Writing "Watch As We Fall Apart" [PG]

[O' Forgotten]

This is my first poem on OB. I hope you guys like it. Reply with some comments for changes if you see some that are needed.

[B]"Watch As We Fall Apart"[/B]

Tonight will be the final departure
Of a love once lost upon the mountain
Now as we decend into the ashes of what was lost so long ago
My eyes closed tight upon the impact of sanity

Everything we ever wanted to become
All the times we spent in this unholy deadlock
This black vice lingers over my head

A new requiem for this dreaming soul
A new song for the masses of passing wandering men
A turn of the page of the book of redemption

Now I shall watch as the two of us become broken
Shards of the love we once shared upon this snow-capped mountaintop
Dropping faster and faster as the tears begin to shed
A branding of the eyes of the bystanders

Now as they stare I become entombed

[2010DigitalBoy]

Wow... that was pretty darn good! I'm not quite sure I fully understand... did the guy kill himself from insanity over lost love? You'll have to tell me what it'a about. I'd really like to see more by you.

[O' Forgotten]

Hah, thanks. I'm flattered. And yes, you were spot on with the analysis. I'll probably have more up on here soon. Thanks again for the comment.