BondFanatic Posted November 23, 2002 Posted November 23, 2002 No, this does not mean I'm going to commit suicide. It's just a poem from a story I'm writing about a kid who considers suicide because many people have problems with him and he can't take it anymore. It's very, very, very, very, dark. [i]I have no escape from this insanity called life? The constant strife is like? A spike in my mind? Must I die? Mindless? Attacks on my mind destroy? My sanity? Darkness encroaches upon my mind? Killing off my last bit of hope? I?m in a prison called life? Constant noise? Yelling? Screaming? Laughing? This knife is my savior? It will help me escape from this prison? Like dynamite through brick walls? Blood? Rope? Must I say any more?[/i]
Lady Asphyxia Posted November 23, 2002 Posted November 23, 2002 [color=darkred]Heh, the poem also lends itself to cutting. However, did you need the trail offs? I like them, too...but they aren't needed every line. It's well done. Congradulations.[/color]
BondFanatic Posted November 23, 2002 Author Posted November 23, 2002 I didn't mean it to represent wrist cutting. It was meant to represent inflicting a stab wound upon oneself.
Phantom Posted November 23, 2002 Posted November 23, 2002 Your poem is gripping...To say the least anyway... I like it and as a dude who likes poetry, I hereby present you with the MK reader's choice award. *hands you a tray of french toast* ....mmmm
Lady Asphyxia Posted November 23, 2002 Posted November 23, 2002 [color=darkred]I meant like cutting, as in, you know, a cutter. Cutting your wrists to watch it bleed, not to commit suicide...I think you might have meant that, though... Besides, I think its done well if someone can draw their own meaning from something that is still pretty close to the actual meaning... I'm not too sure of the last stanza, though. Its seems...I'm not sure. Ugh. How eloquent of me. Cna someone help me with the word I'm looking for? [/color]
BondFanatic Posted November 23, 2002 Author Posted November 23, 2002 Here's another one, from the same story: [i]When I watch, I feel My veins begin to flow hate Watching flames engulf...[/i] It's a haiku, if you couldn't figure it out.
Lady Asphyxia Posted November 23, 2002 Posted November 23, 2002 [color=darkred]That's great. The second line though, "flow blood". Use a different word. Viens always flow blood. Maybe... "When I watch, I feel My veins begin to flow hate Watching flames engulf..." Or something. Like I said before, it's all really, really good.[/color]
spike speigel Posted November 30, 2002 Posted November 30, 2002 Love the poem, BondFanatic. It's dark, and I like that in a poem(for some strange reason)
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