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Hero Patrol [PG-L]


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[font=trebuchet ms]This mission thread is created exclusively for invited members to post in. Players have been notified about the posting order via PM. Please direct any questions you have in regards to the event to The Legionnaires Underground thread.[/font]

[font=trebuchet ms][center][size=5]Chapter 1: The Chapter Begins[/size][/center]

?Whump! Whump! Whump!?

It was a quiet morning in Gatorville, Florida when it happened.

?Whump! Whump! Whump!?

Things were perfect, harmonious and happy on this day. Children were playing in the parks, singing songs and holding hands while adults smiled to one another as they drove past them on the street. The sun was shining and life was good. Everything seemed just a little better than it was the day before.

?Whump! Whump! Whump!?

That was, of course, until the eviction notice arrived.

A loud ?Whumping? noise, identical to the one described above, echoed throughout Hero Patrol?s modest headquarters. Because of this disturbance, everyone had began to wake up (except for OtakuBot, who always woke up at dawn to focus his ?chi.?) One by the one the group stumbled out of their beds and into the hallway where each they noticed an enormous railroad spike jammed through their front door.

The Blue Nomad began to stroke his beard, moving in closer to inspect the large piece of metal.

?I believe this is what has caused the loud noise,? he said in a terribly profound manner.

Everyone nodded their head in agreement. It was clear that The Blue Nomad?s assumption was correct.

?Excellent work, Blue Nomad,? Shade whispered from the shadows of their breakfast nook, ?But why would this [i]thing[/i] attack our door??

?Do you think it?s some kind of warning from our enemies?? Tiger Girl 3 asked, immediately growling afterwards. With a paranoid look in her eyes The Banshee took a few steps back.

?I? I once fought a man made of nothing [i]but[/i] metal. I think he?s back.?

?Who?s back?? Baby Punk asked.

?[i]He?s[/i] back. [b]The Metal Lord[/b].?

Bee paused for added dramatic effect.

?He?s found me. This nail? it was directed at me by the Metal Lord,? Bee announced proudly, ?If I stay here any longer I may put the rest of your lives in danger? thank you all for your friendship?.?

Bee embraced Raccoon Glory tightly, and went upstairs to use up all of the hot water in the shower before anyone else could. There was an awkward silence, until Tigara eventually opened the front door to reveal a note attached on the other side via railroad spike. She grabbed the note with her mouth, and handed it to Tiger Girl 3. She read the note carefully before telling the rest of the group of her sister?s findings.

?Wait? this isn?t a note from The Metal Lord. This is a note from our landlord!?

Everyone gasped.

?It says that we?ve failed to pay all of our rent for the past several months, and that we have 24 hours to leave the building before it?s demolished and turned into an ice skating rink.?

?Damn them!? Baby Punk screamed, ?I hate ice skating!?

?Let me see this,? Forbidden Darkness grabbed the notice from Tiger Girl 3, his aura of fear wrapping around the souls of his teammates like a wet blanket. He began to read the paper aloud.

??This is your fourth and final notice. Unless you can make all overdue payments within the next day, you will be forced out of your homes. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you during this busy holiday season. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.??

Lord Death stared fiercely into the paper, his eyes burning with the intensity of a thousand suns. The Blue Nomad continued stroking his beard wisely.

??[i]fourth[/i] notice? Wouldn?t that mean we?ve already received two notices??[/font]
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[size=1][b]??fourth notice? Wouldn?t that mean we?ve already received two notices?? [/b] the Nomad plucked at his beard and pulled out a hair, this was followed by a slight whimper from him.

[b]?No, it means we should have already had [I]three[/I] notices, genius,?[/b] Raccoon Glory rolled his little, beady eyes.

[b]?Listen, you muskrat,?[/b] Nomad began, wagging his finger that was still intertwined with his beard.

[b]?He?s a raccoon,?[/b] Baby Punk patted Raccoon Glory?s head.

Raccoon Glory fluffed his tail.

[b]?I think he knows that, Baby,?[/b] Captain Death placed a hand firmly on Nomad?s shoulder.

Nomad shifted a bit. His face twisted and contorted, suggesting his brain was warring with whether he should tell the truth, or go along with the good ol? captain. Though, try as he might to keep a smooth atmosphere, it was sensed by everyone?s heightened super powers that he wasn?t, in fact, telling the truth; he had no idea what the difference between a muskrat and raccoon was. Coughing, Captain Death released his grip on the wizard?s shoulder and excused himself.

[b]?Right then, problem solved. See, I just knew my super knowledge could save us,?[/b] OtakuBot locked his fists on his hips.

[b]?You..didn?t do anything,?[/b] Tiger Girl 3 scratched at her elbow.

[b]?You say that now,?[/b] OtakuBot winked slyly, tapping the tiger girl on the nose.

[b]?Well, I?m going to go make muffins,?[/b] Baby Punk spun on her heel and walked toward the kitchen.

While everyone did their own thing, Baby Punk gathered all the ingredients she needed and began to put together a mix. It was relaxing for her; she liked baking, though she wasn?t good at it at all. Who cares if the cornbread came out with actual corn cobs stuck in it, or if the cake lacked fluffiness and was replaced with a couple pounds of weight, or if the brownies ended up being jell-o; at least she had a pleasant time making disasters.

However, during the ritual of whisking the eggs, Baby Punk?s mind didn?t focus on muffins. All she thought about was the notice. Normally, she was the one to check the mail box every morning. Except on Sundays and holidays, or when she woke up too late?.or when she was in the shower. But, who checked the mail on the days she didn?t? Captain Death didn?t like going out into the sunlight much; Raccoon Glory and Super Absorbent couldn?t reach the mail box; OtakuBot would accidentally blow up the mail box in attempt to use his mind; Bee would probably get caught up in trying to cross the road in some dramatic way and give up shortly; The Blue Nomad?.well..is the Blue Nomad. What about that Tiger Girl 3 and her sister? Could the tiger have eaten the mail..?

Baby Punk caught herself splashing up egg onto the counter and shook her head of such accusing thoughts. The tiger sisters were probably the only, actually, positively sincere and earnest heroes of the group. The seemed to be genuine. Baby Punk held up the whisk, staring down at the bowl of orange-ish goo. No matter who it was, there had to be an explanation as to why the notices went?well, unnoticed. Baby Punk looked towards the rest of her comrades; eyeing them, watching for any sort of suspicious movements. Alas, no one made much movement. Again, Baby Punk shook her head. What was she thinking? No one in Hero Patrol would put their friends at bay, much less themselves; this was the only place where they could be accepted as perfectly normal. This was the only place where their incredible super human abilities appeared to be nothing any grander than the natural blink of an eye. This was home, the only home.

[b]?Baby Punk,?[/b] Super Absorbent?s voice hit her ears like a spitball, [b]?You?re dripping egg all over the floor.?

?Oh, sorry about that,?[/b] she put the whisk down and reached for Super Absorbent.

[b]?Excuse me,?[/b] he tried to wriggle from her grip.

[b]?Today?s crime of me spilling egg is taken care of; thanks to Super Absorbent!?[/b] Baby Punk quickly wiped up the puddle of jelly-like substance, rinsed the sponge out, and posed with her arm out holding Super Absorbent.

[b]?Now, let?s eat!?[/b] she gleamed, holding out the bowl of muck in her other hand.

[b]?Ew,?[/b] Tiger Girl 3 wrinkled her nose.[/size]
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The dinner bells chimed, rather, the entire tableware shook as Otakubot leapt into kitchen, unleashing a myriad of punches and kicks. He had to [i]prepare[/i] for the challenge to come. He had to burn his calories. He needed to build his strength for later. His training under the penguin master was not yet complete. He needed to master his technique! A few awkward kicks later, and he knocked the pint of milk from the table. [color=red]?Pheonix grasp!?[/color] his cry echoed through the hollow room as he lunged for the milk, salvaging as much of the ivory tastiness as possible.

The banshee followed the awkward man through a set of swinging doors, gripping the edges of her polyester suit, scratching at the itchy material. She pursed her lips for a moment, looking at the wall. No, the [i]distance[/i]. A whistle blew from somewhere within the room and her bright orange hair took flight from an unknown breeze. Her eyes shone brightly as an unknown ray of light descended to meet her face. The suspense built, and the lights grew brighter?nay, [b]brighter[/b]- the wind now a gale whipping her hair into a fiery vortex! She paused, Otakubots?s bottom lip dribbled in hunger. [color=red]?Dinner time,?[/color] she said, quickly taking her seat next to the geek without an iota of pomp.

[color=red] ?Are we all ready for the dinner melody?? [/color] Tiger Girl 3 purred, inciting the ever terrible tradition meant to inspire ?unity? and ?cohesion? to the group; and, at the request of Captain Death, ?unmitigated fear? in the meal they were about to eat.

By this time, the assorted motley of ?super?-heroes had entered their Kitchen of Doom (also a Captain Death original). [color=red] ?Who is going to start the song?? [/color] Tiger Girl 3 scanned for volunteers, [color=red] ?comon? team. You know the rule: without the voice of power??[/color] she paused to let the group finish. A grumbled, half enthusiastic reply came, [color=red] ??no food for an hour.? [/color]

[color=red] ?..HOUR!? [/color] Bee?s voice rang several octaves louder than the rest of the group, dripping with enthusiasm. Somehow, the beam of light had reappeared.

[color=red] ?How does she do that?? [/color] Raccoon Glory whispered to Super Absorbent. [color=red] ?I have..no..idea,? [/color] he murmured back, his words soft as fluffy sea cucumber.

[color=red] ?You start,? [/color] Tiger Girl 3 bluntly ordered, pointing at Otakubot, who was attempting to find his ?chi?. Disgruntled at the interruption, Otakubot stepped forward, and looked at his compatriots.

*Thud thud thud* He stomped his feet on the ground. [color=red] ?Boo chee booo chee booo chee? [/color], he began his beat box. Raccoon glory chimed in [color=red] ?Dun dun dun duuuunnn dunnnn? [/color]- bass guitar. The rest of the members began their chorus:

[color=red] ?Forever we staaaand! *shouted* Hero patrol! */shouted*
Never to fear, our cooking?s not blaaaaaand!

We?ll roast up our pork, and fry up our eggs.
Sautee our mushrooms and crack our crab legs!

*drum solo* (a la Otakubot punching the counter)

More fighting, less fear, more eating of toast!
(Blue Nomad): Yeah! Toast!
Until our tummies are filled, we just cannot boast!

As the sun rises, so will our bread,
We?ll butter your buns ?fore you slip from your bed!

(Tiger Girl 3): Buns!

Don?t think you can escape potatoes and cheese,
Our plastic spoons will bring you to your knees!

So bring on the feast! Bring on the Grub!
Our power we?ll fill! Our tummies we?ll rub!

Hero Patrol! Huzzah!? [/color]

With the song, the group sat down for dinner, waiting anxiously for Baby Punk to return with her latest culinary masterpiece. Tiger Girl 3 quietly prayed for whatever powers that be, the food be at least [i]edible[/i].

[color=red] ?Well? almost perfect,? [/color] Baby Punk resigned, before setting a large dish on the table. The entire group recoiled from the steam/fumes as they rose.

[color=red] ?It?s still [i]wet[/i],? [/color] Otakubot whined as Baby Punk slopped a serving onto his plate.

[color=red] ?So?? [/color] Baby crossed her arms defensively.

[color=red] ?It?s been baking for three hours,? [/color] he replied dryly, [color=red] ?at two hundred and fifty degrees? Celsius. What the hell did you make?? [/color]

[color=red] ?I think it looks wonderful, Baby Punk,? [/color] Super Absorbent consoled her, [color=red] ?It takes a real master chef to be able to whip something like this? uhh?oh no.? [/color] He stared in horror as his hand slipped a bit too low; being the expressive hero he is, to ever-so-slightly dip into the fiery broth. Immediately his super-name held true and the entire contents soaked deep into his arm, the sweltering broth lighting him on fire. Everyone began to scream in horror.

[color=red] ?Code Red! Code Red! CUSO!,? [/color]Otakubot cried as the diminutive sponge waved his arm frantically. Using his super-otaku powers, he peeled the sippy-top from his milk, reached forward, and dunked Super Absorbent into his milk- turning it a dark black.

[color=red] ?My god woman,? [/color] the exasperated Absorbent panted, [color=red] ??[i]nothing[/i], not even phosphorous grenades, can catch me on fire. What [b]did[/b] you make?? [/color]

Raccoon glory interjected, [color=red] ?Hey Otoconbot?or whatever; was that a [i]sippy[/i] top?? [/color]

Otakubot quickly hid the top muttering, [color=red] ?Th..the drink stains? new suit?. ?[/color]His words drifted into silence as he stood there, staring intently at the furry fiend. His face grew a bright pink.

[color=red] ?Is that healthy?? [/color] Baby Punk whispered to Tiger Girl 3.

[color=red] ?I?m not sure. You think he?ll make a move?? [/color] Tiger Girl pondered the moment.

But nothing happened. Otakubot merely sat. Staring. Reddening. Puffing. The Heroes set their utensils down to view the spectacle.

Ten minutes passed. Adam, rather? Otakubot?s face had turned the color of a brick. Slowly but surely, an incredibly large bead of fluid (sweat?) began to coalesce on his forehead. The single bead grew to the size of a fist, dwarfing all other features of his face.

And slowly, as his face began to regain it?s original color, the Hero?s lips curled into a broad [i]smile.[/i] With that, the bead disappeared as suddenly as it had come. And Otakubot celebrated silently within the anime-land of his imagination.

The group slowly began to choke down the mush in front of them. And for a moment, they ate silently- afraid to break the dramatic moment. At least until Raccoon Glory stood up on his chair, clenching his spoon, [color=red] ?I have an announcement to make.? [/color]

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At least until Raccoon Glory stood up on his chair, clenching his spoon, "I have an announcement to make." Everyone turned towards Raccoon Glory except for The Blue Nomad who looked toward a plant in the corner of the room.

"What is it, plant?"

"Umm, over here," Otakubot poked at Blue Nomad. He turned towards the raccoon with custard on his face.

"My announcement is..."

"Where'd that custer come from?" Super Absorbent asked.

"Really, I didn't use custard," Baby Punk arched an eyebrow.

"Listen to the announcement!" Raccoon Glory squeaked.

"Aww, he squeaked," Baby Punk cooed.

"Quiet, Earth Lady!" he snarled adorably. "I have an announcement."

"Get on with it," Captain Death scowled.

"Alright." Raccoon Glory allowed a long, dramatic silence before he let the words slip his mouth. He puffed out his chest, which actually made him look fatter than before, and gave a heroic smile towards the others, which actually just showed off the gunk stuck in his teeth. A member or two turned away in disgust. After what seemed like hours of chest-puffing and teeth-picking, Glory finally spoke his mind. "I have to use the restroom." He hopped down from his chair and scampered away out of the room on all-fours.

Everyone stared blankly for a moment.

"Who wants dessert?" Baby Punk asked cheerfully to break the silence.

"GOD NO! PLEASE!" everyone shouted and ran out of the room after Raccoon Glory (Tiger Girl 3 may have even hissed a little in the process of escaping).

"They could've just excused themselves," Baby Punk mumbled.

[b]A few minutes later...[/b]

Raccoon Glory flushed his tree (yes, he has a tree in the bathroom) and climbed up onto the sink to wash his hands. It was a bit slippery up on the sink, so it was no surprise his paws couldn't grab any traction. His feet went out from under him and into the sink he went, hitting his head on the faucet. His body clogged the drain, so the water just filled the sink up around his limp body. Before completely going unconscious, he did say one last word.


Meanwhile, Blue Nomad happened to be coming down that same hallway at the time when he suddenly got a whiff of something rank. "Holy Hotpockets, what smells like wet dog?" He opened the bathroom door since it appeared to be where the horrific smell was coming from and he immediately spotted his raccoon friend in the sink. "Oh," he muttered, then closed the bathroom door behind him. Walking down the hallway again, he weakly called out, "Tiger Girl 3, Raccoon Glory is sleeping in the sink again." He then stormed in his room mumbling, "Dumb raccoon... gets to sleep in the sink... why can't [i]I[/i] sleep in the sink, huh? Am I too [i]BIG[/i] to sleep in the sink? Or am I too [i]lame[/i] to? I'll show them."

[b]An hour later...[/b]

"Oh boy, I need a shower," Banshee said, moving towards the bathroom door. She then noticed water coming out from under the door. She entered the bathroom to find Raccoon Glory passed out in one sink and the Blue Nomad in another. They both had bumps on their heads, revealing the fact that they both had hit their heads on the faucet, for different reasons, of course. "Oh, for the love of Super Friends..."
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