Writing fallen

[vegeta rocker]

This one is called fallen, and i wrote it after three photoshop images i made for a class. I might post them later.
The entire thing is first draft so any hints or ideas are welcome.

Fallen
Once amongst the ashes
of the decadent remains
of what used to be life

i stood upon the
shattered buildings
in the heart of the city

and swallowed the sky
with my parched eyes
and withered lips

the wings of the clouds
brushed my gaze away
and propelled me to
the ground

whilst falling
the beauty long lost
bloomed in memories
of amber and soft petals

all at once all that
had been so irrevocably lost
was mine once again
in in this dream i remain

it is a place that defies a
mortals definition of hell
but surpasses his dream
of heaven

[Boo]

[color=gray]Woohoo VR is back =P, and what a come back into the Poem forum lol.

I really really like the poem.
I do not have anything to say about it exept that i really really like it lol.

Great job ^_~

[size=1]Tis me teh dark_apocalyps btw lol[/size][/color]

[vegeta rocker]

you were always one of my fans, Boo.
I thank you for being glad i have a new one. I have just been so busy lately.
Any other comments, or suggestions are being eagerly awaited.

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]I loved the last stanza. I thought it was brilliant, really. It was a great ending, and it really [i]ended[/i] the poem, if you know what I mean. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]I've seen some of your poems before, and quite liked them, really. They're always very nicely written. While I did like this poem, the ending is what stood out for me. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]The imagery of the poem is great; [i]shattered buildings, swallowed the sky, parched eyes, withered lips.[/i] Very nice. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Well done, VR. And welcome back. [/size][/font]