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RPG Those Two Guys [Sitcom. Come Read it!]


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[IMG]http://myimages.fourvalve.com/dragonwarrior/thosetwoguys.jpg[/IMG]


Yep. It's a sitcom on OB. It's done by me, Gavynn, and Shinmaru (Mike). We are the shiznits. The show is about us, two friends, who do crazy things. But there's more!

Mike is a fashion designer and once he got the job, he ended up hiring his "friend" Gavynn. Why the quotation marks? Because Gavynn is a weird friend. When Mike and Gavynn hung out, the two of them always got into mischief because of Gavynn's crazy "schemes". And hiring him to be his secretary just brings those moments back and to be sure, even more.

That'd be the show. It takes place in New York, I suppose and only Mike and I are writing it. Feel free to read for I'm sure it'll be odd. Real odd.


[b]Those Two Guys[/b]


[i]The city of New York is a bustles, Mike noted, as he had arrived. He'd only been there for a matter of minutes before he was attacked by raging protestors to stop neutering pets. That was quite disturbing. He was relieved to find the building he would then be working in. Once he walked through the door, he was greeted by the man who shall be his boss.[/i]

Boss: Hello, Michael. (shakes hands with Mike) I am your boss, Mr. Squeakers. We talked on the phone.

Mike: Mr. Squeakers?

Boss: Yes... I rather not like that name. Just call me Bob.

Mike: Okay, Bob. So where's my office to be?

Bob: Just upstairs. Here, take the elevator.

[i]The two walk to the elevator where Bob pushes the button to go up. The doors open revealing a man eating a turkey sub.[/i]

Bob: I thought I told you to leave!

Man: But it's turkey.

Audience: Lol!

Bob: OUT!

Man: Aww.. (walks out of elevator, but turns around at the door) I'll be back!

Bob: Get out!

Audience: (laughs)

Bob: Oy. Come, Mike.

[i]They enter the elevator. As it's going up, Mike feels a rumble in himself. Now, Mike is all about first impressions. Expecially with his bosses.[/i]

Mike's Thoughts: Awww... crap. I have to fart... These things come at the worst of times. If I let it lose here, it'll start off as a bad impression. I mustn't!

[i]Mike feels a rumble again.[/i]

Bob: Are you okay?

Audience: (quiet laugh)

Mike: Yeah. Just fine.

Mike's Thoughts: Ha! Yeah, right. I need to let it go now! (waits) How long does it take an elevator to get to this floor? God... it's like a monkey workin' the controls.

Bob: Almost there.

Mike's Thoughts: Good. Once we're out of such a small place, I can let it all go. (waits more) Eee! EEEE!

Bob: Almost there.

Mike: That's what you said a minute ago, you big galoot.

Bob: What was that?

Mike: Huh? I didn't say anything.

Mike's Thoughts: Oh geez... I said that out loud. I've gotta watch my tongue... My word... it's making me sweat... the pressure...

Bob: Okay. We're here.

Mike: Yes! (lets it go out of excitement)

Bob: Oh my! (falls over)

Audience: Hahaha!

Mike: Umm... that was... you... (shifts eyes)

Audience: (laughs)

Mike: Sir? Bob?

Bob: (has hit his head)

Mike: Ah damnit. (drags Bob into his new office) Hey, kind of nice. (places Bob on the couch) He'll be fine. (wanders over to his desk) Ooo... complimentary mints. (eats one)

Audience: Lol.

Mike: Hey, not bad. (eats another) Yummy.

[i]The elevator doors suddenly open revealing a man in a trench coat, a hat, and sunglasses. He's not wearing any shoes.[/i]

Mike: Uh... who are you?

Man: Who do you think?

Mike: The sub guy?

Audience: Lol!

Man: No. But I do have business with you. (approaches Mike)

Mike: Eh?

[i]The man comes so close to Mike his face is practically touching his.[/i]

Audience: (laughs)

Man: What do you know about fashion design?

Mike: A lot?

Man: (steps back) Oh, good. Because I don't know jack. Just so happens I was signing up for a job here and when I heard you were going to be working here and needed a secretary, I took my chances with you.

Mike: What? Who are you?

Man: Isn't it obvious?

Mike: No.

Audience: Hahaha!

Man: Oh. Well then... I'll just make it obvious. (takes off trench coat) Now do you know?

Mike: No! I don't!

Man: (takes off hat) Now?

Mike: For God sakes, no! Just tell me who you are.

Man: (takes off glasses) I are Gavynn!

Mike: Shouldn't that be I am--WHAT?!

Audience: Lol!

Gavynn: That's right. We, old childhood friends, can finally be with one another again. Have a cookie. (hands Mike a cookie)

Audience: Hahaha!

Mike: (stunned) Wha? No. No. This can't be. I thought we were never gonna see one another again.

Gavynn: Why would we never see one another again? (takes a seat next to Bob on the couch)

Mike: You always got me in trouble.

Gavynn: And?

Mike: And almost got me killed.

Gavynn: And?

Mike: And? AND?! And that's it!

Gavynn: Doesn't sound too bad.

Mike: Doesn't sou--yeesh! (goes to the coffee machine and pours some coffee)

Gavynn: Caffiene's bad for you.

Mike: I don't care.

Audience: Lol!

Mike: What do you want?

Gavynn: I already said. To be your secretary. Do your paperwork and stuff which I probably won't do.

Mike: No! No! We can't! I don't wanna be around you. I could die! You're a life hazard.

Gavynn: I think Mr. Squeakers would have something different to say if he... how to say... was told by me that you knocked him out in an elevator with your flatulence.

Audience: (laughs)

Mike: ALRIGHT! You've got me. I can't afford to lose this job. You can be my secretary.

Gavynn: (girly scream)

Audience: (chuckles)

Mike: But you can't make any crazy schemes, alright?

Gavynn: Alright. I agree. MuhahahahahHAHAHAHAHA!!! (lightning flashes)

Audience: (laughs)

Mike: What the...

Gavynn: Oh. The lights in this office tend to flicker. Nifty, though, huh.

Audience: (laughs and claps)

[i]Scene ends and fades out.[/i]
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OOC: Cool start, Gavynn. Very bizarre sitcom lol. I shall enjoy making posts in this...

Commercial:

Some Guy: Tired of RPGs that are just plain boring?

Random Guy: Yeah!

Some Guy: Then make a good one, stupid!

Random Guy: ...

[i]End Commercial[/i]

[i]Scene fades in. Mike is pacing back and forth nervously while Gavynn is busy typing something on the computer. Gavynn's types at near lightspeed while Mike waits for Mr. Squeakers to wake up. Finally, Mike snaps.[/i]

Mike: What are you typing?!

Gavynn: Gavynn are typing an RPG post.

Mike: Wha?

[i]Mike goes around to the other side and takes a peek at the computer screen. On it is a long intro to yet another of Gavynn's many RPGs.[/i]

Mike: Can't you at least do some work?!

Gavynn: But making RPGs is work...

Audience: (laughs)

Mike: Gah, nevermind...

[i]Mike walks over to the couch and stares at Mr. Squeaker's limp body.[/i]

Mike: He's nowhere close to waking up...what am I gonna do...?

[i]Gavynn gets up and walks over to the couch where Mr. Squeaker is laying down. He examines the body thoroughly before turning to face Mike.[/i]

Mike: So...what's wrong with him?

Gavynn: Gavynn says that he's knocked out.

[i]The audience laughs as Mike slaps his hand to his forehead.[/i]

Mike: Nevermind...I have to think of some way to wake him up!

Gavynn(leaps onto desk): Never fear...Gavynn are here!

Audience: (laughs)

Mike: Gavynn are...nevermind. What exactly are you gonna do?

Gavynn: Don't worry. Gavynn will find some way to wake up Mr. Squeakers! You just make dresses or something.

Audience: lol

Mike: I'm a fashion designer...I make more than dresses.

Gavynn: Suuuuuuure. (overdramtically winks)

Mike(frowns): Just get on with it. (goes into his office, leaving Gavynn alone with Mr. Squeakers)

Gavynn: How will Gavynn wake up Mr. Squeakers...?

[i]Gavynn sees a fan on his desk. He picks it up and starts waving air into Mr. Squeakers' face. However, nothing happens.[/i]

Gavynn: :< Gavynn ish sad. Mr. Squeakers ish not awake!

Audience: lol

Gavynn: Hmm...maybe this will work better if Mr. Squeakers is standing up...

[i]Gavynn somehow manages to force Mr. Squeakers to his feat and drags him over by the wall to keep him propped up. Gavynn opens the window slightly to get Mr. Squeakers some air.[/i]

Gavynn: Some water will do nicely :)

[i]Gavynn gets a cup and goes to fill it up with water. While Gavynn is filling up the cup, Mr. Squeakers tips over slightly. Gavynn continues to fill up the cup with water and Mr. Squeakers tips over even more. Finally, Gavynn fills up the cup.[/i]

Gavynn(raises cup into air): Finished! Do do do dooooo!!!

[i]As soon as Gavynn finishes his celebration, Mr. Squeakers tips over and falls out the window.[/i]

Audience: Ohhhhhh...

Gavynn: Eh?

[i]Gavynn turns around and sees that Mr. Squeakers is now gone.[/i]

Gavynn: (girly scream)

Mike(from other room): Gavynn, is something wrong?

Gavynn: Er...no! Nothing wrong with Gavynn! Keep making dresses!

Mike: I don't just make dresses, Gavynn! Jeez!

[i]Gavynn runs over to the window and looks outside. He sees that Mr. Squeakers is hanging on a statue by his coat.[/i]

Gavynn: Eek!

Mike(from other room): Are you sure nothing's wrong, Gavynn? I could help you if you want.

Gavynn: Er...no thank you! Gavynn ish not in need of help!

Mike: Okay. (goes back to working)

[i]Gavynn paces back and forth wringing his hands together.[/i]

Gavynn: Oh no! What is Gavynn to do?!

[i]Gavynn peers outside again.[/i]

Gavynn(raises finger into air): There is only one thing for Gavynn to do!

[i]Gavynn starts to climb out of the window and onto the ledge. He steps outside and a gust of wind closes the window.[/i]

Gavynn: Uh-oh...

Audience: lol

Mike: Gavynn, are you sure you don't need...help...

[i]Mike comes into the room to see that both Gavynn and Mr. Squeakers are missing.[/i]

Mike: Oh boy...

[i]The audience cheers as the screen fades out in preperation for another commericial break.[/i]
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[I]Commercial:[/I]

Man: Dum dee dum dum dum dum? (is walking)

Demon: (jumps out of the bushes) ROARRRRR!!!

Man: (laughs) Stupid demon. (kills it) There ya go. (walks on) Dum dee dum dum dum?

Zombie: (Pops out of the ground) Brains!

Man: Silly zombie. (shoves it back in the hole) Onward! (walks more) Dum dee dum dum dum?

[b]GOT MILK?[/b]


[I]Commerical End[/I]

[I]Scene fades in with Mike pacing around the room, wondering where Gavynn and Bob went.[/I]

Mike: I could be in so much trouble! Darnit! This is all Gavynn?s fault.

[I]The elevator door opens revealing a man dressed in a nice suit. He approaches Mike and pulls out a badge.[/I]

Man: Hello. I am Officer Dave and I wander around this building every now and then to make sure no murder or dangerous things are happening. You haven?t done anything, have you?

Have you? have you? have you? have you?

Mike: AHHH!! Stop echoing in my head!

Dave: Oh! Sorry. I was talking into this lead pipe that leads into the long and hollow pipes of the building. Tends to echo.

Audience: (laughs)

Mike: (sweats) Oh. Heh heh.

Dave: So? have you done anything bad?

Mike: Uhh? no?

Dave: Oh good. Glad to hear it. I?ll be back tomorrow to check on things. Later! (walks into elevator and leaves)

Mike: (once Dave is gone) Phew! That was too close! I?ve gotta stop pacing and look for Gavynn and Bob!

[I]And so, Mike runs into the elevator, presses the button and exit?s the scene. But there?s a knock at the window![/I]

Gavynn: Anyone in there? Gavynn are tired! (looks down) Uh oh!

Bob: (coat is ripping)

Gavynn: EEE!!!

Bob: (Falls onto the back of a truck full of pillows)

Gavynn: Phew!

[I]The truck drives away.[/I]

Gavynn: AHHH!

Audience: (laughs)

[I]Meanwhile, Mike enters the lobby and looks around. He runs up to the registration desk where he meets a man with crooked teeth.[/I]

Man with bad teeth: Can I help ya?

Mike: Yes. I was wondering if you knew where my boss and friend went.

Man: My name? It?s Hanky.

Mike: No! I didn?t ask for your name!

Audience: (laughs)

Hanky: Sure. What game?

Audience: (laughs)

Mike: NO! Where is my friend and boss?

[I]Meanwhile again?[/I]

Gavynn: Can?t? hold? on much? longer? (feels his hands slip) Eee!

[I]Back with Mike?[/I]

Mike: Just tell me where Gavynn is!

Hanky: Gavynn? Never heard of him. Or have I? I believe he?s dropped in here before.

Mike: Yes! He tends to drop in!

[I]Gavynn is seen outside the doors falling from the building to the ground where he screams like a girl. The audience laughs. There?s a loud crash and he enters the lobby where Mike spots him.[/I]

Mike: Gavynn! There you are! Where?s Bob?

Hanky: No need to sob.

Mike: Ignore him.

Audience: (laughs)

Gavynn: Gavynn sawed Bob--

Mike: Alright. Cut out the bad grammar and third person act.

Gavynn: Sorry.

Audience: (laughs)

Mike: You were saying?

Gavynn: Bob fell out the window and onto a pillow truck. He?s going to some pillow factory or something?!

Mike: Did you see the truck?s company name?

Gavynn: No.

Mike: Darnit! We?ve gotta get to that factory. But which one is it?

Gavynn: No need to worry, Mike. My underground sources can tell us.

Mike: What?

Gavynn: Just follow me. (runs up to a door, opens it, and enters)

Mike: Gavynn? that?s a closet.

Audience: (laughs)

Gavynn: (pokes his head out the door) I knew that. I was testing you. You?ve completed the test. Congrats.

Mike: Come on! We?ve gotta go!

Gavynn: Right. Follow me. (goes back in closet)

[I]The audience laughs and applauds. Scene is done.[/I]
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[i]Commercial:[/i]

[i]A guy is driving down the street in a fancy car. He drives around curves and through a mountain. He presses a button and the car shifts gears. The guy starts driving through a muddy forest with ease. He gets back on the road and a rock is throwing at his car. The man spins out of control and crashes into the mountain. Another man is shown in the foreground eating something. He turns and smiles at the camera.[/i]

[center][b]Mentos. The freshmaker.[/b][/center]

[i]End commerical.[/i]

[i]Screen fades in with Gavynn and Mike in the darkened closet.[/i]

Mike: Could you tell me again why we're in a closet?

Gavynn: I told you, this is where my underground sources are!

Mike: I thought that was a test...

Gavynn: It was a test.

[i]While Mike stares at Gavynn in bewhilderment, Gavynn presses the wall a bunch of times and a hidden panel slides open.[/i]

Mike: What the?!

Gavynn: It helps to know your way around the place.

Audience: (laughs)

[i]Mike follows Gavynn through the hall into a room. The room has a desk in it and several chimpanzees are seated around the desk.[/i]

Mike: Gavynn...what are chimps doing in here?

Audience: (laughs)

Gavynn: The chimps are my central intelligence system!

[i]Mike stares at Gavynn.[/i]

Mike: You're not serious, are you?

Gavynn: Of course I'm serious!

[i]Gavynn walks up to the chimp at the head of the desk and grabs his face.[/i]

Gavynn: Yes...I see...ah...aha!

Mike: Gavynn...you're talking to a chimp...

[i]The audience laughs and Gavynn gives the chimp a banana. Gavynn walks over to Mike.[/i]

Gavynn: The chimp says that Bob is at the Burlington Pillow Factory.

Mike: Burlington Pillow Factory? Didn't that use to be a coat shop...?

Gavynn: SHUT UP, MIKE! THEY MAKE PILLOWS NOW!

[i]Mike puts up his hands in defense.[/i]

Mike: Okay, okay...they make pillows now...sheesh...

[i]Gavynn nods. Mike and Gavynn leave the room and close the passageway.[/i]

Mike: How did you understand that chimp, anyway?

Gavynn: Oh, I didn't. I just know that Burlington Pillow Factory is the only pillow store in town.

[i]The audience goes wild as Mike's jaw drops to the floor.[/i]

Mike: Then why did we waste time with the chimps?!

Gavynn: Comic relief, of course.

Mike: ...

[i]The audience laughs as Gavynn and Mike leave the closet.[/i]

Voice: There you are!

Mike: Eh?

[i]A young man runs up to Gavynn and Mike.[/i]

Young Man: Hey, it's Billy!

Mike: Hi, I'm--

Gavynn(points at Billy): Get him, chimps!

Billy: (girly scream)

[i]Billy wets his pants as the chimps chase him out of the building.[/i]

Mike: Why did you do that?!

Gavynn(looks directly into the camera): I don't like the name Billy.

Mike: ...okay, then.

[i]Mike and Gavynn walk out of the building.[/i]

Mike: So...where is the pillow factory?

Gavynn(points): Uh...this way!

Mike: Gavynn...that's a fire hydrant.

Audience: (laughs)

Gavynn: My mistake! Then, let's go this way!

[i]Mike and Gavynn walk start walking down the street.[/i]

Mike: If I still have a job after this, it'll be a miracle...

[i]The scene fades out as the audience cheers yet again.[/i]
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[i]The next scene fades in and Gavynn and Mike are standing in front of a large factory with a pillow for a sign.[/i]

Gavynn: Here we are. Muffle Puff Marshmellow Factory.

Mike: I thought it was Burlington Pillow Factory.

Gavynn: Oh yeah.

Audience: (laughs)

Gavynn: Let's go in!

[i]And so they enter. They were greeted by a guy who looked like he had been beaten by chimps.[/i]

Mike: Look, Gavynn! It's that guy whose known as Billy!

Gavynn: So it is! Get him, chimps!

[i]There is a long silence.[/i]

Billy: I locked them away for safety measures.

Gavynn: Oh, you're no fun.

Audience: Lol!

Gavynn: Why are they laughing?

Audience: Lol!

Gavynn: It's not funny!

Audience: Lmao!

Gavynn: What's lmao?

Mike: Never you mind!

Billy: Anyways, I tried to get to you guys earlier. I know where your boss, Bob, is.

Mike: Really?! Where?

Billy: He was sold to some rich family in Boston.

Mike: What? Why?

Billy: The people mistook him for a pillow.

Audience: Lol!

Mike: How can you mistake a man for a pillow?

Billy: Got me. I just work here.

Gavynn: (rubbing chin) Boston, eh? C'mon, Mike! We're going to China!

[i]The scene changes and they're shown on the Great Wall of China.[/i]

Mike: Gavynn... Boston's back in the US.

Audience: (laughs madly)

Gavynn: Oh... c'mon, Mike! We're going to the USA!

[i]They're shown back in the lobby of Mike's business.[/i]

Mike: Alright! For now on, I choose where we go!

Gavynn: Aightio!

Mike: Now, c'mon! We've gotta catch a bus to Boston!

[i]And so, the two leave, the audience applauds and the scene ends.[/i]
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OOC: Man, this show has a lot of commerical breaks :p

[i]Commercial:[/i]

[i]Several people are running down the streets of New York City in a marathon. Two people break from the path and streak towards the finish line.[/i]

Hot Girl: Come on, Gary! Win the race!

[i]The man named Gary inches ahead of his competitor. The race is neck and neck until Gary finally gets a lead and rips through the ribbon signifying the finish.[/i]

Gary: I won--gah!

[i]Gary is tackled by the other competitor who bites a big chunk out of Gary's arm.[/i]

Gary: Oh my God! He's eating me!

[i]People gather and scream as Gary is eaten by the other man. When the other man is finished, he makes a thumbs up sign at the camera and the Nike sign appears in the background.[/i]

[center][b]Nike Cannibal. Just eat it.[/b][/center]

[i]End commerical.[/i]

[i]Mike and Gavynn are waiting at the bus stop for the bus for Boston to come.[/i]

Mike: What time does the bus come, Gavynn?

Gavynn: Gavynn does not know.

Mike: I thought I told you to stop referring to yourself in the third-person?

Gavynn: Gavynn are sorry.

Audience: lol

Mike: Nevermind...(goes to check the bus schedule)

[i]While Mike is checking the bus schedule, the bus stops in front of the bus stop. Gavynn watches as people shuffle into the bus. The bus door closes and it starts to drive away. Mike hears the noise of the bus and turns around.[/i]

Mike: Oh crap, the bus is leaving without us!

[i]Mike and Gavynn start a mad dash towards the bus.[/i]

Audience: (explodes with laughter)

Mike: Faster, Gavynn!

Gavynn: I'm ahead of you!

Mike: ...oh yeah.

[i]Gavynn and Mike run faster and faster until they finally catch up with the bus. Mike pounds on the window.[/i]

Mike: Let us in the bus!

Bus Driver: No way! (takes out a shotgun)

Mike: (girly scream)

[i]Mike ducks out of the way as the bus driver takes a shot at him. He runs toward the back, where Gavynn is already standing on the bumper.[/i]

Gavynn: Grab my hand, Mike!

[i]Mike grabs Gavynn's hand. Gavynn pulls Mike onto the bus, where they force open the back door and take their seats. The bus driver turns toward them.[/i]

Bus Driver: Well, if you wanted on the bus, why didn't you just say so?

Audience: lmao

Gavynn: There's that word again...

Mike: ...

[i]Mike buries his head in his hands.[/i]

Gavynn(pats Mike on the back): Don't worry, Mike...

Mike: No...don't say it...

Gavynn: ...it can't possibly get any worse than this.

Audience: Ohhhh...

Mike: You said it! We're gonna die!

[i]Right on cue, the bus gets a flat tire and flips over about fifty times before exploding. Luckily, Mike and Gavynn were thrown from the bus before it exploded.[/i]

Mike: Great...our only transportation...gone...

Gavynn: We could always [i]walk[/i] to Boston.

Mike: Walk?! Do you know how far it is to Boston?!

Gavynn: Do you have a better idea?

Mike(shakes head): I knew I shouldn't have hired you...

[i]The audience cheers as the scene fades out.[/i]

OOC: This is becoming more like a buddy movie lol.
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OOC: Buddy? :<
---------------
[i]Audience is still cheering for some reason as the scene fades back in. Gavynn and Mike are walking down a sun parched highway.[/i]

Mike: Weren't we just in town?

Gavynn: La la la la. La la la la. Elmo's World.

Mike: Gavynn, this isn't the time.

Gavynn: La la la la. La la la la. Elmo's World.

Mike: Gavynn...

Gavynn: I don't know the rest of the words... la la la laaaa!!!

Mike: Gavynn!

Gavynn: Yesh?

Mike: Cut it out!

Audience: Lol!

Mike: What? That wasn't even funny.

Audience Member: We know.

Mike: O.o

Gavynn: MIKE! Look! (points)

Mike: Huh? (follows Gavynn's finger)

[i]There's a large sign that says "Bob's Big Butt".[/i]

Mike: A place to eat!

Gavynn: The name's kind of disturbing. Bob's Big Butt.

Audience: (laughs)

Gavynn: Let's go in!

[i]The two enter. Once inside, they note all the people with large behinds.[/i]

Mike: So that's where the name comes from...

Audience: Lol!!!!!!!!!

Gavynn: (talking to manager) Hello. We'd like a table.

Manager: Of course you would.

[i]Long pause.[/i]

Mike: Aren't you gonna seat us?

Manager: Why would I do that? You're grown men.

Audience: Lol!

Mike: Fine. We'll find our own table. (makes his way past the manager)

Manager: (unsheathes a sword and holds it to Mike's throat) No one and I mean NO one goes past the yellow line.

[i]Gavynn and Mike look at the line on the floor.[/i]

Mike: It's blue.

Audience: (laughs)

Manager: SHUT UP!

Gavynn: Don't worry, Mike. I'll handle this one. (approaches Manager) Hello, kind sir. I am Jose Alaxendra, a mexican immigrant.

Manager: You don't look mexican.

Gavynn: That's what they all say and BAM! Headphone City.

Manager: What?

Mike: He has problems. You better get out of here.

Manager: Hey, thanks! (runs out of restaurant)

Mike: We did it!

Audience: (cheers)

Gavynn: Now let's sit and eat.

[i]The two of them find a table and sit down for some food. A man in a large dog mascot costume comes up to the table.[/i]

Dog Guy: Hahahaha huck! Gee golly wiz, my name is Kooter the Dog, hahahaha huck! Can I take your Bob's Big Butty order?

Mike: Uhh... sure... Kooter... I'd like the spaghetti special.

Kooter: Okay. One Bob's Butt Worms special.

Audience: Ewww!

Mike: You said it...

Kooter: (to Gavynn) And you?

Gavynn: The Smelly Poo Poo Platter.

Audience: Hahahahaha! (cheers)

Kooter: Okay. Hahahaha huck! I'll be back with your orders. Booyah!

[i]As the overly large dog man goes into the kitchen, Mike leans over the table towards Gavynn.[/i]

Mike: Gavynn... I think those guys are looking at us... (points)

Gavynn: What? They're checking me out?

Audience: Lol!

Mike: No! They look mean.

Gavynn: What's so mean about them? They look friendly. (admires how one of them is missing an arm and a gun barrel has replaced it)

Mike: Are you mad? They look like the worst types of folk!

Mean-Looking Man: Hey! We don't take kindly to people pokin' fun at our appearances. (puts hands over eyes) We have feelings.

Another Mean-looking Man: Hey! You made Crybaby Joe cry like a baby that cries like a baby because it's a baby and that's what babies cry about. Being babies.

Audience: Wha?

Mike: I didn't mean it!

Third Mean-Lookin' Guy: Let's get him!

Another Mean-looking Guy: No. Leave her alone.

Mike: Uh... excuse me, but shouldn't that be "leave HIM alone"?

Another Mean-looking Guy: Okay. Now you can kill him.

Mike: Aw crap.

Gavynn: Don't worry, Mike. I've got this covered.

Mike: Thank God.

Gavynn: (approaches the mean guys) Alright, bubs... listen up...

Another Mean-looking Guy: Join us or die.

Gavynn: Sorry, Mike. (grabs a chair leg to beat Mike with)

Audience: Lmao!

Gavynn: There's that word! Do any of you rowdy-looking men know what that means?

Crybaby Joe: Doesn't it mean Launch Monkeys At Octopi?

Another Mean-looking Man: No, no. You idiots. It's Lamb Mashing Acorn Outbox.

Mike: That doesn't make sense. It's Laugh my @$s off, you idiots.

Another Mean-looking Man: Okay. Now kill him twice.

Mike: Someone stop me.

Gavynn: DESTROY!

[i]The mean looking guys fall over unconscious.[/i]

Mike: That didn't make any sense.

Gavynn: (pushes Mike out the door) Just go with it.

[i]Just as they left, Kooper opened the doors to the kitchen and served up the spaghetti and poo poo platter to Gavynn and Mike's table.[/i]

Kooper: Where did they go? (sees unconscious brutes) Oh my. Hahahahaha huck!

Audience: (applauds as scene ends)

Kooper: I have fans! Hahaha huck!

[i]We said the scene ends.[/i]

Kooper: Thank you! Thank you!

[i]THE SCENE IS OVER! CUE COMMERCIALS, DAMNIT![/i]
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OOC: A buddy film would be like one smart guy and a bumbling having misadventures or something like that. A very simplified explanation but oh well.

[i]Commercial:[/i]

[i]Insert commercial here.[/i]

[i]End commercial.[/i]

[i]The scene fades back in with Gavynn and Mike still walking down the highway. They are both sweating profusely and are both almost completely dehydrated.[/i]

Mike: Water...what I wouldn't give for some water...

Gavynn: We're sweating water...we could just drink that...

Mike: ...you disgust me, Gavynn...

Audience: lol

Mike: ...where does that noise even come from...?

Gavynn: From millions of happy viewers all over the world?

[i]Gavynn and Mike turn their heads to the side and stare straight at the "screen."[/i]

Both(shaking their heads): Nah.

Gavynn: Couldn't be.

[i]Gavynn and Mike continue their walk down the highway.[/i]

[i][b]An hour later...[/i][/b]

[i]Gavynn and Mike are crawling on their hands and knees along the ground.[/i]

Mike: God...just take me away...

Gavynn: Food...I need...food...@_@

[i]Gavynn looks up. He sees what appears to be a giant hamburger.[/i]

Gavynn: Food!

[i]Gavynn springs up and runs towards the hamburger. He takes a giant bite out of it and chews happily. Mike looks up at Gavynn with a grimace on his face.[/i]

Mike: Sweet Jesus, Gavynn, you're eating a vulture!

Gavynn: I am?

[i]Gavynn looks down to see that he is, indeed, eating a vulture.[/i]

Gavynn: Well, I guess I am...

Audience: LOL

Gavynn: There's that noise again! I'm gonna go crazy if I don't find out where it's coming from!

[i]Gavynn runs around in circles.[/i]

Mike: Gavynn...we don't have time for this...

Gavynn: WE DIDN'T HAVE TIME FOR ME TO EAT A BIRD AND I ATE ONE ANYWAY!

Audience: o_o

Mike: O_O

Gavynn: o.O

Everyone: ...

Mike: Let's just keep walking.

Gavynn: Okay.

[i]Gavynn and Mike get up and start walking yet again.[/i]

Mike: We'll never get to Boston at this rate...

[i]Mike hears a droning noise approach him and Gavynn from the rear.[/i]

Mike: What's that noise?

Gavynn: I think it's a bunch of motorcycles...

Mike: Oh no...

[i]A bunch of motorcycles approach both Gavynn and Mike. They motor around every which way and surround the two co-workers.[/i]

Mike: We are so screwed...

Gavynn: Maybe they'll be nice like those guys from the restaurant.

[i]One of the motorcyclists hops off of the motorcycle to beat up a jackrabbit.[/i]

Mike: Somehow, I don't buy that...
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Announcer: Oh no! What will happen to Mike and Gavynn now?!

Mike: Who's he?

Gavynn: (shrugs)

Announcer: Will the bikers kill them? Will I get home in time for the game? Will there be-- (is killed by a Biker)

Gavynn: Holy dizzle!

Audience: Hahahahaha! Dizzle.

Mike: Gavynn, what do we do?

Gavynn: Don't worry. I have a plan. Put on these clothes? (chucks a woman's dress and such at Mike)

Mike: Where did you get this?

Gavynn: A raccoon gave it to me while I was visiting the Magical Iguana of Ra.

Audience: Hahahaha!

Audience Member: I don't get it.

Biker: And now for those--hey! Where the dizzle did they go?

Audience: Hahahahaha! Dizzle.

Mike: (dressed like a woman) Hello, kind sirs.

Audience: Oooo! Hahahaha!

Biker: (blushes) Well, hello little lady. What brings you out to these parts.

Mike: Oh, I was just trying to find my way to a vet office. Could you help little ole me?

Biker2: Why do you need a vet, ma'am?

Mike: Why, to save my poor sick anteater, of course. (grabs Gavynn whose dressed as an anteater)

Biker: OH MY DEAR LORD AND SAVIOR! That animal needs a doctor. It's face looks almost... human!

Gavynn: Hey! Almost human? The costume didn't come with a mask!

Biker: Oh my George! The anteater's so sick he's talkin' crazy!

Biker2: Hey, wait a dern minute. Anteaters can't talk anyways...

Mike: Eeek...

[i]Long silence...[/i]

Biker3: He must be really sick then!

Biker: Yeah!

Mike: Phew!

[i]Mike wipes his forehead, but knocks off his wig. He then quickly grabs it and puts it on. Luckily, the Bikers didn't see.[/i]

Biker: Sure, little lady. We'll take you to the nearest vet. You can hop on my bike and your pet can hop on Mucus Lucus's ride.

Lucus: Hi! (waves sticky mucus fingers)

Gavynn: (shudders)

Biker: My name's Kinky Kyle.

Mike: (in normal voice) Nice to-- ahem! Ahem! (in girl voice) Nice to meet you.

Kyle: LET'S RIDE!

[i]And so they're off. Down the road. Yep. On bikes. True dat. Cool stuff. CUE THE COMMERCIALS![/i]
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[i]Commercial:[/i]

[i]Two men are shining a light in a man's face. The man is tied into a chair.[/i]

Man #1: ...where did you find this?!

[i]The man holds up a copy of Mario Kart: Double Dash!![/i]

Man in Chair: I'm telling you, it's a government conspiracy! The Japanese want to control our minds with Mario Kart: Double Dash!!

[i]The other man sighs.[/i]

Man #2: We're never going to get anything out of him.

Man #1: Yeah, just get out of here.

[i]Before the men can leave, the door is blasted open. An army of Koopa Troopas run in and fire at the three men with tommy guns. The guns have the Nintendo insignia on them.[/i]

Koopa Troopa: For Miyamoto!

[i]The Koopa Troopas leave a fire flower in the room and toss a match at it, causing it to explode.[/i]

Random Voice: Join the Army of Nintendo...or you will perish!

[center][b]Brought to you by the Army of Nintendo, paid for by Shigeru Miyamoto.[/center][/b]

[i]End commercial.[/i]

Mike: Man, you know the show is going downhill when they start showing Japanese propaganda for commercials.

Gavynn: We're in the who with the what now?

Mike: ...nevermind.

Audience: lol

Mike(fidgets around): This leather crap is weird...

Kyle: That's what being kinky is all about, baby.

[i]Mike shudders.[/i]

Gavynn: You think you have it bad?

[i]Gavynn is covered in a green mucus sphere.[/i]

Gavynn: I feel like a gerbil in a mucus ball.

[i]Mike taps Kyle on the shoulder.[/i]

Kyle: Yeah, hunny?

[i]Mike shudders again.[/i]

Mike: How far is it to Boston?

Kyle: About 200 miles, give or take.

Mike: Cool.

[i]Gavynn starts bouncing on the motorcycle.[/i]

Gavynn: Hey, this is actually kind of fun!

[i]Gavynn slips and falls off of the motorcycle.[/i]

Mike: Gavynn!

[i]Mike jumps off of the motorcycle and chases after Gavynn...after rolling for about a hundred feet or so.[/i]

Mike: Oof! Ow! Jeez! Crap! Ouch! Ack! Yikes!

[i]Mike rolls into Gavynn and they are propelled forward into a cactus.[/i]

Mike: Blargh, this is disgusting!

Gavynn: Actually, it's quite refreshing.

Mike: ...

Audience: o.O;

[i]The cactus stretches back and sticks to the ground due to the mucus. The pressure increases until the gooey green substance can not take any more.[/i]

Mike: We're going to die, aren't we?

Gavynn: (shrugs)

[i]The cactus launches Mike and Gavynn. They fly through the air above mountains and trees. For about two days and two nights Gavynn and Mike travel through the air, until they finally land on the suburbs of a city.[/i]

Mike: Ouch...that was certainly an interesting ride...

Gavynn: I want to do it again!

Mike: ...shut up, Gavynn.

[i]Gavynn looks up.[/i]

Gavynn: Mike.

Mike: Leave me alone.

Gavynn: Mike!

Mike: Quiet!

Gavynn: MIKE!

Mike: What is it?!

Gavynn: We're here...

Mike: What?

[i]Mike looks up and sees a gigantic sign: Welcome to Boston.[/i]

Mike: We're here! Through a totally impossible event that bent the laws of physics, we've arrived at our destination!

Gavynn: Hurrah!

[i]Gavynn and Mike walk into Boston as the screen fades out.[/i]
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[i]Commercial:[/i]

Guy: Hello, sir!

Man: Uh... hi.

Guy: Are you tired of being fat?

Man: But I'm not fat.

Guy: Want to lose pounds fast?

Man: What are you talking about? I just lost 100 pounds using my stairmaster.

Guy: Precisely.

Man: You're a Stairmaster spokesman?

Guy: No.

Man: Then why--

Guy: When you chew our gum, you'll gain a new tire on your car for free.

Man: What are you ta--

Guy: So go out and watch the Meteor Shower tonight because my Great Great Aunt twice removed is coming to play jacks at my rest home this coming up July 33rd in a week.

Man: But it's December and there isn't a 33rd of Ju--

Guy: Yep. 33rd. (teeth ping)

Man: WHO ARE YOU?

Side effects may involve bloating, constipation, diaria (though we spelt it wrong), bad poopies, attacking of chickens, chicken pocks, disease caused by monkey feces in your coffee, moles, cancer :( , some symptoms from the Swedish, and-- OH! What are we saying? You get everything in the dang book!


[i]End Commercial[/i]

Gavynn: Boston!

[i]Scene fades out.[/i]
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[i]Commercial:[/i]

[i]A duck waddles onto the screen.[/i]

Duck: Aflack!

Random Guy: Die!

[i]The guy kills the duck and eats it for dinner, before choking on a bone.[/i]

Disembodied Voice: Get life insurance, biatch!

[i]End commercial.[/i]

Mike: That was interesting...Gavynn, what are you doing?

[i]Gavynn is handing over money to an old man.[/i]

Gavynn: I'm buying some life insurance.

Mike: ...

Old Man: That'll be $1,000.

Gavynn: Here you go.

[i]Gavynn hands the man $1,000 and the old man runs away with glee.[/i]

Mike: Gavynn...you actually had $1,000 with you the whole time?!

Gavynn: Of course I did! I'm not cheap, you know!

Audience: lol!

Mike: ...why did I bring you along with me?

Gavynn: So that the audience may be entertained by our various crazy antics in each episode of our sitcom?

Mike: Oh yeah, I keep forgetting.

Gavynn: And by being entertained, the audience tunes in each episode to catch a glimpse of the commercials which are paid for by corporations which keep our god-awful show from running into the ground?

Mike: I never considered that...

Gavynn: And if the corporations had no money, nuclear missiles would be shot into the air, causing nuclear winter and killing all of the kangaroos?

Mike: WTF?

Gavynn: I dunno.

Mike: Gavynn...you've had too much coffee.

Gavynn: Indeed.

Mike: So...

Gavynn: Are we ever going into Boston?

[i]Gavynn and Mike stare at each other in an awkward silence.[/i]

Mike: Look! Various Boston celebrities are coming towards us!

Gavynn: It's Nomar Garciaparra!

Nomar: Yo.

Mike: Denis Leary!

Denis: My dream is to get throat cancer so that I get one of those microphone boxes to hold up to my throat.

Gavynn: Conan O'Brien!

Conan: Hey baby! *licks hands and makes freaky cat noises*

Mike: Jay Leno!

Jay: Whoa, my chin is huge!

Gavynn: Stephen King!

Stephen King: ...I'm from Maine, not Boston, you idiot.

[i]Stephen King walks away, along with the other cameo stars.[/i]

Mike: Great...we blew our budget for this episode...

[i]The lights go out abruptly.[/i]

Gavynn: Tacos?

Mike: Sure.
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[i]Commercial:[/i]

Man: (walks into his house) Whiskers! Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...

Whiskers: Meow?

Man: There you are, you little bitch! C'mere you!

Whiskers: MEOW! (leaps into the air and kicks the man in the face)

Man: Why you little! (jumps the cat, but it escapes by scratching it's master's face) Ahhh! It burns!

Whiskers: (flies onto a shelf)

Audience: O.o

Man: (flies onto the shelf as well) Now I've got you!

[i]But the shelf is too weak and it falls. The cat lands on it's feet and escapes. The man falls on his tail bone and breaks it.[/i]

Man: Grrr! (chases the cat into the kitchen) Where did you go?

Whisker: Hey... he-bitch...

Man: Huh? (turns around) AHH! Whiskers.

Whiskers: (holds up Mega Gamma Ray Gun) No more Mister Nice Cat.

Man: Mister Nice Cat? But you're a girl! (is vaporized)

[b]Cat Nip[/b]
[i]Your cats will love you for it.[/i]


Cat: I'll see you in hell!

[i]Commercial End[/i]

[i]Last we left, Gavynn and Mike were wandering into Boston.[/i]

Gavynn: Look, Mike! The Statue of Liberty!

Mike: Gavynn... that's a lamp post.

Audience: Hahahaa!

Fat Guy: Hello there, small man and retard. I am Enwardo, the greatest bull fighter thingy of all time.

Mike: O.o

Gavynn: O.o

Enwardo: I know. You must be speechless to meet such a celebrity.

Gavynn: I'll say. I mean, c'mon! It was Stephen King.

Enwardo: Now then, I hear you're here to find your boss, Mr. Squeakers, who is located in the Burlington Pillow Factory.

Mike: Yes, that's right. Can you help us find it?

Enwardo: Hell no. Get out of my face. (walks off)

Mike: Wha...

Gavynn: Mike! Look what I found! (stares at a dead body on the ground)

Mike: Eek! A dead body!

Gavynn: No! Behind the body.

Mike: (gazes up) Eek! The factory.

[i]And so they enter.[/i]

Loud Speaker: Welcome to the Burlington Pillow Factory of Boston. Please enjoy your stay and make sure to drop your kids off at the Hard Rock Daycare.

[i]Calming mall music plays in the background.[/i]

Gavynn: This place is great.

Mike: (looks around) Over there, Gavynn! A tour! Let's take it. Gavynn? (looks at Gavynn) Gavynn, get those pillows out of your mouth.

Gavynn: :<

[i]So they take the tour...[/i]

[b]Five Hours later...[/b]

Mike: This tour is so long and boring...

Gavynn: And it just increases since it's Ben Stine as the tour guide.

Ben Stine: To your left is the feather machine. In my hand is Clear Eyes. Use it.

Gavynn: (shudders) So lifeless.

Audience: Ha. :(

Mike: Look, Gavynn! It's Mr. Squeakers!

Gavynn: He's on display! :)

[i]They rush over to him when suddenly, they were attacked by a giant, fluffy monster of doom![/i]

Man: Ahhh! The Boston Pillow Beast!

Mike/Gavynn: O.o

Mike: Why me...

[b]TO BE CONTINUEDNESS...[/b]
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[i]Commercial:[/i]

[i]A family is walking down the street.[/i]

Father: It sure is a nice day, isn't it?

[i]A guy walks up to them.[/i]

Guy: Smooooooke!!!! ...pot.

Father: Why sure, I'll...WHAT?!

Guy: Smooooooke!!!! ...pot.

Father: Now you see here...!

Guy: SMOKE THE POT, YOU RETARD!

[i]The father takes out a gun and shoots the guy.[/i]

Guy: (dies)

Announcer: We remind you once again...selling pot is bad for your health. If you do it, you'll get shot. Thank you.

[center][b]Paid for by The Association of Youth Pot Selling Prevention. You can smoke it, though, we have no problem with that.[/center][/b]

[size=1]Note that this does not reflect the views of Shinmaru, who couldn't smoke even if he wanted to.[/size]

[i]End commercial.[/i]

Gavynn: Man, I could really go for some pot right now...

Mike: Gavynn...we're being stared down by a 20-foot Pillow Beast...AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS POT?!

Gavynn: Smooooooke...

Mike: ...

Pillow Beast: (girly roar)

Mike: ...wha?

Pillow Beast: (girly roar)

Mike: Haha, this is just some girl Pillow Beast! It can't hurt us because it's a girly girl!

[i]The Pillow Beast kicks Mike in the chest and he flies across the room and smashes into some pillows.[/i]

Mike: Okay...I stand corrected...

Gavynn: Smooooooke...

Mike: Gavynn...shut up...

Pillow Beast: Smoooooke...

Mike: o_O;

[i]The Pillow Beast and Gavynn join hands for a musical number.[/i]

Mike: God, please take me now...

[i]Piano music starts up in the background. Gavynn and the Pillow Beast begin to sing.[/i]

Do do do do do

We love to smoke
It is so fun
We love to smoke
On the run

Smoking's what we love
Smoking's what we do
Smoking is the best
Until you get cancer, then you're screwed!

Mike: ...

We love to smoke
There's nothing better
Than a smoke
When you're under the weather

Smoking is so fun
It is so grand
Until you get cancer
In a major gland

Mike: This is strangely catchy...

We love to smoke
It is our life
We do it all day
And we do it all night

Smoking is the best
It is so fine
But it'll severly shorten
Your lifeline!

Mike: How long is this going to go on?

Gavynn: Last verse!

Pillow Beast: (girly roar)

We love to smoke
It's what we do
We smoke in a restaurant
And even in the zoo

Smoking is the life
It is surely not dreary
Smoking made a career
For Denis Leary!

Denis Leary: They're right, the filthy bastards.

Mike: o_o;

Gavynn and Pillow Beast: We...love...to...smoooooooooke!!!!!

[i]A giant banner proclaiming "We love to smoke!" drapes down from the ceiling, while random fireworks shoot off. Gavynn and the Pillow Beast bow to the audience while breathing heavily. The audience cheers like crazy.[/i]

Mike: That was pretty cool. Now what?

Gavynn: Now!

[i]Gavynn lights the Pillow Beast on fire and it dies.[/i]

Gavynn: Ha ha! Do you like to smoke now?! Do you?!

Mike: ...er...yeah...let's just go get Mr. Squeakers, Gavynn...

[i]Gavynn spits on the ashes of the Pillow Beast.[/i]

Gavynn: I spit on your ashes!

Mike: Gavynn, let's go!

[i]Fade out.[/i]
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[i]Commercial

Jimmy was just an average kid until he found a magical hairnet. Then he was the coolesy kid around.[/i]

Kid: Dude, Jimmy! You rock!

Jimmy: I know.

[b]It's JIMMY AND THE HAIRNET[/b]

[i]But relationships sour...[/i]

Jimmy: I don't know if I can hang around with you anymore, Hairnet. People are calling me names.

Hairnet: Oh! Oh! This is just great. Is this how it's gonna be? I made you cool, bub!

Jimmy: I knew you wouldn't understand. You're just a stupid hairnet.

Hairnet: YOU KNEW WHAT THIS WAS!

Jimmy: SHUT UP! (shoots Hairnet)

[b]It's the crazy antics of JIMMY AND THE HAIRNET[/b]
In theatres never because we have a low budget!


[i]Commercial End[/i]

Gavynn: We love to smoke... dum dee dum...

Mike: Gavynn, stop that. (throws Mr. Squeakers over his shoulder) Got Bob. Let's go.

???: Not so fast, Gavynn and Michelle.

Mike: That's Michael! MICHAEL!

??: Whatever. Bob stays here!

Gavynn: Not if I have anything to do about it and I don't.

???: Then allow me to take him off your hands.

Mike: NEVER!

???: I'll do so and now.

Gavynn: Merf.

???: Erm... okay.

Mike: Just who do you think you are?

Giovanni: My name is Giovanni because it sounds evil and like a big business type guy.

Gavynn: Eep! He's the leader of Team Rocket off of Pokemon!

Mike/Giovanni/Pillow Beast Who Is Dead: O.o

Gavynn: I mean... I don't watch Pokemon... (cough)

Giovanni: And now, if you do not give over Bob, I will have to take him by force.

Mike: Do your worst because we will never give him up. Friends stick together through thick and thin and--

Giovanni: Oh cut the crappy hero/friend speech already and let me destroy you.

Mike: Fair enough.

Giovanni: (suddenly appears in front of Mike) My Bob! (takes Bob and vanishes)

Giovanni's Voice: HAHAHAHAHA! Now you shall die and you have no where to run! *sniff*sniff* Eww... where has Bob been?

Mike: No! He got Mr. Squeakers!

Gavynn: And we may die now!

???: That is correct.

Mike: For God sakes, who are these people?

Roland: I are Roland and I are have bad grammarness like Gavynn did/does.

Gavynn: Meh to da izzo, meh to da izzay, my brotha!

Roland: And now, I are shalt destroyered youz in combatness! Prepare to duelness!

Mike: Awww... crap.

[b]BATTLE BEGINS BETWEEN ROLAND THE SWORD DUDE WITH BAD GRAMMARNESS AND GAVYNN AND MIKE![/b]

Mike: Where has the audience been the whole time.

Audience Member: We thought it was intermission. :(
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[i]Commercial:[/i]

[i]In a harrowing tale of love and romance...[/i]

Guy: So, you wanna pick up a pizza?

[i]...two young teenagers find love at first sight...[/i]

Girl: God, would you pop that giant pimple on your nose already?!

[i]...and only with this bond of love and trust can these two perky teens hope to save the world...[/i]

Guy: Brian, would you take out the garbage?!

Brian: (barks)

Guy: Hey, shut up!

[i]...and...ah, screw it. These kids aren't doing anything. (does the walking away, closing door and driving away noise from The Simpsons)[/i]

[center][b]The Movie With Two Incredibly Shallow and Lazy Teens or How This Movie is No Different From Your Everyday Life! Coming to a theater near you...yeah...[/center][/b]

[i]End commercial.[/i]

Mike: Why do we watch these commercials before we get started?

Roland: Hello! I are teh evil villainess!

Mike: Oh, sorry about that.

Roland: It are okay.

Gavynn: You shall never win, evil villain guy!

Roland: Roland will see about that!

Mike: do u t4lk l1k3 7h15?

Roland(British Accent): Oh no, do you take me for some sort of fool?

Mike: ...

Gavynn: o.O

Audience: (leaves to go to bathroom)

Roland: -__-;

Mike: Riiiiiiiight...

Gavynn: I will destroy you and other such things!

Roland: I R Baboon!

[i]Gavynn and Roland grab swords from out of nowhere and start to fight. As they hit each other, money flies out.[/i]

Mike: Money?

Roland: Yes...I are fighting to the death!

Gavynn: In television, when your salary is depleted you are dead!

Mike: Oh, the horror!

Gavynn: Fo shizzle my nizzle up in dis heezy fo sheezy!

Mike: ...what the hell did you just say?

Gavynn: I bust a cap in yer ass, dawg!

Mike: Wha?

Roland: I are teh defeatedness!

Mike: Huh?

[i]Roland dies.[/i]

Mike: That made no sense whatsoever!

Pillow Beast: Neither does this.

[i]The Pillow Beast puts on a hat, grabs a suitcase and walks out of the room.[/i]

Mike: ...

Gavynn: I are teh victoriousness!

[i]Gavynn poses provocatively. Mike shields his eyes.[/i]

Mike: Good God, Gavynn, do that somewhere else!

Gavynn: Merf.

Mike: Merf?

Gavynn: :<

Mike: ...you aren't even saying anything...

Gavynn: Mike is a dime store whore :)

Mike: WHAT?!

Gavynn: No time to explain, Mike - we have to find Mr. Doodlewanker!

Mike: Mr. Doodlewanker?

Gavynn: I mean Giovanni. Dang, I always get those two names mixed up.

Mike: o_O

[i]The audience comes back.[/i]

Audience: Did we miss anything?

[i]Fade out.[/i]
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[I]Commercial[/I]

[b]The all-new X2 DvD is now out![/b]
It now has special unseen footage!


Wolverine: (walking down hallway) Dum dee dum dum dumm?

Rogue: (taps him on the shoulder) He--

Wolverine: (turns around and slays her) Oh? geez. Sorry, Rogue. You can?t sneak up on me like that.

[b]Don?t mind that? yeah?[/b]


Gavynn: Let?s go get Mr. Squeakers!

Mike: We?ve already planned on doing that -.-

???: Not so fast quick! I are not doneded with youz her yetness!

Mike: Eek! Bad grammar? annoying voice? it can only be? (turns around) AH! It?s--

Gavynn: Doogie Howzer!

Mike: O.o

Gavynn: I?ll be quiet.

Mike: What I was gonna say was? It?s Roland!

Roland: That are right!

Gavynn: But howness? I destroyed him.

Roland: No! You just left me thinking I was dead. Well, you were wrongered. Now Roland shall destroyered youness and Giovanni shall have had Mr. Squeakers!.?;:

Gavynn: Bring it!

Mike: Wait, Gavynn! (to Roland) Why does Giovanni want Bob?

Roland: Why should me are tell you? You?re about to dieness.

Mike: Because I?m curious.

Roland: Oh. Otay. Well, Giovanniness used to workeded fors Mr. Bob Squeakers until one dark dayness?

[I]-Flash Back-

It all started on that one dark dayness. Giovanni just gotted into worked when he was calleded by his boss. He entereded the room shivering.[/I]

Giovanni: You wanted me, sir?

Bob: Yes. You forgot my birthday.

Giovanni: What?

Bob: You should know my birthday. It?s a job requirement!

Giovanni: But no one else knows it.

Random Worker: It?s true. We?re clueless.

Bob: Then because of that, YOU SHALL PAY!

Giovanni: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

[I]And Bob tooked Giovanni and chucked him/her into a vat of acid? which was emptiedered earlier that dayness. So insteaded, he was firedness.

-Flash Back Ends-[/I]

Mike: That?s so sad.

Gavynn: So he wants revenge?

Roland: Preciselyness.

Mike: Then why are you helping?

Roland: Does a bad guyness have to have had have a reason?

Mike: I guess not?

Roland: Then let?s fight?

[b]BATTLE TWO BETWEEN ROLAND AND GAVYNN/MIKE BEGINS[/b]


Gavynn: I are shall use my sword again.

Roland: As will I.

Mike: I? (looks around) will use this filing cabinet.

[I]Gavynn and Roland clash swords and Mike tries to lift the extremely heavy filing cabinet. No good.[/I]

Roland: You shant shall not shalt beatedness me are. this time!

Gavynn: We?ll see.

Mike: (screams like a girl) This battle is intense!

Gavynn: I?ll say. (is slain)

Mike: Damnit! (picks up Gavynn?s sword and slays Roland)

Roland: What the hellness? (dies for good)

Mike: About damn time?

Roland: I are ba-- (is killed)

Mike: No you?re not.

Gavynn: Mike?

Mike: Oh no! Gavynn!

Gavynn: I don?t think I?m gonna make it.

Mike: Sure you will. Don?t talk crazy.

Gavynn: Okay. (stands up) So now let?s get Mr. Squeakers!

Mike: But? you were? just dying? oh well. Let?s be off!

Gavynn: But where is he.

Mike: I dunno. Let?s follow the stairs next to the sign that says ?Follow the stairs up to Giovanni?s evil headquarters where he?s holding Bob Squeakers hostage. PS: Don?t let the heroes see this!?

Gavynn: Good idea.

[I]And so they do?[/I]

[b]Meanwhile?[/b]

Giovanni: (watching cameras) MUHAHAHAHAHA! (camera falls on his head) Ow! God? stupid camera! Muhahaha? it seems Michelle and Gavynn are making their way up to my office. Well, that?s okay. They won?t even get past the next floor, for the warrior there is more powerful than anything they could imagine. MUHAHAHAHAHA- (is knocked out by the camera again)

Audience: (permanently left)
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[i]Commercial:[/i]

[i]In the movie of the century...two Japanese guys have a fight...[/i]

Japanese Guy: I will fight you!

Other Japanese Guy: No, I will fight [i]you![/i]

[i]...a fight...to the death![/i]

Japanese Guy: You will die!

Other Japanese Guy: No, [i]you[/i] will die!

[i]Er...well...they'll have a fight to the death as soon as they stop being pussies and actually fight...[/i]

Japanese Guy: I will avenge my bretheren!

Other Japanese Guy: No, [i]I[/i] will avenge my bretheren!

[i]That's it![/i]

Narrator: (kills them both)

[i]Good riddance.[/i]

[i]End commercial.[/i]

Giovanni: These commercials are getting more and more retarded...oh wait, we're on, aren't we?

Director: Duh, stupid.

Giovanni: Ahem. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

[i]Meanwhile...[/i]

[i]A big spinning picture of Gavynn comes onto the screen indicating a screen change.[/i]

Mike: Ow!

Gavynn: What is it?

Mike: I got hit with something!

Gavynn: What is it?

[i]Mike picks up an object.[/i]

Mike: It's a cardboard cutout of your face that's used to indicate a transition to a new scene!

Gavynn: We've found the Missing Link!

Guy in the Audience: Dude, nobody told me there'd be science in this...

Mike: ...

Gavynn: Let's keep going...

[i]Mike and Gavynn continue walking up the stairs and the Gavynn spinning head thingy comes back.[/i]

[i]Meanwhile...[/i]

Giovanni: So...you ladies looking for a job...?

Director: Giovanni...

Giovanni: Bah!

[i]Giovanni gets back up.[/i]

Giovanni: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Director: Brilliant!

[i]The spinning Gavynn head comes back again.[/i]

[i]Meanwhile...[/i]

Mike: Jeez, what is this, Final Fantasy VII?! What's with all the stairs?!

[i]Rim shot.[/i]

Magic Johnson: Damn. I missed my free throw.

Mike: o_O;

Gavynn: No time to look! Keep running!

Mike: (continues running)

[i]The Gavynn head spins a couple times, then falls to the floor.[/i]

Stage Hand: Ah crap.

[i]Meanwhile...[/i]

Giovanni: What does a guy have to do to get some smokes around here?!

Director: Ahem.

Giovanni: Oh right. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Director: Brilliance! (cries) You deserve a People's Choice award!

Giovanni: ...

[i]Yeah, you know what happens.[/i]

[i]Meanwhile...[/i]

[i]Mike and Gavynn are crawling up the stairs.[/i]

Gavynn: How many stairs are left?!

Mike: I have no idea...

[i]Gavynn and Mile look down to see that they have only climbed up three stairs.[/i]

Mike: God, we're lazy...

[i]Gavynn and Mike faint.[/i]

Narrator: Will Gavynn and Mike climb the stairs?! Will Giovanni get some "alone time?!" Will the director stop crying like a dork when Giovanni laughs?! Hell, I don't know.

[i]The narrator leaves and the screen fades out.[/i]
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[i]Commercial[/i]

Bum: Duuuuhhh... (drools)

Man: (walking by)

Bum: (drools on man)

Man: Oh, that's sick!

[i]Are YOU sick of digusting looking bums drooling on your clothes? Well, get our newest product from "That's A Stupid Idea" Corporations! It's [b]DROOL-A-WAY![/b]

Just spray it on your drooling hobo and the drooling is gone![/i]

Man: Hold still, bum... (sprays it on bum)

Bum: AHHH! CRAZY! (attacks man)

Man: Ahhh! GOD NO!

[i]IT'S DROOL-A-WAY![/i]
Side effects may be that hobo gets enraged and attacks.


[i]Commercial End[/i]

Gavynn: These stairs blow...

[i]Suddenly, Gavynn and Mike appear on the next floor.[/i]

Mike: What the...

Narrator: Got sick of that old gag...

Mike: Right...

???: Hehehehe hohohohoh hoohoohoohoo!

Mike: Halt! Who goes there?

???: The greatest warrior of all time.

Mike: Get real.

???: No, I'm serious. My name is The Greatest Warrior. Full name is The Greatest Warrior of All Time, but it seems too long.

Mike: O.o'

Gavynn: Can you do finger puppets.

The Greatest Warrior: Uh... no.

Gavynn: HA! I can! (plays with puppets) This is Scooga Dog and this is Meow Meow Cat.

The Greatest Warrior/Mike: O.o

Mike: He's... special...

The Greatest Warrior: Ah.

Mike: What do you want, The Greatest Warrior of All Time?

The Greatest Warrior: I want just that.

Mike: Uh... want just what?

The Greatest Warrior: Wait... did you just say "I have Bob Squeakers and what would you want?"?

Mike: Nope. Can't say I did.

The Greatest Warrior: Well, damn. I've been waiting to crack that one out for so long. I've always wanted to say "I want just that."

Gavynn: WELL TODAY'S NOT YOUR LUCKY DAY! (leaps into a machine and it explodes)

The Greatest Warrior: What the HELL are you doing?

Mike: Don't mind him. It's cramped in here. He likes to run and run in wide open spaces. This is what he does when he's too crowded.

The Greatest Warrior: Well, crowded or not, I've gotta kill you.

Mike: Are you sure?

The Greatest Warrior: Yeah...

Giovanni: Finish him.

Mike: (turns around) Giovanni?!

Giovanni: Oh, whoops! I should be upstairs. Bye! (runs upstairs)

The Greatest Warrior: Anyways... back to business! (swings his giant weapon thingy)

Mike: Gavynn! HELP!

Gavynn: Gee wiz, Scooga Dog, Meow Meow Cat is purring.

Mike: -.- Crud...

???: DON'T WORRY, BABY! KINKY KYLE'S HERE! (bursts through window on motorcycle and runs over the Greatest Warrior, killing him) Hey... you're not a woman.

Mike: Yeah... sorry I lied.

Kyle: I knew all along.

Mike: You wha... O.o

Biker: What now, boss?

Kyle: Now, we climb these endless stairs to fight Giovanni to get back these guys' friend dude thing.

Bikers: OKAY!

Mike: Thanks you guys.

Gavynn: Shut up, Mike!

Mike: Gavynn... I'm your friend.

Gavynn: Oh yeah.

[i]And so they're climbing the tiring stairs again, hoping the next floor is Giovanni.[/i]

Giovanni: But it's not! MUHAHAHAHA!

Mike: (bursts into Giovanni's office) Ah HA!

Giovanni: Oh damnit! I forgot there's only three floors in this dumb factory!

Kyle: We've got you now, Giovanni.

Giovanni: Not so fast, Michelle and Gavynn! I have one last secret weapon! (releases... THE BEAST)

THE BEAST: Hi there, friends. I wuv voo!

Kyle: OH MY GOD, IT'S HIDEOUS! (to Mike) Later, chick dude!

[i]The Bikers run for their lives, leaving only Mike and Gavynn (well... Gavynn's playing with his puppets so... only Mike) to fight THE BEAST. After these next commercials that won't make sence, find out what happens in this thrilling battle![/i]

THE BEAST: Math is hard. Let's have a tea party!
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[i]Commercial:[/i]

Guy: Are you tired of annoying kids asking you to make food?

Kid: Make me some food...

Guy: Then use some mace!

[i]The guys sprays the kid with mace.[/i]

Guy: Mother of Pearl, it burns!

[i]The guy laughs, and is then arrested for spraying a kid with mace.[/i]

[center][b]The moral of the story? Don't spray kids with mace on TV.[/center][/b]

[i]End commercial.[/i]

Mike: That wasn't even a commercial!

THE BEAST: Hello, THE BEAST over here!

Mike: Sorry.

THE BEAST: It's okay. No biggie.

Gavynn: (makes Scooga Dog and Meow Meow Cat make out)

Mike: o_O;

Gavynn: :<

Mike: Er...nevermind.

[i]Mike stares at THE BEAST.[/i]

Mike: I'm so dead.

[i]THE BEAST hands Mike some tea.[/i]

Mike: The hell?

THE BEAST: DRINK THE TEA!!!!!

Mike: (drinks tea) Hey, this is pretty good.

THE BEAST: Thank you. ^_^;

Mike: Gah...math homework...

[i]THE BEAST twitches.[/i]

THE BEAST: Did you...say...math...?!

Mike: Uh...yeah?

THE BEAST: BEAST HATE MATH!!!!!!

[i]THE BEAST starts destroying stuff.[/i]

Mike: Oh crap...

Gavynn: Doogie Howser! Hehe!

Mike: Gavynn, this is no time to be reminiscing about child doctors!

Gavynn: :<

Mike: (sighs)

[i]THE BEAST throws a chair across the room. The chair explodes and a hidden door is revealed.[/i]

Mike: Wow, that exploding chair revealed a very convenient hidden door that we could use to find Giovanni!

Gavynn: IT'S MUFFIN TIME!

Mike: Wha?

Gavynn: MUFFIN, MUFFIN, MUFFIN, MUFFIN TIME! ^.^;

Mike: ...

THE BEAST: MUFFINS! ^.^;

Mike: Ooooooookay...

[i]Mike inches toward the side and makes a beeline for the door.[/i]

Mike: Gavynn is such a freak...

[i]Mike opens the door and goes inside.[/i]

Mike: Ah crap.

[i]Mike looks up and sees a ton of stairs.[/i]

Mike: Haven't I done enough climbing?!

Disembodied Voice: No.

Mike: Well, okay, then.

[i]Mike starts climbing the stairs.[/i]

[b]Meanwhile...[/b]

THE BEAST: Would you like some crumpets and tea?

Gavynn: No thank you, but Meow Meow Cat would like some catnip, please.

[i]Gavynn and THE BEAST drink tea out of fancy tea coups with their pinkies extended.[/i]

Gavynn and THE BEAST: ^.^;

[i]Fade out.[/i]
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  • 2 weeks later...
[i]Commercialness[/i]

Guy: I'm in a commercial ;_;

[i]Commercial End

It seems the heroes are not in much danger at the moment since THE BEAST is a gentle and kind creature. But Mike has found a new set of stairs that could lead to something unexpected![/i]

Mike: Holy Gavynn Flakes! These stairs seem endless.

???: Why don't you turn off the escalator, then.

Mike: Who said that?

???: I don't know, but do it anyways.

Mike: Okay. (turns it off and makes it to the door at the top of the stairs) Yays! (opens door)

???: MUHAHAHAHHAHA!

Mike: Stop it.

???: Sorry.

Mike: (enters and gasps)

[i]Meanwhile...[/i]

Gavynn: LA LA LA LA!

THE BEAST: LA LA LA LA!

Gavynn: MERFFLES!

THE BEAST: MERFFLES!

[i]SOMEONE STOP THE INSANITY![/i]
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