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SunfallE
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[center][IMG]http://img125.imageshack.us/img125/439/silveronemc8.jpg[/IMG]
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[COLOR=RoyalBlue] First of all thanks to Revelation for encouraging me to post my story. ;) I?ve always been rather self-conscious about the stories I write since English is a subject that I struggle with. I swear! Grammar and spelling live to drive me batty! Anyway?

Secondly this is a science fiction type of story. I?ve written the first part and eventually plan on writing the second part. So I?d love to hear what all of you think about what I've written so far. :catgirl:

[B]Chapter One:[/B]

Celestia shut the door behind her, making sure the electronic lock engaged. Now that final testing was about to be done it was even more important to keep everything secret. Celestia wasn?t worried about her technology being stolen. In the past ten years no one had ever managed to hack into her computer programs and no one had been able to duplicate the holographic program either. No she was more worried about someone taking her story and using it. Celestia could easily use another story line, but for some reason this one seemed special and personal. So she had been extra careful to keep it under wraps. She had even made other simple story lines for the new game to hide the true storyline.

If all the tests went well Celestia?s newest technological breakthrough would revolutionize the gaming industry. Her holographic programs were already widely used but they lacked substance. The new energy and light configurations would make images feel solid and real. Sometimes Celestia wondered how she knew how to write programs that could do what they did. Or how she just knew what was needed for the hardware to support it. She had actually tried to explain to people how to do what she did, but it was like trying to explain what colors were to a blind person.

?[B]Kendra, begin startup sequence for Silver One[/B].? Celestia said.

?[B]Understood Celestia, starting Silver One, sequence will be complete in ten minutes[/B].? The computer responded. All across the room screens flicked on.

Celestia turned and went into the changing room. She pulled out the black jumpsuit from the locker and quickly changed into the form-fitting suit. Jason would be arriving soon and Celestia wanted everything to be ready. He would be monitoring her from inside the control room while she tested the game Silver One. Celestia finished dressing by adding some hiking boots, shorts and a shirt. She pulled out the belt and holster for holding the laser pistol and fastened it around her waist. Celestia closed the locker and turned to leave the changing room.

Celestia paused briefly to look at herself in the mirror. She reached up and ran her hand through her shoulder length strawberry blonde hair. With her blue eyes, heart shaped face and slender build she knew she was quite attractive. The form-fitting jumpsuit also clearly showed how athletic she was. Being just under six feet tall helped as well. She opened the door to find Jason sitting at the main computer logging in.

Jason was also quite gook looking with his dark black hair, brown eyes and medium athletic build. He was just over six feet tall and she knew that they looked quite striking together. People had even made the comment that he was hired for his good looks, but Celestia was never swayed by a person?s appearance. Jason was almost as good a programmer as she was, and highly intelligent. He had been hired more for his technological abilities than what he looked like. In fact few people knew it, but she selected who she was going to interview based off their information, before she actually saw what they looked like. She closed the door and walked over to where Jason was sitting.

?[B]Good morning Celestia[/B],? Jason said. He turned around to face her, ?[B]Ah, I see you are ready, here[/B],? he handed her the proto type laser for the game, ?[B]I figured you were in there changing[/B].? Jason smiled. Celestia took the gun and placed it in the holster.

?[B]Kendra, what?s our status[/B],? Celestia asked.

?[B]Silver One is complete[/B],? the computer responded.

Celestia looked at the screens to see that the game had finished loading. The people were motionless, waiting for her command for the game to begin. Celestia went over to the main control and opened a drawer and pulled out a headset. She fastened it on her right ear and positioned the mike so she could clearly speak into it.

?[B]Jason, do you copy?[/B]? Celestia asked.

?[B]Loud and clear[/B],? Jason responded.

Celestia took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ?[B]Alright, time to get this show on the road, begin recording[/B],? she said.

?[B]Understood, begin recording Kendra[/B],? Jason said.

?[B]Recording started[/B],? the computer replied.

Celestia went over and entered the main game room. She shut the door and watched as the door was covered by the electrical energy turning it into a wall. Celestia reached over and ran her hand along the wall. It felt so real that unless you knew there was a door there, you wouldn?t even be able to tell the difference. Celestia smiled to herself. So far everything was working perfectly.

?[B]Kendra, begin Silver One[/B],? she said.

?[B]Understood, starting Silver One[/B],? Kendra (the computer) replied.

All around her the images came to life as the people began to move around. It was surprisingly realistic with all the sounds and people talking. The whole building was built with special computer equipment so that you could change the environment by holographic imagery. So basically the halls and rooms would look different based upon which game you loaded. Each and every room had many doors and so did the hallways.

When you ran the program, the holographic images would actually make it where you couldn?t see any of the other doors unless it was part of the game. So even if a room had four or more doors only one would be visible, creating the illusion that you were in a room with only one exit. This way you could change the path and appearance of where the person playing the game went without having to create each and every place separately.

The player could be directed through several rooms and yet if they came full circle the starting place could become a completely different location with the holographic imagery. With four floors to this building it was possible to build a game world that was surprisingly realistic.

Celestia began to move cautiously through the game, in this particular game Earth was being invaded by aliens that looked human. The only way to tell if someone was an alien was by the silver color of his or her eyes. The eyes looked normal except where a human would have blue, green or brown they would have silver instead. Your job in the game was to stop the aliens from invading Earth. The proto type laser gun would actually shot out a ray of light making it easier to see if you hit your target and make it more fun as you had a chance to dodge if you were shot at.

If you were hit by one of the beams of light your gun would change color, after 3 hits the gun would turn red indicating that one more hit would mean you had been stunned by the aliens and captured and therefore the game was over. As Celestia ran down the different hallways and up and down stairs avoiding the aliens as well as shooting them down the thought occurred to her that she was glad she was in good shape or the game would have worn her out by now.

?[B]Jason, how?s the data recording[/B]?? Celestia asked.

?[B]Everything is looking good here[/B],? Jason replied.

?[B]Good, I?m going to continue until either I win or lose the game[/B],? she replied.

?[B]Understood[/B],? Jason replied. [/COLOR]
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[COLOR=Sienna]First of all you already know that I like the story you?ve written since I?ve already had the opportunity to read it. I?ll leave off the details since it would kind of spoil it for others when you post the rest of the chapters you?ve written.

That aside, I like the changes you made from what you showed me before. A number of the paragraphs have been split into smaller paragraphs and I especially like how you separated the conversation between characters and used bold to make it stand out. It?s much easier to follow what?s being said when the conversation is not in the middle of a paragraph. It also makes following what?s going on much easier since you originally had a few paragraphs that were pretty lengthy.

Anyway, it doesn?t really affect the story to much as I can figure out what you meant to say, but you might want to fix the typos in these sentences, as I?m sure you meant to use Knew instead of new. If only spell check could be clever enough to catch such things. ;) [quote name='SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue'] With her blue eyes, heart shaped face and slender build she new she was quite attractive???.He was just over six feet tall and she new that they looked quite striking together. [/COLOR][/quote]I do have a suggestion. Have you considered making a type of introduction summary? Like you see on the back of a novel or inside the front cover? Just a paragraph or two giving the reader an idea of what they are about to read?

I also have a question, are you looking to add to your story? Or primarily for feedback on things you could improve? [/COLOR]
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[COLOR=SeaGreen]Drat, I was hoping you were posting the second part. :p The fact that you have a character who needs to [spoiler]die (well later on that is)[/spoiler] has nothing to do with my hoping the next part describing their [spoiler]demise[/spoiler] was what you had posted. I know, I know, that would have been confusing to those who haven't read it before. Meh.

Well that doesn?t really matter. ^_^ I agree with indifference in that the new format is easier to read and flows much better. The shorter paragraphs are easier to read and the separation of the conversation is definitely much better.

She also makes a good point about having an introduction paragraph or two. It would give readers a little bit of insight into what they are reading. I have the same question as well. Did you want suggestions? Or just feedback on things that seem off?

And more importantly, I don?t suppose you?ve written any of the next part of the story? I?m eager to see what happens next. ^_^
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[COLOR=RoyalBlue]I fixed the typos. If you see any others let me know. ^_~[QUOTE=indifference][COLOR=Sienna]I do have a suggestion. Have you considered making a type of introduction summary? Like you see on the back of a novel or inside the front cover? Just a paragraph or two giving the reader an idea of what they are about to read?

I also have a question, are you looking to add to your story? Or primarily for feedback on things you could improve? [/COLOR][/QUOTE]Actually I hadn?t thought of providing any type of summary. Now that I think about it, a summary or at least a teaser of what to expect would be a good idea. I?ll have to work on that.

As for adding to it vs. improving, I guess you could say I am looking for feedback in how I could improve it. I?ve thought about trying an RPG from the beginning of the story just to see what direction it would take. Though for that I would have to write up an extensive scenario detailing what happens before the creation of the game Silver One. [quote name='Aaryanna][COLOR=SeaGreen]Drat, I was hoping you were posting the second part. :p The fact that you have a character who needs to [spoiler]die (well later on that is)[/spoiler] has nothing to do with my hoping the next part describing their [spoiler]demise[/spoiler'] was what you had posted. I know, I know, that would have been confusing to those who haven't read it before. Meh......And more importantly, I don?t suppose you?ve written any of the next part of the story? I?m eager to see what happens next. ^_^[/COLOR][/quote];) Although I haven?t actually written the second part, I have written up some ideas I have for it. As for the fate of a certain character?well that would be telling. :p Anyway, here?s the next chapter. Thanks for your input, both of you. ^_^

[B]Chapter Two:[/B]

The game became more intense as even more aliens were attempting to corner Celestia. They were using cover fire to pin her down while others advanced on her position. Celestia quickly fired at them risking taking another hit, she had already been hit once. The aliens scattered briefly to avoid her fire and Celestia took the chance to run for a set of stairs going down to get away. She knew she could take two more hits without losing the game. Celestia figured that if she could get to the stairs and escape down to the next level she would stand a better chance. As it stood if they got to her position she would lose the game.

Celestia made it to the stairs but before she had taken a single step, the aliens shot her in the left arm. To her surprise instead of hearing the usual chime indicating she had taken a hit, Celestia felt an electrical shock run though her arm from where the laser hit. The sudden pain and the fact that the blast actually pushed her a bit forward on the left side nearly caused her to lose her balance and fall down the stairs. She had to grab onto the railing to keep from falling as she ran down the stairs. Celestia wondered what the hell had happened to the program for it to create a malfunction like that. The holographic projectors had not been programmed to produce anything like that!

Celestia regained her footing at the bottom of the stairs and said, ?[B]Jason! Shut down Silver One![/B]? Nothing happened.

?[B]Jason! Kendra! Respond![/B]? Still nothing.

?[B]Emergency override! Shut down Silver one![/B]? Celestia yelled. Again there was no response. Celestia barely had time to realize that there was something wrong with the program when the aliens appeared at the top of the stairs and took aim. Not wanting to be electrocuted again she took off barely avoiding the enemy fire.

Jason watched as Celestia nearly fell down the stairs from being shot. Instantly he knew something was wrong, he could see her lips moving but there was no sound.

?[B]Celestia! What?s wrong? I?ve lost the signal. Celestia![/B]? Jason yelled. He could see that she was still speaking but there was still no sound.

?[B]Kendra! Shut down Silver One![/B]? Jason said. Nothing happened. Jason tried to enter the shut down code manually, but still there was no response. Jason looked up at the screen in time to see Celestia barely avoid further enemy fire.

?[B]Damn![/B]? Jason snarled. ?[B]I have to shut it down somehow![/B]? Jason got up and ran to the changing room, if he couldn?t turn the program off then perhaps shutting down the power to the building would do the job. He would have to turn off the emergency generators as well to keep it from switching over to emergency power. Jason had barely opened the door when the sound of movement came from behind him.

Celestia began to feel just a little bit afraid. She couldn?t figure out what had caused the game to malfunction!

?[B]Damn it! Jason! Kendra! Shut down Silver One![/B]? she yelled. Still there was no response. For the next ten minutes Celestia ran like mad avoiding enemy fire and shooting at the aliens every chance she got. But this group of aliens seemed to anticipate her every move and not one shot actually hit! She knew that Jason wasn?t responsible, people often accused her of being arrogant but it was the simple truth that no one had been able to hack her systems or even produce a replica. So it just wasn?t possible for him to have re-programmed the game. Besides, she was fairly certain he liked her. She hired him because she knew he had no intention of stealing from her. How she knew that she didn?t know, but her instincts in hiring personnel in the past ten years had never been wrong. Celestia tried again to get Kendra (the computer) to shut down Silver One without success.

Celestia hid in a closet in one of the many rooms to take a moment and catch her breath. Even if she could get to the door that connected with the control room, her way was blocked by aliens and unless she could get the program to shut down the electrical energy covering the door would keep her from even being able to leave the game. Celestia was glad she was the designer of the game; otherwise with all the running she had done she would be completely lost. The holographic scenery was just too realistic.

?[B]Kendra! Jason! Respond please![/B]? she whispered into the mike. There was still no response. Jason had to have realized that something was wrong by now. Celestia hoped he would realize that he could go to the circuit breakers in the changing room and turn off the emergency generators and cut the power. As she leaned against the closet wall the thought occurred to her that she was glad she had designed the game to end when you are captured and not when you are killed.

Celestia was carefully moving on as staying in one spot was bound to get her caught when suddenly she realized she was going about this the wrong way! The way to end the game was to let them catch her! Once she was captured, the game should end! The program was designed to end at that point. Celestia felt almost foolish as she realized that she had run like crazy trying to escape a mere game. She ran into the next room and turned to await the aliens who were pursuing her. She raised her arms to surrender, as she wanted to avoid being shot again. In spite of knowing it was a game she still felt afraid since she didn?t want to be electrocuted again. Her left arm still felt a tiny bit numb from the first time she had been shot. The game allowed one to surrender so she hoped that the aliens recognized her surrender before shooting.

Then suddenly the door opened behind Celestia. Cursing under her breath she tried to turn around quickly. The aliens had split in to two groups in order to catch her! She turned frantically; it was almost like time itself was moving slowly as the first alien raised his weapon preparing to shoot.

?[B]I surrender![/B]? Celestia cried out! But it was a fraction too late; the blast from the gun hit her squarely on her left shoulder. Celestia wasn?t completely turned around and the blast of electric energy knocked her off her feet. She fell backwards, landing hard on her back. The force of the fall caused the weapon she was holding to go flying across the floor. Celestia wanted to scream; the electrical blast was even more painful than the last time! She thought that she was going to pass out. Her vision began to gray and she fought it until her vision cleared only to see four of the aliens standing above her, their weapons pointed right at her.

Celestia breathed a sigh of relief. Since they hadn?t fired again it meant that the program had recognized her surrender. The game was finally over. She started to get up but to her complete shock the aliens actually spoke telling her to not move! At their words Celestia froze in complete panic! The program hadn?t ended![/COLOR]
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[COLOR=SeaGreen]I like how you broke up the paragraphs a little more this time around, but I think the separation of the actual conversation could use a little work. It?s better than your original, but it still seems a little crowed in the paragraphs? It helps that they are in bold, but I think it could use a little tweaking to make them stand out like you did in the first chapter.

The biggest flaw I see in the logic of the story is this part: [quote name='SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue]Celestia made it to the stairs but before she had taken a single step, the aliens shot her in the left arm. To her surprise instead of hearing the usual chime indicating she had taken a hit, Celestia felt an electrical shock run though her arm from where the laser hit. The sudden pain and the fact that the blast actually pushed her a bit forward on the left side nearly caused her to lose her balance and fall down the stairs. She had to grab onto the railing to keep from falling as she ran down the stairs. Celestia wondered what the hell had happened to the program for it to create a malfunction like that. The holographic projectors should have been completely unable to produce anything like that! [/COLOR][/QUOTE]Based on what you?ve written in the first chapter here: [QUOTE=SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue']Celestia went over and entered the main game room. She shut the door and watched as the door was covered by the electrical energy turning it into a wall. Celestia reached over and ran her hand along the wall. It felt so real that unless you knew there was a door there, you wouldn?t even be able to tell the difference. [/COLOR][/quote]It would indicate a high level or reality if it felt so real that a person couldn?t tell the difference. So the statement that the holographic projectors wouldn?t have been able to produce something that would actually hurt the main character just doesn?t fit. Perhaps it would make more sense that it was programmed to produce a beam of light that only looked like a laser instead of it having electrical properties that would actually hurt Celestia? So she's surprised that the program is working in a manner that it was not specifically programed to do?

I realize it?s just a made up story, but I would think it would be more realistic to encounter something that the system was not programmed to do. Meh, I feel like I?m rambling, but it just seems that walls that feel real would indicate the program could possibly produce simulated shots with the same electrical energy (for forming the walls that felt real) mentioned in the first chapter; that could actually hurt the person in the game. Other than that I don?t have any other suggestions. ^_^[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=RoyalBlue][quote name='Aaryanna][COLOR=SeaGreen]The biggest flaw I see in the logic of the story is this part: Based on what you?ve written in the first chapter here: It would indicate a high level or reality if it felt so real that a person couldn?t tell the difference. So the statement that the holographic projectors wouldn?t have been able to produce something that would actually hurt the main character just doesn?t fit. Perhaps it would make more sense that it was programmed to produce a beam of light that only looked like a laser instead of it having electrical properties that would actually hurt Celestia? So she's surprised that the program is working in a manner that it was not specifically programed to do?[/COLOR][/QUOTE]Thanks for pointing that out. I hadn?t really thought of it like that, but now that you mention it I agree. It would seem a bit strange that it could produce walls that felt realistic and yet not be able to do the other. So I re-wrote that part to reflect that as you can see here. Thanks. ^_^ [QUOTE=SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue']Celestia wondered what the hell had happened to the program for it to create a malfunction like that. The holographic projectors had not been programmed to produce anything like that![/COLOR][/quote]I also broke up the conversation a little more so let me know if you think it works better. And now on to the next chapter! ^_^

[B]Chapter Three:[/B]

Jason turned to see aliens from the game entering the control room from a door of light in the middle of the room! He was so surprised that he froze in place, how could they even exist outside the game? It just wasn?t possible! There wasn?t even any of the equipment installed in the control room to support a holographic image! Once four of the aliens had entered the control room the mysterious door of light vanished.

Jason slowly stepped back into the changing room as the aliens were facing the monitors and hadn?t seen him yet. He reached for the door and slowly started to close it, he knew the sound of the door catching would be too loud but if he closed it only partway then he could at least hide the fact that he was shutting down the power. He had almost finished when one of the aliens saw him! They raised their weapon to fire; Jason slammed the door shut barely avoiding the shot and quickly locked it.

He had barely stepped back when he heard the loud hum of another shot being fired. The blast knocked the door off its hinges slamming it into Jason knocking him off his feet. The force of the blast slammed him into the back wall of the room; he slid down into a sitting position with his back to the wall and his legs underneath the door. He could taste blood in his mouth where he had accidentally bitten the side of his cheek when the door hit him. Jason pulled his legs out from underneath the door, other than some bruises he didn?t seem to be hurt too seriously. Though he was quite sure that the bruises would hurt a lot more later. He looked up at the doorway to see the alien who had shot at him stepping through the smoke from the blast. With her weapon pointed right at him he did the only thing he could think of. Jason raised his hands and said ?[B]I surrender[/B].?

Two more aliens entered the changing room. They dragged Jason to his feet and bound his hands behind him. They took him back out into the control room and had him sit in his chair facing the monitors. He could see Celestia on the monitors as she continued to evade the aliens. He winced when he saw her hiding in the closet. He could hear the aliens communicating with the ones pursuing Celestia. If she didn?t move they would catch her!

Jason knew he wasn?t anywhere as smart as Celestia, but even he knew something was terribly wrong. Somehow these people had to be real, but why they would chose to look like the aliens in her game? He knew that there were plenty of governments out there who would love to have Celestia to make weapons for them using her unique technology. She had turned down several job offers since he had been working for her. She had told them that although she was willing to make them stuff, she refused to work exclusively for just one government. Still, this whole thing just didn?t make any sense! If they wanted to kidnap Celestia why go to the trouble of pretending to be aliens in her game, and that didn?t explain what the mysterious door of light was either!

Jason watched as Celestia left the closet and continued through several rooms. Suddenly she stopped and faced the door she had come from, raising her hands in a gesture of surrender. He was puzzled until he realized she still thought the game was malfunctioning! She was going to surrender and end the game! She didn?t realize that the people were real! Jason watched as the door began to open behind Celestia.

Without a second thought he was on his feet yelling, ?[B]Behind you![/B]? In a vain attempt to warn her. He watched helplessly as the blast caught her on the shoulder knocking her to the floor. Jason didn?t get to see what happened next as one of the aliens guarding him backhanded him with such force that it knocked him off his feet. He landed on his right side so hard it knocked the breath out of him. He looked up to see the alien who had hit him approaching.

The alien was coldly beautiful with shoulder length silver blonde hair and a face that other than the silver eyes looked like it came right from a Vogue magazine. His dark green uniform couldn?t hide his slender yet muscular build. Jason was surprised that his eyes could look so cold and yet beautiful at the same time. He had never seen such a look in another person?s eyes, for some reason he didn?t understand he actually felt afraid of him.

The alien dropped to one knee, pulled out his laser gun and firmly placed the nozzle against Jason?s left cheek. Jason cringed when he felt the cold hard nuzzle of the gun against his cheek. The alien saw his reaction and smiled.

?[B]You will be silent. This is your first and last warning[/B],? the alien said. He removed the laser gun and left Jason lying on the floor. Jason watched as the alien got back up and continued what he was doing. He looked up at the monitors to see Celestia lying on the floor surrounded by four of the aliens. Jason knew there was nothing he could do and he was certain the alien who had threatened him wouldn?t hesitate to shoot him if he tried anything else. He cursed under his breath at his own helplessness.

Celestia watched as another alien came in the room, unlike the others she was dressed in a more formal outfit. She was strangely beautiful with a touch of green in her silver eyes and dark blonde hair running halfway down her back. Celestia was surprised that she was wearing the uniform of a commander. She had sketched designs of the dark green uniform with gold braiding and a pale green cape, but she had yet to actually write the program for one. How was her sketch showing up in the game?

?[B]Bring her[/B],? the commander ordered. Two of the aliens grabbed Celestia?s arms and pulled her up so she was standing. They bound her hands behind her back. Once again Celestia was speechless as there was nothing in the program for them to even have any type of restraints! The aliens ordered her to walk forward but she was still too surprised by what was happening to even move. One of the two aliens standing next to Celestia shoved her so hard to her get started that she almost stumbled and fell.

She followed the two aliens in front of her as they led her back into the other areas of the game. Celestia began to wonder just what had really happened with the game. She knew the programming hadn?t been altered so why was it not working correctly? With the guns actually being able to hurt her could she actually be killed? Perhaps the computer had somehow malfunctioned and aspects of other games she had created were present. It would certainly account for the weapons actually hurting her. If such a malfunction had occurred all sorts of things that the program wasn?t designed to do might actually happen. And yet part of her wondered how such a thing could happen with all the safeguards she had put in the system.

As Celestia was being led by the aliens though the game her mind raced, no matter what she thought of she couldn?t seem to figure out what had gone wrong. She knew that her only hope was to go along with the game. Jason was sure to realize what was happening and shut it down, yet she was bothered that he hadn?t done that yet. Had they attacked him as well? No, Celestia realized that it wasn?t possible as there wasn?t any holographic equipment in the control room.

What was taking him so long! He should have already shut the game down! She still didn?t have any clue as to what they planned to do with her. If her thought about other games being merged with this one was true then at least she didn?t have to worry too much. None of the games she had designed so far had any torture or other nasty stuff in it. Celestia followed the aliens into the next room and stopped dead in her tracks at what she saw there. In the middle of the room there was a mysterious door made of light? There wasn?t anything like that in any of the programs she had written! The aliens didn?t give her any choice as they grabbed her arms and dragged her through the door made of light.

Celestia was surprised by what was on the other side of the door made of light. The room she was in now contained scenery that didn?t exist in any of her games. She didn?t have much time to think about it as the next room completely took her by surprise. It was obviously an interrogation room! There was a table with four chairs on one side and a single chair on the other with restraints for holding someone down. The two aliens walking beside her took her over to the chair and after removing the restraints on her hands they forced her to sit in the chair and then proceeded to fasten her to the chair.

With a restraint across her chest just under her arms, one around her waist and ones around her wrists and ankles, Celestia found she couldn?t help but feel afraid. She couldn?t even think clearly. Two of the aliens stood at attention next to the door while the other four sat down at the table. The woman wearing the Commander outfit started turning on a computer, which was located in the table.

Although Celestia could see the light from the monitors built in the table, she couldn?t see what the screens actually said from her position. She felt a strange vibration in the chair she was bound too. Some how Celestia knew that wasn?t a good thing. [/COLOR]
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Very interesting. So far I would say you are off to a good start. It flows well and it?s easy to understand what?s going on. I too think a bit of an introduction would have been nice. It seems to me like it went straight to the action without much of an introduction. However, if you are planning on filling that in later with flash backs then I suppose it does not matter, but it would have been nice to feel a little more connected to the characters. Right now I find it interesting since I enjoy Science Fiction, but the characters have yet to draw me in. Well except for one potential as quoted here: [quote name='SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue']The alien was coldly beautiful with shoulder length silver blonde hair and a face that other than the silver eyes looked like it came right from a Vogue magazine. His dark green uniform couldn?t hide his slender yet muscular build. Jason was surprised that his eyes could look so cold and yet beautiful at the same time. He had never seen such a look in another person?s eyes, for some reason he didn?t understand he actually felt afraid of him. [/COLOR][/quote]I rather liked the way you described his eyes as both cold and beautiful. It will be interesting to see if this is more than just a passing character. Anyway, I will be checking back as I am curious to see if my hunch about him being a major character is correct.
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[COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]I?m glad to see that you are still working on this. I?d have to go and re-read this chapter, but it seems to me that in addition to tweaking the lengths of the paragraphs and the conversation, it seems that you have also tweaked the wording a bit. I like it as it flows a little better than it did before. I also like how you modified it based on what Aaryanna said about the character getting hurt was more of a not in the program vs. unable to produce such an effect. It had seemed a little off and I was just too brain dead to catch it. As for this statement: [quote name='SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue]I?ve thought about trying an RPG from the beginning of the story just to see what direction it would take. [/COLOR][/QUOTE]If you do decide to start an RPG of this story from the beginning, well then I just want it known that I want to play this character here:[QUOTE=SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue']The alien was coldly beautiful with shoulder length silver blonde hair and a face that other than the silver eyes looked like it came right from a Vogue magazine. His dark green uniform couldn?t hide his slender yet muscular build. Jason was surprised that his eyes could look so cold and yet beautiful at the same time. He had never seen such a look in another person?s eyes, for some reason he didn?t understand he actually felt afraid of him. [/COLOR][/quote]I?d claim him as my character if that were possible. :p Anyway, I?m looking forward to the next chapter, even though I know what?s going to happen, just because I like how the small alterations are making it more enjoyable as it makes the story easier to read. ;)[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=RoyalBlue][quote name='Aaryanna_Mom] Right now I find it interesting since I enjoy Science Fiction, but the characters have yet to draw me in.[/QUOTE]Thanks, I suppose that for me it?s obvious as I am writing the story, but to someone else it isn?t. I know what they are like and what is going to happen so upon reflection I am thinking that it would have been a little better if I had developed the characters more before getting into the main action. Perhaps that?s something that can be worked out in the RPG. Instead of starting where the story begins here in this thread I could start a little further back, maybe even explore a little of the development of game before they actually test it. ^_^ [QUOTE=indifference][COLOR=DeepSkyBlue']I?d claim him as my character if that were possible. :p [/COLOR][/quote]Hehe, well unless others object when I get it going then I don?t see any problem with you playing his character. ^_~ Anyway, thanks again for the input.


[B]Chapter Four:[/B]

Jason watched as Celestia was dragged though the mysterious door of light. Once she was taken though the door it vanished. A quick glance at all the monitors showed that Celestia along with the aliens were no longer in the building! He didn?t know how, but obviously the door of light was some type of transportation device. Jason turned back to watch the alien with silver Blonde Hair. It was obvious to him he was somehow hacking Celestia?s program as he appeared to be copying it into some sort of handheld device. Jason knew that until this guy no one had been able to hack her system, so how had he managed to do it so quickly?

The alien turned his handheld device off and then pulled out another device that looked like some type of bomb! After inputing some commands into the device he then placed it on the main computer console. Jason felt cold all over. Did they plan on leaving him here to die? The alien turned and looked directly into Jason?s eyes. Chilled by the cold look Jason looked away.

As the aliens started preparing to leave Jason was surprised when he heard the alien with silver blonde hair say, ?[B]Bring him.[/B]? Two of the other aliens dragged Jason to his feet he watched as another door of light appeared in the middle of the room. As they dragged him though the door he hoped it was to the same place where Celestia had been taken.

Jason winced as the aliens forced him though the mysterious door of light but other than a brief tingling sensation and being in a different location, nothing else happened. The room was unlike anything in any of the games Celestia had written. Jason was positive that he wasn?t in the building anymore. The walls were a strange silver color and reminded Jason of the inside of space ships he had seen on television. There were no windows so for all he knew he really could be in space. Though Jason found that hard to believe as he seriously doubted any government could hide the fact that they possessed technology on that level. He figured he must be in some underground military facility.

The real question was when did someone invent that mysterious door of light that had transported him here? If they had the ability to make something like that why even bother to kidnap him and Celestia? He could understand why someone would want Celestia, but him? He was smart, but nothing like Celestia. Unless they had noticed that he liked her. Jason blushed a bit at the thought; he hadn?t tried to hide the fact that he liked her. If someone really wanted to force Celestia to work for them, he would end up being used as leverage to get her to cooperate. Even if she didn?t like him, Celestia had always treated her employee?s like family. Everyone wanted to work for her. Jason had been surprised when he was chosen for the position, as there had literally been several thousand people applying for the job.

A hard shove from behind brought Jason back to the immediate reality of being a prisoner. The aliens took him through several hallways and then finally to another room. The room was empty and the only thing Jason could see was what appeared to be a huge screen against the far wall. There was a door to the right of the screen leading to another room. About five feet from the screen the aliens escorting Jason stopped. The screen started at about four feet from the floor and went to the ceiling, as the screen was about ten feet wide as well Jason wondered what it was used for, as he knew from experience that such a huge screen would be very expensive.

The alien with silver blonde hair left the room though the door next to the screen. He was only gone for a minute before returning. When he returned he looked directly into Jason?s eyes again as if he were looking for something. Once again Jason was stuck by the coldness in his gaze, but this time he couldn?t seem to look away. Some how Jason knew that he enjoyed hurting others. It was a very uncomfortable feeling and he caught himself starting to shake a little in fear. The alien saw his reaction and smiled slightly before turning his attention back to the screen on the wall.

Jason didn?t have to wait long to know what the screen was for; the alien in charge reached up and turned the screen on. As the screen flickered on Jason gasped in horror at what he saw. Celestia was bound to a chair! There was a table between her and four other aliens who were sitting at the table. It was obvious that they were interrogating her! Without thinking Jason took a step forward, the alien who was in charged turned to stare at him. Once again Jason was stuck by the coldness in his eyes and he stopped. He knew that he was just waiting for him to give him an excuse to hurt him.

He stood there his emotions warring between fear and rage. He wanted to scream! Jason knew he could do nothing to stop them yet he could barely stop himself from trying to somehow save Celestia.

The alien smiled as he watched Jason struggle to control himself. Surprisingly this human was rather attractive, he smiled to himself even more, perhaps the captain would let him keep this one for himself when she was finished interrogating him. He turned back to pay attention to the first interrogation.
[/COLOR]
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[quote name='SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue']Hehe, well unless others object when I get it going then I don?t see any problem with you playing his character. ^_~ Anyway, thanks again for the input. [/COLOR][/quote]Ah, so if he is a character for your RPG then my hunch was correct. If not I?m going to feel silly for posting this.

As for the next chapter. Although it was easy enough to read, the flow of the sentences in a few places feels a little choppy as if they were just placed together. I am not educated well enough to know why, only that it feels off when I read it. So I?ll do my best to explain this correctly. Take this paragraph: [quote name='SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue]Jason watched as Celestia was dragged though the mysterious door of light. Once she was taken though the door it vanished. He looked at all the monitors and saw that Celestia along with the aliens were no longer in the building! He didn?t know how, but obviously the door of light was some type of transportation device. He watched the alien who had threatened him. It was obvious to him he was somehow hacking Celestia?s program. He seemed to be copying it into some handheld device. Jason knew that until this guy no one had been able to hack her system, so how had he managed to do it so quickly? [/COLOR][/QUOTE]It feels like it is a bunch of statements put together. They fit, but they don?t seem to flow together. Like the sentences about watching him hack the system, perhaps they need to be rewritten into one sentence like ?[I]He turned back to watch the alien who had threatened him to find that he appeared to be hacking into the computer system.[/I]? I hope that demonstrates what I mean clearly enough. And if I?m wrong, just ignore me as it?s been decades since my last English class. :) I just thought I would point it out since several of the paragraphs seem to do the same thing in this chapter. There are some other areas I would love to discuss with you, but perhaps it would be better if you came over to my house? It would be easier to explain it to you in person. [QUOTE=SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue'] The alien smiled as he watched Jason struggle to control himself. Surprisingly this human was rather attractive, he smiled to himself even more, perhaps the captain would let him keep this one for himself when she was finished interrogating him. He turned back to pay attention to the first interrogation. [/COLOR][/quote]Now as for this part, you have now definitely gotten my interest. I guess it?s because of where I live, but I?m too use to expecting the girl to be the one who is harassed. I know, it?s the LDS upbringing that ignores anything involving same sex relationships. I?ve never doubted that they have issues with stalkers etc. I?m just not use to hearing about it. Now I feel guilty for looking forward to what happens to poor Jason in regards to this character. :animeblus Or perhaps a bit embarrased. :animesigh (you know, these little smilies are rather cute :animesmil )
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[COLOR=SeaGreen][quote name='Aaryanna_Mom']As for the next chapter. Although it was easy enough to read, the flow of the sentences in a few places feels a little choppy as if they were just placed together. [/quote]Now that she mentions it, I agree. I didin't notice it before but I think she's right. It's nothing too serious, but a little bit of rewording would probably help. I'll be over later today if you'd like me to go over it with you.
[quote name='Aaryanna_Mom'] Now as for this part, you have now definitely gotten my interest. I guess it?s because of where I live, but I?m too use to expecting the girl to be the one who is harassed. I know, it?s the LDS upbringing that ignores anything involving same sex relationships. I?ve never doubted that they have issues with stalkers etc. I?m just not use to hearing about it. Now I feel guilty for looking forward to what happens to poor Jason in regards to this character. :animeblus Or perhaps a bit embarrased. :animesigh (you know, these little smilies are rather cute :animesmil )[/quote]You know I'm never going to let you forget this statement right? Mwahahahahahahahaha! I've only been trying to get you interested in stories like this for what seems like forever! :p

Even with knowing what happens I too am looking foward to it. And just one subtle hint for you SunfallE....[spoiler]WRITE THE NEXT PART WHERE A CERTAIN CHARACTER DIES ALREADY![/spoiler] :p [/COLOR]
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[COLOR=DeepSkyBlue] Besides what Aaryanna and her mom already mentioned, the only thing that seems off to me is using this: [quote name='SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue]The alien who had threatened Jason left the room though the door next to the screen. [/COLOR][/QUOTE]instead of some form of description for this character. It seems to be a little bit repetitive to keep referring to him as the [I]one who threatened[/I]. Also you might want to separate this paragraph a bit: [QUOTE=SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue']He stood there his emotions warring between fear and rage. He wanted to scream! Jason knew he could do nothing to stop them yet he could barely stop himself from trying to somehow save Celestia. The alien smiled as he watched Jason struggle to control himself. Surprisingly this human was rather attractive, he smiled to himself even more, perhaps the captain would let him keep this one for himself when she was finished interrogating him. He turned back to pay attention to the first interrogation. [/COLOR][/quote]to make it clearer that there are two different people as to what they are thinking. When the sentence ?Surprisingly?? starts it?s not immediately apparent that you have switched to the alien with Silver Blonde Hair, so it?s a tad confusing and you have to re-read it to make sure you are clear on which character it is.

Other than that keep the chapters coming. Which reminds me, did you want any help in preparing the RPG? I have some pretty good ideas if you?d like to hear them. :)[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=RoyalBlue]Thanks for the suggestions everyone. I went back and rewrote several of the paragraphs to help it flow a little better, so let me know if it still seems off. ^_^[quote name='indifference][COLOR=DeepSkyBlue'] Which reminds me, did you want any help in preparing the RPG? I have some pretty good ideas if you?d like to hear them. :)[/COLOR][/quote]I can always use help and ideas. And since you seem to be interested in playing one of the characters, I?d love to hear your ideas. Just send me a pm or e-mail. ^_~

And now that I?ve finished with chapter four for now it?s time for the next chapter!


[B]Chapter Five:[/B]

It appeared to Celestia that the woman dressed as a Commander was actually the one in charge. The door opened and another person who looked liked the aliens from her game entered the room. He too was strangely beautiful with shoulder length silver blonde hair and striking features. He moved with the power and grace of a trained warrior, though how Celestia knew that she wasn?t certain. He walked over to the Commander and handed her a small hand held device. After exchanging a few words he turned and left the room. The Commander looked briefly at the hand held device and then set it down on the table.

?[B]Celestia[/B],? she said, ?[B]You will explain how it is that you knew about us.[/B]?

Celestia was so surprised by the question that she didn?t know what to say. The Commander waited for a moment.

?[B]Answer the question![/B]? she commanded.

Celestia replied, ?[B]I don?t understand what you mean.[/B]?

The Commander typed in a command on the console. The vibration running though the chair she was bound to increased. Celestia cried out in pain as a powerful electrical current ran through the chair?s frame and into her body. It only lasted for about ten seconds but seemed to be much longer.

Once again the Commander spoke, ?[B]Explain how it is that you know about us![/B]?

Celestia replied, ?[B]I really don?t understand what you mean.[/B]?

Once again the Commander typed a command into the console and again Celestia cried out in pain from the electrical current.

?[B]Please![/B]? Celestia cried out when the current stopped, ?[B]I really don?t understand what you mean about my knowing about you![/B]?

She cringed expecting to be electrocuted again but when nothing happened she opened her eyes to find the Commander watching her with her head tilted sideways as if she was speculating.

?[B]Do you know where you are?[/B]? she asked.

Puzzled Celestia said, ?[B]No, I don?t recognize this place.[/B]?

She looked at Celestia for a long moment and finally said, ?[B]You had better not be lying, or you will regret it.[/B]? Celestia waited for an explanation of that statement but none was given.

?[B]Very well, I?ll explain further,[/B]? the woman said. ?[B]How is it that you knew we were planning to invade Earth? I also wish to know how you knew to identify us by the silver color of our eyes. It?s obvious you are working for one of the governments of this planet to provide a combat training program to counter our invasion.[/B]?

Celestia was speechless! If her game was malfunctioning, it was certainly doing so in a way that followed what a possible plot would be! She had included notes along that line in her database of Silver One?s story line, but she hadn?t written it into the game code yet! Apparently she took to long to answer for once again the painful current ran through her body. The Commander again demanded an answer.

Celestia realized that even if it was a malfunction in the programming she was in serious trouble. If she couldn?t manage to convince her that it was only a game or if she lied and tried to claim, which government was behind her program and she found out she was lying, either way could result in her being killed or tortured to death. Celestia decided to stick with the truth. It would be too easy to get confused if she lied and later didn?t keep the story straight.

She explained that she wasn?t testing a military program but a new game. She explained further that the reason she had the only game was that it was based on a new holographic technology and she was testing it before releasing it to the public. Celestia held her breath and waited for the woman?s response. The Commander did not seem to believe her as once again the electricity shocked Celestia. When it finally stopped and her screams of agony ended the woman once again demanded the truth.

?[B]Did you honestly think we would believe such obvious lies? We have been monitoring you and your assistant for months! We have overheard you turning down offers to work for several of the governments of this world![/B]? she said.

Celestia was confused; the situation was making no sense to her. How could a malfunction monitor previous conversations in the real world? Her next words shocked Celestia even more.

?[B]No one will be able to assist you,[/B]? she said. Celestia was still confused and the woman seemed to see it in her expression as she explained further, ?[B]You are on board my ship, no one knows where you are.[/B]? The woman entered another command and the wall to the left changed to a screen showing the Earth as if Celestia really was in a ship orbiting the planet, the picture even moved as if she was in a ship!

?[B]When you and your assistant Jason started the combat simulation it was child?s play to jam it so you couldn?t shut it down. I knew it would be easier to catch you if you thought we were part of the simulation.[/B]? She said. The woman punched a command into the console again and the alien who had given her the hand held device before entered the room again. She whispered something to him that Celestia couldn?t hear.

?[B]At once Commander,[/B]? he replied. He turned and left the room.

She turned back to Celestia. She picked up the hand held device and then got up and came over and started walking around the chair Celestia was bound to. After walking around it a few times she stopped where she was facing Celestia.

?[B]Perhaps we have underestimated you, it seems that no prototype of the weapon could be found at your laboratory.[/B]?

?[B]It?s just a game! There never was any prototype weapon![/B]?

The Commander slapped Celestia and then turned and went back to her chair and sat down. She continued to read what was in the hand held device, and then she stopped, set it down and looked at Celestia for a long moment.

?[B]It seems that we didn?t consider the possibility you might be a soldier as well, I thought you were just a weak scientist.[/B]?

Celestia couldn?t help herself, she immediately cried out, ?[B]What!? I am not a member of the military or a scientist! I?m a civilian![/B]?

The woman snapped at Celestia telling her to be quiet! She entered a command and once again Celestia was hit with the painful electricity. She knew that she had angered her as it continued far longer than the previous times. Celestia found she couldn?t even cry out in pain but could only mange to gasp for air as she fought blacking out. When it finally stopped the only thing keeping her from falling to the floor was the restraints, Celestia hung limply in the chair taking deep breaths to keep from blacking out; she didn?t dare look up at the woman, as she didn?t want to risk angering her again.

The door opened again and Celestia looked up just enough to see another alien enter. She was horrified to see that he was carrying a syringe! Celestia felt absolute panic as he came towards her with the syringe. She struggled with the restraints trying to pull free! When he injected her in her right arm with the drug she whimpered in fear. The Commander waited until he was finished before speaking.

?[B]Now we will get the truth out of you. I had intended to avoid using drugs, since they have never been tested on humans before, but you have left me with no choice. In only a few minutes you will be unable to tell anything but the truth.[/B]?

As Celestia looked into her eyes, she could feel something happening to her, as the drug started to take effect she realized that she had to be in space and that she was real! Celestia realized that no matter what malfunction the computer may have had it couldn?t possibly produce a drug for them to actually inject her with! She began to feel even stranger as the drug continued to go through her system. Suddenly she felt strangely detached and unafraid. The woman watching Celestia seemed to realize the change and smiled.

?[B]Good it looks like the drug is working,[/B]? she said. She proceeded to ask Celestia the questions again.[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=SeaGreen]Well other than a typo here: [quote name='SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue'] When if finally stopped [/COLOR][/quote]where I think you meant to write it instead of if. I think it?s coming along nicely. This chapter is definitely easier to understand with the conversation broken up. I feel like a broken record but it?s just so true. The whole story is just that much better for being easier to read.

As for the plot itself. As much as I dislike people who hurt others, it does seem to fit that they were impatient enough to use torture and drugs to get the information they wanted. Especially if they had been monitoring them for months. It had probably reached the point where the Commander was irritated over not being able to figure out where Celestia had gotten such accurate information for her game. I know if I was going to invade a planet and I came across someone doing what she was, I?d want to know how in the world they knew about me. :p I would hope I wouldn't be cruel enough to torture them though.[/COLOR]
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The only thing that seemed off to me in this chapter is that it seemed they resorted to drugs far to quickly. I would have thought that they would have given her more of a chance to respond after being electrocuted. Perhaps they were in some sort of hurry to get the information? For an upcoming invasion, etc. If so perhaps you might want to indicate that. Other than that it?s coming along just fine. Considering what was stated in previous chapters I think it was clear they intended to be a bit ruthless in their interrogation of Celestia. So that part fit the story just fine.
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[COLOR=RoyalBlue][quote name='Aaryanna_Mom']The only thing that seemed off to me in this chapter is that it seemed they resorted to drugs far to quickly. I would have thought that they would have given her more of a chance to respond after being electrocuted. Perhaps they were in some sort of hurry to get the information? For an upcoming invasion, etc. If so perhaps you might want to indicate that. Other than that it?s coming along just fine. Considering what was stated in previous chapters I think it was clear they intended to be a bit ruthless in their interrogation of Celestia. So that part fit the story just fine.[/quote]I?ll have to work on fixing it, but I guess I didn?t make it apparent that they intended to use the drugs regardless of whether she talked or not. I?m not sure if I?ll fix that in the previous chapter or address it in another. But they intended to drug her from the very beginning.

[B]Chapter Six:[/B]

Jason watched, horrified as the woman questioning Celestia began to torture her. He could tell that the alien with silver blonde hair was watching him, waiting to see his reaction. He knew it would be a mistake to resist but when Celestia cried out in pain the second time he couldn?t help it. Jason tried to run and slam past him to get to the door, but it seemed they had anticipated his reaction for he was grabbed from behind and held fast before he had even taken two steps towards the door.

The alien with cold eyes came towards him, Jason tried to lash out with his feet but he easily avoided Jason?s attempts to kick him. With one swift move he punched Jason hard in the stomach, knocking the breath out of him. The other aliens let go and Jason fell to his knees gasping for breath. Again he heard Celestia?s cry out in pain. He would have fallen over but the alien grabbed his hair with his left hand, forcing Jason to look right at him. The alien got down on one knee, pulled out his gun with his right hand and placed the nozzle of the gun underneath Jason?s chin. He leaned closer until their faces were only inches apart.

?[B]Don?t be in such a hurry for your turn,[/B]? he said.

Jason stared back, furious at his inability to do anything. He cringed when he heard Celestia?s cries of pain once again.

?[B]Please,[/B]? Jason said, ?[B]Stop hurting her.[/B]? The alien laughed and let go of him. The other?s grabbed Jason and dragged him upright. The alien put his gun away and went into the room where Celestia was. When he came back he ordered one of the other aliens to go and retrieve a serum.

Once again Celestia cried out in pain. Jason struggled to get free. The alien with cold eyes ignored his struggles. Within a short time the other alien returned and Jason was horrified to see he was carrying a syringe! They intended to drug Celestia! Frantically he struggled to break free. In a desperate twist he pulled free and attempted to ram the alien carrying the syringe.

Once again the cruel alien punched Jason hard in the stomach, knocking the breath out of him causing him to fall to the floor gasping for breath. As the alien with the syringe entered the room where Celestia was; Jason could clearly see her horrified expression as the man with the syringe approached her. Then his view of the screen was blocked as the alien who had punched him knelt in front of him. Jason cringed, waiting for what was going to happen next. But the alien simply grabbed his chin and forced him to look at him.

?[B]I told you,[/B]? he said, ?[B]Don?t be in such a hurry for your turn.[/B]? He let go of Jason and got back up to watch the interrogation of Celestia. The other aliens came over to Jason, but instead of picking him up one leaned over and fastened restraints on his ankles and then they simply left him lying on the floor. Jason looked back at the screen and watched as Celestia expression changed from the effects of the drug.

Celestia found herself answering the Commander?s questions before she even thought of the answer. She couldn?t stop herself from talking. The thought occurred to her that she was glad she had decided to tell the truth. If she had lied there was no telling what the woman would have done to her. The woman?s expression changed to one of disbelief. It was if she couldn?t believe that Celestia had created a game that matched their objectives by accident. Celestia began to feel even stranger and suddenly the woman stopped and turned to her companion.

?[B]Give her the antidote, it looks like her body can?t take it anymore.[/B]? He got up, came over and gave Celestia another shot. The feeling of detachment slowly began to fade away. Celestia watched the woman wondering what was going to happen now. She still was drugged enough that she felt no fear yet she was still worried about what was going to happen next! And if this was real, what had happened to Jason? Celestia was still too drugged to talk, as it seemed that this particular drug made you unable to say anything unless you were told to speak.

?[B]It looks like you were telling the truth after all. For that I will allow you to live.[/B]? The Commander said before she turned to another alien and told them to put Celestia in a cell. ?[B]She needs time to recover from the drug before we question her any further.[/B]?

?[B]Yes commander,[/B]? one of the aliens responded. They removed the restraints but Celestia was unable to move or stand so they simply carried her. She was taken to a cell and the aliens actually placed her on the bed and covered her with a blanket before leaving. Celestia was too exhausted and drugged to move. She was desperately worried about what had happened to Jason, but she couldn?t shake the effects of the drug and was soon fast asleep.[/COLOR]
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[quote name='SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue']I?ll have to work on fixing it, but I guess I didn?t make it apparent that they intended to use the drugs regardless of whether she talked or not. I?m not sure if I?ll fix that in the previous chapter or address it in another. But they intended to drug her from the very beginning. [/COLOR][/quote]In retrospect, now that I think about it, if they really are planning an invasion it would make sense to rely on a drug to verify any statements she made. After all I'm sure being tortured is no guarantee that you will get the truth out of a person, at least not without a lot of effort that is. So I guess it fits after all. I should pay more attention to the dialogue right? ;)

As for the plot I like how you are developing the character I initially thought would be a major one. I?m getting the impression that he enjoys tormenting others. So I?m curious to read more to see how that goes. Even if he is a bit predictable I?m still enjoying the story so far. :catgirl:
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  • 2 weeks later...
[COLOR=RoyalBlue][QUOTE=Aaryanna_Mom]In retrospect, now that I think about it, if they really are planning an invasion it would make sense to rely on a drug to verify any statements she made. After all I'm sure being tortured is no guarantee that you will get the truth out of a person, at least not without a lot of effort that is. So I guess it fits after all. I should pay more attention to the dialogue right? ;)

As for the plot I like how you are developing the character I initially thought would be a major one. I?m getting the impression that he enjoys tormenting others. So I?m curious to read more to see how that goes. Even if he is a bit predictable I?m still enjoying the story so far. :catgirl:[/QUOTE]I don?t know about that, after all on some level it needs to be more obvious right? Otherwise you just confuse your readers and that?s definitely something you don?t want to do if you can avoid it. ^_~

It?s interesting to hear you say that about the one character. So far everyone I?ve showed it to has said the same thing. I?ll tell you this much especially since this next chapter is going to make it clearer anyway, you are correct, he does enjoy tormenting others. But as for the details?just take a look. ^_~


[B]Chapter Seven: [/B]

Jason watched as Celestia was taken away through another door leading into the interrogation room. Although he was relieved that they were done interrogating her, he was desperately worried about what was going to happen next.

As if he could read Jason?s mind the alien with cold eyes said, ?[B]You should be more worried about your fate instead of Celestia?s.[/B]? Jason controlled the urge to shudder as the aliens removed the restraints from his ankles and pulled him up. They took him into the room where Celestia had been and after removing the other restraints they proceeded to strap him into the chair. Once they finished everyone left the room except for the commander and the alien with the cold eyes.

?[B]Jason,[/B]? the commander said, ?[B]I trust you understand what will happen if you fail to cooperate?[/B]?

Jason nodded his head and said, ?[B]Yes, I understand.[/B]?

She looked into his eyes if measuring the truthfulness of his reply. ?[B]Good, then I want you to explain what exactly it is you do as Celestia?s assistant[/B],? she said.

Jason didn?t waste any time, he immediately explained how it was his job to monitor the simulations and to organize the information into reports for Celestia. He further explained how it was also his job to prepare the documents that were given out to the press or to other companies once she had taken a look and approved the content. He was also responsible for responding to inquires and mail regarding her business. ?[B]In other words[/B],? Jason said as he finished explaining, ?[B]I?m basically her glorified secretary.[/B]?

The commander picked up the hand held device that Jason had seen the other alien use to hack into Celestia?s program. She read it for a minute and then put it back down.

?[B]Celestia?s notes regarding your hire confirm what you have just told me. The real question is whether or not keeping you alive is worth my time.[/B]? She said.

Jason felt a cold chill run down his back. It was true that he wasn?t smart like Celestia was, sure he was an expert programmer and highly intelligent, but for the most part her programs eluded him.

Apparently the commander wasn?t expecting an answer as she continued by saying, ?[B]It says here that you helped Celestia develop the formula for the laser gun that would use a different energy configuration to disable our people?s nervous system. Your people are quite different than ours and I find it hard to believe you two stumbled upon the correct energy signature that would effectively attack our nervous system.[/B]?

Jason was stunned! Sure he had a knack for configuring different energy signatures, but he had simply followed what Celestia said she wanted the frequency to be. Jason explained this to her. She looked at him as if she wasn?t sure he was telling the truth. Jason said, ?[B]I swear it?s the truth. It?s probably why Celestia hired me, as I?m very good with those type of calculations.[/B]?

The commander set the hand held device down and walked around the desk until she was facing Jason. ?[B]For now I intend to allow you to live as well, I suggest you continue to cooperate,[/B]? she said. The commander turned to the other alien and said, ?[B]Jared, put him in a cell for now.[/B]?

Jared replied, ?[B]Yes Commander.[/B]? He reached for the desk and called for some of his men to assist him in moving Jason.

The commander spoke again, ?[B]And Jared, I?ve seen you watching this one, be patient, if you really want him, wait until I am finished.[/B]?

Jared smiled, ?[B]Yes Commander, I would never go so far as to interfere with your wishes.[/B]?

The Commander replied, ?[B]I know, I?m only asking that you tone it down a little this time as we can?t be certain how fragile humans are compared to us.[/B]?

Jared replied, ?[B]Understood Commander, and I apologize as that did not occur to me.[/B]?

The Commander turned to leave but stopped and said, ?[B]Before I forget, make sure the destruction of their building is complete.[/B]?

Jared replied, ?[B]One of my men is already verifying that Commander.[/B]'

The Commander smiled and left. If Jason had felt uncomfortable around Jared before, he found it was ten times worse being alone with him. He could feel that Jared?s cold eyes were watching him. Jason carefully kept his gaze on the floor as he heard Jared?s footsteps as he came closer. Even when he saw his feet in front of him he couldn?t bring himself to look up.

Jason nearly jumped out of his skin when Jared grabbed his chin and forced him to look into his hard cold eyes. Jason tried to hide his fear but he knew by the look in Jared?s eyes he wasn?t successful.

Jared released him and said, ?[B]You really are quite attractive, for a human.[/B]? Jason averted his eyes and shuddered. He had never been the type to harass others if they weren?t interested in him. His sister had once had a problem with a stalker. Although he had sympathized with her he hadn?t truly understood just how upsetting it really was. Never had he felt such a powerful mixture, of fear, terror and distaste. Part of him felt totally nauseous. It was so powerful he couldn?t stop himself from trembling.

The door opened and several more aliens came into the room. At Jared?s order they released Jason and rebound his hands behind his back. They then forced him to follow Jared as they took him to a cell. Once they arrived Jared removed Jason?s bonds and shoved him into the cell before closing the door.

Once again Jason nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized that Jared was still in the cell with him. Instantly he backed up until his back was against the wall. Some how Jason knew he was no match for Jared. Jason felt his heart racing, he began to sweat when Jared pulled out a small device and started walking towards him. Never had he felt such terror. Jason?s knee?s buckled and he slid down the wall into a sitting position. When Jared was only a few feet away he closed his eyes and tensed, expecting the worst.

?[B]Don?t worry,[/B]? Jared said. Startled Jason opened his eyes and looked up. ?[B]I?m only scanning you to get your biological information. The commander said to tone things down and I can hardly do that without further information about your structure.[/B]? Jared continued.

Jason was speechless; he didn?t know what to say. A tiny bit of the fear left when he realized that Jared would most likely wait until he had analyzed the data before doing anything. ?[B]What about Celestia?[/B]? Jason asked.

Jared looked at him and smiled. ?[B]Good, you?re not as timid as I thought,[/B]? Jared said. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a small hand held device, turned it on and tossed it to Jason who caught it. He looked at the screen to see Celestia in a room asleep in a bed like the one in his cell. He looked back at Jared. ?[B]She?s fine. She?s just sleeping as a result of the serum we gave her.[/B]? He said.

Jason stood back up and leaned against the wall. Jared finished scanning him and turned the small device off before putting it in his pocket. He walked forward and held his hand out. Jason gave back the device showing Celestia sleeping. Jared turned it off too and put it in his pocket.

Jason gathered his courage and asked, ?[B]Can I see her? Please?[/B]?

Jared laughed. For a long moment he just stared at Jason, then he walked forward until they were nearly touching. Jason felt himself begin to tremble again; he fought it enough that he was able to stay standing this time. He looked into Jared?s eyes but the intensity there was too much and he looked away. Jared reached up and grabbed his chin forcing him to look into his eyes again.

Jared leaned forward and whispered, ?[B]Continue to cooperate and I?ll consider allowing you to see her.[/B]? For a moment Jason was afraid he was actually going to kiss him or something like that, but then Jared let go and turned and left, locking the cell door behind him.

Jason walked over to the bed and collapsed on it. For a brief moment he was overcome and shook. When the feeling passed and the trembling stopped he wondered if this was how his sister had felt when the stalker had plagued her. He vowed that if he ever got out of this alive, the first thing he would do is tell her how sorry he was that he wasn?t as sympathetic as he could have been.[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=DeepSkyBlue][quote name='SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue']It?s interesting to hear you say that about the one character. So far everyone I?ve showed it to has said the same thing. I?ll tell you this much especially since this next chapter is going to make it clearer anyway, you are correct, he does enjoy tormenting others. But as for the details?just take a look. ^_~ [/COLOR][/quote]Because even though Jared?s a bit predictable he?s still a fun character. In a mean sadistic kind of way that is. But then every story needs a good villain right? Though I?m getting ahead of myself. I don?t even remember what chapter it was when you made it quite clear that he?s one mean little shit.

Anyway, once again good job on breaking up the conversation and paragraphs to make it more readable. Just don?t keep us waiting so long between chapters and we?ll be set. ;)[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=RoyalBlue][quote name='indifference][COLOR=DeepSkyBlue] I don?t even remember what chapter it was when you made it quite clear that he?s one mean little shit.[/COLOR][/QUOTE] To be fair I don't remember either unless I actually go and look. :p[QUOTE=indifference][COLOR=DeepSkyBlue'] Just don?t keep us waiting so long between chapters and we?ll be set. ;)[/COLOR][/quote]Well since you put it like that... ^_~


[B]Chapter Eight:[/B]

The commander sat down in her chair on the main bridge as she continued to read what Jared had downloaded from Celestia?s computer. She wasn?t positive but it appeared that Celestia was using programming technology that was developed by their scientists. But the question was how could she have gotten such knowledge? She pulled up a screen and paged one of her men. The screen lit up immediately.

?[B]Yes Commander?[/B]? the man on the other side asked.

?[B]Nathan, I?m sending you some computer information. You have spent time on Earth and know the difference between our technologies. I want you to study this and tell me which scientists this style of programming is taken from.[/B]? The commander said.

?[B]At once Commander,[/B]? Nathan replied.

?[B]Sandra[/B],? Jared said. The Commander looked up to see Jared entering the bridge. ?[B]I took the liberty of acquiring medical scans of the human Jason for the doctor to study, would you like a medical report of Celestia as well?[/B]? he asked.

?[B]Yes, have the doctor go herself to obtain the information. Have you finished reading Celestia?s notes?[/B]? Sandra asked.

?[B]Yes,[/B]? he replied.

Sandra got up and walked over to the main screen showing the Earth from space. ?[B]I find it hard to believe that not only does her game know how to identify us, but that her sketches of our uniforms are completely accurate, the energy configuration for a laser gun is accurate and her general story line actually matches some of our planets history.[/B]? Sandra paused for a moment and then continued. ?[B]I?ve sent her technical specifications over to Nathan for analysis as they too appear to match our technology as well. I want you to continue with the interrogation of both Celestia and Jason. Some where in their memories there must be a clue to how she obtained this information.[/B]?

Jared replied, ?[B]Yes Commander.[/B]?

Sandra turned back to face Jared, ?[B]What?s the report regarding the building?[/B]? she asked.

?[B]It was completely destroyed, the authorities on their world are convinced it was some type of accident and that both Celestia and Jason were killed in the explosion.[/B]? Jared replied. ?[B]I?ve also finished the investigation of the other energy signatures that are more advanced on this planet. None of them are a direct threat to our invasion plans. I can forward the report to request the invasion fleet at any time.[/B]? The commander walked over to her chair and sat back down.

?[B]I think we should still wait, at least until we finish checking out Celestia and Jason. We need to make sure there isn?t a resistance cell operating on Earth; I think the possibility that her information came from some one from our world is quite high. Celestia may have been being used by the resistance.[/B]? The commander said. Jared walked over and stood next to the commander.

?[B]The thought had occurred to me, it would explain why her information is so detailed. I?ll make the interrogations my priority and with your permission I?ll send down several level one scout teams to check into this further.[/B]? He said.

Sandra replied, ?[B]permission granted to use level one scout teams, increase their report time schedule to twice daily instead of once, even if it?s a nothing new to report update.[/B]?

Jared pulled out his hand held device and input the changes into the assignment. ?[B]I?ll get started on that immediately Commander,[/B]? he said. Jared bowed briefly, turned and left the bridge. Sandra pulled up the data from Celestia?s computer and studied it once more, looking for clues she might have missed the first time.

Nathan pulled up the data the Commander had sent him to analyze. He had barely started going through it when he realized he might be in trouble. He sent a request for further information about the person who had written the program. A few minutes later the information about Celestia and Jason arrived. He was right! Celestia had been one of the candidates chosen by the resistance to help further Earth?s technology so they would be able to resist the invasion!

But she had proven to be an unsuitable candidate, or so they had thought at the time. Her memory was supposed to have been erased! Clearly that wasn?t the case! Nathan read further through the programs she had created and surprisingly she had actually improved on some of the basic programming! Nathan cursed under his breath. If only the invasion had been postponed for another twenty years. At the rate she had been going Earth?s technology was on the brink of a major revolution! Now the real concern was if she remembered him. If she did the resistance was in for major trouble. If they found out about him and he was interrogated it would be a disaster. He was too far up in their chain of command and the information he knew could seriously compromise their operation.

Although he found the thought distasteful he would commit suicide first. Too many lives depended on him. Somehow he had to see if Celestia remembered him. Fortunately he had never met Jason. Nathan continued to write his analysis of Celestia?s program, she was a lot smarter than any of them had realized so he was able to clearly state that although she was using programming developed by his world, she was also doing stuff that was not like anything they had ever done or anyone on Earth either.

Nathan almost hated to tell the truth. The report would guarantee that she would live, but it would also guarantee that she would remain a prisoner for the rest of her life. And he didn?t even want to think about what they would do to her in order to extract as much information from her as possible. Nathan hated to admit it, but she was even more intelligent that he was. He would love to find a way to get her into the hands of the resistance. With further training she might even surpass some of the greatest technological minds of his world.

Nathan made sure he included everything he had observed in his report. He knew that the best way to stay hidden was to never leave any details out of his observations. The worst mistake one could make was to leave out details as sooner or later someone would notice that you were hiding information. It was part of what made him so successful, he made sure to never hide details unless absolutely necessary. That way the few times it was noticed, it was dismissed as a simple mistake. Nathan continued working on the report, as he knew the Commander would want it as soon as possible.[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]That was quick. Not that I mind. I like how you changed this part: [quote name='SunfallE][COLOR=RoyalBlue] ?[B]The thought had occurred to me, it would explain why her information is so detailed. I?ll make the interrogations my priority and with your permission I?ll send down several level one scout teams to check into this further.[/B']? He said. [/COLOR][/quote]Before you had Jared indicating that it hadn?t occurred to him that Celestia had been used by the resistance and it just seemed that if he really was second in command that he would have considered such a possibility regardless of whether or not he thought it was possible. So I like that as it flows a little better than the previous version where he didn?t think of it.

Anyway, keep up the good work. ;)[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=Navy]Where do I begin? You already know I enjoy your story since I was the very first person to ever read it. :p I too like how you?ve broken up the conversation and the paragraphs as it makes it quite a bit easier to read. The other format was more like a rough draft where this seems more like I?m actually reading a book. Much more enjoyable. ^_^[quote name='indifference][COLOR=DeepSkyBlue] If you do decide to start an RPG of this story from the beginning, well then I just want it known that I want to play this character here:I?d claim him as my character if that were possible. :p [/COLOR][/QUOTE][QUOTE=indifference][COLOR=DeepSkyBlue']Because even though Jared?s a bit predictable he?s still a fun character. In a mean sadistic kind of way that is. But then every story needs a good villain right? Though I?m getting ahead of myself. I don?t even remember what chapter it was when you made it quite clear that he?s one mean little shit.[/COLOR][/quote]I?m going to nominate indifference for the role of playing Jared. Not that I think she?s sadistic or a mean little shit, but I have seen her post as a villain before and let me tell you. I was ready to run the other way. Made me glad her character wasn?t real. ^_~

I?d like to be part of it too if you do an RPG, but I don?t know who I would be. o_O Anyway, keep posting! I?m enjoying the improved format. ^_^[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=RoyalBlue][QUOTE=indifference][COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]: Before you had Jared indicating that it hadn?t occurred to him that Celestia had been used by the resistance and it just seemed that if he really was second in command that he would have considered such a possibility regardless of whether or not he thought it was possible. So I like that as it flows a little better than the previous version where he didn?t think of it.

Anyway, keep up the good work. ;)[/COLOR][/QUOTE]Thanks. ^_~ I was reading that part and the thought occurred to me that he wouldn't be much of a commander if such a possibility was a surprise to him, so I changed it. I'm glad you like it better. [QUOTE=Mariskah][COLOR=Navy]I?m going to nominate indifference for the role of playing Jared. Not that I think she?s sadistic or a mean little shit, but I have seen her post as a villain before and let me tell you. I was ready to run the other way. Made me glad her character wasn?t real. ^_~

I?d like to be part of it too if you do an RPG, but I don?t know who I would be. o_O Anyway, keep posting! I?m enjoying the improved format. ^_^[/COLOR][/QUOTE]Haha! Seems that Jared is going to end up being the character you play indifference. ^_~

As for you Mariskah, I?ve been chatting with indifference and depending on where we start the RPG there are characters that I have yet to actually write into the story and at least one of them I think would fit you perfectly. ^_~ I?ll explain it when I see you either later tonight or tomorrow. ^_^

And now on to the next chapter! And thanks for all the great comments everyone. I appreciate it.


[B]Chapter Nine:[/B]

Celestia knew something was off, her bed felt wrong and her head hurt horribly. She couldn?t remember what had happened. She had been testing her new game Silver One and after that it was a blur. She tried to open her eyes but they were too sensitive to the light. Celestia reached over to get a drink from the glass of water she always kept by her bed. Suddenly it hit her! Everything that had happened came back to her in a rush. She sat up quickly but regretted it as it sent waves of pain through her head.

Celestia had to lie back down as the pain sent waves of nausea through her as well. As much as she wanted to move she couldn?t. Instead she slowly opened her eyes giving them time to adjust to the light. Once they finally adjusted she took a look at her surroundings. She was still in the cell that the aliens had brought her to after they tortured her. The door to her cell opened and another alien entered. Unlike the other aliens she had a kind expression and was wearing a medical uniform. At least it looked like a medical uniform based on the sketches she had drawn for her game.

?[B]Ah, you?re finally awake, good.[/B]? The woman said. ?[B]My name is Crystal. I?m the ship?s doctor.[/B]? She sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled out a small device. ?[B]Don?t be alarmed, as this is only a scanner for me to get your biological information.[/B]? She said.

Celestia watched as the doctor looked at the small screen on the device she was holding. Her patient and kind expression reminded her of her own mother who had died when she was very young. The doctor finished with the device and put it back into her pocket.

?[B]Now I?m betting you have a terrible headache, right?[/B]? she asked. Celestia nodded her head. ?[B]I thought so,[/B]? the doctor said. ?[B]Your genetic structure doesn?t break down the serum in the same manner as we do. I?d like to give you a little something for that if you don?t mind. I?m also going to have some food sent to you as your blood sugar is low and I believe it?s contributing to the problem. I?ll leave it up to you whether or not you take the medicine; I think you?ve already had enough forced on you for one day. I hope you?ll forgive me my dear, but I may be required to assist the Commander in further interrogations. Personally I don?t agree with the military?s methods, but I?ll still follow orders.[/B]?

The doctor got up and walked towards the cell door. She stopped at the door and turned around and said, ?[B]Oh I almost forgot, your friend Jason is here as well, I?m truly sorry child. He?s fine for the moment. Take my advice and cooperate with the Commander. You?ll make things much easier on you and him if you do.[/B]? With that final bit of advice the doctor left closing the cell door behind her.

Celestia closed her eyes. She was glad that Jason was all right, but sad that he had been caught up in her problem. If she had never written that game about aliens invading, none of this would have happened! And just how exactly had she managed to be so accurate about their invasion plans? She found it hard to believe that she had gotten so many things right. It had to be more than just a lucky guess. She had actually gotten the idea from the vivid dreams she had about the aliens invading. Every little detail she had included came from her own dreams.

The door to the cell opened and an alien carrying a tray entered the room. He gave her some pills, explaining that they were from the doctor. He set the tray of food and water on a small table next to the bed, turned and left. Celestia looked at the pills and decided to trust the doctor and take them. After all if they really wanted to hurt her, there was really nothing she could do to stop them. And though she wasn?t really hungry she ate just enough of the food to make sure the medicine didn?t upset her stomach.

Now what was really puzzling her was how she knew so much of their plans. Were the dreams somehow being sent to her by one of the aliens? A few of Celestia?s dreams had included a resistance group dedicated to preventing their leaders from taking over other worlds. The resistance disagreed with them taking other species and turning them into slaves to serve them. She had been considering making a sequel to the game based on you being a member of the resistance working to stop your own people. She had planned on doing that if the first game was a success.

Celestia figured that they must have found her by scanning the Earth looking for the most advanced forms of energy currently being used on Earth. It?s how she would do it if she were to develop such a device. Once they realized what her program Silver One was about, it was not surprising they decided to capture her. If she really had been working with the military, it could mean their invasion plans were seriously compromised.

Knowing what she did Celestia doubted that they would ever let her go. Not once they realized how she got her information. If someone was actually sending her the information through dreams, they couldn?t risk releasing her. Celestia sighed. She had never imagined that something like this would happen to her as a result of creating the game. If Jason was really here, then it was unlikely they would let him go either. Somehow she knew she would have to make sure they realized that she would need him if they expected her to work for them.

Celestia knew she was smart enough that they would try to use her knowledge. She would make sure Jason?s safety would be part of the deal. At that point she realized that although the medicine had gotten rid of the headache it was making her really sleepy. She set the tray back on the table and curled up under the blanket. She didn?t want to sleep but she found she couldn?t keep her eyes open any longer.[/COLOR]
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Good to see you still working on this. Now that things are starting to calm down a tiny bit the story is progressing nicely. As for this bit: [quote name='Mariskah][COLOR=Navy']I?m going to nominate indifference for the role of playing Jared. Not that I think she?s sadistic or a mean little shit, but I have seen her post as a villain before and let me tell you. I was ready to run the other way. Made me glad her character wasn?t real. ^_~ [/COLOR][/quote]Now that I?ve seen a little more I?ll second that statement. Even though I don?t fully appreciate the sadistic and mean statement yet. I feel like I?m out of the loop here.

As for the current chapter, I like the character Crystal. The others have seemed a bit ruthless so I think she makes a nice addition as she seems more like a kind sort even if she follows orders she doesn?t like. And the introduction of Nathan was fun too. I like the style of writing where the person reading it knows what is going on but the characters do not. I?m not sure if I?m wording this correctly, but sometimes having it known that someone is part of a resistance is instead of being obvious, gives it a good suspense in that you start to wonder if the other characters, like Jared, suspect them.

Anyway, keep up the good work. Oh and if you don?t mind, I?ll be asking you a little more as to what you mean by RPG. I?m assuming it?s the section where people get together to do stories, but I?ve never done that sort of thing so I?m not entirely clear on it.
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[COLOR=RoyalBlue][quote name='Aaryanna_Mom']Anyway, keep up the good work. Oh and if you don?t mind, I?ll be asking you a little more as to what you mean by RPG. I?m assuming it?s the section where people get together to do stories, but I?ve never done that sort of thing so I?m not entirely clear on it.[/quote]Thank you. ^_~ As for your assumption about the RPG, you are correct. It is the area where people get together to do stories where they all take part in it. Seeing how much you yourself love to read you might actually enjoy being in one. I?ve got plenty of characters in mind so you?re welcome to be a part of it when I start mine. Though truthfully it?s going to be a while as I still haven?t finished working out some of the details with indifference yet.

[B]
Chapter Ten:[/B]

Nathan finished his report and forwarded it to the Commander. He also prepared a second report to forward to the resistance leaders when the opportunity presented itself. What he had found out was quite startling. When he had been stationed on Earth sixteen years ago he had organized a resistance cell with the intention of advancing Earth?s technology. They had taken over an orphanage and every child under five years of age had been put through the advanced learning simulations. After a year they had given up, as it appeared that the people from Earth lacked the ability to understand their technology.

He thought that they had carefully erased the memories of the children who had undergone the enhanced learning program, but now his research indicated otherwise. He had hacked into the huge data bases on Earth looking for clues that other?s like Celestia had retained their memories of the information and to his surprise over seventy five percent of the big technological advances made on Earth were done by children who had undergone the learning program.

Fortunately other than Celestia less than one percent of their improvements resembled the technology of his world. If he understood the data correctly ninety percent of the children who had undergone the training had retained some of the knowledge. And in every single one of them approximately ten years after receiving the training they suddenly began to develop new technology. If they had realized that it took time for the Earthlings to grasp the concept he would have never closed the resistance cell there. If he had realized that it took time he would have left them there to continue educating the children. In sixteen years that would have produced thousands of people on Earth capable of furthering their technology.

He had to get this critical information to the resistance. They needed to know that other races adapted differently to the enhanced learning. If they could organize cells to start education programs and to continue them on other worlds that hadn?t been conquered yet, it could mean the difference between failure and success. So far they hadn?t been able to save a single world from being taken over. Sometimes Nathan wondered why he even bothered trying to save less developed worlds. At their current rate of taking over, even if a world became advanced enough to resist, his people?s Empire would be to strong for it to make a difference. Unless something happened soon to tip the balance of power, everything he and the other?s had done would have been a useless gesture.

Nathan turned off his computer as he had finished with the report. He sent a request to the Commander to have Celestia brought to him for questioning. He wanted to present her with a technological problem to see how well she understood it. If he understood her programs correctly, he was positive she would be able to fix the problem. He was fairly certain the Commander would allow it as he had explained in his report how her knowledge could be quite useful.

Jason didn?t even realize that he had dozed off until someone shaking his shoulder woke him up. He opened his eyes to find Jared leaning over him. Jason pulled away so quickly he banged his head painfully on the wall next to the bed. Jared laughed and motioned to two aliens standing by the door. Quickly they came over and pulled Jason up off the bed. Once again they bound his hands behind him as Jared walked over to the door. They then forced him to follow Jared through the ship. After a while they entered a room that to Jason looked like some type of computer lab. There was an older alien with gray hair waiting for them.

?[B]Nathan[/B],? Jared said, ?[B]Crystal has ordered that Celestia needs more time to recover from the interrogation. Our good doctor said that from the biological data she obtained that although humans are quite sturdy, they heal more slowly and need more time to recover than you or I would. So the Commander wants you to determine if this one has knowledge we can use. Celestia will be sent to you later after the doctor feels she is ready.[/B]?

Nathan bowed slightly to Jared. ?[B]Understood Sub-Commander. I?ll get to work on this one immediately.[/B]?

Jared smiled and said, ?[B]I?ll be leaving these two here to make sure he doesn?t give you any trouble.[/B]? Jared walked over until he was mere inches from Jason. He reached up with his right hand and gently ran his fingers through Jason?s hair until his hand was behind his head. He firmly grabbed Jason?s hair and leaned forward. Instinctively Jason tried to pull away but Jared?s grip was too strong.

Jared leaned forward until his lips were almost touching Jason?s left ear and whispered, ?[B]Keep in mind what I said about cooperating.[/B]? Jared stepped back and let go of Jason?s hair. He walked behind Jason and removed the bonds. Then he handed the restraints to one of the guards and left. Uncertain, Jason just stood there, not knowing what to do.

?[B]Come over here and have a seat[/B],? Nathan said indicating a chair in front of a computer console. Jason walked over and sat down. He watched as Nathan did something that changed the input screen to look like a regular keyboard, it also switched the language displayed on the monitor to English. Nathan turned to face Jason and said, ?[B]I want you to take some tests. Input your answer for every question that comes up. Simply hit the next button at the bottom of the screen when you have finished answering the question. I?ve seen your programming work so I also want you to be specific in explaining what doesn?t make any sense to you as it will better help me to asses you level of understanding.[/B]?

Jason hesitated, as he was not sure what to expect from Nathan. He seemed to be kinder than Jared but he was still feeling uneasy and he had yet to see Celestia since the whole mess started. He didn?t want to even think about the possibility of Jared bothering her.

Nathan sighed inwardly at Jason?s hesitation. He was pretty sure from watching him that Jared frightened him. Nathan sighed again, he would never understand anyone like that, personally he was glad he himself wasn?t Jared?s type as he was not the type to take no for an answer. It didn?t help that other than the Commander no one else outranked him. And the Commander seemed to find Jared amusing so she never stopped him from doing what he wanted. If it wasn?t for the fact that Jared was one hundred percent dedicated to his duties, even to the point that he never let his personal desires come first, Nathan was certain he would have been kicked out of the military permanently.

He knew that other Commanders would have loved to find an excuse to be rid of Jared, but he was too good at what he did. Sandra had recognized his talents and requested him to serve as her second in command. Nathan hated to admit it but he had since then proved his talent and skills at commanding many times over. No one ever tried to have him dismissed any more. And those who had thought Sandra was foolish for giving him such power wisely kept quiet. Nathan decided to take a more direct approach; he just hoped Jason would trust him.

?[B]I?m sorry, I forgot to introduce myself,[/B]? Nathan said. ?[B]You could say that I?m the ships scientist as I write and maintain the ships computer programs. I am not a formal member of the military even though I serve aboard this ship. Please believe me when I say I have your best interests in mind.[/B]? Nathan paused for a moment and then continued, ?[B]There is nothing I can do that will protect you from Jared, but I can tell you that your friend Celestia is safe,[/B]? Nathan paused as he searched for the right way to phrase it before continuing, ?[B]Let?s just say that he has no interest in women, so it?s highly unlikely he will do anything to her. Other than the usual interrogation techniques if she were to refuse to cooperate[/B].? Once again Nathan paused as he watched Jason to gauge his reaction to what he was telling him. It was obvious he was struggling to keep his expression neutral.

Nathan continued, ?[B]Believe me when I tell you that it?s in your best interests to fully cooperate. If I can prove that you are useful to the commander, it will at least protect you a little from Jared. Trust me, you don?t want to know how he likes to entertain himself.[/B]? Nathan grimaced a little. ?[B]I hope you believe me when I say this but I?m truly sorry that you have caught his interest. Take my advice, no matter what happens, don?t make him angry. No matter what he has done, if you anger him, you will wish you were dead.[/B]?

Jason felt cold all over from what Nathan had told him. He wasn?t sure why, but he felt that Nathan was telling him the truth. Part of him was relived that Jared wasn?t interested in Celestia and the other part was terrified of what Jared had in mind for him.

?[B]I understand,[/B]? Jason replied. ?[B]Thank you for telling me.[/B]?

Jason turned to the computer console to start the test but Nathan spoke again saying, ?[B]One other thing to keep in mind[/B].? Jason turned to face Nathan again. ?[B]Do not try to make Celestia?s safety a condition for your cooperation, and if you get the chance, make sure she doesn?t try to make your safety a condition for her to cooperate either. Trust me on this; you don?t want Jared using your concern for each other to his advantage. He will use it anyway, but if you force the issue in any way, you will both wish you were dead.[/B]? Jason simply nodded and then turned to start the test.[/COLOR]
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