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Writing Death Poem


anime_guy
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Well, right now I kinda wanna die.. So I wrote this poem:

[I]I want to die,
Take a big fall
And just end it all.
I'm in so much trouble,
It seems to double every day
My grades, my relationship,
What next? I don't know...
I wish some one....
Would just end it all...
*bang*
Thank you...whoever.... you.... are... (falls dead)[/I]
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That's depressing...Why would you write a poem of death though? When I got your PM about it I didn't know what you felt, but then you said it was your talent but I still don't know. What is it trying to tell the reader? You're good at depression poems, or you want to commit suicide? I don't know...
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[color=blue]The language you're using just makes it a bit too shallow to be quite believable. Which is a pity as everyone feels like this some time in their life, so people would be able to relate to a work of this topic.
I'm not sure of your intentions though, perhaps you ment for it to be so obvious. But the falls dead bit is something I don't like. It adds a childish feel to it, and ruins the mood you have attempted to set up. Oh well, my thoughts.[/color]
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Guest kris roby
I liked the poem. but i do agree with Jesus Chicken that the falls dead bit seems to add a very childish apperence to your poem. but other than that i thought it was very good.
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