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Writing Trying to prove I'm special...

Jesus Chicken

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[color=blue] If this gets a post after it I'll put more lyrics as they come to me. In the mean time, I just wrote this, and I was happy with it, because I have finally acheived what I set out do to.
I wanted to hide the meaning slightly in the words. I want to not be so forthcoming with it, and I think I've finally got the right balance of obscurity and simplicity that I have wanted in my poems.
Tell me what you think. It's not a request, its a statment. Tell me what you think or go to hell.[/color]


[I]Watch her take advantage of the timid ones,
burn his eyes out as he sets the sun,
push away the one you say you care about,
she threw away his heart, tore his tongue out,
watch the moon slip from behind her eyes,
see the light distract him from the lies,

waste the days, waste the lines, wait for you again,
found some pleasure in the punch and smiled through the pain

gonna wait to see just how you react,
see what happens when you get your gift back,
give myself up to the rain dancing on the floor,
scream out into the night, begging to give me more,
I can feel the cold from miles away when the night is young,
tie me up and leave me in a crowded room when everything is done,

waste the days, waste the lines, wait for you again,
found some pleasure in the punch and smiled through the pain,

Put the pauses in where you need them the most,
I'd tell you how to do it, but I'm not the one to boast,
who gets confused when they start to play their game?
wish they kept it simple and kept everything plain,
never understood the longer words in what you said,
I just smiled and wished you hadn't left us all for dead,

waste the days, waste the lines, wait for you again
found some pleasure in the punch and smiled through the pain...[/I]
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  • 2 weeks later...
Here we go...This one is about the girl I have liked for like a year straight...but I finally realised she is a dirty beatch and alll that shit. Its me wanting to kill her.
Oh well, here's another one for you to disregard....
Thanks for the child's rhyme...

a minute of pleasure,
in an ocean of sadness and madess,
a wave of depression, and months of obsession.
right now I'm lonely,
sadly daniel J was right,
all I ever did was love her,
she threw it in my face,
she didn't need affection,
but its hate thats taken place,
I don't want to hold her anymore,
don't want to feel her skin,
hold her down for another moment,
hope that she can't breathe in,

she was the best I never had,
always out of reach,
waves crash in the distance
as I drag her from the beach,

growing heavy a deadweight now,
but thats probably for the best,
haven't started to regret it yet,
because I still detest...
her face, her smell,
her stupid little nose,
her beautiful pale brown eyes,
speeding like a rose,

she was the only one I ever wanted,
the cuts they never healed ,
pluck three at once in the rhyme,
rose, tell me how she feels,

flowers taking the time I need,
the time to run away
from what I've done, the ones after me,
but I'll let her stay,
she couldn't go if she wanted to,
the life is all but gone,
she's left to give bumps to geese,
from the cold of stone...

she is gone, and put to rest,
I can let it go,
leave her behind...
the rose told me what I needed to know...
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[COLOR=firebrick]That was disturbingly beautiful [i]*shivers*[/i]

The rhyming didn't feel forced, it came out like water in a quiet creek. Slowly floating to the ocean.
Taking its time to tell the tale.

It captures the feeling of how you desperately wanted something, holding it to standars it might now be at... then looking at everything again, wanting to kill that realization.

Really good [i]*nods*[/i]

- Mimmi[/COLOR]
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