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Writing Beyond Humanity - A tale by Lynx


Gavin
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[font=Verdana][size=1][b]Edit [/b]- First up I'd like to thank Boba for his post, this had encouraged me to rewrite the main body of the story as a more literary piece and hopefully iron out the massive flaws in the text itself. I will also be introducing a few more characters than are mentioned and generally revamp the whole thing. [/size][/font]

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[left][font=Verdana][size=1]The future is a hard thing to predict... ever changing to the actions of the people here in the present, changed by our human desires, our needs, our wants, our wishes. Many of us just want to be able to lead normal lives, like any other person, we never asked to be what were, never asked to be persecuted and outcasted and some of us wish we were never even born. We are hunted because we are different, hunted because we are a minority not a majority, we are hunted because we are seen to be dangerous, a failed experiment that must be put down like a rabid dog. We hide from others than our own kind, covering our bodies and faces for fear of recognition and then assault, we have no one for protection no one who we can rely on to save us, to guard us, to help us.[/size][/font][/left]

[left][font=Verdana][size=1]That which we are is the end result of a belief by a generation of humans who thought that the betterment of society lay in the human genome, that creating children of superior ability would somehow make up for humanity's previous atrocities against itself. They believed that by genetically engineering their children they could produce the next link in the evolutionary chain, they were partially correct in their assumptions, however they were wrong about the end result. It was true that we would be superior to those who came before us, that our biological parents were not as genetically advanced as we were, that we did represented a step up in the human genetic ladder. We can look below us on the lower steps of the ladder and see the things that our ancestors have done, killed off entire races for being different, killed off people for not being as advanced as them and even killed those who were disabled.[/size][/font][/left]

[left][font=Verdana][size=1]When our generation was first born we were heralded as a tribute to the genius of our creators and a blessing to our parents, we were not seen as soulless creatures or dangerous animals then. But slowly things changed, those who were not as advanced as us became jealous of our gifts, believing that we saw them as being worse than us that we secretly lusted for power and prominence. But in truth we never cared for these things, at least the majority of us, for in our creation we were given a soul and a better understanding of the world. We knew that at some point we could face opposition to what we are, hatred and jealousy even possible outcasting from the society but we would not angry with them we pitied their fickle nature that feared that which they did not understand.[/size][/font][/left]

[left][font=Verdana][size=1]We were content to live under the rules of our society, it was good and we enjoyed it's freedoms and advantages, many of those we lived around treated us the same as those who were not like us. In our early childhood there were those who spoke out against what we were, religious and moral zealots who believed that we lacked the souls or morals that they held in such high regard. They were a tiny majority though as many in the majority were happy to allow us to live as normal human beings, which is of course what we are. We are not animals, we are not a disease, we are not a curse or scourge sent to wipe out those who are different from us. We look back at groups such as the Nazis and the KKK and see that they were afraid of those who were different and thought that by killing those people it would allow them to live in their own version of paradise. These are people who are dangerous, that are animals, that are a disease, they are the curse and the scourge, not us.[/size][/font][/left]

[left][font=Verdana][size=1]But slowly people's ideas changed as they always do, the will of the minority has some incomprehensible way of becoming the will of the majority. Those who had objected to the research that brought us into this world became our executioners, they wanted us wiped from existence so that they could have their version of paradise, free of those that were unlike them. Our numbers were only small to begin with, some 600 children were born in our generation, almost all of those never committed a crime or posed a threat to the society we helped to build, any of them that did were dealt with by the law, like anyone else. But our numbers dwindled quickly, the Hunters were very efficient killers, they had been highly trained and ordered to find and eliminate us. But of course that was not a difficult thing to do since the majority of us lived like normal people with our families and our parents in our homes. Children were taken away in the guise that they had some terrible illness locked away in them just waiting to appear and that it would in a matter of time, they told our parents that there was no cure, no hope for our survival. [/size][/font][/left]

[left][font=Verdana][size=1]They told them that by taking us away they could do something to help us, to make our last days less painful and to be in the company of those like us. Our parents fell for their ruse and we were taken away, many of us never saw our parents again. In truth the Hunters kept their words we were taken to places where we would be together in our last days, we were taken to places that history would describe as Death Camps, we were taken there and guarded until it was time for our execution. Some of us that were fortunate enough to escape did so because we had the will to survive, because we would not allow our entire kind to be wiped out like so many before. We of course had advantages, we were stronger, faster, smarter than those who hunted us, but they had the advantage of numbers, maybe 30 escaped in totality from execution at the hands of our wardens. [/size][/font][/left]

[left][font=Verdana][size=1]We learned quickly to trust no one but our own kind, we were all well educated but that didn't help us against the Hunters, so we decided to train in areas that would. We trained in computers, hand to hand combat, weapons and military tactics, we spoke many languages and never lived in one area for too long. We never hurt anyone who we dealt with, but we had to resort to theft to survive sometimes, we hated living like this because we knew human beings deserved better, but this has gone beyond us and beyond humanity. We knew that the Hunters would never leave us in peace, that they would hunt us from one end of the Earth to the other, because that was all they knew. Many of our kind hated the Hunters for what they did but some of us pity them for what they must do, surely some of them must have a conscience somewhere, buried deep inside them, hoping that it could influence their decisions and actions. We cannot change what we are, all we can do is make the best of a situation we have been born into and make the best of the power we have given. We shall see the days where we are free even if it is only a small number of us who do...[/size][/font][/left]

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[font=Verdana][size=1]This is still a work in progress and thanks to Dave it's still here (I'm [b]so[/b] voting you off next round !!!). Expect a massive overhaul before the week is over.[/size][/font]
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[left][font=Verdana][strike]The future is a hard thing to predict, ever changing thanks to the actions of the people here in the present changed by our human desires, our needs, our wants, our wishes.[/strike] [color=green]This is rather hard to read? The sentence structure, for some reason, irks me. How about this: [b]The future is a hard thing to predict, it?s ever changing thanks to our actions, desires, needs, wants and wishes.[/b][/color] [strike]Many of us just want to be able to lead normal lives, like any other person, we never asked to be what were, never asked to be persecuted and outcasted and some of us wish we were never even born.[/strike] [color=green][b]Many of us just wanted to lead normal lives like any other person. We never wished to be what we were; never wished to be persecuted and cast out from society. Some of us wished we were never born.[/b][/color] [strike]We are hunted because we are different, hunted because we are a minority not a majority, we are hunted because we are seen to be dangerous, a failed experiment that must be put down like a rabid dog.[/strike] [color=green]Another overly long sentence that irks me. I?d rewrite it: [b]We were hunted because were a ?dangerous?, different and few. Our pursuers saw us as dangerous, products of a failed experiment that should be put down like rabid dogs.[/b][/color] We hide from others [strike]than our own kind[/strike], covering our[color=green]selves[/color] [strike]bodies and faces[/strike] for fear of recognition and [strike]then[/strike] [color=green]subsequent[/color] assault.[strike]we have no one for protection[/strike] [color=green]There is[/color] no[color=green]body[/color] [strike]one[/strike] who we can rely on to save us, [strike]to[/strike] guard us[strike], to[/strike] [color=green]or[/color] help us.[/font][/left]

[left][font=Verdana][strike]That which[/strike] [color=green]W[/color]e are [strike]is[/strike] the [strike]end[/strike] result of a belief by a generation of humans who thought that the betterment of society lay in the human genome[color=green];[/color] that creating children of superior ability would somehow make up for humanity's previous atrocities against itself. They believed that by genetically engineering their children they could produce the next link in the evolutionary chain[color=green]. T[/color]hey were partially correct in their assumptions, however they were wrong about the end result. It was true that we would be superior to those who came before us, that our biological parents were not as genetically advanced as we were [color=green]and[/color] that we [strike]did[/strike] represented a step up [color=green]o[/color]n the human genetic ladder. We can look below us on [strike]the lower steps of[/strike] the ladder and see the things that our ancestors have done[color=green]: they[/color] killed off entire races for being different, killed off people for not being as advanced as them and even killed those who were disabled. [color=green]Use the thesaurus to find synonyms for killed?[/color][/font][/left]

[left][font=Verdana]When our generation was first born we were heralded as a tribute to the genius of our creators and a blessing to our parents[color=green]. W[/color]e were not seen as soulless creatures or dangerous animals then. [strike]But[/strike] [color=green]S[/color]lowly things changed, those who were not as advanced as us became jealous of our gifts, believing that we saw them as [strike]being worse than[/strike] [color=green]inferior to[/color] us [color=green]and[/color] that we secretly lusted for power[color=green].[/color] [strike]and prominence. But[/strike] [color=green]I[/color]n truth we never cared for these things[color=green];[/color] at least the majority of us[color=green].[/color] [strike]for[/strike] [color=green]I[/color]n our creation we were given a soul and a better understanding of the world. We knew that at some point we could face opposition to what we are[color=green]:[/color] hatred[color=green],[/color] jealousy [color=green]and[/color] even possible [strike]outcasting from the society[/strike][color=green]exile.[/color] [strike]but[/strike] [color=green]W[/color]e [strike]would[/strike] [color=green]were[/color] not angry with them[color=green],[/color] we pitied their fickle nature that [color=green]caused them to[/color] fear[strike]ed[/strike] that which they did not understand.[/font][/left]

[left][font=Verdana]We were content to live under the rules of our society, [strike]it was good and[/strike] we enjoyed its freedoms and advantages[color=green]. M[/color]any of those we lived around treated us [strike]the same as those who were not like us[/strike] [color=green]as they would any other[/color]. In our early childhood there were those who spoke out against what we were, religious [strike]and moral[/strike] zealots who believed that we lacked the souls [strike]or[/strike] [color=green]and[/color] morals that they held in such high regard. They were a tiny [strike]majority[/strike] [color=green]minority,[/color] [strike]though as many in[/strike] the majority were happy to allow us to live as normal human beings[color=green].[/color] [strike]which is of course what we are.[/strike] We are not animals, [color=green]nor are[/color] we [strike]are not[/strike] a disease, [strike]we are not[/strike] a curse or [color=green]a[/color] scourge sent to wipe out those who are different from us. We look back at groups such as the Nazis and the KKK[color=green],[/color] [strike]and[/strike] [color=green]clearly[/color] see[color=green]ing[/color] that they were afraid of those who were different[color=green].[/color] [strike]and[/strike] [color=green]They[/color] thought that by killing those people it would allow them to live in their own [color=green]twisted[/color] version of paradise. These are people who are dangerous, that are animals, that are a disease, they are the curse and the scourge, not us.[color=green]I like this last sentence, but I?m unsure of all these comma usages. Should some/any of them be semicolons?[/color][/font][/left]

[left][font=Verdana][strike]But[/strike] [color=green]S[/color]lowly people's ideas changed[color=green].[/color] [strike]as they always do[/strike] [color=green]T[/color]he will of the minority ha[color=green]d, in[/color] some incomprehensible way[color=green],[/color] [strike]of[/strike] becom[color=green]e[/color] the will of the majority. Those who had objected to the research that brought us into this world became our executioners[color=green]. T[/color]hey wanted us wiped from existence so that they could have their version of paradise[color=green];[/color] free of those [strike]that were[/strike] unlike them. Our numbers were only small to begin with, some 600 children were born in our generation[color=green]. A[/color]lmost all of those never committed a crime or posed a threat to the society we helped to build[color=green];[/color] any of them that did were dealt with by the law like anyone else [color=green]would have been[/color]. [strike]But[/strike] [color=green]O[/color]ur numbers dwindled quickly, the Hunters were very efficient killers th[color=green]at[/color] had been highly trained and ordered to find and eliminate us. [strike]But[/strike] [color=green]O[/color]f course that was not a difficult thing to do[color=green],[/color] since the majority of us lived like normal people with our families and our parents in our homes. Children were taken away [strike]in[/strike] [color=green]under[/color] the guise that they had some terrible illness[color=green],[/color] then locked away[color=green].[/color] [strike]in them just waiting to appear and that it would in a matter of time,[/strike] [color=green]T[/color]hey told our parents that there was no cure[color=green];[/color] no hope for our survival.[/font][/left]

[left][font=Verdana]They told [strike]them[/strike] [color=green]our parents[/color] that by taking us away they could do something to help us [color=green]and[/color] to make our last days less painful[color=green].[/color] [strike]and to[/strike] [color=green]They said we?d do[/color] be[color=green]tter[/color] in the company of [strike]those[/strike] others like us. Our parents fell for their ruse and we were taken away, many of us never saw our parents again. In truth[color=green],[/color] the Hunters kept their words we were taken to places where we would be together in our last days[color=green]. W[/color]e were taken to places that history would describe as Death Camps; we were taken there and guarded until it was time for our execution. Some of us that were fortunate enough to escape did so because we had the will to survive[color=green];[/color] [strike]because[/strike] we would not allow our entire kind to be wiped out like so many before. We[color=green],[/color] of course[color=green],[/color] had advantages: we were stronger, faster [color=green]and[/color] smarter than those who hunted us[color=green].[/color] [strike]but[/strike] [color=green]T[/color]hey had the advantage of numbers, maybe 30 escaped in total[strike]ity[/strike] from execution at the hands of our wardens.[/font][/left]

[left][font=Verdana]We learned quickly to trust no one but our own kind[color=green]. W[/color]e were all well educated[color=green];[/color] but that didn't help us against the Hunters, so we decided to train in areas that would. We trained in computers, hand[color=green]-[/color]to[color=green]-[/color]hand combat, weapons and military tactics, we [strike]spoke[/strike] [color=green]learned[/color] many languages and never lived in one area for too long. We never hurt anyone who we dealt with[color=green];[/color] but we had to resort to theft to survive sometimes[color=green]. W[/color]e hated living like this because we knew human beings deserved better[color=green];[/color] but this has gone beyond us and beyond humanity. We knew that the Hunters would never leave us in peace[color=green];[/color] that they would hunt us from one end of the Earth to the other because that was all they knew. Many of our kind hated the Hunters for what they did[color=green],[/color] but some of us pity them for what they must do[color=green]. S[/color]urely some of them must have [strike]a[/strike] consciences somewhere, buried deep inside them[color=green].[/color] [strike]hoping that it could influence their decisions and actions.[/strike] We cannot change what we are, all we can do is make the best of a situation we have been born into and make the best of the power we have given. We shall see the days where we are free[color=green],[/color] even if it is only a small number of us who do... [color=green]You used "we" an awful lot...[/color][/font][/left]

[color=green]I love the idea, but there are a lot of grammatical things I?d change to make it easier to read.

I?m looking forward to the next installment?[/color]
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