Mitch Posted April 15, 2002 Share Posted April 15, 2002 Errors The error of our ways it seems to stain the inside of our veins creating wounds unknown to the dead weighing upon us our intuition feeding into our ignition seemingly inevetible upon our minds twisting and turning in without a sign it burns inside like scar festering until we are small impairing our senses in rythmical dispense inflicting upon our mortal innocence like a burning nonsense it bears its will upon our chest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pressure Posted April 15, 2002 Share Posted April 15, 2002 [color=purple]The jist of it and the idea behind it are good.. but your spelling and rhyming could use some work.. scar and small don't rhyme well.. and innocence is spelling incorrectly.. but aside from that and a few other easily corrected things.. it was a very nice poem.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted April 16, 2002 Author Share Posted April 16, 2002 Here's what I have to say to you: poems don't have to rhyme Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pressure Posted April 16, 2002 Share Posted April 16, 2002 [color=purple]Yes sweet one.. I knew that already.. but it's hard to try and mask the fact that your poem was rhyming.. but I am glad you fixed innocence.. thats a start..[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raiha Posted April 17, 2002 Share Posted April 17, 2002 [COLOR=royalblue]Cool it kids. Or rather, women. Alice-san has good points, and they should be received with dignity and understanding. BTW, nice poem.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted April 29, 2002 Author Share Posted April 29, 2002 I take her replies with dignity, I was just saying poems don't have to rhyme. Also, I am not a woman, I am a guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cloricus Posted May 4, 2002 Share Posted May 4, 2002 I have the weird urge to start yelling "Ricky Ricky Ricky" but I won?t. Any way nice poem - it should really make a bit more sense or where you going for the mysterious sort of poem feel? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flipmodesquad Posted May 5, 2002 Share Posted May 5, 2002 Good work. Why dont you put your peoms on [url]www.poetry.com[/url] try making another one here and when ppl say its good put it on poetry.com anyway good work and good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raiha Posted May 6, 2002 Share Posted May 6, 2002 [COLOR=seagreen]Hey Flip! In your FF Marriage thread, where did you get that picture of Cloud and Tifa?[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted May 6, 2002 Author Share Posted May 6, 2002 Yeh, I was going for a kind of mystery feel, I kind of do it with most of my poems, it just makes people seem to want to reread a poem and gain more understanding of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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