Shinmaru Posted December 26, 2003 Share Posted December 26, 2003 I've been writing for a while now, but I've never really wanted to post anything I've written on OtakuBoards until now, heh. Most of the poems I write are just spur-of-the-moment stuff, that end up getting revised later, so if these seem sketchy it's because they are. lol Keep in mind that I'm no great shakes when it comes to poetry...it's one of the areas in writing I feel I'm lacking, heh. But there's always room for improve and I shall strive to improve ^_^ Also, my poems mostly have a more songlike feel to them, since I listen to music when I write...so don't mind the choruses I've strewn throughout them :p Now, without further adieu, a few poems I wrote this morning. [b]Plateau[/b] Up to the hills And open the books To the mountains we go Nothing up and nothing down Looking at the books Up on the plateau Who needs words And who needs life When you can deal with it all With the gift of strife Walk over the valleys And through the woods To the house we go Nothing to the left Nothing to the right Watching from the plateau Who needs words And who needs life When you can deal with it all With the gift of strife Made it through the rain Made it through the snow To the cathedral we go Nothing all around Nothing on the walls Nothing on the plateau Who needs words And who needs life When you can deal with it all With the gift of strife [b]Simple[/b] Simple is as simple does Simple does everything in sight Simple is not as simple As simple seems All through the night Up on the walls And in the room Eat your pie And eat it good Simple is as simple does Simple has no shame Simple likes to have fun So simple seems To like to play Up on the walls And in the room Eat your pie And eat it good Simple is as simple does Simple is a crazy man Simple likes to follow you So eat your pie And eat it good Up on the walls And in your room Eat your pie And eat it good Up on the walls And in your room Eat your pie And eat it good [b]My Love[/b] I was gone I was gone The whole night through My love My love She didn't care I would shiver And she would call I would die I would die The whole night through My love My love She would die for me I would shiver And she would call I would fall I would fall The whole night through My love My love She would get up I would shiver And she would call I would cry I would cry The whole night through My love My love She would cry with me I would shiver And she would call I would laugh I would laugh The whole night through My love My love She would laugh with me We would shiver And nobody would call And there they are...feel free to be totally honest with me, because I can take some harsh criticism without getting my feelings hurt (on the same token, I can take some flattering criticism without overblowing my ego ~_^). Thanks for taking the time to read some of my work, whomever you happen to be ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KKC Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 I honostly know absolutly nothing what so ever about good poetry (I only know about bad). To me, they were pretty good, my fav. of the three would have to be the Simple one (Mm... Pie...) I thought that Plateau one... well... didn't really have much of a point to it... And the love one was good, but I didn't really understand what the Call part was about, but some poems arn't ment to be understood :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japan Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 I thought that they were awesome poems Shin! Though I don't really know what to say though because most poems that are supposed to be good make no sense. Though, yours made a ton of sense and I enjoyed them very much. Unlike KKC, my favorite poem is, "My Love." That poem made me chuckle and I think it is very sweet. Keep up the good work my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tog Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Ahh, they're very touching. I never knew you could be so deep, Shin! 'My Love' is probably my favorite. It's written so well! The structure was what made it so good, I think. Grr, I am filled with jealousy! (This has nothing to do with jelly!) Although, the line in 'Simple' "All through the night" made me start humming the ending theme to Outlaw Star... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sixthcrusifix Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 I REally liked your poetry too. Though i don't boast as a poet, I think that the love one sounds the best. But they are all really super! -Sixy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimmsicle Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 [color=darkblue]I've said this you you in person, but it needs to be said here as well: I like your writing ^_^[/color] [COLOR=firebrick] [b]Plateu[/b] The first time I read it, it was in a very giddy way. Kind of like a child singing some made up song. But now I read it again and see it in a different light. I can't quite explain the imagary it gives me, but it has a feeling of solitude. A man who's still in his battle shoes, walking ... home ? Away, somewhere ? Maybe not even [i]to[/i] something... Just walking. Thinking. When I read it like that, it has a calming/soothing sensation over it. You want to take a step back and understand what the poem is saying, what it's trying to give you. *shivers* Very good, Shin ![/COLOR] [color=darkblue][b]Simple[/b] This one makes me feel really ... bubbly. ^_^ There's no need to complicate things, just enjoy them and have fun doing so. I will do that >___> [/color] [color=firebrick][b]My Love[/b] This one is both painful and warming, at the same time. I can't even describe anything I'm thinking, which in my book makes it [i]really[/i] good ! The best things in life shouldn't be explained, they should just be taken in and move you. Like this poem did. [/color][color=darkblue] [b]I applaud you, Shin ![/b] - Mimmi[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarmaOfChaos Posted January 6, 2004 Share Posted January 6, 2004 [color=deeppink] Plateau - As Mimmi said, this poem invoked the feeling of solitude, and the imagery of a person walking through the mountains/forest alone. The message that I got from it was that words aren't nessicary for living, you can go through life being quiet and still have that have an incredible impact. Solitude isn't a bad thing, basically. Suffering is sometimes best done alone. Nice feel. Good job Shin. I'll review the other two later, must go now. -Karma [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinmaru Posted January 8, 2004 Author Share Posted January 8, 2004 I thank everyone who took the time out of their busy lives and read and reviewed my work. Definitely appreciated ^_^ Here's a little something that I've been working on all day...I started it this morning after a spring of inspiration and I finished it a few minutes ago. [b]May Day[/b] May Day, everyday, it's my day All the time, out of sight, it's my life Queen of mine, of my sight, of my life Dirty love, innocence, Queen of life Queen of Hearts Queen of Love Turbulence And flying doves May Day, everyday, it's my day Seflishness, narcissist, we're alike Queen of light, in my sight, desire Dirty lives, all the time, in my mind Queen of Blood Queen of Lies Follow you All the time May Day, everyday, it's my day Out of sound, out of life, it's my plight Queen of mine, always mine, for all time Selfish hearts, bitter lives, grasp for time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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