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Manga Manga that I want to write


Xerxes
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[FONT=Arial Narrow][SIZE=1][COLOR=Teal]
okay, so i want to write my own manga. i usually like to write comedy, romance, mystery, or action. well this one is a mixture of romance and action. i thought about it and i decided to put my friends and i as the main characters for this. the title that i have for it is "Five Civilizations". now i think that is totally awesome. this is a short summary...

five high school girls receive mystical powers to save the world and an other world known as Clasha. the girls's powers are light, dark, water, nature, and fire. they find their powers when they each receive a necklace with a symbol on it. each symbol represents each element. they are also in a band called Element and they rock out loud. they also have boyfriends who also get powers but they don't know that until later into the story. well, lets see who the characters are.

Ballom is the main character here and the story revolves mostly around her life. she is stubborn and loves to play sports. the power that she receives is the power of darkness. now the power of darkness has two sides; one kicks evil butt and defends the earth while the other is a power that can kill. this power is released way at the end of the story. and now on to the next one.

Alcadeias is also a main character. she is cheery and loves to hang out. she is flirty and goes shopping a lot. she receives the power of light. she is able to create light, bend it, or do whatever she wants to do with light.

Bynor is a main character too. she is more of an outgoing girl and loves to go different places. she gets the power of water. she can destroy her enemies with a single water wave that she can create out of nowhere.

Strata is a main character also. she is very smart but is very cute. so she has brains and looks hott. now the power that she gets is nature. she can wrap her enemies in roots while the others can destroy them.

Bolmetes is the last main character here. she is very sporty and comptetive. she plays evey sport of the season. the last power that she is gets is well fire. she can burn her enemies and stop a volcano from erupting.

all of these girls are the best of friends and have to save the worlds, do homework, and over coming every day life. they get in lots of trouble and a lot of times get kidnapped by the enemy. anyway, they are your awesome teen heros here to save the earth and the other world.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]
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Making your friends and yourself the main characters can usually only lead to hurt feelings. It is also generally not as enjoyable to read for people who aren?t your friends.

Are you a high school girl yet? I was just wondering since this is apparently based on your friends. This sounds extremely overdone and screams Witch/Sailor Moon rip off. There is no reason to use those elements, is there? If you insist on using elements, at least use ones that haven?t been used over ten million times. The band thing reminds me of something I?ve read before as well, but I can?t put my finger on what. By the way, it is hard to develop a story if it is that convenient. I mean, given how many super powered people there probably are in this world (ten) it is way too easy for them all to be best friends/dating each other.

I like the use of darkness as the main character, but wouldn?t the part that can kill also be able to kick evil butt??

The light character is far too cliché. It?s just far too similar to female roles that already exist.

Being able to destroy any enemy with a single blast, while cool, is very unlikely. There wouldn?t be any need to have ten people then. She could just work on her own

Are you trying to insinuate that most people who are smart do not have the capability to look good? I?m also guessing that by nature you mean plants.

Are there many volcanoes where this story takes place that need to stop erupting?

Theres a slight potential for this story if you could make the characters more developed, but it all just seems too easy. This exact same story has been told many times before, and I think you should reconsider before doing it yourself.
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One part of me's screaming "Sailor Moon," the other "Magic Knight Rayearth." You simply need to bring something new to the table, m'dear, which I can see some efforts of. For instance, the band idea. It's just not working. This whole series seems to have spawned from your theory of perfection, which brings me to my next point. Your group of girls all seems perfect and none of the characters (from what you've told us) seem to have any bad sides. They're all pretty one-dimensional. This leaves little room for character development, which is crucial when you have a story as weak as this. Why did these girls get the power? From whom? What "evil" are they intended to fight? Are the boyfriends fighting for the same goal? What and where is this "Clasha" world? Is it facing the same evil? How is it connected to Earth? What motivates these girls to become heroes? You see, there's just far too many loopholes... you really need to plan it out a little bit more before you're going to meet much approval here.
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