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The Love Song of A.D. Esten


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And so we sit, just you and I,
Thinking and musing before we die.
We recall the times of good and bad;
And recall the joy we might have had,
Had we shared those moments
Now fleeting, now passed; and
We long for them again.

We never parted, nor quarreled much,
And yet our hearts did lose touch.
Now on our death beds, we meet again,
And latch onto old happiness and pain.
We talk again and speak of joys
We once had, but we did part,
And that did make us sad.
And is it ironic, that death will bring us back.

Now our time has come,
For Death has approached upon
The winds of hate and with great speed.
And we part again; but not before I say
That I have always loved you, my friend.
I feel myself growing weak,
The light is fading, my voice is failing,
And yet I must say, I love you.

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This is pretty cool. A bleak romantic poem, which we see alot, but this was written well. There's a little forced rhymind; some that works and some that doesn't. I like how you used recall twice in a row and then the last words rhymed. That was a neat touch, much like a song. I could tell you were trying to find something to rhyme with again, using pain, but it's still alright there. Nice poem :)
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[size=1][color=darkred]That was beautiful Alex. I felt that it started with a slightly upbeat feel due to the rhythm, but descended into a mournful type of pace. Your rhyming is good, and paired off with the non rhyming parts of the poem, it balances each other. The mix of rhyming and not works well, and doesn't feel like you just messed up. I thought this was very touching Alex.

Wonderful. It gave me goosebumps.[/size][/color]
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[size=2]I'm a fan huge TS Elliot's[i]The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,. [/i]so naturally I'm happy to see a spin on his work. Your take on it has somehow managed to take on a more melancholy tone than the original, which was depressing to be sure, but with comedic overtones (such as his balding with age). Here there's a fleeting sense of reconciliation and perhaps redemption we're only able to flirt with for a brief instant due to the short nature of your piece. If you were to truly expand on it and make it your own, I'm sure we could find a bit more of the emotional sensibility so prominent in Elliot's.

Perhaps I'll try one of these eventually as well. I just love this piece so much.
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