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Writing Shinmaru be writing poetry, too.


Shinmaru
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I've been writing for a while now, but I've never really wanted to post anything I've written on OtakuBoards until now, heh. Most of the poems I write are just spur-of-the-moment stuff, that end up getting revised later, so if these seem sketchy it's because they are. lol

Keep in mind that I'm no great shakes when it comes to poetry...it's one of the areas in writing I feel I'm lacking, heh. But there's always room for improve and I shall strive to improve ^_^

Also, my poems mostly have a more songlike feel to them, since I listen to music when I write...so don't mind the choruses I've strewn throughout them :p

Now, without further adieu, a few poems I wrote this morning.

[b]Plateau[/b]

Up to the hills
And open the books
To the mountains we go
Nothing up and nothing down
Looking at the books
Up on the plateau

Who needs words
And who needs life
When you can deal with it all
With the gift of strife

Walk over the valleys
And through the woods
To the house we go
Nothing to the left
Nothing to the right
Watching from the plateau

Who needs words
And who needs life
When you can deal with it all
With the gift of strife

Made it through the rain
Made it through the snow
To the cathedral we go
Nothing all around
Nothing on the walls
Nothing on the plateau

Who needs words
And who needs life
When you can deal with it all
With the gift of strife

[b]Simple[/b]

Simple is as simple does
Simple does everything in sight
Simple is not as simple
As simple seems
All through the night

Up on the walls
And in the room
Eat your pie
And eat it good

Simple is as simple does
Simple has no shame
Simple likes to have fun
So simple seems
To like to play

Up on the walls
And in the room
Eat your pie
And eat it good

Simple is as simple does
Simple is a crazy man
Simple likes to follow you
So eat your pie
And eat it good

Up on the walls
And in your room
Eat your pie
And eat it good

Up on the walls
And in your room
Eat your pie
And eat it good

[b]My Love[/b]

I was gone
I was gone
The whole night through
My love
My love
She didn't care
I would shiver
And she would call

I would die
I would die
The whole night through
My love
My love
She would die for me
I would shiver
And she would call

I would fall
I would fall
The whole night through
My love
My love
She would get up
I would shiver
And she would call

I would cry
I would cry
The whole night through
My love
My love
She would cry with me
I would shiver
And she would call

I would laugh
I would laugh
The whole night through
My love
My love
She would laugh with me
We would shiver
And nobody would call

And there they are...feel free to be totally honest with me, because I can take some harsh criticism without getting my feelings hurt (on the same token, I can take some flattering criticism without overblowing my ego ~_^). Thanks for taking the time to read some of my work, whomever you happen to be ^_^
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I honostly know absolutly nothing what so ever about good poetry (I only know about bad). To me, they were pretty good, my fav. of the three would have to be the Simple one (Mm... Pie...) I thought that Plateau one... well... didn't really have much of a point to it... And the love one was good, but I didn't really understand what the Call part was about, but some poems arn't ment to be understood :)
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I thought that they were awesome poems Shin! Though I don't really know what to say though because most poems that are supposed to be good make no sense. Though, yours made a ton of sense and I enjoyed them very much. Unlike KKC, my favorite poem is, "My Love." That poem made me chuckle and I think it is very sweet. Keep up the good work my friend.
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Ahh, they're very touching. I never knew you could be so deep, Shin! 'My Love' is probably my favorite. It's written so well! The structure was what made it so good, I think. Grr, I am filled with jealousy! (This has nothing to do with jelly!) Although, the line in 'Simple' "All through the night" made me start humming the ending theme to Outlaw Star...
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Guest sixthcrusifix
I REally liked your poetry too. Though i don't boast as a poet, I think that the love one sounds the best. But they are all really super!
-Sixy
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[color=darkblue]I've said this you you in person, but it needs to be said here as well:
I like your writing ^_^[/color]
[COLOR=firebrick]
[b]Plateu[/b]
The first time I read it, it was in a very giddy way. Kind of like a child singing some made up song.
But now I read it again and see it in a different light.

I can't quite explain the imagary it gives me, but it has a feeling of solitude.
A man who's still in his battle shoes, walking ... home ? Away, somewhere ? Maybe not even [i]to[/i] something... Just walking. Thinking.

When I read it like that, it has a calming/soothing sensation over it.
You want to take a step back and understand what the poem is saying, what it's trying to give you. *shivers*
Very good, Shin ![/COLOR]

[color=darkblue][b]Simple[/b]
This one makes me feel really ... bubbly. ^_^
There's no need to complicate things, just enjoy them and have fun doing so.
I will do that >___>
[/color]
[color=firebrick][b]My Love[/b]
This one is both painful and warming, at the same time.

I can't even describe anything I'm thinking, which in my book makes it [i]really[/i] good !
The best things in life shouldn't be explained, they should just be taken in and move you.
Like this poem did.
[/color][color=darkblue]
[b]I applaud you, Shin ![/b]

- Mimmi[/color]
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[color=deeppink]

Plateau -

As Mimmi said, this poem invoked the feeling of solitude, and the imagery of a person walking through the mountains/forest alone. The message that I got from it was that words aren't nessicary for living, you can go through life being quiet and still have that have an incredible impact. Solitude isn't a bad thing, basically. Suffering is sometimes best done alone.

Nice feel. Good job Shin.

I'll review the other two later, must go now.

-Karma
[/color]
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I thank everyone who took the time out of their busy lives and read and reviewed my work. Definitely appreciated ^_^

Here's a little something that I've been working on all day...I started it this morning after a spring of inspiration and I finished it a few minutes ago.

[b]May Day[/b]

May Day, everyday, it's my day
All the time, out of sight, it's my life
Queen of mine, of my sight, of my life
Dirty love, innocence, Queen of life

Queen of Hearts
Queen of Love
Turbulence
And flying doves

May Day, everyday, it's my day
Seflishness, narcissist, we're alike
Queen of light, in my sight, desire
Dirty lives, all the time, in my mind

Queen of Blood
Queen of Lies
Follow you
All the time

May Day, everyday, it's my day
Out of sound, out of life, it's my plight
Queen of mine, always mine, for all time
Selfish hearts, bitter lives, grasp for time
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