I have a dilemma

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=darkorchid]As many of you may or may not know I'm married and I'm going to have a baby in September. My husband is at Ft.Hood TX and getting sent to Iraq this weekend.I've been living up here in NY since November and he's been in TX, then LA then back to TX For a little while he was in NY.

Well, that's obviously not the subject for the topic of this post. I was talking to a friend of mine down in TX when she told me she had sent me an email, it was about my husband's yahoo profile. He updated it 29, JAn, but didn't bother to change his single status to married. Also, (and maybe this was a bit unethical of me, but I decided that since i knew his password I'd see what I could find) I found a bunch of girl's screen names on his buddy list.

NOw, I've only known this friend of mine for over a year, but I've known Lincoln for
almost four years. Neither one of them has anythingto profit by lying. Well, okay, Lincoln could be dishonorably discharcharged and get into a lot of trouble if he was found to be cheating on me. And I'd get the rest of his paychecks. But other than that nobody has anything to gain from this. (she's married BTW)

I'm just wondering if you guys have any ideas or input to this subject. Maybe what would you do or something to that effect. anything would be of hellp.

Thank you.[/color]

[Emme888]

well if any of you dont having anything to gain by this expirence, and if you truley love him...well i would would just have to say that you need to talkn to him and work it out. After all...it is his child after isn't it? and make sure that yoboth know the importance or moreals and tell him to be an example for the baby.

I donot know if this will help you any, but I hope it does. And please stay strong and if you ever need to talk you can always IM me.

[Guest Midnight Rush]

well you could secretly log onto his name and chat with the girls to see what the relationship was, but that probably wouldn't go over well. If I were you I'd simply ask him about it, but change his password first so he can't change things later. Although it would be awkward if you IMed me lol, my mom went through a similar time and thats what she did. Either way, best of luck to you! I hope it works out and that there is no problem for you!

[Boba Fett]

[color=green]I?d advise you to not listen to anyone?s advice that posts here with possible courses of action, etc.

None of us are qualified to counsel you on this matter, as I?d suspect none of us know much about married life or have any counseling experience.

You should contact Tricare and get an appointment with a marriage counselor. I?ve checked and, at least in my area, they?re offered. Remember, while you talk with this counselor you?re protected by doctor-patient privilege. The military cannot use any information that you discuss with this qualified medical professional in a military court should they choose to prosecute your husband for adultery (assuming that actually occurred).

I?m not sure of your husband?s rank, but I?m pretty sure that the military?s rules against adultery don?t apply to enlisted personnel.

Hopefully this is all a big misunderstanding.

Best Wishes,

-Boba[/color]

[Mitch]

[size=1][color=red] Humor me for a moment. What's a "delema"? It reminds me of llama, or something. You know, llamas, those desert natives. Maybe there's something wrong with my head, but that's what it reminds me of.

(For the record, it's spelled "dilemma." I might be pretty anal when it comes to spelling, but you get me. I'm a writer after all.)

As for the problem at hand. I don't know how your relationship is, how long you've been married, blah blah blah. So I can't sit here and give you some golden apple answer to your problems for you to eat and that's it.

I'm leaning towards you're being more paraniod than anything. Which is what I guess any woman will do (I'm inclined to say some women, in your shoes, would do the same thing you're saying and thinking. Perhaps this inclination is wrong, but that's beside the point). If he married you, and you him, and you pledged your life together, and all that, then I'm guessing you two know what there is there. Plus you're having a child.

So I think you're being paranoid. Again, I don't know anything about you and your husband. . .so I can't say much. You're the one who has to figure it out for yourself. Does he write letters? Have you written him a letter asking him about this you've found?

I wouldn't just jump up and hold your arms in the air and say, "Oh my god! The cheap bastardly slut!" I'd first find if what you're thinking has any bearing on anything.

Maybe you're just looking for something to place your stress on. Maybe you're just looking at the faults because you don't trust him (and if that's so, then you've got some reworking to do; a lot of marriage is trust I'd say. I haven't been married, but I know enough from watching my parents fight endlessly and other things that that's part of it. Because without trust, there isn't truth and honesty. And truth and honesty are required for many things to work).

Just send him a letter, ask him up front about it if you can send a letter. He should answer back with, "Of course I'm not cheating on you, babe. I love you." And if he doesn't, well, then, I guess everything at this moment in your life, and where it's going, is changed forever. Which would be a bad thing. The worst scenario.

Whatever the case, the only way it's going to go away is if you approach him. No one else holds the golden key to unlock the golden lock. Only you and him have it. Not anyone here, not anyone anywhere else. It's just you and him, and you need to work it out.

I sense you're overreacting. I've noticed that some women have the tendency to do this over matters of marriage. Which is fine. I mean, you're better off sure than sorry about anything, to quote some cliche phrase I hate to mention or say.

I bet it's nothing. I bet it's all fine.

I could be fundamentally wrong. But I sense this isn't as big of a deal as you make it.

I do know one thing: long distance relationships rarely work. And so, your relationships are suffering, quite obviously.

Maybe it's enough to break your marriage? Maybe not?

Whatever happens happens. You can only use hindsight to use foresight. You can only let it play out and when it's over collect the skins and whatever's left.[/size][/color].

[Harry]

You're over reacting and I would watch out cause this extreme paranoia might make you lose him. Everything you're worried about is just mundane it's rather funny. Maybe you should read your points in a clearer way

Worry #1: He didn't change some stupid status on his yahoo profile.
Worry #2: He's talking to girls

Now if you read those and you still have your suspicions, you might as well break up with him now since your constant paranoia will most likely drive him over the edge. I'm sorry if this is harsh but I've been in a similiar situation where a girl was a paranoid freak who accused me of cheating every other week.

[Patronus]

You have a delema?!?!?! I've never seen one of those!

..
...

Oh, [i]dilemma[/i].

I've seen that before, sure have. And I have to say, both of those things you are worrying about are really things that are.. well, for lack of a better term, stupid. I mean, [i]profiles[/i] shouldn't make you jealous. Now I see why having a lot of girl "friends" makes you jealous, but that's what's wrong with women today. Men aren't allowed to associate themselves with [i]other[/i] women because their woman thinks that no matter what, they're cheating on them.

That's what I gave up on women a [i]long [/i]time ago.

[Sara]

[QUOTE=Leh]You have a delema?!?!?! I've never seen one of those!

..
...

Oh, [i]dillemma[/i].[/QUOTE][size=1]Dillemma?!?!?!?! I've never seen one of those!

..
...

Oh, [i]dilemma[/i].

I agree with Boba on this...I really can't offer you any legit advice. However, I did edit your thread title, to save you further half-***** corrections.[/size]

[Semjaza]

[QUOTE=Sara][size=1]Dillemma?!?!?!?! I've never seen one of those!

..
...

Oh, [i]dilemma[/i][/size][/QUOTE]

Man, nothing is quite better than someone getting owned by botching their attempt to own someone else. Bam! Man, that made my day lol.

Anyway. Either trust him and get over something that's obviously not important or you're going to mess things up with something unimportant. I'm basically in agreement with Harry.

You're married to this guy and are having his baby. You're obviously at a higher place than any random girl he'd talk to online. I wouldn't concern myself over it.

[Delian]

Best thing to do is not to jump into conclusions and speak to a professional marriage counsellor. They're trained to advise you on the best course of action to take. Don't stress too much. There's always an explanation for it all.

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=violet]I got a bit more info on this and also gained the profit of sleep and a two hour conversation with Lincoln.

I'm going to wait until Thursday to listen to the whole story again. He actually gave me the numbers of the two other girls in question. The other two recently got over bad divorces. (If that's any inclination) And the friend who told me said to think it over a bit and make him sweat.

Also the one other girl who actually knows us only met Lincoln once and he was in a crappy mood and we were going thru some hard times with finances and roommates. Both of which are cleared up now.

I've known Lincoln for going on four years and we've been married for almost two, even if there was a problem, I think the best step woulod be to try and talk it out.

Thank you for your support and such. Sorry to Mitch and Leh about the spelling problem-keh, soem people are picky about some things!
I don't think this post could get any further so if the mods want to close it, fine with me. Thank you again

Sincerly Chibi Horsewoman[/color]