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Funny and/or meaningful Quotes lines and sayings


ChibiHorsewoman
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[color=darkviolet]This is just to prove that I still have a sense of humor after all my recent thread topics. What are some favorite quotes, lines and sayings and why? You have to say why or else you just completely missed the point of the topic. And if you can provide who said it it would be helpful.

[center][b]Mine[/center]

She has so many spare parts that the mechanics assciation has made her a certified member- My papa (mom's dad)-[/b] I don't know if I got the quote correct, but he said this yesturday about his friend who has recently had knee surgery and maybe other surgeries.

[b]Mary had a little lamb, but she'd had lamb before. So Mary passed her plate again and had a little more- My papa again[/b]- He used to be in a minstrel show when he was in the US Navy (along with being a radio operator, hey it was WW2 they needed some fun)

[color=green][b]Irish diplomacy- the art of telling a man to go to Hell in such a way that he looks forward to the trip- Irish saying.[/b]- Can you blame me for this quote? I'm Irish I think it's funny. That's all tehre is to it.[/color]

[b]Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug- Patty Loveless- The bug[/b]- I think I got the artist and title right. The line is pretty much about life and the verse goes on to say that sometimes you're the Louisville Slugger and sometimes you're the ball. You know that's a country song about life.

[b]Marriage is a wonderful institution, but I'm not ready to be institutionalized- Mae West[/b] Amzingly enough this is how I feel about marriage right now.

So add your own[/color]
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[COLOR=DarkRed][B]'The problem with the French is they have no word for Entrepeneur'[/B] George Bush, IQ 91, Presidency USA. The funniest part is that he wasn't kidding.
[B]
'I like nonsense - it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope... and that enables you to laugh at all of life's realities. '[/B] Dr.Seuss. I like this because I like to think that I have a very skewed view on life and, hey, I like to laugh at all of lifes realities.
[B]
'There's no British Dream. There's no Canadian Dream - of course there isn't, we didn't give ya one - there's no Irish Dream and no Indian Dream. That's because the rest of us are awake.'[/B] I don't remember his name, but he's a British comedian who I saw live at Just for Laughs, Montreal.
[B]
'I just realised somthing... What matters is that we're all hockey fans. Some of us may root for a team that sucks, you, but we're still all just hockey fans.' [/B]Dale, from Chilly Beach. I love this qoute because it was said about Montreal and Toronto, and Dale is a Montreal fan, and because I think that the Toronto Maple Leafs suck, it really speaks to me and makes me laugh.

Those are all the ones I can think of off the top of my head...[/COLOR]
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[B]If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you scotch, make a party.[/B]~Ron White. I live by those words sometimes.

[B]The last thing a stupid redneck says before he dies is, 'Hey guys watch this.'[/B]~Radio announcer. I live in Kentucky and well...I believe this quote.

[B]Sometimes you have to be very stiff and firm with the kids. Because that extra inch makes a lot of difference[/B]~little brothers baseball coach. You can take those words two ways. The perverted way or...well that is pretty much meant to be taken the perverted way.

Those are the only good ones I can think of right now.
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[FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR=royalblue][quote name='SilentSecurity']If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you scotch, make a party.~Ron White.[/quote]
Is that one he says? I thought it was "If lifes gives you lemons, find someone who's lifes giving them vodca and have a party." Or something close along those lines. Maybe he says both ^^; That's one hell of a quote to live by, lol.
[quote name='Ilium][COLOR=DarkRed']'The problem with the French is they have no word for Entrepeneur'[/COLOR][/quote]
"I think it's great that we have a president who seems like he's always looking directly into the sun" [B]- Frank Caliendo[/B]

The only one that comes to mind is... [B]"You only drown if you stay under water for too long."[/B] Before I could even swim well I was about to leap into a deep pool of water, and one of my friends said "Stuart! Don't drown. I'm not going to save your sorry ***" and I turned and said in what might be the the most funny confident voice ever-- "You only drown if you stay under water for too long." and leaped in. My friends still laugh at me for that, even today. If you think about it though-- It's quite the intelligent and very tue =P

If I can ponder up so more I'll add em.[/COLOR][/FONT]
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[quote]Is that one he says? I thought it was "If lifes gives you lemons, find someone who's lifes giving them vodca and have a party." Or something close along those lines. Maybe he says both ^^; That's one hell of a quote to live by, lol.[/quote]
He could say both. The time I heard him was on TV and another time live. Both times he said it the same way, but he could've changed it.
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[COLOR=DarkRed][B]Give a man a fish - He will eat for a day
Teach a man to fish - He will eat for a liftime
Teach a man to pray - He will starve to death praying for a fish.[/B]

I don't actualy know who said that, but I stole it from somone on another forum and I just find it both true AND funny.[/COLOR]
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I actually regularly quotes things and people at my blog.

[B]A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. ~ Thomas Mann[/B] Ever since I started doing some actual writing, I've discovered how true that can be. Especially when one, like me, has a tendency to procrastinate.

[B]A great deal of human grief is caused by our demanding perfection from everybody but ourselves. ~ John Todd[/B] This one I love because I find it the epitome of human psychology and it describes my relations with my stepfathers oh-so-perfectly.

[B]A man learns to skate by staggering about and making a fool of himself; indeed, he progresses in all things by making a fool of himself. ~ George Bernard Shaw[/B] True in its essence, but mostly an excuse when I willingly makes a fool of myself, which has grown into a full-time hobby of mines.

[B]Most people make it their lives' work to refuse to think rationally.[/B] This one I read in a livejournal comment, I think. Another epitome of human sociology. A friend of mine added [I]I'd say most people make it their lives' work to not think at all.[/I]

[B]'Diversity' is just another way for everyone to be more like everyone else. ~ Zach Hauser[/B] This one was actually produced at the OB. It's kinda sad how well it illustrates labelling and the need for many people to identify themselves with some form of subculture.

[QUOTE]
"I think it's great that we have a president who seems like he's always looking directly into the sun" - Frank Caliendo[/QUOTE]
My personnal favorite Dubya quote goes [B]If the United States were a 35-year-old man, I think he'd be in a mental institution. Violent tendencies... delusions of grandeur... medicate heavily. ~ Rick Mercer[/B]

A close contingent is [b]I think many Americans are in love with a country that only exists in their heads. ~ Ramanan Sivaranjan[/b]

[quote name='Lord Dante][B']Before you judge someone too harshly, walk a mile in their shoes. - Then you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!![/B][/quote]

Taking classics and making them better is fun!
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[COLOR=DarkRed][B]'Who?' [/B] Bush, when asked about Jean Chretien's contribution to the 9/11 tragedy. Am I the only person who thinks this is terribly, terribly sad?

For those that don't know (>.>) Chretien was the PM of Canada during the WTC debacle. The funny-looking Frenchmen with the crooked mouth... choked a protestor,,, got taken out by a pie... ringin' any bells?[/COLOR]
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[font=Trebuchet MS][quote=Ilium][/font][color=DarkRed][b]Give a man a fish - He will eat for a day
Teach a man to fish - He will eat for a liftime
Teach a man to pray - He will starve to death praying for a fish.[/b][/color][font=Trebuchet MS][/quote]
Or an alternative version:

[b]Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

[/b]And now a quote which touched me with its quirkiness. I found it in the inside cover of [i]Battle Royale, [/i]and it's from the Japanese TV show [i]Third Year Class B: Kinpachi Sensei.[/i]

[b]A student is not a tangerine.

[/b]I wrote that on my T-shirt in Japanese, heh.
[/font]
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[quote name='Circéus] [b']I think many Americans are in love with a country that only exists in their heads. ~ Ramanan Sivaranjan[/b][/quote][color=#6699cc]I think that's true, but it's also very sweet. And isn't it true of any sort of love, really?

When I think of America, I don't think of George Bush, or Iraq, or terror.

I think of playing in the sprinkler in my backyard, and helping paint the honest-to-gosh white picket fence that seperated our front lawn from the back. I remember watermelon juice dribbling down my chin at 4th of July picnics; I remember walking down to the beach to watch the fireworks at night when I was young, and I remember driving my little brother to watch the fireworks last summer. I think of how I learned the Pledge of Allegiance when I was 5 and would say "...under God, invisible" at the end. I think of almost 20 years of Thanksgiving dinners at my Grandparents' farm, and learning about Pilgrims when I was in kindergarten, and the public school I went to for the first three years of my education. So help me, I [i]do[/i] think of ice cream and apple pie, and it's good stuff. I think of Trick-or-Treating, and bobbing for apples, and the crisp, new smell of spring after a long muddy winter.

[i]This[/i] is my America. I don't understand how anyone could hate it. [/color]
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[QUOTE=Lore][color=#6699cc]I think that's true, but it's also very sweet. And isn't it true of any sort of love, really?

When I think of America, I don't think of George Bush, or Iraq, or terror.

I think of playing in the sprinkler in my backyard, and helping paint the honest-to-gosh white picket fence that seperated our front lawn from the back. I remember watermelon juice dribbling down my chin at 4th of July picnics; I remember walking down to the beach to watch the fireworks at night when I was young, and I remember driving my little brother to watch the fireworks last summer. I think of how I learned the Pledge of Allegiance when I was 5 and would say "...under God, invisible" at the end. I think of almost 20 years of Thanksgiving dinners at my Grandparents' farm, and learning about Pilgrims when I was in kindergarten, and the public school I went to for the first three years of my education. So help me, I [i]do[/i] think of ice cream and apple pie, and it's good stuff. I think of Trick-or-Treating, and bobbing for apples, and the crisp, new smell of spring after a long muddy winter.

[i]This[/i] is my America. I don't understand how anyone could hate it. [/color][/QUOTE][COLOR=DarkRed]

>begin rant

When I think of America, I think of all the Canadian farmers (Including my Uncle and my best friend's dad) who got screwed by the Beef Ban. I think of all of BC's lumber industry which is going out of business one-by-one due to the illegal Lumber Tariff. I think of the fact that he didn't know the identity of our PM when we sent aide to NYC in the first hours and landed all those US planes and welcomed them into our homes (It's true; for about two days we had 3 people from the US living in our home, and this happened all over the nation) I think of the fact that he threatened, and damn nearly did, to blockade the boarder when Canada refused to fall in line and march off to Iraq. I think of the illegal patroling of Canadian waters in the Artic by US Subs under Bush's direct order. I think of the fact that Bush has only set foot in his closest allies country ONCE in his 5 years as president. He even flew down to Australia (Where he was boooed by Aussie MPs) and Mexico. I think of the virtual white-washing of Canadian importance in American textbooks and history. I think of the propogandga-ish media that flows over the boarder and turns people into Right-Wing, Uber-Americanised 'tin soldiers.' Finally, I think of the consequences of GWB's illegal war that's greatly effected my and many other lives.

[I]This[/I] is my America. I don't see how great it is.

>end rant.[/COLOR]
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[QUOTE=Ilium][COLOR=DarkRed]

>begin rant

When I think of America, I think of all the Canadian farmers (Including my Uncle and my best friend's dad) who got screwed by the Beef Ban. I think of all of BC's lumber industry which is going out of business one-by-one due to the illegal Lumber Tariff. I think of the fact that he didn't know the identity of our PM when we sent aide to NYC in the first hours and landed all those US planes and welcomed them into our homes (It's true; for about two days we had 3 people from the US living in our home, and this happened all over the nation) I think of the fact that he threatened, and damn nearly did, to blockade the boarder when Canada refused to fall in line and march off to Iraq. I think of the illegal patroling of Canadian waters in the Artic by US Subs under Bush's direct order. I think of the fact that Bush has only set foot in his closest allies country ONCE in his 5 years as president. He even flew down to Australia (Where he was boooed by Aussie MPs) and Mexico. I think of the virtual white-washing of Canadian importance in American textbooks and history. I think of the propogandga-ish media that flows over the boarder and turns people into Right-Wing, Uber-Americanised 'tin soldiers.' Finally, I think of the consequences of GWB's illegal war that's greatly effected my and many other lives.

[I]This[/I] is my America. I don't see how great it is.

>end rant.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]
[SIZE=1]*awkward cough*

Erm... You don't live in America, so you wouldn't really get any of the stuff Lore's talking about. She's talking about stereotypical American moments. 4th of July, learning the Pledge of Allegiance (I too said "invisible" when I first learned it), watching those baseball games and those white picket fences. It's more of a cultural up-bringing thing.

Like, I wouldn't have any idea of traditional Canadian stuff. Canada's kind of a cold, obscure nation, north of America, where I go when Bush instates the draft. That's (mostly) all I know.

As for quotes?

[B]"To win the battle is to be prepared to die."[/B] ~ Miyamoto Musashi
It reminds me of everything I do in life. If I want to succeed, I have to be prepared to sacrifice everything to win.

[B]"Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duty, and so bear ourselves, that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest hour.'"[/B]
~ Sir Winston Churchill
This is by-far my favorite quote. It has a beautiful, tragic, and courageous history behind it as well. As you may know, Hitler was launching Operation Sealion with his [i]Luftewaffe[/i] (Air Force), and outnumbered the RAF 2 to 1. The RAF managed to hold Hitler back away from the UK, long enough for Hitler to indefinitely postpone Sealion. I listened to this speech, and I must say, it made me want to become an RAF pilot to fight against Hitler. And I don't even live in Britain. lmao

As for the quote itself, it's bursting with a glorious vision -- a courageous act that will be remembered, an act that was your finest hour.[/SIZE]
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[QUOTE=Retribution][SIZE=1]*awkward cough*

Erm... You don't live in America, so you wouldn't really get any of the stuff Lore's talking about. She's talking about stereotypical American moments. 4th of July, learning the Pledge of Allegiance (I too said "invisible" when I first learned it), watching those baseball games and those white picket fences. It's more of a cultural up-bringing thing.

Like, I wouldn't have any idea of traditional Canadian stuff. Canada's kind of a cold, obscure nation, north of America, where I go when Bush instates the draft. That's (mostly) all I know.[/SIZE][/QUOTE][COLOR=DarkRed]

Yes, I don't live in the US (Although I know a great deal about it, I don't think you realize just how invasive the US media is over here) but my point was that the US has prfoundly, in recent years, screwed over my country. I was just responding to all the good things that the US sterotypically does with all the bad things that it... well, actualy has done. It was probably out of place, but I often can't contain myself when I here things like that without anything bad... It just makes me feel, well, sick.

BTW, Canada is more or less like the US, but instead of Baseball you've got Hockey, instead of trhe pledge of alligence you've got O Canada and The Maple Leaf Forever, and Canada Day is even in the same week as the 4th of July, although it's really just an excuse to get into a drunken Hockey Riot... caugh... and burn things.[/COLOR]
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[quote name='Ilium][COLOR=DarkRed']I was just responding to all the good things that the US sterotypically does with all the bad things that it... well, actualy has done.[/COLOR][/quote][color=#6699cc]Ah, but they're not just stereotypical. That was my point--everything I listed is a very big part of my childhood, my life, and who I am. I do understand where you are coming from. I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't just sounding off about the American Dream (I loved the "everyone else is awake" quote, by the way); those things are all very real to me.

One funny quote that I keep in mind is something that I saw posted on [url=http://threadless.com]Threadless[/url] quite some time ago: [b]Ninjas don't use arial.[/b] It was a shirt listing all the attributes of ninja(s) in arial font. While it was just funny the first time I saw it, I keep it in mind for other things, as well. Most closely related is for my art/design work: use a font that fits, heh. But it also reminds me of people and they way they act/what they do.

[b]Drive up and Hang[/b]: I saw this on a blank card: the front had a car driving up the street, and on the street was painted "Hang up and drive." The words were written so that a driver would read them in the correct order (from bottom to top). I'm sure it wasn't intended, but the first thing I read was "Drive up and hang." The image that came to mind was a drive-through gallows, heh. It reminds me that there's a different perspective on anything, and to keep that in mind. Keep an open (and possibly intentionally skewed) perspective on life. :)

[b]"I enjoy being "Facebook Friends" with people that I never talked to in high school. And I'm glad we still don't talk. Love you guys!!!!!" [/b] This was a quote on the facebook (a college mySpace, basically) page of a girl I knew a very long time ago. I thought it was hilarious, and very true. People who don't care about you will often pretend to, or make gestures that only really aid themselves. (Even if it's a result as lame as having more facebook friends than someone else.) They aren't trying to make amends, just increase their status.

Plus, all philosophising aside, at the time I was having a lot of annoyance with people who didn't like me trying to get me to be their 'facebook friend.'

I [i]am[/i] glad we still don't talk. :)

Finally, [b]The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.[/b] Henry David Thoreau.

I love this quote, because it's very true, and very applicable to my life. I can be a very impatient person, and I hate waiting for other people to get their butts out to the car so I can go somewhere. I have this quote pinned to the sunvisor in front of the driver's seat of my car. It reminds me to be patient... and that if I can't be patient, next time I should go by myself.[/color]
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[QUOTE=Retribution][SIZE=1]

Like, I wouldn't have any idea of traditional Canadian stuff. Canada's kind of a cold, obscure nation, north of America, where I go when Bush instates the draft. That's (mostly) all I know.


[/SIZE][/QUOTE]

I warn you, don't come to Canada in the Summer!!! It's too hot!!


[QUOTE=Ilium][COLOR=DarkRed]

Yes, I don't live in the US (Although I know a great deal about it, I don't think you realize just how invasive the US media is over here) but my point was that the US has prfoundly, in recent years, screwed over my country. I was just responding to all the good things that the US sterotypically does with all the bad things that it... well, actualy has done. It was probably out of place, but I often can't contain myself when I here things like that without anything bad... It just makes me feel, well, sick.

BTW, Canada is more or less like the US, but instead of Baseball you've got Hockey, instead of trhe pledge of alligence you've got O Canada and The Maple Leaf Forever, and Canada Day is even in the same week as the 4th of July, although it's really just an excuse to get into a drunken Hockey Riot... caugh... and burn things.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

If my mom heard you say that about Canada Day, she might have to hurt you. But, I thought Canada Day was an excuse to buy fireworks to shoot at people.

How come Canadian's and American's always have to rant or whatever? Why can't we all just get along?

Well anyways,

[B]Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.-Billie Burke[/B]

This reminds me of Maury(My sis always is watching this stuff.) There was a girl who was "29 or something" and she looked like she was 6. She was dating a 30 year old. But, I bet that was a scam because she said "They do grown-up things together." Now, what grown person says that?!

[B] Feel sorry for maga dog, maga dog come bite you [/B]
This is some old West Indian saying, that if you feel sorry for the skrawny dog, and feed it, it's going to turn on you. BUT, it's basically saying that if you feel sorry for someone, they are going to turn on you. This is true with the world we live in today. It's hard to be trusting.

and

[B]The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself.-Albert Camus[/B]
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[QUOTE=celestialcharm]I warn you, don't come to Canada in the Summer!!! It's too hot!!

If my mom heard you say that about Canada Day, she might have to hurt you. But, I thought Canada Day was an excuse to buy fireworks to shoot at people.

How come Canadian's and American's always have to rant or whatever? Why can't we all just get along?
[/QUOTE]
[COLOR=DarkRed]
Ya, it is to hot... I'm sticking to everything and it sucks :/

It all depends on the area... in Quebec it's basically another excuse for Habs fans to gather, sgin O Canada really loud, than, while Fireworks are going off, we drink and talk about how much better the Habs are than any other team... It's a fun gathering.

I'll stop ranting when the US stop screwing us over and making fools of us on the worlds stage...[/COLOR]
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[font=Trebuchet MS][quote name='Ilium][/font][color=DarkRed]I'll stop ranting when the US stop screwing us over and making fools of us on the worlds stage...[/color'][font=Trebuchet MS][/quote]
You can stop ranting right now, at least in this thread. Stay on topic, please, and lose the belligerence, it gains you nothing.

A quick anecdote about Albert Einstein (not exactly a quote, but an amusing event concerning the great man):

Directory Enquiries once received a call from someone asking for the address of an Albert Einstein. The operator told the person that he couldn't release that information, and asked who was calling. The caller replied:

[b]"This is Albert Einstein ... I've forgotten where I live."

[/b]They do say that genius and lunacy go hand in hand...
[/font]
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[COLOR=DarkRed][B]'So, the chemistry's set
And I'm not the saddest cheerleader
To forget the American word
For the gang in the head
That dwindles to no members when
The mystery's met
And the sky looks threatened
Heading home in the dusk
Singing, 'life is forgetting
Good enough for the frivolous''[/B]

The Tragically Hip - Vacination Scar

I love this part of the song because it really, really expresses how I feel about the War in Iraq. It's a good song, too.

And yes, the song was written about Bush's War. The Hip are deep like that.
[B]
'What's troubling Gus you sound demented
Is it because someone talked and she told me
He no longer thinks anything that moves and
Everything he sees is something to kill and eat?
What's troubling Gus is it nothing goes quiet?
The whip-poor-will at dusk....

What's troubling Gus overhearing conversations
That it's because you're too either them or me
When it's either them or it's us anything that moves and
Everything you see is something to kill and eat
What's troubling Gus? Is it nothing goes quiet?
Is that what's troubling ya Gus the mere mention of the name
Used to be enough to make every bird stop singing?
Is that what's troubling ya Gus? No one is afraid enough?

What's troubling Gus is it nothing goes quiet?
Is that what's troubling ya Gus? The mere attention of the name
Used to be enough to make every bird stop singing
The whip-poor-will at dusk tells you no one is afraid

No one is afraid enough
Is it afraid
Or is it afraid enough
It's troubling Gus'
[/B]

The Tragically Hip - Gus: The Polar Bear from Central Park

Although this song was officially written about a polar bear named Gus in central park who proved to shrinks that animals could in fact get depressed, I prefer the more sinister version. Replace the name Gus with GWB and you'll see what I mean.

[/COLOR]
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[quote name='celestialcharm']I warn you, don't come to Canada in the Summer!!! It's too hot!![/quote]

Don't come in the winter either, it's too cold!! ;)


[QUOTE]I'll stop ranting when the US stop screwing us over and making fools of us on the worlds stage...[/QUOTE]

I've come to think we do not really need the U.S. to make fools of us on the world stage.
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[QUOTE=Ilium][COLOR=DarkRed]

Yes, I don't live in the US (Although I know a great deal about it, I don't think you realize just how invasive the US media is over here) but my point was that the US has prfoundly, in recent years, screwed over my country. I was just responding to all the good things that the US sterotypically does with all the bad things that it... well, actualy has done. It was probably out of place, but I often can't contain myself when I here things like that without anything bad... It just makes me feel, well, sick.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]
[SIZE=1]Lore wasn't talking about what [i]you[/i] percieve, whatever that may be. She was talking about memories, and what she remembers America to be from these. Her definition of America has nothing to do with current events.

As for the propaganda-ish media crossing over the border... I have no idea what you're talking about. Bush doesn't really have too much 'propaganda' in America. I mean, he has the Army commericials, but those aren't related to him at all. Really, I see the media as pretty free from Bush propaganda. Altogether.[/SIZE]
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[QUOTE=Retribution][SIZE=1]
As for the propaganda-ish media crossing over the border... I have no idea what you're talking about. Bush doesn't really have too much 'propaganda' in America. I mean, he has the Army commericials, but those aren't related to him at all. Really, I see the media as pretty free from Bush propaganda. Altogether.[/SIZE][/QUOTE]
[COLOR=DarkRed]
Trust me, in Canada it's hell. Every second news story you watch, every commercial, every bit of Media (With a few very notable exceptions) seems to be geared towards turning us into Americanites.
[B]
'Terry's gift is forever green'[/B] I'm not sure who originally said it, but it was used in the song Inveitability of Death (Tragically Hip, My Music @ Work, 2000) It is said in reference to a man whom I deeply, deeply respect, Terry Fox, who more or less changed the face of Courage and Determination as we know them. 2010 is the 30th Aniversity of the Marathon of Hope, and I'm patitioning the Federal Government to put Terry on some CDN currency in time for the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. That would be, in my opinion, the ultimate way to show the respect to the the ultimate athlete.[/COLOR]
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