Writing The Ego

[Jolly Rogue]

I'm an honorary Sean Connery, born '74
There's only one of me
Single-handedly raising the economy
Ain't no chance of the record company dropping me
Press be asking do I care for sodomy
I don't know, yeah, probably
I've been looking for serial monogamy
Not some bird that looks like Billy Connolly
But for now I'm down for ornithology
Grab your binoculars, come follow me

[vegeta rocker]

Diffrent. No offense but i got annoyed at the rhyme. Since it rhymes every line, it was like just rapping a tune. But you score points with me for originality.

[Jolly Rogue]

Saw one transmission,
on the television,
say I can't do my job,
well I just keep dancing,
don't hate me 'cause I'm handsome,
and the beat will never stop!

[vegeta rocker]

short and funny. are these works of yours actually based on something or are they just quirky thoughts?

[jupitersun]

GOOD BUT NOT THE BEST I'VE READ. I DIDN'T LIKE EVERY LINE RHYMING BUT IT WAS STILL PRETTY PHAT.

PEACE ANGEL'S CUZ.


heh heh you've all met my cousin now(she more evil than siren)well bye

[Boo]

[size=1][color=gray]Listenes Robbie williams..... This sounds identical, Whee![/size][/color]

[Shinobi]

Are you scottish by any chance (like me! :D and proud of it) For you talked of Sean Connery and Billy Connely (my hero :D Funniest guy...EVER!!) I love them btw, very good, they do sounds liek a rap, thats why i like them more :D

[Mnemolth]

First one is much better than second one, so I'll just keep my comments to the first one, k? ;)

Good thing is rhythm. It knows its pace and keeps to it. Yeah some might not like it cos its like a rap, but then there's nothign wrong with rap IMHO. Content is also nice and entertaining.

Bad point is structure is fractured, scattered all over the place. This is the most common complaint against rap too. Good rap keeps things tight but most wannabes have no such discipline. Don't ramble all over the place. Keep it together. Its short so you should really focus and just get one idea across.

B-

Cheers

:devil:

[Mist]

[color=crimson][size=1] Where do I begin....where do I begin...

1) Like Mnemolth said, your structure is completely thrown off. Your span of vocabualry was also very narrow, and although you did a [i]great[/i] job on rhyming, the shortness of it didn't compliment such.

2) It sounded too much like a rap. Most songs [i]start[/i] as poetry, but I just hate rap. (Opninon, not complaint! ^^)

3) It's an interesting idea, honestly, but if you had made it a bit longer, then you would've brought it out in full.

[b]Rating:[/b]

6/10[/color][/size]