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Writing Passage 3.


Brasil
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Passage 3:
?Mammothed Transportation?

And at that moment,
As the fellows of Wangarang
Were most seriously contemplating
The most effectual path of action
For successful completion of their
Sacred quest, Scott appeared before them
And said, ?Hey Geoff! It?s me, Scott!
I hear Joe?s been talking to you guys.?

And Geoff did retort with a cluck
And spake, saying, ?Scott! How?s your mom??

Scott did respond,
?Oh, she?s doin? good.
College is great, too.
How did Balloon?s Besiege 2 come out??

?It turned out pretty good.
It was really bad though.? Geoff said as he chuckled.

And Scott said in his wisdom,
?Do not fear bad films,
For they do not hurt greatly,
And they slowly fade from memory,
Like Trial of the Witch or The Hardee Boyz.
But, while this is pleasant conversational activity,
It is not why I am here.
My comrades and I know of Joe
And are aware that he has
Ordered you on a quest
To seek out a magical plunger
That grants supreme power.?

At this, Brian spoke, ?Yeah. He said we need to go out and get it.?

In hearing this,
Scott chastised them:
?Go out and get it you cannot.
Retrieval of the Golden Plunger of Presai
Is a most dangerous event,
And contains dire consequences
For the world as we know it,
Should it be taken from its Pedestal Of Porcelain.?

Scott was in all-serious when he warned them
Of these unsafe and perilous hazards
Associated with the Golden Plunger Of Presai,
But these friends took no heed of his warning.

?Sure, Scott.? they said and walked out the door,
Leaving Scott alone with Alex Ward.

?Don?t worry, Scott! I?ll help you!? Alex triumphantly exclaimed.

?Drat.? Scott muttered.
Scott was thus not pleased,
And deemed necessary a target to release his frustrations.
He thus turned and kicked Alex Ward in the groin,
Most excellently dropping him to the floor.

As Alex fell, he heard a familiar taunt.
He heard it softly at first, as if it were a whisper and he heard it twice.
It said, ?Alexaaaanda! Alexaaaanda!?

Wangarang?s members then conversed
With themselves as they strolled down the hall.

Twas Brian who spoke first: ?Okay, where is this plunger??

And Joe then appeared again,
Again clad in only his leaf.
He spoke to the band,
And the words flew from his mouth,
Forming words that said, ?It?s in Presai! I already told you!?

And with that,
Joe gave Brian a swift kick in the groin,
Then disappearing into thin air with a slight poof.

Brian?s genitalia felt immense pain and forced him to scream out.
?OWWW!!!? he cried.
Seeing his friend in anguish made
Geoff feel slightly sorrowful,
But then Geoff realized where Brian was injured
And found it funny.
He laughed a hearty laugh,
And also clucked a hearty cluck.

As Brian recomposed himself,
Also creating a glorious composition,
He addressed his friends and asked, ?So, then, where?s Presai??

Matt,
In all his good wisdom and knowledge of the shore,
Spake, ?It?s down around Seaside Heights.?

?Guys, then we?ve got to go there! It?s not too far!? Tom exclaimed.

But Geoff did doth see a problem with transportation, and replied with,
?Tom, we all can?t fit in any of our cars.?

And thus the group was met with a problem.
They all sat and pondered a solution.
Failing to arrive at a desired plan of action,
They all stood up and pondered a solution.
Finally they just started milling about.

It was decided that some fresh air might
Jumpstart their logical thought processes.
Thus and quite logically, they went outside,
For fresh air was not to be found
Within the halls of the high school.

Exiting the school,
There a great light blinded the amigos,
And they shielded their eyes.

Eventually, this great light dimmed,
Forming an aura around a certain vehicle in the parking lot.
The group heard a choir singing,
And thought it was a heavenly choir blessing them.
But in all reality it was just the concert choir.
This tale means no offence to the concert choir, of course.

Upon seeing the great, white school bus,
They all turned to each other and exclaimed, ?Eureka!?

The Beast was then chosen as their
Means for transportation and the friends
Went back inside to ask for the keys to the mammoth vehicle.

Along the way they passed Alex Ward.
Alex Ward turned to them and said something stupid,
Attempting a joking nature.
This is what he said:
?Bunny rabbits are white because they got scared. Do you know why they got scared? Because their ears are so long!?

And as Alex laughed at his unfunny joke,
A deafening thundering was heard in the sky.
Storm clouds rolled in and the wind began to moan a death wail.
At this, Alex ran away, down the hall,
Scared at the scary sounds,
And bumped into a band of ninjas.

They turned to him and threatened him.
?We are the joke assassins.
?The Bleeding Smile? is our name.
Our sovereign, Christopher, has bid us kill you
For cracking an inhumanly dumb joke.
Prepare thyself.?

Alex ran upon hearing this.
Some members of the guild started after him,
But their leader bid them heel;
?Our lord, Christopher, shall enact his vengeance against Alex Ward.?

Alex continued running down the hall, and out the door.
There a great wind started to blow, and Alex fell to the ground.
Christopher then appeared before him,
In all his grisly visage and bloody armor,
And said,
?ALEX WARD,
YOU HAVE TOLD AN IDIOTIC JOKE.
PUNISH THEE I SHALL.?

And then Christopher lifted his arms high,
And beckoned to the sky.
The storm clouds parted,
And a great bolt of lighting came streaking down to Alex Ward.
Christopher smiled as the ill-fated jokester was burned to a crisp,
Then laughed and ascended back to his throne
Amid his fellow Riders Of Thunder.

Back inside the high school,
The fellows requested access to
The keys of that mammoth bus, The Beast.

?Mr. Cook,? they asked, ?we need to go to Seaside Heights.
May we use The Beast for our journey??

Now, Ed Cook was one of the nicest teachers around,
And although it was an odd request,
He trusted these friends and gave them the keys.
The group looked at each other,
Marveling at how easy that was.
They thanked Ed Cook and climbed into The Beast.
Geoff wanted to drive, and the others let him.

They all needed to get supplies, however,
For in every epic, food and drink are needed.
Look at Odysseus or Gilgamesh.

There was a vast store of food down the asphalt drive.

---

Passage 4:
?The Young And The Rations?

The store of food was immense,
With height of giants,
And girth of Marlon Brando.
The friends began perusing the aisles,
Looking for sustaining supplies.

Upon finding their items of need,
They approached a strange corridor,
Sided with strange magazines and candies of various sorts.
Strange beeps emanated from a mysterious scanning plate.
The friends were perplexed at this.

As the line moved, their time to pay had come.

The teenage girl scanning their items
Did pleasantly ask them how their day was going
And inquired if they were having a party of some sort.

They responded,
?Party, nay, though we wish to have
A fun nocturnal activity shortly.
Our purpose now is to fulfill our mission.?

The girl asked what their mission was,
And they replied,
?We have been given a sacred quest.
We are to go to Presai to pull
A magical plunger from a Pedestal Of Porcelain.?

The girl most certainly did not expect this answer,
For the answer was of unusual and
Seldom-heard nature in this,
Her place of employment.
Unsure of the proper response to the answer,
She wished them good luck on their quest,
Handing them the receipt of their purchase.
Brian went to take the paper record from her hand,
But Paul quickly snatched it with his teeth, devouring it
Like a ravenous wolverine.

This caused great alarm in the girl,
But Matt quickly and with great care
Assured her that Paul was going through a
Transitional phase attributed to a new medication
For his Acne.

This calmed the girl?s fear,
Allowing the group to be off without disturbance.

Upon reaching that mammoth bus, The Beast,
They looked through their bags.

This is what they beheld.

Bottles of IBC Root Beer,
Which would surely give them the energy boost they needed
In the wee hours of the morn?.

There in the bags was a variety of foodstuffs, as well.
HERR?S potato chips,
Especially beneficial to those
Who abhor the taste of flavored potato chips;
Lucky Charms,
For their marshmallow bits are so magically delicious;
Donuts, and some OREO cookies for Paul.

But before beginning their most glorious quest,
They took notice of a lack of protection.
Granted, they did possess many rubbery defenders
That stayed away those vile diseases and
Lecherous creatures who sought to inflame and encroach
Upon their bits of pleasure,
But weapons were what they lacked,
And they lacked weapons hard.

They had heard of a battiest genius
Who kept shop in Cheney Castle.
Few knew exactly what he did,
And few did not care to know,
But our adventurers needed his assistance
Should they truly care for victory in their quest.

---

Passage 5:
?Enter Mad Science?

Cheney Castle was looming and ominous,
But seemed radiating with a strange pleasantry.
This did throw our heroes into a queer mood
And they stepped off The Beast with a slight apprehension.

Brian walked up to the massive door,
Taking note of the mammoth and gargantuan
Figure head that hung well fastened, unmoving
From the sturdy wooden entrance.
He took hold of the protruding piece,
And used it with a steady hand.

The door opened, revealing a buxom young brunette.

Paul took sight of her, letting his jaw drop,
But in secret wishing he would be
Allowed to drop his pants,
As his naughty bits were most excited now
And he wished for them to calm upon
Beholding the beauty that stood in the doorway.

But dropping his drawers would be unbecoming
Of his heroic nature and would tar
His forming legendary status,
For heroes and saviors are thought to be
Purest and most chaste, as the prevalent
Thought today doth say.

We all know heroes cannot be chaste,
For no man or woman is totally in control of
Their naughty bits.

Paul did let joy fly from his mouth,
Saying, ?What knockers.?

The brunette heard him.
She smiled and curtsied,
Being sure to reveal more cleavage
As to increase the tightness of Paul?s pantaloons.

Upon witnessing Paul squirming with desire,
The brunette ceased teasing him
With her delicious sexuality,
Turning to the entire group and saying,
?Welcome, travelers, to Cheney Castle.
My name is Helen and I assist Dr. Cleaver in his labwork.?
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Ahah. You are most assuredly an odd being, composed of many different parts and... a unique mnethod of writing. The mix of quaint speech and more modern speech "Yeah. He said we need to go out and get it.? was very catchy and good.

Ahah. That was most definitley a good read. Did you have passages before this? I shall iminently go and look for them. Heh.

You seem to be a good writer, though the narrative is.... odd. A good odd though. Nice stuff, keep up the stuff [stuff? WTF is stuff? Expand my vocabulary!]. I am waiting for the next passages.
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[size=1] It didn't make me laugh, since most of the humor isn't exactly "my" type of humor. But it's awesome. Anything about a plunger is awesome.

I especially liked the bit about the ninjas shocking Alex [Hahhaha. Alex.] and the other bit about the acne medication. I also like how you call the bus "The Beast."

So this must be your 40k poem..hm.[/size]
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[center]?EPICITY?
~Narrations Of Cinnaminsonia[/center]

What unusual tale I am about to say,
What lengthy histories I now relay,
What delusional hero I do tribute pay,
What disturbing adventure I do now replay,
My Muse does inspire and I sing her praise.

?Satyria, my glorious and righteous inspiration,
You that bless my brain with a tale?s incubation,
I sing the ensuing verses to thee.?

I have given my Muse her credit due,
Now I shall begin anon, my tale to you.

---

Passage 1:
?Lunacy Enacted?

?A short time ago in the
Faraway-but-not-so-magical land of Cinnaminsonia,
An odd group of five set out on
A quest of the unusual type.
These five attended the local high school
Of the land, a school rooted in
Prevalent perverted provinciality.

Cinnaminsonia was ruled by a
Hairy and ancient king named John.
They called him King John to be exact,
If we shall get anal retentive about it.

Cinnaminsonia was a boring land,
Populated by drab and dull inhabitants,
And featured little to none amusement,
Except when the traveling circus rode into town.

Despite John?s efforts to bring life to it,
This land remained a dull and uninspired
Insipid cesspool of boredom.

Those who had long since passed Cinnaminsonia,
Those who had adventured far beyond the city walls,
Those who had stayed their feet and still resode in their familiar abodes,
They saw the utter banality of life in Cinnaminsonia.

They exclaimed, ?Oh dear God! It?s so boring!?
Then one of them had an idea.
He would change the land for the better.
He would create excitement where there was none.
His name was Joe.

He knew to rile,
Flinging forth spit and bile
And sped down from his throne in the trees.

In the halls of the high school,
As our five did trek,
Joe appeared before them,
Clad in only his fig leaf.

He spoke to them: ?Hey all. I?m Joe.
I?m ordering you guys to go on a sacred quest.?

And this group of friends
Were confused and thus
Spoke back at him.

Brian began, ?What? Who are you? Do you play the piano??

And then Geoff did interject as well.
?Yeah, whot the ?ell? Do you play the didgeridoo??

Joe replied to their questions and said,
?I already told you, man,
But I shall speak it again.
I?m sending you five on
A glorious quest to seek out
A magical instrument of piping.
Your quest, is to seek out the
The Golden Plunger of Presai.?

Thunder boomed and trumpets sounded.

And then Matt spake, saying, ?Er, right.?

The one they call Tom said he liked to hit things,
And Joe cordially ignored him.
There was one who did not address Joe, however.
This one just sat on the floor and ate paper.
Joe asked the others who he was.

?Oh, he?s just Paul.? they replied and continued staring at Joe?s leaf.

?Hey!? Joe yelled, ?Stop staring at my junk!
Pay attention! This is an important quest.
The Golden Plunger of Presai contains
Knowledge of an expansive size and
Grants you great power if you can wield it.
All of your wildest dreams will come true if you find it.?

?Can I watch NASCAR 24/7?? Tom asked.

?Yes.? Joe replied.

?Awesome.? said Tom.
Then Tom turned to his fellows and said,
?Fellows, we gotta? do this.?

And at that moment,
A great shudder was felt throughout the land of Cinnaminsonia.
The other Alumni felt this and in their chat room conversed.

---------

Actually, Mitch, I said 20k. Chances are, it will be over 40k by the end. lol, and the "Alex" in the ninja scene is not me. I make an appearance later. ;)

Baron, you hit the nail on the head. It's a modern epic with traditional epic sensibilities.

I'm actually really surprised people like it, as it's written specifically for my Cinnaminsonian brethren, and most of the jokes in there are inside jokes. I suppose a good joke is universal, though. :)
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