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Writing Arasoi's Poetry


Arasoi
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[color=darkslateblue]Rather than making a separate thread for all my poems, I've decided to limit it to just one thread. I think it'd be easier for everyone that way.[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]I have another poem that I'd like to share, as well.[/color]

[b][u][color=darkslateblue]Demon Song[/color][/b][/u]

[i][color=darkslateblue]You?re unreasonably heartless[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]You cruel, deceitful liar[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]All your actions do to me[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Is set my mind on fire[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Since you won?t seem to listen[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Let me give you a sense[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Of your heartlessness and wickedness[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And sheer malevolence[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]You don?t care if you hurt others[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]If it means getting what you want[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And then, since that?s just not enough[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Of your success you brag and flaunt[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]If things don?t go your way[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Then you turn your tail and run[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Because if you accepted loss for once[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Well, that would be no fun[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]You live amongst your falsehoods[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Not knowing what is true[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]For once you should just look and see[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]The awful things you do[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]You think that you own everyone[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]But I am not your toy[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I refuse to bow to anyone[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]When cruelty brings them joy[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]You torture those you wish to hurt[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And hell, you?ve nearly killed[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Just how can you take pleasure[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]From all this blood that?s spilled[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]But you accept no guilt either[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Pretend you?re innocent[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Maybe someday you will realize[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]You?re wrong and you?ll repent[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Can?t penetrate your dark aura[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]You?ll never see the light[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Until you see that you are wrong[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And accept that you?re not right[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]You never could be criticized[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And forbid any contradiction[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Well seeing all the pain you?ve caused[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Let that be your conviction[/color][/i]

[color=darkslateblue]Rather...angsty, I guess. I wasn't in a very good mood when I wrote this, because something that someone did was really annoying me.[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Anyway, any comments would be appreciated.[/color]
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Do you have hard times at school with some people? It seems like it. Any way, that's a really good poem. It rhymed and every stanza flowed into the next. Very nice. The only thing I would sugest is on the line "Forbid a contradiction" I would replace "forbid" with "forbade", you know, as if they "forbade a contradiction"? It's really great I can't wait to see more ^_^! Keep up the good work!
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[color=deeppink]
Wow.

Really awesome. Great rhyming, wonderful flow. And you can tell you know what you're talking about, you know what it feels like to deal with someone like that.

I must say...having dealt with people like that *coughmymothercough * it has to be one of the most frustrating things in the world. Because they always think they're right. Gr.

Anyway, I really felt your poem. Great job. I'd like to see more of your work!

-Karma
[/color]
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[color=darkslateblue]...Oh dear. I just realized that I messed up entirely. The poem that I posted first is not "False Salvation," this one is. I don't know how I made that mistake. As I edited above, the real title of that one is "Demon Song." I thought something seemed messed up about that...[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Anyway, thank you to all of you who commented on my poetry.[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Keiko, you're right, it should be something different. What I was trying to get across, though, would be something more like "And forbid any contradiction." Thank you for pointing it out to me, though! And yes, I do have problems with school...though I deal with them. [/color]

[color=darkslateblue]I'm glad you liked it, too, KarmaOfChaos. I always do my best to make my poems sound real, and I don't write about anything I haven't been through myself. I've tried to do that, but it always sounds so fake.[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Thank you to Rockstar Haruko for your comment, as well. I'm glad you liked it.[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]I have another poem that I'd like to share, too. The real "False Salvation."[/color]

[b][u][color=darkslateblue]False Salvation[/color][/b][/u]

[i][color=darkslateblue]Please listen to me one more time[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I?ve learned so much from you[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I want to show you what you?ve taught me[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And how in the end I grew[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]You said you liked me from the start[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And I could not have been more pleased[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]But back then little did I know[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]That this bliss would be diseased[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]And this care for me I realize now[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Was the major instigation[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]That brought about my love for you[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]My eternal, false salvation[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]For so long you loved and cared[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I wished forever you?d be there[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Letting my defenses go[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Entangled in love?s snare[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]And I believed you truly loved me[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I was foolish and naïve[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]So caught up in my love for you[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I could not imagine you might leave[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]But little did I know that this[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Could bring such indignation[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I had no idea that I?d be hurt[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]My beloved, false salvation[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]It took me so long to realize[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]That not everything was real[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Your love for me just would not last[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]You no longer felt the way I feel[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]And you finally told the truth to me[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]On one dark, lonely night[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I didn?t know how this could be[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]What could have caused this plight?[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]These thoughts of me here without you[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And unknown intimidation[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Hurt me more than I could know[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]My unloving, false salvation[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]You once saved me from the dark[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]But it seems so long ago[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]What I thought I knew I know that I[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Will never truly know[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]I thought I wouldn?t live through this[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And that my heart would die[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I didn?t want to part with you[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I just couldn?t say goodbye[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]But spending time trapped in my mind[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Despite my devastation[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I realized that you meant no harm[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]That you?re not my false salvation[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]You?ve helped me through so much[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And though so many tears I cry[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Sometime I will get over you[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Maybe I?ll find another guy[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]I just need for you to be my friend[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And help me not to fall[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I need someone to help me up[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Alone I can?t stand tall[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]And so I see I don?t need you[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]In a romantic sense[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Because of what has happened[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]My love?s no longer so intense[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Now that my heart has realized this[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]It ceases to bring grief[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]My sanity returns again[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Bringing my soul relief[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]With romance no longer needed[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Just your friendship brings elation[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Thank you for all you?ve done for me[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]My friend, my true salvation[/color][/i]

[color=darkslateblue]Again, leave comments if you wish. I'd like to know how I'm doing.[/color]
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[color=deeppink]
Ah, once again, great work! Very nice, how you change, and how your thoughts, go from one side of the spectrum to the complete opposite, yet still stay in the same theme. I have a feeling this guy must mean a lot to you. ^-~ I wish you the best with him.

Don't you just hate when they start out so loving...and then drift away? Aya. C'est la vie.

-Karma
[/color]
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[color=darkslateblue]Thank you again, Karma. Errm...well, this guy...actually, is not with me. Nor will he ever be again, for that matter...it's a very long story. A very long, depressing story...[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Anyway. Thanks to Karma's comment, I can post my poem of the day. I was beginning to think that I'd have to edit my last one and add the new poem to it, since double posting isn't allowed.[/color]

[b][u][color=darkslateblue]Empty[/color][/b][/u]

[i][color=darkslateblue]Worthless and unloved[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Undoing happiness[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Senseless, wasted hope[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Sadness will not rest[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Alone, trapped in nothingness[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Missing pieces of my soul[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Confused, unsure of what to do[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Rejection takes its toll[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Unable to hold it in[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]The tears begin to fall[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Crying endlessly until[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]There is nothing left at all[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]The suffering's eternal[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]This life a horrid nightmare[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]No one left to run to[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Forever lost and scared[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Self-hating and lonely[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]The shadows start to rally[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Bent on my destruction[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Begin depression?s finale[/color][/i]

[color=darkslateblue]Goodness. That was certainly the most depressing, worthless poem I've ever written. Rather short, too.[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Well, I'm not gonna go back and change it...so...tell me what you thought.[/color]
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[color=deeppink]
Heh, yes, I figured from the poem you were no longer together. I simply meant I hope that you two work things out and stay good friends. Right now, my relationship with a certain guy is up in there, for all I know we might up dating, or hating, eachother.

Anyway...enough of [i]my[/i] mindless ramble...on to your poem.

Good work, as usual. ^-~ I know the feeling. Short and *sweet* nothing incredibly fancy, just getting it out of your system. I particularily liked the last stanza, with 'depression's finale.' Very intresting word use. =) I must say though, Demon Song is the best so far. Keep writing!

-Karma
[/color]
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[color=teal][font=times new roman][b][size=4]Arasoi, your poetry is beatiful. I loved "Empty", that is exactly the way I have been feeling for the past year now. I think your poems are magnificant and you had better keep writing.

I will love to see more and look forward to reading them.

Keep it up,
~anima[/color][/font][/b][/size]
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[color=darkslateblue]Thank you to Dragonstar, KarmaOfChaos, animangademon, and Rockstar Haruko for your comments.[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]I have a few of my own comments, as well, before I share my next poem. When I first wrote "Demon Song" it was meant to be a song, but I ended up reading it as a poem instead. I don't think I could find a way to set it to music. But I think Dragonstar would be correct, it might sound good. But I don't know, I don't think very highly of my work. Or anything having to do with me, for that matter.[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]I'm glad everyone's liking my poems. Thank you to all my commenters, you're helping to make my poetry better. I'm actually going to write this one now, because I'm in a writing mood. Plus, the rest of my poems don't suit my current mood. And so, without further adieu...[/color]

[b][u][color=darkslateblue]Halt[/color][/b][/u]

[i][color=darkslateblue]Enough with all this lying[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Your promise so unreal[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I'd rather you just tell me what[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]You really, truly feel[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]You always get my hopes up[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]When you tell me you'll be there[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]But then when you don't come see me[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]It makes me wonder if you care[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]I want to tell you how I feel[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]But I don't know what you'd say[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Would you tell me that you love me[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Or leave me lost here in dismay?[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]I know I need to ask you[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]For my sanity's own sake[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I cannot keep assuming this[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Is not one big mistake[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]I know inside this isn't real[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And so I shouldn't want it[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]But yet I'm so used to this love[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]That my feelings remain split[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]So now the moment comes[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And I ask the dreaded question[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Not knowing whether it will help[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Or just lead to depression[/color][/i]

[color=darkslateblue]Hmm...I don't know if I like that one very much. I just made it on the spot, so...it's probably not nearly as good as my others. Oh well. Tell me what you though.[/color]
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I think the first two stanzas were really good....but compared to your other poems, which by the way, I thought were absolutely amazing...it started to lose it's rhythm and felt a bit choppy.

But for something you wrote on the spot it's really good. Definitely better than what I can do.
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[color=deeppink]
I'll have to disagree with DerelictDestiny here. Yes, the poem's rhyming [i]might[/i] be better, but I thought it was great as it was. And it simply reminds me so much of my own situation. I wrote the guy a letter but he has yet to respond so...I'm incredibly nervous. x_x"

Anyway, really good poem. I can relate so much. Keep writing like this, and never be afraid to bear your soul in your poetry. Kudos.

-Karma
[/color]
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[color=darkslateblue]Yeah...I didn't think this poem was nearly as good as my others. Thanks for the constructive criticism, DerelictDestiny. I'm going to try to make this next poem better. Karma, I'm glad you still liked it. As long as someone does, that's all that matters.[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]I'm going to try to write a poem that I've wanted to write for a long time now, but didn't really find the words until last night...[/color]

[b][u][color=darkslateblue]Nightmare[/color][/b][/u]

[i][color=darkslateblue]There's no way for me to escape[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]The hell I'm trapped within[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I try to see into the light[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]But the future's looking grim[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Whether I'm awake or sleeping[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I remain forever haunted[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]By my terrifying dreams[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I am mercilessly taunted[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Dreams like funhouse mirrors[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Reflecting falsehoods and dark lies[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]The shadows hiding close to me[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Lead me to my demise[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Pitch blackness all around me[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]With life so melancholy[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]This punishment is necessary[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]To redeem me of my folly[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]But no matter what I try to do[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]To escape my gloomy fate[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I must accept my destiny[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]All that's left to do is wait[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]The dark messenger arrives[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]To take me away tonight[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And met with no resistance[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Shadows lead me to the twilight[/color][/i]

[color=darkslateblue]...Huh. I don't know how I feel about that one. It's definitely...weird. It certainly reflects my current mood, though...[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]That one, too, I just made up on the spot. I think it's better than my last one, but...who knows. It's up to you all to decide.[/color]
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[color=royalblue][size=1]Well, they are kind of dark, but they rhyme and flow! Well, make more, but maybe you'd want to lighten them up a bit...?

Like I said before, the flow is good, and is the rhyming, but they tend to go in circles, saying the same thing over and over again in different words. (I'm a hypocryte!)[/color][/size]
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[color=darkslateblue]Well, I didn't post anything yesterday because no one commented on my last one in time. But now I can, thanks to Arch. Thank ya. I would try to lighten up my poems, but my best ones tend to be darkest.[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]I wrote this poem yesterday, and was going to put it up, but...well, no one commented. Now I can.[/color]

[b][u][color=darkslateblue]Masquerade[/color][/b][/u]

[i][color=darkslateblue]The everlasting struggle[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Within the lost one?s mind[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Searching for the secret place[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Where light and dark collide[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]The forces battle evermore[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]For the quest with which they're tasked[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Seeking answers to their questions[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]That should never have been asked[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Unheeding words of wisdom[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And the knowledge of the sage[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Taking action so impulsively[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Gone blind with senseless rage[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]The two sides so opposed[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Their strength begins to fade[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Yet both continue singing in[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Destruction?s serenade[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Falling prey to wicked trickery[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Their emotions so afflicted[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]By disease and darkness in their hearts[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]True nature contradicted[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]As the numbers wither slowly down[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]And remaining will grows weak[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]The answers to their questions[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]They continue still to seek[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]When the final specter breathes its last[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Knowing soon that it will die[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Comes the ironic, last epiphany[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]They were fighting for a lie[/color][/i]

[color=darkslateblue]I tried to incorporate some symbolism, but I don't know if anyone will see it. It's hard for me to find it, myself. But, maybe it's there...[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Anyway...tell me what you think.[/color]
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I constantly come back just to read your poetry.

I definitely agree the rhyming was great, the way you used the metaphors to show the conflict was really original. The theme of the poem is slightly unusual but still really cool.

Love your poems.I can't wait to see more of your work. :)
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[color=deeppink]
I too, have some catching up to do.

That rhymed.

Nightmare:

Nice creepy feel. I like the idea that you've surrendered to your nightmare, to your 'punishment.' Sometimes it's better to surrender...The rhyming was pretty well done, although it seemed slightly awkward at times. Overall, good job.

Masquerade:

Very beautiful! Wonderful theme. Fighting for something that wasn't there, wasn't real after all. Questioning things that aren't supposed to be questioned. The rhyming and flow were amazing as well. Excellent poem Arasoi, excellent.

-Karma
[/color]
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  • 3 weeks later...
[color=darkslateblue]Well...I've finally returned. Sorry about my extremely long abscence. Thank you to Rockstar Haruko, DerelictDestiny, Ellester41, and KarmaOfChaos for your reviews. [/color]

[color=darkslateblue]I'm glad you all like my poetry, and I finally have another one for you...although it is very depressing. The style, too, is different from my other poems, so I don't know how it will sound.[/color]

[b][u][color=darkslateblue]Goodbye[/color][/b][/u]

[i][color=darkslateblue]I cannot feel your presence here[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Your tender love has disappeared[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Depression locked in misery[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Only death can set me free[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Life?s a weight to hold me down[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]In this suffering I drown[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]And after all you?ve put me through[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I?m losing everything I knew[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Lost in my world of tears and hate[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]It?s up to you to choose my fate[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Do I live or do I die[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Is it my time to say goodbye?[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]How can it be that you can?t see[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]All the pain you bring to me[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I?m lost in shadow on my own[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Trapped in darkness all alone[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]My death approaches ever fast[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]I don?t know how long I can last[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Was all this of your own intent?[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Or is it me who must repent?[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]The knife will not cease to persist[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]It?s up to you to slit my wrist[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Do I live or do I die[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Is it my time to say goodbye?[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]Betrayal and your selfish lies[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Darkness in the light?s disguise[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Your life to which my soul is bound[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]This tragedy is most profound[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]All I believed in was untrue[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Yet my heart stays attached to you[/color]

[color=darkslateblue]The redeeming gift of suicide[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]After all the tears I?ve cried[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]There?s nothing left for me to do[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]But put all of my faith in you[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Do I live or do I die[/color]
[color=darkslateblue]Is it my time to say goodbye?[/color][/i]

[color=darkslateblue]Well, that's all. Tell me what you think...and I'll be sure to post other poems more quickly now.[/color]
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[color=deeppink]
That was beautiful Arasoi. I am awed.

[/color]
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Arasoi [/i][color=royal blue]
[b][u]Goodbye[/b][/u]

[i]I cannot feel your presence here
Your tender love has disappeared
Depression locked in misery
Only death can set me free
Life?s a weight to hold me down
In this suffering I drown[/i]
[/color][/quote][color=deeppink]

Your love is gone, and without that, life isn't worth it. Death becomes a way to escape, a freedom from the endless pain love wrought you.

[/color][quote][color=royal blue][i]
And after all you?ve put me through
I?m losing everything I knew
Lost in my world of tears and hate
It?s up to you to choose my fate
Do I live or do I die
Is it my time to say goodbye?
[/i][/color][/quote][color=deeppink]
You leave it up to him to decide whether or not you will go on, because frankly, you're just too damn tired of this. You make it his choice whether or not he forsakes you completly.
How can it be that you can?t see

[/color][quote][color=royal blue][i]
All the pain you bring to me
I?m lost in shadow on my own
Trapped in darkness all alone
My death approaches ever fast
I don?t know how long I can last
[/i][/color][/quote][color=deeppink]
You're running out of time, feeling yourself losing it more every single moment you're alive. You want him, need him to realize this. You need him to make a desicion.

[/color][quote][color=royal blue][i]
Was all this of your own intent?
Or is it me who must repent?
The knife will not cease to persist
It?s up to you to slit my wrist
Do I live or do I die
Is it my time to say goodbye?
[/i][/color][/quote][color=deeppink]
I suppose the first two lines can be interrepted two different ways. One, that perhaps you blame yourself for this, for taking it the wrong way. Or two, you wonder if it was his intention to do this in the first place, to kill you, or is it your job to decide? Then the stanza goes on, again giving him the choice.

[/color][quote][color=royal blue][i]
Betrayal and your selfish lies
Darkness in the light?s disguise
Your life to which my soul is bound
This tragedy is most profound
All I believed in was untrue
Yet my heart stays attached to you
[/i][/color][/quote][color=deeppink]
This is my favorite stanza. It says so much with so few words. The first line implies that this is indeed his fault, that you are fallen because of his own selfishness. The second line is simply great imagery and use of words. And then you go to say how even though he's done all this to you, you can't let go. You still hold on to that.

[/color][quote][color=royal blue][i]
The redeeming gift of suicide
After all the tears I?ve cried
There?s nothing left for me to do
But put all of my faith in you
Do I live or do I die
Is it my time to say goodbye?[/i]
[/color][/QUOTE][color=deeppink]
A dark ending, that leaves you thinking. Will he chose to inadvertently kill you or save you?

This was a great poem Arasoi, and excellently written. I'm glad you're back. ^-^

-Karma
[/color]
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  • 2 months later...
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue]Guess who's back? Yeah...I've finally come back to stay for a while. And this time not just for a day or so...at least, I hope. I'm going to try to stay updated now. And you have Bio to thank for that...whether it be a good thing or a bad thing. But it's good to be back.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=#483d8b]Well, I don't really have any new poems, except for one...and I don't know how good it is. I just figured I'd post it up so people could have a look, and I'll write a new one later if inspiration comes to me.[/color][/size][/font]

[color=#483d8b][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][b][u]Children of the Glass[/u][/b][/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Trapped in bitter fantasies[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Lost in worthless dreams[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Locked in unreality[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Where nothing?s what it seems[/i][/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Enclosed within unknowingly[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Caught behind the mirror[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Though everything seems false[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]It makes things so much clearer[/i][/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]On the wrong side of the looking glass[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]View all that?s real and true[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]The one and only catch is that[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]There?s nothing you can do[/i][/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Yell and scream for all your might[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Cry ?til your tears are gone[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]The others will remain unable[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]To awake to reality?s dawn[/i][/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]No one will heed your warnings[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Not one will hear your call[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]They cannot hear or see you[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Behind eternity?s wall[/i][/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]There?s a price to pay for knowledge[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Truth carries a steep toll[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]For to be able to see the unseen[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Costs no less than your soul[/i][/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Take one final look behind[/i][/color] [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Then forsake yourself alas[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]And join the unforgiving ranks[/i][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Of the children of the glass[/i][/color][/size][/font][/color]
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[font=Verdana][size=1][color=#800000]I am just about to go through your previous poems, but I wanted to comment on this last installment first.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][color=#800000][size=1]Though I am not sure how, since it sank into the deepest reaches of my mind, where words cannot express the imagery and thoughts triggered by what I read....[quote][/size][size=1][i][color=#483d8b]On the wrong side of the looking glass
[font=Verdana]View all that?s real and true[/font][/color][/i]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i]The one and only catch is that[/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i]There?s nothing you can do[/i][/color][/font]
[/quote]Yes, you see it - but are unable to change it. We often see things when it is too late, or we do not know how to make it stop/change.[quote][/size][size=1][i][color=#483d8b]Yell and scream for all your might
[font=Verdana]Cry ?til your tears are gone[/font][/color][/i]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i]The others will remain unable[/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i]To awake to reality?s dawn[/i][/color][/font]
[/quote]Because they're on the other side of the glass *nods* And until they look through the mirror, beyond the glass - they will not hear you, or harken to your cries.[/size][/color][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=#800000]There is so much to look at and think about in this poem, I simply displayed some of it. Very good, indeed.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=#800000]- Mimmi ^_^[/color][/size][/font]
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