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ChibiHorsewoman

The Sex thread

Should you abstain from sex until marriage?  

39 members have voted

  1. 1. Should you abstain from sex until marriage?

    • Yes
      8
    • No
      11
    • It depends on your maturity level
      18
    • Not sure
      2


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[quote name='BKstyles'][FONT="Tahoma"]Forgive my laziness toward the lack of quoting. Allamorph, if you put half as much effort into the aspects pertaining to the actual act of sex as you do trying to make sense of talking about it...well...you'd be having sex :p.[/FONT][/QUOTE]That's what I was thinking. XP So much fuss for such a simple subject.

Yes it is ultimately your choice and no one else's Allamorph. However, there's no denying social pressure to do other wise from religious and other sources of influence. And a little ethics will tell you that breaking away from how one is 'raised' to believe can for some be beyond difficult. [[SIZE="1"]Is speaking from experience here[/SIZE]] Many never manage to make that shift, it's too ingrained into who and what they are.

Also, don't underestimate the power of shame and disapproval. For some, they really can't move past that, the thought of friends or family disowning you is more than some can bear. And don't think it doesn't happen, in the religion I was raised in, if it was found out that you slept around, you got shunned by a lot of people. It's a very ugly situation.

Do I think one should wait for marriage? Only if that's what they want to do. Otherwise, it is up to the person to decide, if they chose Abstinence so be it. If not that's fine too really. I was raised to follow the ideal of abstinence, but long since abandoned it since my views no longer mirror those I was raised with.

The thing that makes me laugh the most is how we do so many things for pleasure and yet we make such a huge fuss over sex. XP It just seems so silly if you ask me. Worrying over what others are doing behind closed doors. I may not be as active as some of my friends in that respect, but I certainly don't regret being sexually active.

It is, especially if I like the girl in question, a very nice part of the relationship and as Sandy put it: Without it, the relationship can't go much further than a caring friendship. A statement that I agree with.

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[COLOR="goldenrod"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"][quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]I do not know of any other situations where "can't" is forced down a person's throat, so to speak. As far as I have found, the "rules" just say "don't". (Arg. Too many quotation marks.) The individual still has to choose to follow them or not. As for the religions that would control the individual, as you said, that is generally the mark overly pious, pride-filled individuals who feel it their business to tell you both how depraved you are and how holy they are at the same time, as much as possible. No human can or does answer morally to any other human; humans did not make the Law, so how do [I]we[/I] presume to enforce it?[/FONT][/QUOTE]Of course not, because to be blunt you seem to have a firm grasp on what you decide to do, you're making the assumption that seeing things so clearly is the same for everyone. Put yourself in someone else's shoes and[I] think [/I]about this. I'll give you an example, a young girl, raised in [insert religion here] is taught from day one, you don't have sex unless you are married. All the usual implications of being considered impure, cast out of the religion for sinning, being shunned and ignored by previous friends. In one's mind that can and does translate to a mental 'can't' due to the excessive brainwashing over the years.

Though those who attempt to enforce it would consider it in the light of 'saving' your soul. It is not just overly pious, pride-filled individuals who would do this, some of them genuinely believe they are helping you. If you really think no human answer's morally to another one, then you must not pay attention to laws and rules as well as how much religion has influenced the course of history. We do nothing but force our morality on others to a certain extent. Thou shalt not kill, remember. [quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]So when you say [I]"it should be a choice"[/I], what I hear is [I]"it should be [U][B]just[/B][/U] a choice"[/I]. There's nothing overtly wrong about it; in fact, when pressed most Christians would say they don't know why it's wrong, but that it's just wrong. So if there's no reason for it to be wrong, what's the deal?

Along the same lines, the university I attend requires a student to take a total of twenty-two credit hours worth of Honors classes and two Honors colloquia in order to graduate [I]in cursu honorum[/I]. Why those numbers? Why can't I graduate [I]in cursu[/I] if I only want to take eight hours, and I don't happen to like any of the offered colloquia? I did, after all, graduate "in the course of Honors", did I not?[/FONT][/QUOTE]Did I hear you right? Saying that Christians wouldn't know why it's wrong? And here I would have thought that answer is obvious. God says it is wrong. It's not a question, it's a belief that they follow. The reason exists even if I or others don't agree with it.

How you can compare that to classes required is beyond me, it's so out of whack in that it's not the same subject at all so your comparison makes no sense whatsoever as to how it pertains to having sex before marriage. Rules for not having sex can be linked to good solid reasons, like STD's and such. So the rules do make sense. [quote name='Allamorph;791207][FONT=Arial]This scenario is interesting, though, because the punishment for me breaking the Law doesn't happen until after I'm dead. Additionally, I've already been given a pass/Go by virtue of my faith?the whole "forgiveness" spiel that I'm certain you've heard numerous nauseating times. :p So then, if I'm not 'punished' immediately, and I'm forgiven anyway, what's holding me back.[/font][/quote]To take you a bit out of context here, what's holding you back is a tendency to be literal and over analyze everything. [QUOTE=Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]I find it is not sad at all; I have several healthy relationships, thanksabunch; and I can say that I don't care very easily. (To the knee-jerk response of "have you ever even had a girlfriend?" I say yes. It was an accident, though, and I rectified the situation as quickly and genteelly as possible; I wouldn't wish me on anyone. :p)

You have no idea how bizarre my mind is. The only times it is [I]not[/I] 'processing multiple strains of information' is when I am either playing music or ensconced in listening to it. In the former case sex is quite impossible, and in the latter my entire body shuts down, leaving only my ears, my auditory processor, and my threat proximity identifier active.

As for the waiting bit, umm....I'm not waiting....at all. I'm just, well, [I]Not[/I]. As in, Not is what I am, not what I am doing.[/FONT][/QUOTE]Well I do find it sad, even though I have no interest in boys, [at the moment] I do eventually want to find that someone special. My lack of interest comes more from not being interested in sleeping around just to do it. But I would imagine that if I did end up dating someone I really liked, I think that like Sandy said, it's hard to have more than just a caring relationship without moving on to a more intimate aspect.

As for your mind... XP Trust me, considering your response to this thread... I can easily imagine how bizarre your mind is. *poke* Besides, it's not like you have to actively pursue it, just don't get so caught up in everything else that you ignore the possibility. [/FONT][/COLOR]

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Ok this is how i see it.

All the talk about not having sex is not a right or wrong topic, there are situations that will change the over all is it right is it wrong.

If some girl just wanted to get in bed with a guy, just to do it, ok that would be a problem.

But if a guy and girl that had been dating for ...... 2-3 years or what ever and they decide its tine, ok fine, its saying that they are actually in love and what not.

But just to have sex to have sex i do think is wrong, but if your having it with the guy/girl that you are convinced your going to marry and have kids with i say enjoy.:animeswea:D

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[quote]I think it's my job as an European to remind you guys that the whole abstinence movement is quite an American thing. [/quote]

[color=#606060]Yeah, I mean, there are obviously basic "legal ages" around the world...but the massive abstinence movement in the US is definitely pretty unique to the US.

In Australia, there's a basic age requirement but other than that it really comes down to individual choice. The most conservative families tend to have opinions about this (related to no sex before marriage), but generally speaking it isn't an issue.

I lost my virginity at sixteen and that seemed reasonable at the time. I don't regret it...it was simply time for me. I was in the right situation with the right person and I was mature enough to deal with it.

Now at 24, I have no regrets about that. I know that if I wasn't capable of handling it, I'd never have done it. It's all about knowing what you're comfortable with and not bowing to peer pressure just for the sake of it (though peer pressure has never been an issue for me, so it's hard for me to comment on facing it).[/color]

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[quote name='Sandy']Sex and physical contact are wonderful things, and I think they're every bit as important as the emotional side in a relationship. Without them, I don't think the relationship can go much further than a caring friendship. But that's just my opinion.[/QUOTE]

[quote name='SunfallE']But yeah, in the end? Sex is important in a relationship and not just for marriage.[/quote]

[quote name='indifference']Sex is just as important as the other aspects of a relationship.[/quote]

[quote name='BKStyles']...if you put half as much effort into the aspects pertaining to the actual act of sex as you do trying to make sense of talking about it...well...you'd be having sex .[/quote]

[quote name='Rachmaninoff']Without it, the relationship can't go much further than a caring friendship. A statement that I agree with.[/quote]

[COLOR="RoyalBlue"][SIZE="1"][FONT="Trebuchet MS"]Wow. I never knew "Insert Tab A into Slot B" meant the same as "I love you, and I want to be with you forever". It's amazing!

Despite how "essential" sex is made out to be, it's still only sex, and I want more out of a relationship than knowing that I'm going to knock-up a girl in the name of my love for her.

I like the metaphysical aspects of love.



Oh, and as for sex before marriage - do what you want. I don't care.

Of course, this is only my opinion.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

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[color=deeppink]To those who say that sex is an essential part of a romantic relationship, I have to ask: do you believe that that relationships are impossible for those who cannot have sex?

I'm specifically thinking of, say, paraplegics, although there are certainly others. Is love out of their reach, and can they only befriend? And what of the case of those in a successful, romantic relationship that become paralyzed? Does the relationship automatically go back to a "caring friendship," or is sex only important in the intial stages?[/color]

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[quote name='Derald'][COLOR="RoyalBlue"][SIZE="1"][FONT="Trebuchet MS"]Wow. I never knew "Insert Tab A into Slot B" meant the same as "I love you, and I want to be with you forever". It's amazing!

Despite how "essential" sex is made out to be, it's still only sex, and I want more out of a relationship than knowing that I'm going to knock-up a girl in the name of my love for her.

I like the metaphysical aspects of love.



Oh, and as for sex before marriage - do what you want. I don't care.

Of course, this is only my opinion.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE]Don't be condescending, it's very unbecoming and makes those who do think sex should only be for marriage look uptight and silly. And looking down on others for seeing it differently is very, rude.

I am obviously a Christian and very much for the saving it for marriage, but don't let that fool you into thinking it's not important in a relationship. All of you need to stop focusing on [I]when[/I] someone has sex, whether it's before or after marriage, but rather on [I]why[/I] and [I]who[/I] they are having it with.

Even if it is not considered polite to discuss it, at least not according to how I was raised, it's absolute[I] ignorance[/I] to assume that having a healthy sexual relationship with your partner isn't important. However I will also argue that one can have a deep relationship without it as well.

I'm not going to argue the morals of this since people really do see it differently. But I can and will argue that it's not our place to approve or disapprove of someone because of their sex life or rather if they have it without being married. Honestly children. Marriage is a relatively new concept or rather the idea that one marries for love is. It was often a business arrangement and sex was but a duty for carrying on the family line. So saying one should save it for marriage is hypocritical since often love had nothing to do with it.

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[COLOR="Indigo"][quote name='Derald;791296][COLOR="RoyalBlue"][SIZE="1"][FONT="Trebuchet MS"]Wow. I never knew "Insert Tab A into Slot B" meant the same as "I love you, and I want to be with you forever". It's amazing![/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE]Don't put words into my mouth thank you. Saying it's important to a relationship does not automatically equate to sex meaning what you just stated. I don't have a problem with people who wait until being married, try to respect those of us who see it differently thank you.[QUOTE=Nerdsy'][color=deeppink]To those who say that sex is an essential part of a romantic relationship, I have to ask: do you believe that that relationships are impossible for those who cannot have sex?

I'm specifically thinking of, say, paraplegics, although there are certainly others. Is love out of their reach, and can they only befriend? And what of the case of those in a successful, romantic relationship that become paralyzed? Does the relationship automatically go back to a "caring friendship," or is sex only important in the intial stages?[/color][/QUOTE]I'm pretty sure I did not say one could not have a deeper relationship without sex. I think how deep one's relationship can go depends on where they physically can actually go with it. I'll try to be a bit clearer here, sex, if it is something you can do, is one of many ways one can grow close to their partner, it is by no means the[I] only[/I] way. And that ties into what I said earlier about more than attraction being necessary.

For someone who is growing closer it is an expression of how you feel towards them, at least for me. I don't sleep with someone if I don't care for them on some level. lol So no one get the idea that everyone who has sex before getting married is doing it just for the pleasure. Honestly, that really is ignorant. I know that there are people who are all into sex just for that aspect, but many people see it as a way to further explore the relationship [I]before [/I]making that big commitment.

And honestly, in the end even if it is for fun... What others do behind closed doors really is none of your business and anyone who looks down on others for doing so... needs to stop being so arrogant as to think their morals are the only way. If you wish to wait, more power to you. Because I believe I already stated... It[I] is [/I]your choice and no one else's. [/COLOR]

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[COLOR="RoyalBlue"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][quote name='Derald'][COLOR="RoyalBlue"][SIZE="1"][FONT="Trebuchet MS"]Wow. I never knew "Insert Tab A into Slot B" meant the same as "I love you, and I want to be with you forever". It's amazing!

Despite how "essential" sex is made out to be, it's still only sex, and I want more out of a relationship than knowing that I'm going to knock-up a girl in the name of my love for her.

I like the metaphysical aspects of love.



Oh, and as for sex before marriage - do what you want. I don't care.

Of course, this is only my opinion.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE][CENTER]:animesigh[/CENTER][quote name='Nerdsy'][color=deeppink]To those who say that sex is an essential part of a romantic relationship, I have to ask: do you believe that that relationships are impossible for those who cannot have sex?

I'm specifically thinking of, say, paraplegics, although there are certainly others. Is love out of their reach, and can they only befriend? And what of the case of those in a successful, romantic relationship that become paralyzed? Does the relationship automatically go back to a "caring friendship," or is sex only important in the intial stages?[/color][/QUOTE]I think I said it was important, not necessarily essential. Sure it might seem like it's necessary, but obviously it's not since it's not an aspect that everyone is able to enjoy. I merely think that if you can it's a part of the relationship that shouldn't be overlooked.

I'm not really going to fully address the second paragraph since the concept that it couldn't be more than a caring friendship isn't what I was getting at by saying it was important. In an attempt to be short and to the point... If you're reached the point where you care for each other more than just friendship, then at that point I think it becomes important. Marriage is really just an ideal and a slip of paper tying your status together legally. Not an indication that your love or sexual encounter is any more special.

And obviously there is more to love than sex. So I find it hard to believe that if you couldn't have that aspect of the relationship it would mean you couldn't be in more than just a [I]caring friendship[/I]. Also while we are on this tangent. Why do people seem to think that if you're not married that it's only sex and couldn't be love? [/FONT][/COLOR]

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[quote]Despite how "essential" sex is made out to be, it's still only sex, and I want more out of a relationship than knowing that I'm going to knock-up a girl in the name of my love for her[/quote]

[color=#606060]I don't think anyone is really suggesting anything other than that. All they're saying is that sex is a fundamental part of a romantic relationship...which is true. That doesn't mean people think it's the most important thing or that it should be entered into lightly.

Edit: Sorry, I thought I was on the last page...apparently not! Haha.[/color]

[quote]To those who say that sex is an essential part of a romantic relationship, I have to ask: do you believe that that relationships are impossible for those who cannot have sex?[/quote]

[color=#606060]No not at all. I think it depends though...if one person is physically capable and the other isn't, there might be an issue. If both people aren't? Then it ceases to matter, really.

I mean there are people who have been married for years and who don't have sex anymore...but I think there is always a risk that this is damaging to the relationship on some level.

Then again, sex has a different meaning for different people. I think most - who aren't virgins - would say that sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. But if both people have a lower libido or something...well, anything can work if it's mutually agreed. Different things for different people.[/color]

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[quote name='Nerdsy'][color=deeppink]To those who say that sex is an essential part of a romantic relationship, I have to ask: do you believe that that relationships are impossible for those who cannot have sex?

I'm specifically thinking of, say, paraplegics, although there are certainly others. Is love out of their reach, and can they only befriend? And what of the case of those in a successful, romantic relationship that become paralyzed? Does the relationship automatically go back to a "caring friendship," or is sex only important in the intial stages?[/color][/QUOTE]

Mind you, I said "sex and physical contact", because I'm aware that not everybody are capable of the actual intercourse. This is another matter of people seeing the term "sex" strictly as penis-into-vagina-and-out-and-in etc., when in fact it's so much more.

I'd imagine even the young couples swearing in the name of abstinence hug and kiss (and may even fondle each other). That's the intimate interaction that separates romantic relationships from loving friendships.

If you want to go into semantics, I don't believe someone who's for example completely paralyzed can have a fulfilling relationship, since they lack the capability of sexual interaction. But I also believe that a person in that state doesn't even need anything beyond love, caring and nurturing.

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[color=#606060]Sandy does make a good point with his first paragraph - "sex" and "physical contact" are two things that overlap frequently.

Could you have a relationship without specific intercourse? Yes, I'm sure you could.

But what if you didn't cuddle or kiss? What if you didn't hold hands? That would make it tougher I think.

Sex is great and all but I know I could personally never go without that physical expression of love (in the general sense as mentioned above). To me...my relationship would almost cease to be romantic if I weren't experiencing that closeness (especially since I love all of that stuff).[/color]

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[quote name='Derald'][COLOR="RoyalBlue"][SIZE="1"][FONT="Trebuchet MS"]Wow. I never knew "Insert Tab A into Slot B" meant the same as "I love you, and I want to be with you forever". It's amazing!

Despite how "essential" sex is made out to be, it's still only sex, and I want more out of a relationship than knowing that I'm going to knock-up a girl in the name of my love for her.

I like the metaphysical aspects of love.



Oh, and as for sex before marriage - do what you want. I don't care.

Of course, this is only my opinion.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE]


[FONT="Tahoma"]Lol, Beth and Crystia you guys are saints for being able to address this with a serious face ;). I think the simple answer here is that it's pretty much a given that a relationship can't last on sex alone, and you're not really breaking any new grounds there buddy. But hey, you found a way to get into the conversation I guess. Eventhough you answered a misconceived understanding on your part with an unintentional (or intentional perhaps, maybe you meant to do it, who knows) tangent off into sex must automatically mean your knocking a girl up.

In any case, getting back on track, James is definitely right. You can ask any of my ex girlfriends (or close female friends) they will tell you that i'm a glutton for the hugs and cuddling and what not. Of course I love sex, but it's the little aspects of physical contact that make me feel really comfortable. It's beyond important to have that kind of closeness if you are intending on maintaining a serious and close relationship. Even if you aren't the affectionate type, you aren't going to go a couple of years while maintaining romantic interest on just "Yo, sup" and a nod everytime you see each other.

[/FONT]

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Where's a sweat drop kitty when you need it. [/obscure reference]

I'm not going to bother responding to most of this since others already have, but if one is discussing abstinence before marriage, it stands to reason that the person in question is capable of having sex right? Otherwise there wouldn't be a discussion and hence there is no need to explain why Sandy or anyone else was saying it probably wouldn't be more than a caring friendship. If they are incapable of having sex then at that point, as Sandy said, it will be a matter of not needing what they can't have.

However, if they can... from my experience, it's part of the whole picture. I don't understand why people get so worked up in knots over whether they are married or not instead of worrying whether or not the person is right for them. Nor do I understand the instant attitude that without marriage it can't be anything but sex.

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[quote name='indifference'][COLOR="Indigo"] I'm pretty sure I did not say one could not have a deeper relationship without sex.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

[color=deeppink]You said something along the lines about how sex is just as important as other aspects of arelationship. Following that logic, if something like simple attraction is absolutley necissary for a relationship (ignoring things like arranged marriage here because I consider them different), than sex is just as necissary, for they are both equal in importance. If this is not where you were going with that, my apologies.[/color]

[quote name='Sandy']Mind you, I said "sex and physical contact", because I'm aware that not everybody are capable of the actual intercourse.[/quote]

[color=deeppink]Well, you said "sex [i]and[/i] physical contact," meaning you need both to move beyond caring friendship. Did you mean "sex or just physical contact?"[/color]

[quote name='Rachmaninoff']Otherwise there wouldn't be a discussion and hence there is no need to explain why Sandy or anyone else was saying it probably wouldn't be more than a caring friendship.[/quote]

[color=deeppink]The whole purpose of my question was to see just how far they're taking this logic, which included going beyond just the cases of abstinence (I was careful to completely avoid the subject in my post). There was, of course, no need. It was just something I wanted to know.[/color]

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[COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Times New Roman"]Like Shy, whose house I am over at now, will edit later when topic shifts back to the topic of sex and not the moral questions surrounding it.

Oh yeah, don't anticipate a return for the next three hours. It's Monday after all.[/FONT][/COLOR]

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All right, time to throw my two cents in on this.

Honestly, I think one should wait for sex (or more specifically, intercourse) until marriage. That's my personal belief. I [i]am[/i] Christian, and my faith does help guide me towards what decisions I make (emphasis on decisions [b]I[/b] make).
But honestly, I find no need to even have premarital sex. I personally have no desire to. I'm not going to preach condemnation on those that have had it though.
Basically, I haven't been "brainwashed" to think what I think; just wanna make sure people know that. :P

Also, God doesn't condemn sex; after all, He's the one that made it possible in the first place. It's the premarital part that's iffy. Is sex really the best way to express your love towards someone? It's not a simple thing, despite what some people say. Sex is a very emotional thing, it's not something to be toyed around with.

And I agree that physical contact, such as kissing, is necessary in any romantic relationship; it's sex though that's worthy of debate.

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[COLOR="Indigo"][quote name='Nerdsy'][color=deeppink]You said something along the lines about how sex is just as important as other aspects of arelationship. Following that logic, if something like simple attraction is absolutley necissary for a relationship (ignoring things like arranged marriage here because I consider them different), than sex is just as necissary, for they are both equal in importance. If this is not where you were going with that, my apologies.[/color][/QUOTE]Keeping in mind that I'm talking about a relationship where having it is possible, then yes on some level it is necessary and both of them are equal in importance. Matt summed it up rather well in that romantic interest isn't maintained by a simple[I] "Yo, sup" and a nod everytime you see each other.[/I] Sure you might stay together, married or not, but in the end, for most people having an active sexual relationship is important and that goes for more than just the act. Other forms of contact in a romantic sense fit into that category as well. I'll come back to the attraction bit in a moment here.

Anyway, if we move on to marriage and causes of divorce, sex is among the top reasons as to why people break up. People have this impression that the sex problems that cause divorce are couples arguing over, 'Should it be once a week? Should it be twice a week? Should the lights be on? Should the lights be off?' Those are not the sex issues that cause divorce. It's often a case of going months or even years without having any sex at all. As a result that romantic interest dies and eventually one of the spouses calls for a divorce. When you're just living together, all that happens is one of you moves out. [[SIZE="1"]for clarity's sake the people I am referring to are people I work with in my job as a counselor and not someone's post[/SIZE]]

In that light obviously attraction is just as important, you don't go on a date without taking the time to get cleaned up do you? It's unattractive, so maintaining that aspect of the relationship, within your ability, is also important. Trust me, I've had relationships that never got beyond the first date or two since that attraction just wasn't there and for some of them good hygiene was something they had yet to figure out.

Just like sex, attraction is more than simply seeing a guy and thinking he's hot. It's during the initial dating scene that often you'll find that you love their sense of humor, or the way they smile when they greet you. Or that you have fun being with them since you can spend hours talking about things that you both enjoy. If there isn't more than simply physical attraction, then for me, there never is any sex or other form of intimate contact. In fact usually after a few dates, I don't go out with them again.[/COLOR]

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[quote name='Shy'][size=1]Will edit post later. Busy having sex now.

-Shy[/size][/QUOTE][COLOR=maroon][B]DID YOU FORGET I FREQUENT THESE FORUMS?![/B] We're going to have a nice long talk when I come home...

Anyways, I respect and even agree with the fact that sex and premarital sex is a choice and up to the person, but I don't think it addresses the topic at all. Taking your meds is a choice, killing your dog is a choice, farting on your little brother's face while he cries for mercy is a choice, and so on...

It's great that you realize it is ultimately a matter of choice, but what do you think they SHOULD do? Of course it is an individual decision and no one else's concern, but frankly that copout is getting way too played out on these forums and kills the topic entirely.

Don't be afraid to rock the boat and express your opinion, even if it means turning heads or not getting any head at all.[/COLOR]

P.S. Oh, indifference, I think that a lack of sex has an underlying issue. That is, sex comes naturally when people are attracted to each other. When that dies, it's not that the sex has dried up, causing the love to fade, but vice versa. Love dies, sex fades. Unless of course all relationships start by banging then loving.

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[quote name='Miss Anonymous']Is sex really the best way to express your love towards someone? It's not a simple thing, despite what some people say. Sex is a very emotional thing, it's not something to be toyed around with.[/QUOTE]

I have to butt in and ask how do you know that? You say you never had sex, so how can you tell if it's simple or not, emotional or not?

Truth to be told, sex is as simple and emotional as you make of it. If you stress and panic about, it'll end up being stressful and panic-inducing, and if you take it casually, it may not be any different from any other relief of an urge. Like in so many things, the best solution lies in the middle: you should learn to appreciate sex, not take it as granted nor shun it away as something sinful and impure.

To address some other CHW's questions in the first post of this thread, I'm actually not sure when my first time was. It has everything to do with me being homosexual, so the act itself is not as clearly defined as the traditional straight intercourse. My first sexual experiences with another person were one-sided (meaning he didn't get anything out of it because he didn't want to), but I'd count that my first [I]real[/I] sex was with my boyfriend, because we both "got something out of it". ;D And boy did we enjoy it!

Sharing that sensation with another person is just something so worthwhile... I can barely understand abstinence, but I [I]really[/I] don't understand selibacy, heh. XD

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[COLOR="goldenrod"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"][quote name='AzureWolf'][COLOR=maroon]It's great that you realize it is ultimately a matter of choice, but what do you think they SHOULD do? Of course it is an individual decision and no one else's concern, but frankly that copout is getting way too played out on these forums and kills the topic entirely.

Don't be afraid to rock the boat and express your opinion, even if it means turning heads or not getting any head at all.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]But that IS what I think they should do, make that decision for themselves. It's not a copout it's what I believe. If we are going to deviate into it further about the only thing I disagree with is people looking down on others or expecting them to follow the same morals as they do. Or rather religious practices.

In the end I can't say with certainty since I am a virgin. However, even though I insisted on breaking away from religion, I was raised to believe that the physical aspect between you and your husband was special and important. So in conclusion that would have to mean that sex is important and part of a loving relationship.[/FONT][/COLOR]

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[quote name='BKstyles'][FONT="Tahoma"]...
In any case, what I always say on the subject is that if your waiting for the right moment...then you're going about things the wrong way
...[/FONT][/QUOTE]

[FONT="Arial"][SIZE="1"]Sorry, but I disagree. Sex shouldn't just be something that is done because the possibility is there. The fact that there is no particular 'perfect moment' shouldn't dictate your decision to do it any more than the possibility of said moment. Sex, to me, is a little more intimate. I only really want to share it with one person. Having sex with multitudes of people isn't even comprehendable.

It has nothing to do with marriage, age, or any of those trivial ideas. It has to do with finding the one person worth spending the rest of my life with. That is the only person I will share all of my body with.



Disclaimer: Marriage isn't trivial, but here in America, the very idea of such a union has been tainted and distorted to the point of an unrecognizable theory. I hate the very word, I wish people took it more seriously. Divorce shouldn't be such an easily thrown around term. It makes me sick.[/SIZE][/FONT]

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[quote name='Sandy']I have to butt in and ask how do you know that? You say you never had sex, so how can you tell if it's simple or not, emotional or not?

Truth to be told, sex is as simple and emotional as you make of it. If you stress and panic about, it'll end up being stressful and panic-inducing, and if you take it casually, it may not be any different from any other relief of an urge. Like in so many things, the best solution lies in the middle: you should learn to appreciate sex, not take it as granted nor shun it away as something sinful and impure.[/QUOTE]

You're right, I wouldn't be able to know from experience. I can only go off what my mother and anyone else decides to tell me. My mother has told me before though, that it IS very emotional. And frankly, I trust my mother's opinion a lot more than other's (not to say their opininos are null and void though); if that makes me close-minded in some people's eyes, oh well.

I never "shunned" it away as sinful or impure, did I? I did mention that God made it possible, so it's not like it's a bad thing. It's mainly the way people use it (or in some cases, abuse it) that's bad.

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[COLOR="Indigo"][quote name='AzureWolf'][COLOR=maroon]It's great that you realize it is ultimately a matter of choice, but what do you think they SHOULD do? Of course it is an individual decision and no one else's concern, but frankly that copout is getting way too played out on these forums and kills the topic entirely.

Don't be afraid to rock the boat and express your opinion, even if it means turning heads or not getting any head at all.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]Wrong, in my opinion, the real [I]copout[/I] as you put it, is relying on your personal beliefs, religion or otherwise to tell others what they [I]should [/I]be doing in regards to sex. I say it is someone's choice because depending on social factors, how they were raised, etc. That choice is going to be different for everyone. I can't and won't be so narrow minded as to think I could actually tell people what they should do since I know that there is no one decision that is correct. [quote name='AzureWolf']P.S. Oh, indifference, I think that a lack of sex has an underlying issue. That is, sex comes naturally when people are attracted to each other. When that dies, it's not that the sex has dried up, causing the love to fade, but vice versa. Love dies, sex fades. Unless of course all relationships start by banging then loving.[/QUOTE]Of course, and when I say I work with people, it often is a journey to find out the underlying causes as to why they aren't having sex. Still that does bring to home that having it [I]is[/I] important, otherwise they wouldn't be upset by the lack of it.

As for saying sex comes naturally when people are attracted to each other, I completely disagree. And ironically it's one of the underlying causes of people not having sex in a marriage. It's astonishing how many couples I've run into who once they got married and things settled down, became less active sexually because they were still waiting for those moments where it just happened instead of realizing that on some level, you make it happen.

To give an example, and yes this is from an actual case, one husband was complaining that after they had their first child his wife was less interested in sex. Turns out, he was coming home from a desk job to a woman who spent the day taking care of the kid, fixing dinner and such and often was just too tired after a long day. So he made the change to coming home and helping with dinner and other chores so she wouldn't be too tired for the other side of their marriage. By making that change their marriage got back on track instead of heading into a divorce.

So sure it might come naturally at first, but married or simply living together, you're going to find that it requires work to maintain that romantic interest. ;)[/COLOR]

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