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Writing Poems?


Amity
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Ok...I'm not to good at this. Usually my poems are short. Ok, this one is short, but I hope you like it!

To be and flee,
No ones there,
I'm so ashamed, I cannot bare...
Which way do I slide?
To go and hide?
Why do you taunt me?
Others just haunt me...

In the living day,
I shall stay,
Hidden...
Forbidden...
To ever see,
What can truly be...me.
I feel so ashamed to also be claimed...
As a prisoner in my own game...

Can you see my shadow?
I didn't think so...
I'm alone...
In the dark...

So help me to be free...
Take me from the darkness,
And show me light...
And show what is right...
I cannot take this place,
For all this time...
My life has been such a waste...

Nevermind...
Do not save me...
For in the darkness I cannot see,
But this is how it has to be...

**It made no sense to me at first. It's just one of those things that pops into your mind. I understood it after a while. So I'll explain it. I'm kept in the darknees where no one can find me. I'm forbidden to ever see the light. Once freed from the dark, I find out, I'm supposed to stay out of the light for my own saftey...
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[size=1][color=darkblue]Actually, I like it. Sometimes I feel like that, sometimes I feel I must stay in the dark for a reason. I pretty much understodd it before it was explained. But it's pretty good. ^^
Good work.[/color][/size]
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  • 2 weeks later...
Here's another one I thought of while I was gone!!!

Trust me when I say this,
You see the way I miss?
I can't stopfeeling happy,
Now that you're here...
I know you're always near...

There's someone I would like to thank...
To me you're like a saint...
An angle from above...
Better than a dove....

I will be coming soon...
When looking into the pale moon...
I dream about that moment everyday...
When I can't wait to say...'hey!'

You're that person I want to meet...
I appreciate how you got me back on my feet...
I hope we can be the best of friends...
A friendship that never ends....

I dedicate this poem to Burori...even though his words weren't appointed to me...he still had me believing my sister would come home and she did. Thank you Burori...
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[color=deeppink]
1st Poem:

It was really obscure, and didn't seem to go in any particular direction. Like vague rambling. The rhyming was also really messy. However, some parts, like

Hidden...
Forbidden...
To ever see,
What can truly be...me.
I feel so ashamed to also be claimed...
As a prisoner in my own game...


were good, if you took out the excessive use of dots. This poem could probably be salvaged, with some work. ^.~

2nd poem:

I liked this one much better. The one word that says it all is: cute! I love little friendship, happy poems like this. Anyone can write a depressing poem, revolving around themselves like they're the center of the universe. But to write a poem about someone else, because of how much you love and appreciate them, and to truly have your heart dedicated into that poem, that is wonderful poetry. The rhyming itself was done well, and overall the poem was most rightheous. Rock on. .\,,/

Whee surfer dude speak. Gotta love it.

-Karma
[/color]
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Thank you Karma! That depressing one wasn't too much about myself as much as it was about my sister. I made it for the both of us. She came up with most of the poem and asked if I was going to put it on here so I said yes because well, she's my sister. The second one, yeah ok. I did put emotions into it. Thank you for your comments about that one. I did mean what I put in there because that is how it is. Burori was the one to put my sister into gear so I thank him for that.
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I'm returning the favour since you commented on my poem :)

To the point, I did find your first one rather confusing so I read it several times...but I think I get your meaning, sorry but the meaning seems rather obscure to me.

The second one however was lovely and I can really relate to it. In fact I think the best part is that just about everyone can relate it to someone they miss...really cool
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Thanks! This one is for anime_guy, DaggerIX1, and Burori!!!

Friends aren't there
Because they just are...
They're there to guide you,
Help you...

I was in the dark,
Until they came to be my friends...
In the end,
It was all good.

One there to give me advise,
The other two just there to talk or be nice,
I want that to stay,
I want to e-mail you to say 'hey'

I want to be your friend,
So in the end,
We're still there
Together,

Of course I have feelings about you all,
Sometimes I wonder so much,
I feel to fall,

I have different feelings,
For the three of you,
They're so mixed up,
I don't know what to do,

One I long to meet,
Also the one who put me on my feet,
And the other I want to talk,
Willing to walk with you,
Do things that friends do...

Still...
In the end...
I want all of us to meet up,
and be the best of friends!


I appreciate those three the most on this board! They've been there for me.
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Ha I wish!!!! Here's another one-
it's really short!

I love to think the world will be at ease
So that everyone could please,
I want happiness and rejoyce,
I know I'm not the only one who wants this...

I can't take care of all what's happening,
But together we all can,
Soon everyone will be saying hi there friend-san!
No...

You can't always have,
What you can't grab,
To burn and churn the love and desire,
Making my finger tips boil,
To a fire

Can't be blind,
To find,
What you want to have...
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