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Faking It


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[SIZE=1][color=deeppink]"'If you strip down all human beings to their core, you'll find the same stuff,' claims Towle...'You will find fear of rejection, fear of abandoment, fear of being controlled, fear of being unloved and the desire to love and be loved."
-Phil Towle, [U]The New York Times Magazine[/U] [I]Band on the Couch [/I] (June 20, 2004)

This quote is from an article about the filming of Metallica's "Some Kind of Monster". It really is a basic list of why we do what we do, including a lot of the stupid things. The title of this thread is about how much we 'fake it' in order to fit in, because we fear rejection, being unloved, etc. I don't think I know anyone who hasn't tried to change themself somehow so that they (in their minds) fit the status quo of whatever group they want to belong in.

Whether it be from the way you dress, to the way you act, to illegal substances you've done, this thread is for stories about how you've 'faked it' in order to fit in, and what exactly, in your opinion, is the limit (if any), for being someone you're not.

I've had a long, involved, and somewhat pitiful history with faking it. I'd lie about myself and things I'd done to make me seem funnier or more appealing. Lying became a part of who I was, until I really couldn't tell where my truths ended and my lies began. I'd try to be talktive and flirtatious when I really didn't want to, and it was against everything I felt. All of this slowed down a lot in the last months of my freshman year, when I realized that doing these things was only attracting people I didn't want in my life.

So where is the limit? Personally, I think truth is always the best route, except when telling it would only hurt people's feelings and not benefit you in anyway. But lies are told, they perpetuate more lies, until reality seems to blurr. So, in my opinion, one should avoid 'faking it' at all costs.

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hehehehehe....I got drunk two weeks ago just to fit in........ya' know Hangovers suck.......I'm NEVER drinking again. But I believe many people do fake to fit in, but I try my best not to. If they do not like me for who I am then it's their loss. I know it's hard to not do. And it's much eaiser to say you won't, but I think that some people are so obsessed with what people think of them, that they sub-conciously change themselfes and lie about themselves to fit in with the best croud. But I found out that if you are just the way you are, you really kinda fit in with almost everyone. Like I'm one of the irregulars, at school. Not unpopular, not popular, I'm goth. And we have a little goth sect at school, and we get along with most everyone. I'm also labeled as a 'Drama' We are a group of anout 18 people who are into Speech, plays, and free expressions. So i found it was no longer neccesary to change myself. and it's a great feeling, being able to be yourself. :love:
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[color=#707875]Basically I think it comes down to the fact that, biologically, we're all pretty much the same. We all have the same fundamental motivations, in terms of the raw biology of it. But beyond that, we live in societies that have developed unique cultural traits. And that obviously has a big influence on our lives.

So I guess the question is, how much do you adhere to a particular culture, if doing so your behavior is really deviating from who you are as a person?

It's an interesting question. People do all sorts of things to fit in and meet the status quo...and although it's tempting to say "be yourself" in every situation, it's not always realistic.

I mean, perhaps you're someone who has a lot of piercings and tattoos (and I'm not supporting or disagreeing with that, mind you lol), and that might be an expression of who you are. But when it comes time to get particular jobs in society, you're going to find it difficult, because you're outside the status quo.

In those cases, it might be better to suggest that you at least [i]temporarily [/i]mould yourself into an image that is more acceptable to certain people (that is, if you wanted the job). But again, that is entirely [b]relative[/b], because it depends on your own personal feelings and expectations. You may simply have no interest in "fitting in", and you might not have any interest in the type of jobs that would require it.

Or the opposite might be true. It just comes down to the individual and their personal feelings.

Still, I find it kinda funny when people try [i]so [/i]hard not to fit in, that they end up becoming a walking stereotype. Very ironic. Hehe[/color]
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Yeah, my school ha a problem with that. EVERYONE at our school calims to be an 'individual' which isn't really true. This will sound really steriotypical but I do think of myself as an individual. I have a outlook on life that is like no one's. But I do dress like people like me.....you know black, wristbands, peircings, but I tried to do something to keep seperate, so I kept my blonde hair. A steriotypical goth has black clothes and black hair, but since I think it is impossible to be totally, 'different' since, someone, somewhere, will be almost exactly like you, so I just to do my best. :D
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[quote name='No_Regrets'] EVERYONE at our school calims to be an 'individual' which isn't really true. This will sound really steriotypical but I do think of myself as an individual.[/quote]

So convenient of you to put these sentences right next to each other. Didn't have to edit anything out in-between them.
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[SIZE=1][color=deeppink]James brought up a good point. Sometimes, we find it necessary to change ourselves so that people, with their neverending bias', won't think us less capable. This applies not only to piercings and the clothes we wear, but out religion, race, and customs.

For example, I was reading an article the other day about how a man used his middle name instead of his first name, which was ethnically revealing, on job resumes, and he got a lot more calls than when he used his first name. Which really is depressing, but not surprising.

So I suppose when one must fit into society for basic survival reasons (job interviews, dinner parties, and the like :p), it may be necessary to change things about yourself. But when it comes down to 'fitting in' with friends and family, especially during the high school years, often times people change themselves for acceptance on a personal level, rather than professional.

Goth, prep, emo, punk, hip hop. We all find a clique, a group to fit into so we can feel accepted. And that's fine. The problem becomes when you are doing things that hurt you, or go against what you believe in, to fit in.

Yet, it's also very detrimental to be an outcast, to feel unloved and unwanted. So the question becomes...is it better to fake it, or to be exiled?

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