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Writing Poem of a friend of mine


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A friend of mine wrote this and shes like "It sucks, its bad. I suck at poems, im so bad. Buhuhuhuhu ;_____;" ehm yeah. Something like that lol
So now ill show you all her poem kk? Yesh? Oki.

Small But Deadly

There's one little knife,
Sat there on the table,
I wonder to myself,
I wonder if I'm able.

Able to walk to it,
Look it in the eye,
Ask it one simple question,
Ask it why?

Why the Joy,
Why the Sorrow,
Why cant the world wait,
Why not tomorrow.

There's no one about,
I can't take it anymore,
The blade says yes,
But my hands say no.

Do you see what you've done?
You've killed me inside,
There's nothing left of me,
Not even my pride.

I bid thee farewell,
As the knife touches my throat,
In the river shall my ashes,
Shall my ashes float.

Here I go,
1,2 and 3,
My eyes close
As I can no longer breathe.

The end has come,
Been and gone,
Now all I can say,
Is what's done is done.
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lol jk, but seriously that is depressing. I am SOOOO glad I am not suicidal.
But aside from that, its VERY VERY VERY VERY good. you show her what I said! VERY VERY VERY GOOD! I think its one of the best things I have ever seen! tell your friend she is a literary genious because well, that poem rocks!
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[size=1] Mm. It's okay.

It needs more images. I want to [i]see[/i] the knife. I want to [i]feel[/i] its place in this person's mind. I feel like I'm only getting a slight swipe into whatever was going on in this person's mind. It's sort of vague...and just falters along, then suddenly ends.

Not much else I can really say. It just needs more heart to it, more powerful words. A stronger swipe.

Or so I guess.

It's not horrible, but what can I say, I don't expect someone to just pick up something and know the best way to use it right away. You give it time.[/size]
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