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"Trapped in the Closet" By R. Kelly

Manic Webb

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Warning: Long Post.

I recently heard these songs (yes, plural) played in succession on the radio, and I just had to say something.

First of all, "Trapped in the Closet" is a series of songs that will be on R. Kelly's upcoming [i]TP3[/i] album. It's essentially a 5-chapter linear story, told in the form of fives songs with the exact same music and arrangement in each part. Basically, if you played them all back to back, it'd sound like one 17 minute song. There is no real chorus in any of the songs, and Kelly just proceeds to sing (in rhyme, of course) a book on tape.

The story itself is about R. Kelly waking up one morning from a one-night-stand with some woman, and finding himself caught in a massive circle of cheating spouses and lovers. The story starts off small, but movie-worthy surprise twists complicate matters to the point where... well, I'll tell you what happens in my summary.

Although the whole scenario drags on [i]forever[/i] (see also: nearly 17 minutes of the same music), I think this was a creative idea for a song. I've heard songs that tell a story, but I've yet to hear 5 songs that connect and tell a full, linear story like this. You pretty much have to hear "Trapped in the Closet, Chapter 1" to understand any of the proceeding chapters, but each ends in a way that makes you want more, but feels like the song might've ended.

I know people have been avoiding R. Kelly since the statutory rape charges came up, but that's pretty much old news. I don't really think that many people who hear his songs care anymore. I know I don't. It's not like it affects the quality of his songs, which I guess is entirely debatable to begin with.

And now, the chapter-by-chapter summary...

Chapter 1
[spoiler]R wakes up at 7 in the morning in a strange woman's bed. Realizing he "accidentally" slept with another woman last night, he puts on his clothes and starts to head out the door to his actual wife. The other woman, however, stops R and tells him her husband is on his way up the stairs. She hides R in the closet and greets her husband like everything is fine. R, however, is trapped in the closet. Then R's mobile phone rings. The woman's husband, fearing there's another man in the room, checks under all of the furniture. Then he approaches the closet, and...[/spoiler]

Chapter 2
[spoiler]R and the woman's husband are staring at each other. R tries to explain to the husband that he met her at the club, and she said she was single. R, afraid of being attacked by the husband, pulls out his gun. The husband, upset, tells R not to go anywhere, and picks up his own mobile phone. The husband calls his own mistress, and tells her to come by. He says that since he caught his wife cheating, it was time for him to come out about what he's been up to. Then the husband's mistress knocks on the door and enters. To everyone's surprise, the husband's mistress is... a man![/spoiler]

Chapter 3
[spoiler]All 4 people are standing in the room in total shock. R decides that things are getting too heavy, and starts to walk out the door. The woman stops R, and says they can all work this out. She then turns to her husband (now named Rufus), and they begin to argue about him cheating on her with a man. Rufus points out she was cheating, herself. The other man, Chuck, tries to explain to R about what's going on. Then Rufus tells Chuck to be quiet. The woman is apparently named Kathy, but she told R her name was Mary last night. Rufus and Kathy begin to yell, when Rufus reveals that he planned to marry Chuck. R, a confused by-stander in all of this, shoots a bullet into the air to quiet everyone. Then R decides to leave again, and picks up his mobile phone to call home. However, when R calls his wife at home, a man picks up the phone.[/spoiler]

At this point, the songs became like potato chips; I couldn't stop listening.

Chapter 4
[spoiler]R is speeding home when he's pulled over by a policeman. R tries to explain it's an emergency, but gets a ticket anyway. R gets home, and rushes into the house through the back door. R demands to know why a man answered the phone when he called, but his wife reminds him her brother was coming over. He says an echoing "oh" and calms down. R and his wife go to bed, where a very graphic sex scene takes place. R, who was having intercourse with his wife without any protection, looks under the sheets of the bed to find another man's condom.[/spoiler]

Chapter 5 (this is where things get crazy)
[spoiler]R demands an explanation out of his wife before he gets angry and burns the house down. R looks around, takes out his gun, and looks for the the man his wife had sex with. She says the other man left already, and he won't find him. Then she explains that she was at the club when R left with Kathy, and saw them leave together. His wife tells him that she went to high school with Kathy, and knew who she was when R left with her last night. She also reveals to R (not know that he had already found out) that Kathy has a husband named Rufus. Not only that, but her friend, Roxanne, knows that Rufus has been cheating on Kathy with a guy named Chuck-- because Roxanne herself knows Chuck. Oh, and by the way, the same Kathy introduced R's wife to a policeman-- the same policeman who gave R speeding ticket, who most likely pulled R over because he was trying to stall for time while R's wife cleans up.[/spoiler]

Frankly, I'm waiting for the music video.
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I read about this elsewhere a couple of weeks or so back. Honestly, the last person who should be attempting a concept album is R. Kelly. I wonder if he thinks this is honestly how is life is. I wouldn't be surprised considering the man is obviously in denial over other things.

I got around to hearing it and, really, I can't imagine ever wanting to hear it again. It really is repetitive and the whole thing is just ridiculous. That's obviously just my opinion. There's better concept albums out there, that's for sure lol.
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