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Manga what do you think?! (please)

Guest ChillGuru

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Guest ChillGuru
first af all :D this is my first p0st YAY :D :catgirl:
==============>what do you think<==================
im making an rpg with rpg maker xp 1010 :animesigh just kidding :animeblus with rpgmaker 2000 , because allmost nobody uses XP and i hat 2003 for some reason :animeknow :animestun :animestun
well.. it's about 4 boys... they are allways up to something but, unfortunaly
they make their biggest mistake when they try to rob a guy with one of those hotdog uhhh thingy's they sell on the street:animedepr (...) orders the hotdog takes it runs away without paying, the guy runs after him but does not realise his hotdogg thing is being stolen by his friends.. they eat and eat... (THEY HAVE AN IDEA) they take the hotdogg thing :animesigh
to the edge of the subway and let the guy struggle with the hotdogg thing, as they make their great ascape .. they place it on the edge,:animenose NOOOOOOO!:animenose kids can't hold it.... IT FALLS DOWN!!!!!.... they...killed an inoccent man... they are centenced to a juvinail prison for one year! :animecry:
that's where the story begins,all of the their beiing abbused tortured... or worse...
they have to get out! but it won't be that easy................

how's that for a story ?
is it bad ?
i wanna know what you guys think ...
and i need a title...
any help will of course be given credit in the game
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[color=darkblue]A few things wrong with this...

1) This is a manga forum for discussing manga, not RPGs. If you want to collaborate with someone or have an idea for one and want some advice, try the Underground.

2) Your posting quality really needs work. We ask that members use proper grammar and punctuation in their posts so that it's easy for everyone to read. Please try to work on it in the future.

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