Writing Dance of Knives [PG-13]

[echoavalon]

An eternal drift on winds of time;
sheds light on my life's crime.
Hot blooded passion and sexual craze;
for two seconds, an infinite faze.
Selling my soul the question pops up.
To live, and let live, or cut my lover up.
Perhaps in time I will accept who I am.
I am a new age killer all the way around.
All through my life, even when I'm in the ground.
Death a magic trick with the illusion of life.
There can't be anything after all this strife.
Too many questions, too much shit,
so many hells that my mind flips.
A never ending escape a drop to far.
A life always ending,
A murder always pending.

[2010DigitalBoy]

This was pretty good, better than yoyr other one I'd say. I like the concept and your choice of words, but the rhyme scheme, while unique, bugs me. Perhaps it's just me, but I find it very confusing when you change it up like that. Perhaps if it were seperated into stanzas it would be easier to read.

[Chikara Kokoro]

The subject is pretty interesting and the words are well chosen as well as powerful, but this poem doesn't flow. The meter is off in most of the lines. In case you don't already, try ready your poems out loud when you edit them. It can help a lot.