bat seeing them more ominous, it would be better. [i]The children [or are they adults?] were so exhausted, they didn't notice the bat drop closer to the ground to get a good look at them. The bat ended his flight in front of a huge white dinosaur[/i]. etc. [Do digimon talk? Eh, anyway, heh.][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Because I don't know the characters, I don't understand the tensions you're trying to build -- which is my fault, because I don't know digimon -- so I can't comment on them. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]All around, it's a pretty okay story. It isn't bad at all.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]One thing a fanfiction writer needs to remember is that they have to keep it plausible, so if you try to fit it into what it already happening, it should work well. ^_^[/size][/font]
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  • 4 weeks later...
[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Chapter 3: Discovery[/size][/font]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Davis woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs. He was ready to eat in half a second. Kari and Macayla were huddling over a campfire enclosed by a glass dome. ?T.K. thanks!? Davis yelled. T.K. looked at him.[/size][/font]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman] ?This was Kari?s idea. Thank your girlfriend.? T.K. said, not faltering in his voice. This was the first time T.K. had said anything to that effect. 30 minutes later, they were starting up the mountain. It was an easy climb. Cold, but it was a ice freezer.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman] Once inside, it became a little warmer. Davis and Kari searched one side while T.K. and Macayla searched the other. They found nothing when they met in the middle. The ice started melting and Macayla fell through and towards a frozen pool.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman] Veemon armor-digivolved to Flamedramon and melted the pool quick. Then, Gatomon armor-digvolved to Nefertimon and sent a Rosetta Stone for her to grab on to. Angemon then swooped down and picked her up.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman] The group raced outside and found IceGreymon waiting for them. Three more digimon popped up. ?Allow me to intoduce you to my friends. IceDevimon, and HarIkkakumon!? Kari and them split and took them on but then another evil digimon came and blasted the good guys away. ?Oh, I almost forgot. Here is SnowSatamon!?[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman] I watched this from human form and could stand it no longer. A cauldron of anger, fury, and rage boiled over inside of me. I transformed into Duskmon and walked over there. I could feel the darkness energy surrounding me. ?And allow me to introduce you to my Darkness Blade!? I yelled as I charged and knock SnowSatamon and HarIkkakumon out of the fight. ?Are you ok my queen?? I asked.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman] Kari nodded as Angewoman picked her up. ?Go away from here. I?ll find you.?[/font][/size]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]They fley away with the rest of the group and their digimon. I turned to IceGreymon, the only one left. ?I will not let you hurt more people!? The dark energy now consumed me. I turned my sword to him. It glowed red. ?Black Vengeance!? The blade shot out a red energy beam and IceGreymon fell on his stomach. [/size][/font]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman] I turned, not willing to finish him off now. I would always be more powerful than him. Plus, I had to locate those kids. I walked, the eyes on my body looking everywhere to find him. [/font][/size]
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