Writing The Vampire's Kiss(it's not that great but I'm gonna give it a shot)

[BearsBaby635]

[color=blue]It's not that great cause..well I cant wirte but this is bout my Ex.


The Vampire?s Kiss



One kiss, you?re addicted
Beware he is a dream
But he is a nightmare too.
You want more of him
You want, crave, and long for his kiss.
He sends you in a trance.
You become his slave,
His prisoner.
He thinks for you.
He does everything
He controls you.
You have no life
You are only a zombie.
Your mind is just a swirling gray mist
Spinning around him.
He is all you think about,
Him and his kiss.
He is all you know.


The vampire is Sean my ex-b/f who I was obsessed over..but this is really how I feel. I was just brainwashed and thanx to John and Danni I'm ok now. John was always there to hold me when I cryied and Danni...she always knew how to make me laugh and to stop the pain. Thanx guys I love yall [/color]

[Talon]

Excellent poem. I love it. Don't love who it's about, though. 9/10. i love you, Rain.

[The Harlequin]

[font=gothic][color=crimson]I wouldn't say entrancement is such a bad thing at times. Great poem, I like the vampyre reference especially. Damn gothicism, quit messing with my head...wait... I'll shut up now.[/font][/color]

[vegeta rocker]

obsession, vampires. Where did you get the idea you can't write, poetry isnt about rhyme or reason it's about feeling what you write. Which i think you did so in my opinion it's very well done.

[Mitch]

Great. But the overuse of the words He and You threw it off a bit for me. 8/10

[Phantom]

You did post it afterall.. you already got my critique... ile just give my rate, and why 8/10 , its good, its reliant and true to the word.. the being who this was based upon has every right to be considered as you consider... good job

[PrettygurlRei]

it was very good. Thats good you got over him with friends. Remeber that true friends are there for you. Like John and Danni.

[BearsBaby635]

Thank you guys for all the input.. I know I cant write but Mist kinda convinced me to put it up...*starts to cry* it hurts so bad to even look at this again...and now I know that I have everything and I always believe Time will heal all wounds...

[Talon]

[color=teal]Damn straight Time heals all wounds. It took Time to put me in your life. It took time for you to pull me outta that liquor bottle. It took TIME for me to realize that I was in love with you, and it took time for you to realize you were in love with me. Time has given me so much after taking so much away, and though I DO look back sometimes on what happened with Ami, I know now that it wasn't my fault. And I also know that you can't change the past, so i'm going to make my future the best thing in the world to me. My future, my darling, is YOU![/color]

[Barra Maral]

Jaimie that is a great poem.
who says you cant write?
I think you can!
I give it a 9/10.

[Pressure]

[color=purple]Wow, this is one of the best poems I have ever seen produced by a newbie. I know how this pain feels, so the poem is one I can relate to. It's a very good work of art. I look forward to more in the future.[/color]