Writing Death Poem

[anime_guy]

Well, right now I kinda wanna die.. So I wrote this poem:

[I]I want to die,
Take a big fall
And just end it all.
I'm in so much trouble,
It seems to double every day
My grades, my relationship,
What next? I don't know...
I wish some one....
Would just end it all...
*bang*
Thank you...whoever.... you.... are... (falls dead)[/I]

[Amity]

That's depressing...Why would you write a poem of death though? When I got your PM about it I didn't know what you felt, but then you said it was your talent but I still don't know. What is it trying to tell the reader? You're good at depression poems, or you want to commit suicide? I don't know...

[anime_guy]

Well, I'm saying "right now, my life sucks" and " can depress you all and there's nothing you can do about it" Well, I geuss I'll try and think up another good depresstion poem....

[Amity]

Thank you for clearifying that up.

[Shinken]

I wrote a death poem too, but not the same kind of thing, I guess (I meant it in the old samurai fashion). But I think this one's kinda funny, in a morbid sense.

[anime_guy]

Thanks ^_^ I have to think up another morbid, depressing/goth poem... I'm pretty good at writing those I geuss ^_^
Oh, and this is off-topic, but I like that "frisbee seppuku"^_^

[Jesus Chicken]

[color=blue]The language you're using just makes it a bit too shallow to be quite believable. Which is a pity as everyone feels like this some time in their life, so people would be able to relate to a work of this topic.
I'm not sure of your intentions though, perhaps you ment for it to be so obvious. But the falls dead bit is something I don't like. It adds a childish feel to it, and ruins the mood you have attempted to set up. Oh well, my thoughts.[/color]

[Guest kris roby]

I liked the poem. but i do agree with Jesus Chicken that the falls dead bit seems to add a very childish apperence to your poem. but other than that i thought it was very good.

[Boo]

[color=gray]Well yeah, a 'little' bit on the depressive side heh.

The poem sounded nice, but the bang and falls dead part doesnt really fit in...
[/color]

[anime_guy]

Yeah, I know taht part was kinda wierd... Well, It's pretty good for my first poem [I]ever[/I] ^_^ I'm trying to tihnk of another one soon... My next one will be better!