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Writing The Life Aquatic of Zidargh and Co. [PG-13 w/Mild Suggestive Themes]


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[font=trebuchet MS]Welcome everyone to Zidargh's first attempt at a kind-of-serious/comical OB parody-esque piece. This will be an on-going tale for which I hope you all enjoy. The rating may have to be edited depending on how this goes, but I doubt it. Here are the details so far which will be changed with each chapter. Feel free to comment in this thread.


[b]Graphics: [/b]I'd like to give a big thankyou to Dragon Warrior for his aid with his graphics design skills.

[b]Writing:[/b] Myself. Thanks Zidargh.


[b][u]Chapter 1: Cast List[/u][/b]

[size=1]In alphabetical order.[/size]

[b]Bell Boy:[/b] Played by a Bell Boy.

[b]Chris Dennett/Zidargh:[/b] Played by Me.

[b]Joshua/Shy:[/b] Played by Shy.

[b]Reporter:[/b] Played by Pamela Sanderson. [FICTIONAL]

[b]Sleazy Man:[/b] Played by a man.



All appearances that show any resemblances to that of an actual human being, living or dead, are of pure coincidence and the writers at We Love Zidargh Inc. cannot be held responsible for any who find this literature offensive. [/size][/center]


[font=trebuchet MS] [center][size=4][b][u]Chapter 1: The Big Shebang[/u][/b][/size][/center]
[size=2]?Mr. Dennett! Mr. Dennett!?

He swayed along the passionate, red carpet, much like that of one who?d finished one too many alcoholic beverages. In fact, his mannerisms were representing the truth on this occasion, but he was really trying his hardest to hide it. It seemed to go on forever, the destination looming, but never nearing, much like that of the ocean horizon.

[i]Oh the ocean?[/i]

And it didn?t help that fanatical crowds, surrounding him wherever he stepped were screaming and creating blinding, split-second flashes. The best comparison would be that of a pack of rabid dogs being teased by a carcass. It also didn?t help that they were lobbing rice at his face.

[i]Rice of all things![/i]

It was not a wedding that was occurring today. [i]Oh[/i], no. It was the Grande Riviera Premiere of Zidarghos Los Fishos, a brand-spanking-new aquatic documentary on the famous ?Turbulent Squid?, created by Mr. Dennett himself.

?Mr. Dennett! Mr. Dennett!?

?Damn.? He?d been hunted for the past ten minutes. It seemed that ignoring the press just causes them to become even more annoying. And now, he?d been caged, and the interrogation had just begun. Answers were his only hope.

?Aha. Gotcha?. Mr. Dennett, I?m Pamela Sanderson of ?Los Premiere??es? T.V? and I?d appreciate it if you could just answer a couple of questions.?

He?d been frozen in this position for two minutes now, as if he?d been cast into stone or ice. The oak doors, surrounded by bright, flashing lights were [i]so[/i] close, if only he could just grab out and --. No, he had to turn.

?Thank you ever so much.? This woman was gorgeous, with stunning blonde-hair that flowed down upon her suit-wearing body. Her shirt was open so that the beginning of her massive cleavage could be seen. Turning around was worth it. ?First, I?d like to congratulate you on your new epic documentary. Could you tell us what it?s about??

Mr. Dennett shifted his head around to see that the crowds were now focusing their attention on celebrities that exited white limousines, the men with tuxedos, and the women with glamorous, designer dresses. What struck him was why they weren?t suffering barrages of dried rice.

?It?s about a squid that I was chasing. I caught up with it, and then it slaughtered half of my film crew.? He replied bluntly.

The reporter was stunned, gawping open-mouthed at the shock she?d just had to receive. And with that, her victim had escaped the cage and walked into the inviting building.

The red carpet finished at a marble stairway, fixated smack-bang in the middle of the hotel lobby that had been hired to exhibit the special event. The walls were decorated very traditionally for which wannabe celebrities mused, pretending they were appreciating a form of art, when in reality they were looking at some wallpaper. Mr. Dennett hated these things. He didn?t want to be here, and he definitely needed a drink.

?Mr. Dennett.? Approached a camp, grinning bell-boy who sported a red costume that entertainment monkeys would be seen wearing. ?Welcome, are you to be seated with anyone??

?My fiancée dumped me. So no.? He replied bluntly once more. ?Where?s the bar??

The expression on the bell boy?s face was brilliant, it was up-to-par with the interviewer. ?Don?t you need to watch your film??

?Firstly, no. Secondly, it?s not a film. It?s a documentary. If I wanted to do a film, I?d be standing around like that prick over there.? He nodded to a moustached man, gyrating against a pillar from which supported a sculpted Caesar head.

The red-costumed man turned to face him awkwardly. ?Enjoy your night, Sir. The bar?s to your right.?

[i]Great[/i]. And just as he began to walk over to it, a group of four laughing men grasped him and walked him to the other room. [i]Damn.[/i]

The room appeared to be that of a theatre or cinema, with hundreds of red seats filled with well-dressed men and women and a stage. Red curtains draped behind another sleazy-looking man, probably the gyrating one whom stood at a wooden stand with a microphone. The men who dragged him in had taken their seats.

?And here he is, the one and only, Chris Dennett.? Rapturous applause followed. [i]Quell Surprise,[/i] Mr. Dennett mused, thinking he was quite clever and should note that down for further use. ?Come up here, Ole Chrissy Boy.?

With a grin, ?Chrissy Boy? obeyed. [i]Never call me that again.[/i] Some more clapping could be heard and some drunk men whistled excitedly.

?So, Mr. Famous--?


?Dennett. What can you tell us about the eagerly-anticipated ?Zidarghos Los Fishos???

?Well, you see?? He began, definitely drawing the audience in to be as shocked as possible. ?This documentary provides wonderful source material for my next production??

The sleazy man?s cheeks had turned to a bright red as he grinned, altering his glance at Mr. Dennett and the audience, whilst nodding.

?It?s about how a gigantic, multi-coloured squid we were trying to catch turned on us, dragging thirteen fine men and women down to the murky depths of the ocean ripping them apart with its sharp tentacles and pneumatic beak.?

? Everyone was shocked to say the least.

?I?m going to the toilet.?

Rinsing his clammy hands from the sweat that escaped his pores under the boiling spot-lights, he took the time to look in the mirror.

It was clear that he didn?t care about tonight because he hadn?t shaved, his what-were deep-brown eyes were bloodshot, his bow tie was wonky, and his dark hair was a mess. He stared, remembering the events that had occurred previously and sighed. Reaching into his trouser pockets, he hooked out a red, ?skippers?? cap and placed it upon his head.

Breaking his trance was another dark, handsome man who looked much more presentable who had just walked in. It was Joshua, also-known-as, ?Shy?. Shy was a close friend of Mr. Dennett?s and they?d both worked on many-a documentaries.

?Look what the booze brought in.? He spoke with a comical smirk.

?I hate these big shebangs.?

?I know you do. And you definitely played your shock-tactic well there. Here?s what a critic said.? Shy changed his tone for the recital. ??The set-design was wonderful, providing a fantastical approach to aquatic life, however???

?I really don?t care.?

?Didn?t think so. What were you thinking about just there??

?I hate it when my real name?s used.? He turned to the mirror again and rinsed his face.

?Nice try.?

?I?m gonna? get it.?

?You mean--??

?I?m going to find that crab??


?Squid. And I?m going to kill it. See you in the morning.?

And with that, Zidargh turned to face the door, and fell as straight as an arrow because the alcohol took its toll.




Shy vanished for some reason.[/size][/font]

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[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.

An entertaining parody, Mr Dennett's complete disregard for his crew's safety is rather funny, as is his lust for revenge against the giant squid that killer them. Having never seen [b]The Life Aquatic[/b] I can't really compare it, Bill Murray is someone who I have rarely found funny at his best moments, but I greatly looking forward to seeing how the story progresses.

[[I]Wonders if he might get a role/cameo in the story[/i]] [/SIZE]
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