Writing Leh's Poems

[Patronus]

[color=006699]Here are some poems I wrote about a certain someone.

[u]I Can't[/u]

I can?t stop thinking of you.
The way you smile in the sunlight.
The way you light up a dark day.

I can?t stop talking about you.
How you do the things you do.
How you look at me each day.

I can?t stop looking at you.
Each and every day you?re here.
Each and every day you?re there.

You?re there again, in my mind.
You?ve shown up again, in my words.
You?re stepped into my life again, in front of me

[u]Mind, Body and Soul[/u]

I want to look into your mind
See what you?re thinking
Feel what you?re wanting
I want to be in your mind
Be what you?re thinking of
Be what you?re longing for

I want to be next to your body
Feel the warmth you always seem to emit
Hold your hand so I know I?m safe
I want to hold your body
Know that you?re there and always will be
Becoming your one and only love

I want to feel your soul
Know what you?re feeling when I?m around
See what you?re longing for instead of me
I want to see into your soul
Deep inside, to see your love
Find what I?m looking for, the only thing

True love..

[u]Intense[/u]

I feel intense
When I?m with you
Like I can do anything
Anyone wants me to

I feel intense
Love is always that way
Making me restless
Not being able to go about my day

I feel intense
When your voice comes through
On the other end
When you say I love you[/color]

[Sara]

[size=1]*comments, as per request*

It seems tacky to say it, but I really appreciate your spelling and punctuation, heh. That's not what you're looking for, but I thought I'd point it out.

Hey, people--Look! You're allowed to spell things correctly and still call it poetry!

Yay for Leh.



There's not much to say about love poems, heh. I'm not particularly in love at the moment, so nothing strikes me as particularly close to home or anything. I do like the phrase "I feel intense." Intense is a good word. It's, well, intense. It conveys what it means, succinctly and powerfully, without a lot of dancing around the point. (Like I'm doing now. : / )[/size]

[KarmaOfChaos]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Sara [/i]
[B][size=1]*comments, as per request*

It seems tacky to say it, but I really appreciate your spelling and punctuation, heh. That's not what you're looking for, but I thought I'd point it out.

Hey, people--Look! You're allowed to spell things correctly and still call it poetry!
[/size] [/B][/QUOTE]
[color=deeppink]
Heh heh.

Amen to that Sara.

Nice poems Lea, as Sara also said, intense was a great word to use. Powerful. =)

-Karma
[/color]

[Patronus]

[color=006699]Thank you both for your comments. :)

And yes, grammar has always been a good friend of mine. ;)

Here are two more poems..

[u]Does It Matter?[/u]
Does it matter
That you are my sunshine on the darkest day?
Does it matter
That you are my money when I cannot pay?

Does it matter
That I weep when you are down?
Does it matter
That I am sad when you wear a frown?

Does it matter
That I cannot think straight when you?re around?
Does it matter
That when you pass by you don?t make a sound?

Does it really matter
That my love for you is true?
Does it really matter
That if you go, my life will be through?

[u]What is Stopping You?[/u]
What is stopping you
From leaving this place?
From loving that girl with the long brown hair?
From frowning all the while?

What is stopping you
From breaking down and crying?
From taking that final step?
From forgetting all you've had?

What is stopping you?
I am.[/color]

[Boo]

[color=gray]
The first one is rather stereotype-ness.
Not bad, but not so original neither.

The second is rather nice.
Though it bothered me that it was quite repeating, I liked the text and it flowed decently.

The third is really nice.
The words flow nice and the sphere is good. Only thing that bothered me was the...
"Love is always that way
Making me restless
Not being able to go about my day"
...part. It sounded to me that you were desperate to put something to rhyme in that last sentence, but could be just me...

The fourth is the best till now.
It flows really nice and the text is great. Again I had the feeling that you were desperately searching for a word to rhyme in the last sentence of the third verse, but bweh...

The last one is really disturbing since all the work before it was like from nice, to really nice and this is an outcast... I just didnt like it.
The final step part was nice but that was about it in my opinion -___-


I'd like to see more of your work and forgive me if I have been to harsh on you in your opinion ^_^;;[/color]