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Writing Hey.. Any thoughts? Some Poetry By Me


Silent_sword909
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[COLOR=DarkOrange]Hello! This is my first thread, and even better, my first sharing of my writing! I feel I have to give you a little back story and reasoning before making you suffer through my work. :D I've had an interest in writing since around 7th grade, and for years I've tried to put down on paper how I feel. I've shared it with friends at school, but it's hard to find someone who's, "brutally honest," I guess. Please respond to let me know what you think, even if it's bad, (that's what it's on here for, right?) And if you could maybe give suggestions, that will help me greatly, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! [/COLOR]

[COLOR=MediumTurquoise](Please do not take my poetry, it's my own creation, and even though it may not be very good, I love it like a child. If you do take it, I will find you somehow, :D and take it back. Also, some of these poems sound a little emo; believe me, I'm not going to kill myself or anything, LoL. TY!!)[/COLOR]
I wrote this one about a girl, and about life in general, lol.

[COLOR=SeaGreen]Nostalgic Afternoon[/COLOR]

As I sit alone, I think of home, and remember all the good times
I had when I was younger, yes, when I never knew hunger
Except for the knowledge, of forgotten years
Which was often sad and filled with tears
For the love for which they?d lost.
Not even the brave knight could bear such sorrow,
I can?t wait until tomorrow!
When the world will know the love I share,
With one I couldn?t bear,
To be apart from.

Ok, about the next one, it's alittle... different.. so please be kind to it. I wrote it after eating some of the leftover food from a Mexican friends of mine's party, needless to say, it was Goat Meat.

[COLOR=Red]Goat Meat [/COLOR]

The other day I went
To a very special place.
In my own reality
Where there is no space
For jerks or sterotypes
And especially downers
Whose only whim
Is to be dead weight
And drown others
In their own sorrow,
Like a day
Without a tomorrow.

And then you have days
Where life makes you hungry
And the only thing in the fridge
Is some leftover goat meat
Which, trust me, don?t eat
Because you?ll die,
On this, the inside
Of the wrong side
Of dealing with the light,
And seeing it for the first time.

I like to watch the stars go by
Every day, while I?m outside
In the middle of the road
Trying to die
Which is why I write
So that they?ll have a clue
As to what I do
Every night
Under the stars.

Is life worth living?
I haven?t the tizziest
Because life?s long years
Give way to dizziness
And cloud the judgement
Of the lesser man
But will make wise the one
Who sticks to his plans
I myself am one,
Who wants to stick
Even though, I might not
Get, exactly what I want
Which is to just exist
In this, the earth
While its still got life left.

[COLOR=SandyBrown]If this works out well, I'll put more of my writing up, but for the time being, I think I've handed yall a plate full. =) Thanks again! - Josh L.[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=DarkOrange]Heya! This thread will be closed, though you'll be allowed to open another, but for now, here's what I think of this work.

Firstly, I just wanted to note that this extremely reminds me of when I was first getting into poetry about 2 years ago and I was writing like crazy. It's not perfected, but it's still got a lot of potential and some things that will make it work. I think I actually got a lot out of these poems because I could really feel you speaking them and it felt real. It didn't feel like a person who was just writing a poem, it felt like a person who was expressing exactly how they felt in an artistic manner, and that's really what poetry is about in my opinion. I appluad you for that.

for the first poem, my favorite thing is the sceme which is kind of strange but a little fun. I think that it does throw you off a little because around the beginning it took me a second to figure out how I was going to read it comfortably, and that is never a good thing. As for the poem itself, I found it enjoyable/ Once again, it really felt like it came from the heart.

As for the second poem, there are something I like and some that I don't . I don't mind your style of writing, but I think you got a little off topic with this one. Like... you were on a continuing train of thought that really could have probably been split into multiple poems, but because you were coming up with things as you were writing, it all got fused into one. You had no definitive plan walking into it, but you still liked the result. I have done this in a lot of my earlier work and it's kind of funny to read if you can't re,e,ber what inspired you to write it in the first place.

Overall, I'd say I like your style, it just needs a little honing - the kind you can figure out on your own.[/COLOR]
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Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for reading my "work". LoL, yeah, I know it was a little random; I forgot to say that the second poem wanders a bit, (like my mind during class) and that each one has a sort of rhythm to it. Well, anyway, I appreciate it, but why will they close my thread? Could you give me a hint or two for next time? (still new at this) As always, helps appreciated!!

Ok, here's my next couple of poems. I wrote them both in school, and one during a test! Anyway, here they are. Comments are as always appreciated.

This is what I wrote in class one day, as my mind wandered a bit. It has a bit of a twist to it, and personally, I like it.
A Not-so-Normal Poem

I sit in a not-so-normal desk,
in a not-so-normal school,
writing on not-so-normal paper,
with a not-so-normal pencil,
taking a not-so-normal test
with a not-so-normal brain,
failing a not-so-normal class,
with not-so-average grades.

And as I sit here and write in this
Not-so-normal classroom,
my not-so-normal brain,
shoots out a BLAST!,
of not-so-normal ideas,
forming a not-so-normal love poem,
about a not-so-normal girl
who has been always,
in my not-so-normal thoughts.

This is a poem I wrote for my biology class. I know, wierd right? A poem for biology? Who would have thought? But my teacher is great, if wierd, and this is what I got:

Pollution

In the air and on the ground,
it's hard not to be found,
like kids in a candy store,
we keep messing around,
with natures gentle balance
while it totters on the edge,
what will you do, when life reaches the ledge?
Will you fight back, with everything you've got?
Or will you let it consume you, and be left to rot?
The world's ending people! And you know what we do?
We sit on the couch watching TV, watching politicians screw-
us out of a chance to live,
and die the way we choose.
Don't talk to me about "winning",
because we're about to lose
the most important thing,
that any of us have:
the Earth, our planet,
don't you understand?
We've got to take this fight to the man!
To make HIM understand,
that nature's giving up;
Why won't he lend a hand?

Anyway, thanks in advance for any left comments! I also have a question: Could anyone give me some ideas for some poems? I know that true poetry comes from the heart, but I have been at a writing loss as of late, and need help with some fresh ideas. Thanks!

[size=1][color=#4B5B5B][B]EDIT:[/B] I merged your two posts together. Double-posting is prohibited. For more information, check the Rules on the left column. - Revelation.[/size][/color]
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