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Writing My unfinished poem...help!


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I love this poem I wrote, but I need to finish the third to last line, any ideas. I has to rhyme with be.

fake flowers are like broken dreams
future fancies frozen in time
reminders of a better day
of summers carefree rhymes

just as artuficial shrubbery
tries to brighten witner rooms
winter dreams try to guide us
though night's sullen tombs

until the day comes broken
and hopeful thoughts of this hour
crash dead upon the rocks
like a fallen ornate flower

faux flowers bring cheer and color
when viewed from far away
but when one stops to smell the roses
are not given time of day

real flowers have their time
alive fufilling a short while
eventually they run their corse
and endup on some rotten pile

everlasting blooms stay fresh
for forever and a day
but are ultimately overlooked
forgotten in the fray

however neglected ingnored
they will sit waiting
a reminder of what would be[/color]

ghaa I hate leaving it blank, but nothing I put in there seems right. Other constuctive criticizm would be appreciated too.


[b] Edit[/b] Wow, I cannot spell.
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  • 2 weeks later...
[color=blue] however neglected ingnored,
[color=red] left in the debree,[/color]
they will sit waiting[/color]
[color=blue]a reminder of what would be[/color]

What do you think?
I like it! thanks for the suggestions, and just to keep the thread going: [b] Does anyone else have any unfinished poems that we can helf with?[/b]

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[size=1] Nice poem. You show good use of metaphors, which is one of the main things I base nearly everything I write around. Another plus is it rhymes. So the poem works rather well. Nah, more than rather, it works. The third to last line you added works well as well. Yeah. Just keep on writing heh. This is just the tip of the iceberg as far as I'm concerned![/size]
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